A/N: ( when I say Rick looks at Cass softly I mean like the picture above 🥹 literally makes my heart HURT )

- Cass's POV -

"You're married?" Dawn asks me and Rick tersely, raising a pair of skeptical eyebrows as I nod with a nervous gulp.

The strangely clean and tense woman purses her lips as she stands in front of us, looking down at the manila folder in her hands labeled with my name. While she does this, I covertly glance at Rick sitting beside me on the exam bed as he watches Dawn unflinchingly.

There's a coldness behind his blue gaze as he watches her from below his brows. I don't blame him, after hearing what she has let happen to our people. To our sweet Beth. To Carol, a mother?

Without an X-ray to prove that he's actually fine, Dawn and the doctor accepted the story that Rick twisted his leg, thanks to his consistent and believable acting. He's a surprisingly good liar and actor. Hopefully, his skill will be good enough to cover for my inadequate lying capability.

Despite how angry I was when he first showed up, putting himself in harm's way, I'm glad he's here.

My attention is shifted to Dr. Edwards, the resident doctor when he pinches some of my skin as he sutures up my right arm. I had to stop watching before because the doctor's subpar technique made me cringe with every suture.

When we met about twenty minutes ago, he informed me briefly that he worked in Internal Medicine at Grady Memorial on the other side of the city. Internal Medicine is an impressive job but requires a lot more complicated diagnostics and a lot less cutting, suturing, and surgery. Different special skill sets are needed than me, a surgeon. Ex-surgeon, I suppose, is more appropriate.

I glance away from the doctor suturing my arm with the same skill as an intern as Dawn begins speaking again, drawing my attention back to her.

"Rick's not in your file. You're listed as Dr. Adams and all I see here is a..." Dawn trails off as her intense blue eyes scan the folder, "Phillip for your emergency contact." she finishes, looking up from the folder expectantly.

My stomach twists sharply at the mention of him but I push forward a good-natured laugh, trying not to move my right arm too much as I do.

You can do this.

"Oh right, Rick wouldn't be in there," I tell her casually as I glance over at my fake husband, grabbing his calloused hand in mine before facing Dawn once again, acting as if holding Rick's hand like this isn't making my heart palpitate aggressively.

"We met a few months after it all happened. We've been inseparable since." I smile with a faux-gushy tone as I pretend. Pretend that he wasn't happily married when I first met him. Pretend that there's a possibility that he actually sees me romantically. Pretend that what I've desperately wanted since I met him just miraculously came true.

Rick squeezes my hand, making my gut twist but I don't show it, turning to smile warmly at him. As my eyes find that familiar face of his, those soft blue eyes, his long curly hair and beard, my heart aches slightly, wishing this could be how it always is between us. Wishing that his hand would always slot into mine like this.

There's something so natural about it, so effortless, it's hard to put into words. Maybe it's because we know each other so well. That we've been through hell and back together and come out the other side. I feel comfortable and natural because we're family.

But... if I had to do this with someone else - fake being in love with Daryl or Glenn - I would feel uncomfortable considering the fact I love them like brothers. On the other hand, I don't love Rick like a brother. That would be disturbing.

"I'm glad you found each other. You're lucky." Dawn informs us with a taught nod, snapping my file closed. The sound jolts me from my zoned-out gaze on Rick, shocking my nerves awake as I remember the depth and importance of our rouse.

"I will, unfortunately, need to separate you two for now. Dr. Grimes, I'll need you to start seeing patients right away." She tells me casually, having no idea that her simply calling me Dr. Grimes just made my stomach do about ninety somersaults.

"And Deputy Grimes, we can try to find you an assignment within the hospital to begin." Dawn orders Rick and I nod enthusiastically, hoping that I'm conveying that we 'need' this. That we need their toxic cycle of manipulation and endless labor.

Rick's thumb brushes against my palm, the action sending sparks across my thin skin, making me look over at him as I try to control the feelings swirling wildly in my chest.

"Thats okay right?" Rick questions me softly, his eyes searching mine, concerned.

"Yeah," I respond breathlessly with an affirmative nod, smiling slightly. My heart aches at the idea of us talking like this, having him gently check up on me, like a real couple.

"You two will share quarters during lights-out so you will still have time together then," Dawn assures us flatly, making me turn to her, trying my hardest to hide my surprise. I hadn't really thought of that. Hopefully, we will be able to sneak out by then, but how things usually go, that probably won't happen.

"Edwards. Nearly done?" Dawn questions the doctor shortly, making him sigh, clear irritation flashing across his disheveled features. Dawn must hate it. His messy hair and off-set tie go against her rigid set of rules dictating that everyone needs to stay neat and tidy.

Dr. Edwards cuts off the final suture with a snap of the metal scissors. "Yep." he says dryly, barely acknowledging my presence as he drops the tools loudly on the metal tray beside him. Honestly, I don't blame him for feeling like I'm stepping on his shoes.

He's been the sole doctor for as long as Noah remembers, so a surgeon suddenly showing up probably isn't his ideal scenario. Little does he know the absolute last thing I want is to be stuck here.

"Good. Follow me. I'll show you your room." Dawn tells me and Rick, getting up and tossing my file on the counter. I spare a nervous glance at Rick, untangling my hand from his before sliding off the patient bed, crinkling and ripping the paper slip as I get off.

Before I follow Dawn and Rick out, I pause and turn to the doctor still seated and looking down. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Edwards. I look forward to working together." I tell him, making him glance up, seeming a little taken aback. He clearly already harbors distaste for me and wasn't expecting me to be friendly.

He clears his throat, adjusting his squared glasses on his nose with a nod. "Yeah, you too Dr. Grimes." he manages, making me quirk a smile before Rick's warm hand firmly planted on my waist guides me out of the room.

[ A/N: if I was Cass I would be SQUEALING  ]

Rick and I trail after Dawn, pretending to look around with interest when we're really figuring out where we are. Simply walking around the floor is flooding me with memories of my old life.

The nurse's station to the right of us where Soph and I would meet up to discuss our current cases and romantic endeavors. The on-call room where I slept for fourteen hours straight one time after back-to-back surgeries. The staff bathroom I had a meltdown in because Sophie had just stopped talking to me out of protest of Phillip and I's relationship. Phillip had also hit me that morning.

A shiver goes down my spine remembering how I felt all the time back then. God, I do not miss that part of my old life.

As if sensing my tension, Rick nudges my shoulder slightly, his questioning gaze meeting mine. I push forward a smile, shaking away the bad memories, reminding myself that Phillip is long gone. I made sure of that. The image of the bloodied mess that used to be his face flashes behind my eyes, sending a brief wave of comfort through me remembering that it's over. 

As we continue through the floor, I spot one of the hidden doors beside Dawn's office that leads to a dusted staff-only staircase. I can tell by the dirt covering the seal that the group here hasn't noticed it yet. It was a safety measure the hospital stockholders put into place after there was a shooting a year into my working here. They created these hidden stairways to give the people at the hospital an advantage in case of another active-shooter situation.

They only go from one floor to the next, with new locations on each floor. I smile to myself slightly as each of the floor's spots comes surging back into my memory. We had to do drills every month to really remember the information and hey- it worked.

I make a mental note of the location of this entrance, not having a hard time already knowing the layout thoroughly.

Dawn stops in front of patient room 1101, opening the door and allowing us to follow her inside. The first thing I see is the large south-facing window with the unobstructed view of the hotel across the street that we set up in an hour ago. I'm so concentrated on trying to find the room my family is in I barely hear Dawn as she begins talking again.

"...your room. I'm sure you won't mind sharing, being married. We, unfortunately, don't have any other room or bed for you. You're lucky you two came in when you did, otherwise, you may have not gotten a room at all." Dawn explains and I nod, glancing over at the small hospital bed against the far wall, making my stomach bubble with nerves. I know full well how small those beds are.

My eyes dart over to look at Rick, whose surprisingly blank expression is staring at the bed, seeming unfazed.

"Looks perfect. We've been sleeping on the floor of the forest and random buildings for months so this is like a five-star hotel," I tell Dawn enthusiastically, making a pleased expression fall across her face. Those harsh lines on her forehead from furrowing brows disappear and so do the ones around her pursed mouth as she smiles, seeming relieved that we are her new willing prisoners.

"What can we do to help earn our place?" I ask, using the key phrase she will eat right up. Her face quite literally lights up, seeming delighted as she darts into a side closet to hand me a white coat and pair of mint scrubs. I try to hide my amusement considering she just handed me the scrubs that the orderlies wore. Not the surgeons.

"We got patients waiting for you Dr. Grimes. Clean up and you're good to go" Dawn breathes with a bright expression, her striking blue eyes boring into my soul, not in the comforting or exciting way that Rick's eyes do, but in a way that sends a chill of uneasiness down my spine.

As I take the scrubs and white coat in my hands, Dawn turns to Rick, who is still quiet, his expression unreadable. "Follow me to my office, we can find you a temporary uniform and discuss your role here," Dawn tells Rick shortly, seeming less enthusiastic at having another police officer on her duty. This snaps Rick back to reality and he nods, clearing his throat.

Before I have a millisecond to react, Rick ducks down and plants a quick kiss on my cheek, his hand resting on my waist.

It's so brief, I barely have time to relish in the fact that his lips were just on the delicate skin of my cheek until he abruptly pulls away, my heart stammering in shock.

"Bye honey, I'll meet up with you later," He tells me softly, making goosebumps erupt on my skin, my stomach tensing with complete and utter surprise. Suddenly feeling extremely warm, my skin buzzing with adrenaline, I look back at him, nodding with a smile to cover up the fact that I'm silently losing my mind.

"Sure honey," I smile easily, pushing past my internal panicking and rubbing his back warmly. His expression flickers with something unrecognizable that must be discomfort, making me immediately drop my hand, regret flicking through me.

Dawn nods at me once before walking off, not waiting to see if Rick is following her. Rick turns to go with Dawn, briefly looking over his shoulder to do our nose thing quickly, his gaze searching mine. I do it right back, nudging my finger against the tip of my nose, reassuring him that I'm okay. Relief floods his expression and he turns back around, following Dawn.

I watch him go for a minute, a strange feeling settling in my chest. My fingers come up to brush against the spot on my cheek that he kissed.

Holy shit.

After pushing that stubborn attraction down deep, I quickly change into the scrubs and white coat Dawn gave me and clean off the obvious dirt on my skin with the wipes supplied in our bathroom. After emerging from the room, one of the orderlies, an older man munching on a strawberry he had stashed in his pocket, hands me a few charts of the patients she wanted me to get a second opinion on. 

As an internal medicine doctor, Dr. Edwards is much more qualified when it comes to complicated diagnostics, but I can tell Dawn appreciates having a woman in such a high rank. And I'm going to use that to my advantage as much as I can.

I flip through the few charts until I find who we came here for. In room 513, is a Jane Doe who had been hit by a car. Edward's notes discuss the possibility of internal bleeding and the administration of certain medications. But they had not been given for 'resource management'.

My heart drops. It's Carol. It has to be.

Clearing my throat and quickly hiding the emotion from my face in case anyone could be watching, I make my way over to her room, blind hope surging through me.

We have to get her safe. Return her to Sophia.

I politely wave at the people I pass in the halls as they watch me with interest. My stomach turns at one of the officers eyeing me down hungrily. I already cannot wait to get out of here.

When I finally reach 513, on the opposite side of the floor from me Rick's room, I stop in front of the slab of oak, sudden nerves fluttering through me. I knock softly before clicking open the door.

The room is quiet apart from a slight sniffling as I enter. Carol is tucked into the bed, unconscious with life-giving machines beeping beside her, the sight immediately weighing down my heart.

Beth's back is to me as she sits facing Carol, wiping her eyes. Closing the door quietly behind me, a large smile grows on my face. I haven't seen this sweet girl since the prison, and here she is, right in front of me with that familiar head of blonde hair.

"No change," Beth's quiet voice says, making my smile widen hearing our girl's voice again.

"Good." I respond, my words making her stiffen. Her head whips around, her blue eyes wide and her ponytail swinging wildly. She jumps to her feet, fear shooting through her expression, making my heart hurt. The large cut and poor stitching on her cheek doesn't make it hurt any less. Knowing what she's been through- God she doesn't deserve this.

"Cass? What are you-? Oh no." Beth wails, tears immediately falling down her face. I quickly cross the distance between us, hugging her tightly into me to keep her from crying. I hold her face to my shoulder, shushing her, glancing at the closed door with concern. I don't want to draw any unwanted attention.

"It's okay," I whisper comfortingly as she sobs into me. "They didn't get me, I'm here to get you and Carol out," I assure her as I stroke her pretty blonde hair.

Beth's crying stops and she pulls away, confusion behind her watery eyes. Smiling and bringing a hand up to touch her face, I wipe some of her tears from her cheeks.

"Noah." I tell her simply, making her sag with relief knowing her friend got out too.

"Him, Daryl, Tyreese, and Sahsa are in a hotel room across the street. Rick is here with me, talking to Dawn right now. We have a plan." I tell her quietly and she nods, still sniffling. "Judith, Sophia, Carl, Maggie, Glenn, and Michonne, are all alive," I add with a wide smile, making her expression drop in shock. I don't have the heart to tell her that Maggie and Glenn left, we can get to that later. Just knowing that she is alive is enough for now.

I grin back at her, pulling her into another hug. "Judith's going to want to see her other favorite babysitter, right?" I ask, chuckling lightly. Beth nods into my shoulder, laughing wetly.

After briefing Beth on the plan, we talk for a while, catching each other up on what has happened since the prison. She's not too fond of the plan of leaving during the day, considering what happened last time with her and Noah. I bite my lip as she insists we leave late in the night, realizing she's making a lot of sense. And she knows this place far better than me or Rick.

She tells me that Edwards had told her what meds to give to Carol, but she had forgotten the name by now. And she's not sure if it was the right one or if he lied to her. After a quick examination of Carol, I assure Beth that if it was something dangerous, it would have affected her by now. While unconscious, she still seems stable.

After about ten minutes, I sigh anxiously, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Okay. If I'm not back later, I'll see you tonight, okay? The medicine should help her. Stay here in case she wakes up, and tell her the plan when she does." I tell Beth, and she nods, glancing back at our dear friend, motionless in her hospital bed.

"Carol's tough. She'll wake up." I tell Beth sternly and she smiles slightly, clearly not believing me. My heart tightens with sadness seeing what used to be an optimistic and sweet girl reduced to a faded version who doesn't believe in miracles anymore. I don't blame her at all, after all, she's been through. I kiss her forehead briefly, before leaving the room, closing the door behind me.

I do some more rounds with the patients. Having read all of Edward's notes, I don't find myself disagreeing with what he has prescribed and ordered. Diagnostics is his specialty, and he seems to know what he's doing. It's impressive, considering the lack of imaging and blood testing available.

I'm interrupted from my work as one of the orderlies tells me it's time for my lunch break. I thank them and head that way, slightly annoyed being disturbed once I finally got into the groove of working again.

As I walk through the double doors into the cafeteria, I immediately spot Rick, in a black police uniform, talking to one of the officers. It makes me do a double take at first, having never seen him in such an official uniform.

He looks strange, in a clean and pressed uniform, with his wild hair and beard. You can take the man off the road, but you can't take what the road did out of the man.

Sensing my staring, he glances over his shoulder to see me. His mouth parts slightly, making my gut swoop. He turns back, saying something to the officer briefly before heading over to me. My heart tightens with apprehension seeing my good friend, who I'm unfortunately head over heels for, walking over to me in a strange uniform. When we first met, back at the farm, he would wear that brown sheriff shirt but it was nothing like this city cop get-up.

"Hey. Everything okay?" Rick asks me quietly as he reaches me, his blue eyes searching mine before glancing around us to check no one is watching.

"Yeah, good. Beth's up for it and Carol seems okay." I inform him briefly and quietly, making Rick's expression relax.

"But later. Beth told me there's no way we could go in the middle of the day. We'll go after midnight." I whisper and Rick inhales slowly but nods.

"Got it. We'll talk later?" He asks me, his hand on my elbow, his eyebrows raised.

All I can feel is his warm fingers curled around my elbow through the fabric of my white coat, but I push through it, smiling and nodding to his words.

"Grimes!" Someone calls, making the both of us turn our heads. I'm struck for a moment that after being called Dr. Grimes all day, I'm beginning to respond to it. In the doorway of the cafeteria is Dawn, looking at Rick expectantly. I can feel Rick tense beside me.

He turns to me "Later." He adds under his breath, smiling briefly at me before turning and going to his captain.

I let out a steady breath, trying to calm my nerves as I turn towards the buffet of fresh food in front of me.

The orderly serving me the food asks me something as I look over my shoulder to look at Rick talking with Dawn with slight worry. Please let us get away with this. We're so close.

"Doctor?"

Shaking my head, I turn back with a smile before answering his question.

After a brief meal, which I'm reminded I'll need to pay off (of course), I go back to see some of the patients. As much as I want to spend all my time with Carol and Beth, it would be far too suspicious.

It's a few hours later when it's officially nights out, and everyone is sent to bed. I get to me and Rick's room first and shoulder off the white coat, tossing it onto the counter against one of the walls, suddenly feeling suffocated by guilt.

Sighing deeply, I press the heels of my hands to my forehead, trying to contain my conflicting thoughts of my questionable morality.

Despite the fact that this is my hospital, one where I performed surgery for years, it feels like I'm an imposter. Like I'm tricking the innocent patients here. Earning the good people of this group's trust only to break it in a few hours.

Maybe it's because I know that after all this time, I've broken the vows I made when I got my MD to never do harm. The last time I strode these halls, with a white coat, seeing patients, I was a completely different person. I don't even recognize that person anymore. I had never killed anyone. I had never enjoyed watching others get killed. I had never even touched a gun. But now? I've done all of that and more. I've intentionally ended lives, something a doctor should never do.

With an exhausted sigh, I sink down onto the low windowsill overlooking the hotel, running a hand through my hair as my back presses against the cool plexiglass. It's ridiculous of me to hold myself to these standards. It's the damn Walker apocalypse- I just did what I needed to survive.

Guilt twists deep in my gut as I remember last night in the church. The dark and undeniably wrong satisfaction I felt as I watched my family brutally massacre those people. That's not solely surviving at that point.

I jump out of my skin as the door clicks open, fear jolting through my veins and shaking me from my daze of self-loathing.

"See you tomorrow," Rick says to someone with a nod, closing the door to our room, immediately sighing and leaning his head against the door. I let out a breath of relief seeing his figure, immediately calming my nerves and the guilt festering deep in me.

Rick glances over at me. "I think we did it," he whispers with a slight smile, walking towards me perched on the windowsill.

I take a deep breath, nodding. "I hope so," I whisper back, watching him as he sits down beside me, his familiar presence and smell sending a sense of comfort through me.

"We were pretty convincing, Honey," He says the last part lower, leaning in toward me with a grin. I scoff and push him away from me gently, grinning as I shake my head, my cheeks flaming and butterflies swarming in my gut.

"I hate pet names," I groan with a smile, not being able to hide my amusement despite my distaste.

Rick's expression flickers, his eyes softening slightly. "Yeah, I figured after the whole 'Bunny' thing it would make them less than desirable for you," Rick mentions making me turn to him, surprised he figured it out, my heart warming with love seeing that he really knows me better than I thought.

"Yeah," I confirm breathlessly, getting lost in his considerate gaze for a moment.

That perfect shade of blue.

I clear my throat, looking down. "I think it's good for our cover here though," I reassure him quickly, and by habit, my hand comes out to rest over his.

Rick wordlessly nods just once, his eyes roaming my face in the low light. My heart is suddenly pounding with what I can only assume is aching anticipation. The tension rapidly growing in the small space between us suddenly makes it difficult to breathe. My chest is a ribbon of rope, getting pulled and twisted unpleasantly with every second he looks at me like that.

Not being able to take it, I look away, pulling my hand away from the warmth of his, silently berating myself. I'm getting too caught up in the moment of pretending to be married to him when that could not be further from the truth.

I need to keep it together so I don't do something stupid and ruin our friendship. I could never forgive myself if I did that. He means so much to me and the idea of leaving us in an awkward situation thanks to my inability to control my feelings for him would kill me.

"We should uh- get some sleep. We need to wake up in a few hours." I mutter, my heart heavy as all I can think about is the fleeting moment that Rick kissed my cheek, his lips meeting my skin for the first time.

I was so unprepared, I didn't even get to enjoy it. I barely remember what his lips felt on my skin, filling me with childish frustration. And now, our charade is over. We'll sneak away tonight and never return. My title of Dr. Grimes is now retired. It's laughable that I care, it was always a lie and I know that full well- but it was... nice. To be Dr. Grimes. To live out that fantasy. Even if it was just for a few hours.

"Yeah, we should." Rick agrees quietly, an unfamiliar tone laced in his voice. "Also, I managed to get the message to the rest of them across the street earlier. They know we're leaving after midnight." He informs me, and I nod with relief. Maybe we can do this after all.

We both get up from the window, glancing at the single hospital bed. It's only slightly wider than a twin-size bed, which I would never dream of sharing with an adult. Especially with someone who is unequivocally not my partner.

"You take the bed," we say in unison, making the two of us turn to look at each other. I can't help the amused chuckle that leaves my mouth in the horribly awkward situation.

"Seriously Cass, take it." Rick insists, nodding his head at the bed. A strange and sudden stubbornness flits through me and I shake my head defiantly, crossing my arms.

Almost as long as he has known me, I've been in need of his help. And I'm getting sick of it. Sick of being the clumsy, weak, damsel he needs to save. He has enough burdens to worry about, I hate the idea of me adding onto that weight when I'm fully capable of handling myself.

The endless number of walkers he narrowly killed before they got to me doesn't even cover it. It's also the numerous times he helped me like pulling me out of that flood, defending me to Phillip at the risk of him and his family's lives, not to mention carrying me for miles as I bled out because I'm a clumsy idiot who cut herself on a damn fence. The examples of when I've needed his help just never end. I know I'm stronger than I used to be. And I want him to know that too. I don't need his help anymore.

"No, I'm smaller. I'm better on the floor." I argue weakly, not entirely confident in my reasoning, especially when Rick raises his eyebrows skeptically at me.

"You're the woman here, Cass. You get the bed, I get the floor. It's that simple." Rick states decidedly, turning to set up a makeshift bed on the floor. I huff at his irritating sense of chivalry.

"You're older. We don't want to damage that b-back," I add, barely being able to finish my sentence through my shit-eating grin, secretly loving teasing him.

Rick turns to me, the surprise evident in his expression, his eyebrows raised and mouth parted. "You did not just say that." He states, making me let out an unattractive snort, not being able to help it at his shocked expression.

"I am not that much older than you," He adds with an implying nod at me, making my laughter die in my throat, my jaw dropping.

"Are you calling me old now?" I question with disbelief, gaping. He grins, nodding, seeming pleased with himself. "I'll have you know I'm only... shit. I'm 30." I realize, my eyes widened. How had I not realized?

"Oh give me a break. Try 39." Rick tells me dryly, making me grin, loving that I'm learning the simple fact of his age. I had guessed somewhere in that range, but actually hearing him say it is weirdly sweet.

"Oof, yeah, the old man definitely needs the bed," I grin, making his eyebrows shoot up, cocking his head to the side in disbelief. I bite my lip as I grin again, my stomach fluttering at the teasing.

He looks down, shaking his head slightly. "Just get on the damn bed Cassandra." Rick says, his sudden commanding tone sending a bolt of electricity between my legs, making me gulp, the joking that was previously between us suddenly very quickly gone.

"No. You know how stubborn I am. It's not happening." I respond, angling my head slightly up at him, daring him.

Rick sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We need to sleep so we can get some rest before we break out of here. Is your stubbornness more important to you?" Rick questions with aggravation and I scoff, shaking my head.

"Obviously not. But you're being just as stubborn." I argue, crossing my arms childishly.

"Fine. We both get the bed then. Good?" Rick asks with clear frustration laced in his voice. My eyes dart to the bed, then back to Rick, who looks exhausted. I feel just as tired after being on a mission since last night. We need the rest and don't need to waste this time we could be spending getting some sleep.

"O-okay," I surrender quietly, making him nod with relief, turning towards the bed. He begins to remove his belt, his hands deftly unbuckling the metal clasp and roughly pulling the strip of leather from his pants, the sight alone sending an unexpected wave of raw desire through me.

Blinking rapidly with shock as I look away, I silently scold myself for my ridiculous and sudden influx of feelings, pinching the bridge of my nose as I try to push down these dirty thoughts- especially considering the fact that we're about to share a bed.

When I glance back, Rick is on the right side of the mattress furthest from the window, without his belt and boots, scooting to make room for me, his eyebrows furrowed as he examines the small amount of room for the two of us.

Gulping as sudden nerves shoot through my veins like firecrackers, I remove my shoes, leaving me in my scrubs, which are actually pretty comfy on their own. Usually, I would remove my uncomfortable bra, but no way in hell am I doing that in front of Rick.

I gingerly climb onto the left side of the bed nearest to the window beside Rick, trying my hardest to not get on his minuscule side. My body is alight with nerves and embarrassment as I suddenly feel like the biggest person in the world as I try not to squish into him. As I relax, my side immediately presses against Rick's warm frame, making my stomach somersault and I tense up again.

"Jesus Cass, just lay down, it's fine," Rick breathes, making me close my eyes as I cringe, the embarrassment nearly engulfing me as I realize how much of an idiot I probably look like right now.

And I'm sure I'm the last person Rick wants to be sharing a bed with.

[ A/N: hehe ]

Either way, I do as he says, laying down, right up against his frame radiating a comforting warmth, making it extremely hard to resist the urge to nestle right into him. Cringing, I turn my head to face him.

"How should we-"

My words die in my throat as I come face to face with Rick, less than an inch away from him, his broad nose almost touching mine.

I gulp, my heart hammering aggressively in my ribs as I blink dumbly at him. Rick's captivating eyes stare back at me unflinchingly, heavily dilated from the dimly lit room.

I can't seem to find a breath to aid my burning lungs, the dead words blocking the back of my throat, making it impossible. I've never been this close to him.

Never had only his face in my entire field of vision without escape.

We've been close before and I've wondered what it would be like to kiss him then. But now? It's difficult to think about anything but crossing that mere space between us. Especially after today, having seen what it is like to be treated like Rick's wife, to have his lips on my skin, I honestly don't know if I can fight it.

"It's a little snug," I squeak weakly, trying desperately to shake myself out of these feelings, making amusement crinkle across Rick's face as he ducks his head, smiling.

"Yeah," he breathes lowly, making my stomach flip at the alluring deep cadence of his voice. My breath catches in my throat, that desperate need for him shooting between my legs just hearing his voice like that, this close to me, in our shared bed.

It all suddenly becomes too much.

"Um- back to back?" I suggest quietly with a thick swallow, trying my hardest to hide my overwhelming desire for him as Rick simply nods, averting his gaze.

We both shift on our sides until our backs are pressing against each other. Being able to let my emotions show on my face clearly as I face away from him, sends extensive relief through me. It also helps that I can actually breathe again. It allows me to relish in the sensation of feeling Rick this close to me without the overwhelming tension of being face-to-face.

"Better?" Rick's voice asks softly into the room's silence, and I begin to nod before stopping myself, realizing that he can't see me.

"Y-yeah." I whisper back into the silent room, hoping that my heartbeat isn't as loud as it feels, pounding relentlessly against my ribs.

How on earth am I supposed to sleep like this?

While no longer being face-to-face has made this better, I'm still sharing a bed with the man I have been hopelessly in love with for two years. It's his warm back I'm pressed against, it's his even breaths that I feel, it's his smell that is surrounding me.

It feels like ants are burrowing into my skin, making my skin tingle wildly as I desperately try to calm myself down to no avail.

"Goodnight Cass," Rick rumbles, interrupting my racing thoughts and peppering goosebumps across my skin at the sensation of the vibration from his back on mine.

"Goodnight Rick." I breathe back, my voice soft and quiet as I adjust slightly on the tiny bed, trying to get a bit more comfortable.

As I do this, shifting my hips on the cheap mattress, I unintentionally rub against Rick, making him stiffen.

[ A/N: not the only thing stiffening ;) BAHAH okay I'll stop ]

Slightly confused, I horrifically realize with vivid mortification that my ass has just rubbed up against his lower back. My eyes widen with panic, my stomach twisting unpleasantly. Fuck.

"Shit- I'm sorry I didn't mean-" I apologize quickly while cringing hard, suddenly fighting the incredibly strong urge of getting up and throwing myself out of the window right in front of me.

"Don't worry about it. See you in the morning." Rick says quietly but concisely, his emotionless tone making me cringe, drowning in humiliation.

Kill me now.

"Right, yeah." I breathe, not letting myself adjust anymore to avoid any more instances where I unintentionally sexually harass my good friend. I squeeze my eyes shut, silently ordering myself to stay frozen until my much-needed sleep finally knocks me out.

I wake up from a bright light shining in my eyes, making me blink groggily, confusion whirling through my senses. Blinking rapidly, I realize it's Daryl with his flashlight across the street, letting us know it's go-time.

I feel like I slept for about two and a half minutes, but if it's time, it's time. Luckily, I didn't move an inch in my sleep, sending relief through me knowing sleep-me didn't listen to my subconscious desires and unintentionally molest Rick once again.

I shift to look over my shoulder to tell him we need to get up, immediately freezing when I realize, my eyes widening with surprise.

While I'm still on my side right where I fell asleep, Rick is behind me, facing me, his arm draped over my waist, his head nestled right into my hair. My stomach bottoms out and my nerves are ablaze, tingling rampantly through my limbs.

Oh my god.

Rick is spooning me?

He must have just shuffled in his sleep and with anyone else, it would not be a big deal. But Jesus Christ- this is Rick cuddled right up against me.

Oh, my fucking God.

Self-loathing flutters through me as I realize how content I feel in this moment with Rick wrapped around me like this. It's as if we slot together perfectly, his warmth seeping into my perpetually cold body.

His face is nestled into my hair, each of his even breaths sending a warm puff of air on my neck, making my spine tingle with desire.

Before I can stop them, my eyes flutter closed, having not felt this relaxed waking up in a very long time. I revel in the new sensation of his body wrapped around mine, his scent overwhelming my nose. Surprised that I feel the safest I have in a long time being here with him despite being stuck deep in enemy territory.

Shaking my head slightly, I remind myself of our situation. That we are, in fact, in enemy territory and I am here on a mission to save Beth and Carol, not to secretly enjoy it as my friend spoons me. God, I'm pathetic.

I try to get out from under Rick's sleeping grasp but fail as his heavy arm on my waist keeps me securely with him, the sensation making butterflies flutter around my belly.

Despite how wonderful this feels, we need to go. And this is going to be harder than I thought- he is much stronger than I am and dead asleep.

I internally groan, dreading the awkwardness of having him realize our situation as well. After me essentially grinding up against him earlier, he's probably going to think I'm some sex-crazed lunatic.

"Rick." I whisper hoarsely, hoping to rouse him as I grab his forearm, shaking it. Rick just hums contentedly into me, making my stomach spasm at the sound, my skin peppering with goosebumps for the second time thanks to him.

Concentrate Cass, for the love of God.

"Rick!" I whisper louder, being careful to not be too loud and wake anyone else up. We still need to be covert if this plan is going to work.

Rick groans lowly, his arm on my waist tightening. Before I can react, he pulls me backward flush against him, making me squeak in surprise, my eyes rapidly widening. Feeling his toned body against mine through our clothes feels amazing. I relax slightly at the incredible sensation of being pressed against Rick like this.

But it's when my ass presses firmly against his crotch, close enough that I can feel the outline of his length through his pants, that I shoot up from the bed, my heart leaping to my throat, my skin on fire, my heart hammering in my chest.

Now free from his grasp and standing on solid ground, I take a moment to breathe, sagging with relief that I'm removed from that torment. My hands are on my knees as I bend over, letting out a ragged breath. I'm suddenly extremely grateful that he wasn't... excited. It would have been a normal reaction from his body but that would have been far too much for me to handle.

"Cass?" Rick grumbles, clearly still half asleep and very confused as he props himself on one elbow, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinted through the darkness. I feel even more relieved as I realize he wasn't awake enough for that.

"Rick we need to go now." I urge him as loud as I can manage without drawing attention, my heart only just beginning to calm down from that experience.

"What are you talking-" Rick halts his confused questioning as he opens his eyes fully. He sits up straight with a start, squinting through the window, sighing as he is brought back to reality, placing a hand on his forehead.

He seems unaffected by our REM canoodling. He really must have been deep asleep, thank God. Daryl's flashlight shines through the window again, making Rick sigh.

"Shit. Okay, let's go." Rick mutters, getting to his feet and reaching for his belt and boots. Gulping, I quickly do the same, pulling myself back to reality and pushing past the lingering feeling that my skin is still pressed against his.

While I change out of the cheap scrubs and back into my clothes, Rick draws the curtains in the window to let Daryl know we're ready and changes back into his normal clothes as well. Then, once ready, Rick and I head out toward room 513. Rick leads the way through the hallway, quietly leading me to Carol's room.

On the way, we stop by the nearly empty armory, retrieving my rifle and Rick's revolver. Slinging my rifle on my shoulder, I follow Rick's dark figure as we find our way back to our people.

Halfway down the hall, Rick holds out his hand to stop me, pushing me against the wall beside him as an orderly walks out from one room and into another. My heart is pounding my chest with adrenaline as Rick checks with me briefly before moving again, his arm dropping from my frame.

We finally reach 513, where we silently walk in and carefully close the door behind us.

Carol is awake and ready, Beth sleeping soundly beside her in a pale yellow polo and grey cardigan. After a quiet but happy reunion with Carol, the three of us silently wake Beth up, reminding her of the plan.

Rick helps support Carol behind me and Beth as I lead us to the secret stairway. My heart in my throat with nerves, I take deep breaths as we silently sneak down the hallway to the stairway right next door to Dawn's office.

We're inching toward the door, trying to be as quiet as possible so as to not draw any unwanted attention. It's not very easy with Carol, whose trying her best despite her extensive injuries.

We're so close, almost there, when Dawn's office door opens.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

The four of us freeze in our tracks and I look back at Rick worriedly, not knowing what to do. We try to back up but there's no room, no time.

We're going to be caught.

But- it's not Dawn who walks out of her office. It's Dr. Edwards. He calmly walks out of the office and then turns in the direction of his own office, stopping in his tracks when he sees us. His eyes widen.

Panic surges through me but I realize we have a much better chance of escape knowing it's him, not her. He's demonstrated enough disgruntlement with her leadership that we may be able to sneak by.

I hold out my hand to him, silently asking him to stay put. His eyebrows furrow as he looks at the four of us, his gaze lingering on Beth. "We're leaving." I mouth silently to him, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Please," Beth whispers, making Edwards glance at her. Her eyebrows are turned up, her mouth pulled down at the corners in distress as she silently pleads with him.

Dr. Edwards turns, looking at me, squinting his eyes slightly. My heart is pounding deafeningly loudly in my ears as I wait in agonizing silence for him to decide to let us go or sentence us to die.

He looks away from me, sniffs once, casually placing his hands in the pockets of his white coat, turns, and walks away.

Sagging with relief, I turn to Carol, Beth, and Rick, my eyes wide as I nod once. Relief mirrored in their expressions, they nod back. Within seconds, we're opening the dusted-over panel that leads to the stairway. After pushing it once to click it open, Rick and I usher Carol and Beth in quickly, following after and softly closing the door behind us, hopefully leaving no trace of our escape.

We slowly but surely make our way through the floors, maneuvering across the levels and down the hidden stairways. There are only about two walkers left on the abandoned floors, too weak to be worth killing as we rush past.

Finally, we reach the bottom floor, heading to the side exit facing the hotel. Suddenly getting a wave of deja vu crashing over me, I blink in a strange haze as I guide the rest out. When I see the familiar double doors of the exit, it hits me.

This is where it happened. Where Sophie died. Beth leads the way with Carol as I falter, my eyes widening when I see her.

Sophie's corpse, right where I left her. She's barely recognizable now, completely decomposed and laying in a pile of other skeletons in patient gowns. The walkers that were going after her.

I'm frozen in place as I stare at the decayed corpse in Sohpie's scrubs, a few of her black curls still visible past the weathered skeleton on top of her.

Carol and Beth walk out while supporting each other, past the corpse of my old best friend and towards the doors that lead to freedom.

"Cass-" Rick says from behind me, jolting me from my zoning out and making me look over at him with wide eyes, my chest heaving.

I can't move, paralyzed with overwhelming emotion actually seeing her again. Knowing that she's really gone. That she was torn and ripped apart by walkers in order to save my life. My closest friend. Gone. Right in front of me.

I had thought I healed. That I moved on, knowing that she would have wanted that. But being here? Standing in front of the scene of her death- is killing me. It's like the peeling walls are closing in, trapping me here, forcing me to pay for the price of her life for mine.

Rick's hands cup either side of my face, gently angling me so I look at him. His concerned eyes search my expression before glancing past my shoulder as Beth and Carol reach the doors.

"Cass, what are you doing?" Rick asks me, quick, worried, impatient.

We need to get out. I know that, but I can't. My feet are glued to the chipped linoleum, stopping me from escaping my suffocating grief.

"Cass?" Rick questions through his worried breaths, his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

My breathing is fast and shallow as I stare back at his expression. "Help me." I breathe, my eyebrows turned up with overwhelming emotion, my words short and breathless. 

Something in Rick's expression shifts as he glances down at the piles of skeletons at our feet. He nods once, his expression hardened with determination before his hands drop from my face, wrapping his arm around my shoulders securely and gently guiding my stumbling feet away.

My eyes are squeezed shut as I let him drag me away from the corpse of my best friend, the brief minute it takes us feeling like agonizing hours. I realize we've left the building as we're engulfed in the cool night air. My eyes snap open and immediately find Daryl hugging Beth tightly as Carol watches with a smile. The rest of the group is here, reuniting.

A smile flutters across my face, immediately feeling my body relax. Through my periphery, Rick glances once at me before gently releasing me from his grasp. I don't have time to thank him for doing something so great for me that must have seemed small to him as the rest of the group comes up to make sure we're good.

"We need to get out of here," Tyreese breathes earnestly, reluctance behind his eyes to break up the sweet reunion. He's right. We need to get out of here before the assholes realize we've left with two of their prisoners.

Deciding to leave the hugs for later, the eight of us quietly rush through the darkened streets of Atlanta to get back to the truck.

It's something out of a horror movie, the only light being the slight blue moonlight streaming through the gaps between the skyscrapers. Walkers are milling around every corner, groaning as they shuffle through the streets that they've claimed as their own.

We have to dodge expertly around the streets, to avoid being swamped in the herds, taking much longer than we did during the day.

As we round yet another street, we're met with a massive herd, filling the street from one end to another. My stomach bottoms out at the horrific sight of hundred of grey, decaying bodies as they shuffle back and forth like cattle on a dairy farm.

Daryl, the one who had been leading, curses before leading us into a dark side alleyway, slowly and steadily making our way through, our weapons drawn.

The wood and metal of my rifle feel like lead, weighing me down as I follow the group through the tight alleyway, anxiously watching for any sign of attack. I stumble to a stop when I see that right where our truck should be, there's a firetruck parked, bright red in the darkness of the night.

"What the..." Noah trails off quietly as we slow down to a stop in the alleyway. Carol shifts against Tyreese, who had been keeping helping keep her steady through our journey back, looking back at us with wide questioning eyes.

I just shake my head once. That's not ours.

My heartbeat increases with worry as I squint through the darkness, trying to find out what the hell is going on. I thought the hospital group only had police officers on duty, not firefighters. Beth whispers something to Daryl that I don't quite catch.

"Beth?" A quiet but familiar voice wavers out from the darkness, making me freeze, my blood running cold.

There's no way.

"Maggie?" Beth calls back desperately and before I can register what's happening, Beth barrels away from us, throwing herself at the emerging figure at the end of the alley. My eyes widen and the rest of us rush after her.

Emerging from the alleyway, I can't help smiling warmly at the sight of the sister reuniting. Beth has her arms thrown around Maggie's shoulders, sobbing into her.

Holding my hand to my heart, I blink away tears of happiness. I had worried deep down that we wouldn't be able to reunite them.

Knowing now there isn't any risk, we all exit from the alleyway to see the rest of the group reuniting with Beth as well. Michonne, Gabriel, Sophia, Judith, and Carl are here as well as Abraham, Rosita, and Eugene.

Sophia practically barrels into her mother, nearly taking her down. Carol laughs, despite being in clear pain, hugging her daughter back. I sigh, grinning widely.

Everyone is back. Together.

Thank God.

I can barely contain my happiness and relief as Rick and Daryl guide us all back into the truck, desperate to get us out of the city. We pile into the vehicle, pulling down the heavy door at the back, shutting us into the dark, stuffy, but safe unit.

Reunited, Daryl drives us away, and I let out a sigh of relief as I sit beside Carl. I take his Judith from his offering grasp, holding the sweet girl to me tightly, emotion brewing deep in me, immensely relieved to be reunited with her. 

I sigh into her soft head of hair as I press her little body into mine, relishing in the sensation of knowing she's safe, here with us once again.

- three weeks later -

"Water?" Daryl grunts beside me, handing me the nearly empty plastic bottle in his hands. Thinking for a second, I spare a glance at Sophia and Carl walking in front of me and shake my head.

"I just had some, give it to them." I lie, nudging my head at the pair and facing forward again, readjusting my rifle on my shoulder, my body aching desperately for water. My mouth feels like I coated it with sand and spat it out, leaving me with a desert in my mouth, aching for some water to cure it. But if I feel like this, the kids must as well.

Daryl grunts in acknowledgment before handing the bottle to the kids, and they take it, sharing it between them. Even then, it's barely a mouthful of water each. Daryl walks past them to meet up with Rick leading the group in the front. I absentmindedly lick my cracked lips, worry and regret ebbing at me.

We should have stayed in Richmond as Michonne suggested. But after Tyreese nearly died, we needed to move on. The horrible memory flashes through my memory as my gaze finds Tyreese walking beside his sister, his right arm gone.

Finding him in Noah's house, bleeding out, was horrific. Luckily I was in the other room. If we had waited even a minute longer to amputate- I don't want to even think what could have happened.

But now, we have nothing. No car. The truck we used ran out of gas miles and miles ago. We had to resort to jumping from car to car. Our last one choked a day ago. So we've been walking since.

No water. Barely enough food left. We're probably down to three and a half pecans now.

And this water we do have, despite our rationing, is running out fast between all of us. We'll be out tomorrow. Then we have mere days until we die of thirst.

Hopelessness weighs heavily on my chest as I look down at my boots lazily trekking on the asphalt. This can't be it. After everything we have been through, this can't be how we go out.

Not after the farm. After Phillip, the Prison, Terminus, the Hospital, Richmond- everything. Judith has survived so much and she's only ten months old. There's no way in hell she can go out like this.

Carl told me one night that Lori's last words to him were; "You'll survive this world" and I'll be damned if I let her last words be a lie.

This isn't how it happens. It can't be how it happens.

Daryl stops beside Rick, handing Rick his rifle. "Imma head out. See what I can find," Daryl grunts as Rick takes the gun with one hand, his other hand still supporting Judith against his chest.

"Don't be too long," Rick tells him, and I come to a stop, watching with concern.

Carol follows Daryl, and they go off into the woods. I watch them go for a moment, before facing forward again. They can handle themselves, I know. But it doesn't make me worry less.

So the rest of us walk.

And walk.

And walk. Heading forever north, to DC.

Endlessly stumbling down these twisting and decaying back roads. I've never felt this dry. So devoid of any type of water. We must be somewhere in northern Virginia by now, far from the humidity of Georgia. I had lived in only Washington State and Georgia, which are both very wet states. This is like torture.

But with no other choice, we continue. We persevere.

Exhausted. Dehydrated. Starving.

Through all of it, we continue.

To avoid using our sparse energy or ammunition, we trick the walkers that had been trailing us for miles into falling off a bridge. Narrowly, we dodge out of the way so they tumble past us and down the ridge.

After finding a collection of cars, and as usual, not finding anything, we moved on until deciding to take a much-needed break.

With heavy sighs and grunts of effort, we collapse down onto a shaded patch of dirt off the main road.

Rick and Carl sit back to back and I sit off to the side against a tree, Judith in my lap. The rest of the group settles, sitting together in their respective spots as we all try to relax. Maggie and Beth sit together, leaning their heads against one another. They have been extremely close since Atlanta, it's such a relief to see them together. 

Glenn sits beside me with a sigh.

"She's so happy to have her back," I murmur, smiling to myself as the two sisters enjoy their moment together. I stop smiling as I feel my lips cracking painfully, attempting to lick them to feel better.

Glenn hums in agreement. "Maggie uh- hadn't talked about her since Herschel..." Glenn trails off, gulping, tapping his hand absentmindedly against the butt of his rifle. "I don't think she thought Beth was alive. She didn't let herself have that hope, especially after finding the rest of us." Glenn tells me quietly, his dark eyes darting to mine.

My brows furrow, remembering that feeling I felt that month alone with Judith. That hopelessness, not believing you could ever be so lucky to have your family alive, with you, is horrible. It's something I never want to feel again.

"They're together now. We all are. We just need to keep it that way." I murmur and Glenn nods in agreement.

At the sound of a disturbance, I look up at the same time Rick tenses, almost getting up, his hand tightened on his gun. A fleeting feeling of panic goes through me, only to see Daryl coming back to us from the woods.

I look down with relief, relaxing back against the tree behind me, staring at the dirt between my faded jeans and the powdery dirt around them. Good. It's just him.

As I do this, I overhear part of Eugene's and Rosita's conversation.

"...I don't think things can get any worse," Eugene mutters in that downcast tone of his, making my eyes dart up to look at the mullet man.

"They can," Rosita states darkly after a beat of silence, her gaze trained off in the distance.

"She's right," I mutter, digging the base of the heel of my boot into the powdery dirt, not looking back at the curious looks sent my way.

They do get worse. When you're alone. I know that all too well.

I'm back, lost in the tiny pebbles and dirt underneath my boots when a sudden rustling and a gaggle of growling makes me freeze. My heart sinks as I slowly look up to see a pack of what used to be domesticated dogs run up towards us, baring their teeth aggressively.

Their throaty growls fill my ears, their eyes full of anger as they eye us down. Sophia lets out a noise of fear, huddling closer to her mother.

Rick begins to get up, and I reach for my rifle but don't have time to grab it because the dogs are abruptly taken out one by one by Sasha's sniper rifle, their whimpers drowning out what used to be their aggressive barking with each silenced gunshot. I let out a shuddering breath, looking over at her with wide eyes. The stoic woman lowers her gun, still in Bob's jacket, her face pulled in disgust.

Rick sighs and gets up before grabbing some sticks from the forest beside us and snapping them in half. I hang my head in disbelief as I realize what's happening. We need to eat them.

My stomach cramps with my crippling hunger. It's our only option.

As Sasha says to Noah in passing, "Don't think. Just eat."

After our silent dinner, devouring the chunks of cooked dog, the group settles down to rest for the night. As the kids and most of the adults sleep, I sit down beside Rick, who has Judith in his arms and is unsurprisingly awake.

I sigh heavily as I drop down on the hard soil, not finding myself determined enough to go to sleep. Just being back in Rick's presence, is doing a lot for me to help me relax.

He calms me in a way no one else does.

"She asleep now?" I whisper, turning to look at that handsome face of his. His head tilts to the side to look at me, his tired gaze meeting mine as he nods once.

I force forward a half smile, looking down at the sleeping girl in her father's arms. Gently, I stroke her beautiful blonde baby hair, my heart warming with adoration as she hums in her sleep.

"Have some water." Rick orders gently, nudging my arm with his water bottle. Not breaking my gaze with the baby girl in his arms, I shake my head.

"I had some. Save it for the kids." I tell him as I tilt my head, admiring how beautiful she's become. Only ten months old and she's already grown into a beautiful girl. If we survive this and she gets the chance to grow up, she's going to be a heartbreaker, that's for sure.

"No, you didn't." Rick corrects me calmly, making me stop, looking at him, my eyebrows knitted together with confusion.

Before I can argue, Rick speaks again. "I watched you all day. You refused every offer saying you already had some yet never drank once." He tells me, his eyebrows raised disapprovingly.

I gulp, feeling like an animal caught in a trap. With a sigh, I look down.

"I- I wanted to make sure the kids got what they needed. I couldn't live with myself if they-"

"-And you think I could live without you?" Rick questions, his voice hoarse, making me stop, blinking at him, slightly taken aback. Rick exhales slowly out of his nose, offering the bottle to me once again.

"Drink. Please." He pleads so I have to fight the sudden urge to cry at his genuine caring for me. That he paid attention. That he noticed.

It means the world to me.

I take the bottle with a nod, making him visibly relax as I bring the flimsy plastic rim to my lips and take a drink. The water passes my cracked lips and invades the dry expanse that is my mouth and washes right through down my throat, barely making a difference.

As I'm tipping the bottle back down after my brief drink, something stops it. Rick's finger. He raises his eyebrows, tilting the bottle back up so I get a decent gulp.

I can't stop my eyes from fluttering closed at the incredible relief of actually rehydrating, my mouth filling with water, satisfying the constant, deep craving and thirst that has been there for weeks. Once satisfied with my water consumption, Rick lets me drop the bottle back down.

He takes it back, screwing the top back on. "Thank you. I needed that." I tell him quietly, averting my gaze, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He glances up, smiling slightly, his eyes soft and kind as his fingers fidget with the bottle.

"We need each other." He says simply with a nod. "Judith needs her Mama with her. Alive." Rick adds with emphasis by raising his eyebrows, making my cheeks flush as I nod, averting my gaze once again.

"Hey." He says, his warm hand enveloping mine fully, sending sparks up my arm. I gulp as I'm suddenly flooded with memories of us in the hospital. Of feeling his warmth against mine...

A sharp inhale from me. "Yeah?" I question evenly, trying to control my facial features to not let him see.

"We've got this. We always make it out." Rick assures me, squeezing my hand. I smile, nodding, my eyelids fluttering. This physical touch is nice and has only been increasing in occurrence since the hospital. Like after sharing that tiny bed, a quick hand-hold is nothing for us.

At least, for him.

But it's nice.

It's a day later, and we're back on the road, on our endless trek to find somewhere safe for all of us. Which may be DC. Maybe it'll be the place for us. Or maybe we'll die before we even get there.

"You guys good?" I ask, stepping between Sophia and Carl, who had been walking quietly. The pair glance back at me, Judith in Carl's arms, bouncing with every step the fourteen-year-old takes.

"Tired," Sophia answers with an honest shrug and sigh. I tilt my head, nodding in agreement as I look at the teenage girl, wishing I could make things different for her.

"Yeah, I'm tired too hon. Hopefully, we'll get there soon, huh?" I ask, rubbing her back comfortingly. She nods, looking down and making a wall of her ginger hair fall in the way, shielding her face.

Before I can probe further, I pause when I hear commotion ahead. I look up as Rick holds his hand out to stop us before gingerly grabbing a piece of white paper on top of a pile of water bottles and two large tanks of water.

My heart sinks, immediately holding my arm out to the kids to keep them still. Shit.

"'From a Friend'?" Michonne reads out loud from the paper, seeming skeptical as she turns to look at us, her eyebrows raised.

Hell no. Not after what we've been through.

"What else are we going to do?" Tara asks, and I sigh, sparing a glance at her defeated expression. She's right. We're out of water. We need it. The kids need it. 

But whoever put that there knows that. And is using it as a ploy. It's dangerous. Risky.

"Not this," Rick replies quickly as his eyes scan the dark lush forest around us. I watch him, his brown shirt-clad figure standing strong and tall beside the pile of liquid gold that water is to us. "We don't know who left it." He states, making my eyelids flutter close with relief knowing he feels the same.

"If it's a trap we're already in it. And I'd like to think it is from a friend." Eugene mutters, staring longingly at the jugs of water.

"If it isn't- they could have put stuff in it," Carol argues. I nod in agreement. While I want this water just as much as everyone else and know full well we need it but it could kill us.

Eugene steps forward and grasps one of the bottles of water.

"Eugene!" Rosita shouts as my heart lunges in my throat, stepping forward to try to stop him.

"What are you doing?" Tara questions, her eyes wide with panic.

"Quality assurance," Eugen mumbles, bringing the water bottle to his mouth. Before he can take a drink, Abraham smacks the bottle out of his mouth, spraying the ground with water.

Eugene stands there dumbly, panting, water dribbling from his mouth.

"We can't." I breathe with raw regret, staring at the water with longing. I wish we could. More than anything.

Even if that means accepting that my family will die of thirst. After all we've survived. I don't understand why this is how it ends. Why did we last so long just to die like this?

Why?

Thunder rumbles above us, making me look up, my heart racing. Could it be...? Within seconds, before I can even react, the sky cracks open and rain bursts from the grey clouds above us, suddenly pounding us with water.

Clean, fresh, not-a-trap, water.

My chest shudders with a crushing relief, a smile erupting across my face as my family laughs with delight, trying to catch as much of the rain as possible. Within a minute, my clothes are soaked. What used to be a dry and starchy t-shirt I picked up on the road is now drenched. It sticks against my skin, cooling me down, hydrating me from the outside in.

My hair is hanging in heavy strands, water dripping from the ends as it sticks against my neck. I lean back, dropping my jaw and letting the drops of water fall into my open mouth, slowly but surely hydrating me.

It's like heaven.

Closing my mouth, letting my head come back up, I watch as my family basks in the shower from nature, trying not to notice the way Rick's shirt sticks to his sculpted chest.

We make brief eye contact, making my heart tighten with emotion and passion. It's like time slows, the water droplets falling at a sudden slow rate, creating a sparkling backdrop to the most attractive man I've ever known. My chest rises and falls in short, rapid breaths as our eyes lock.

The moment is shaken as Sophia grabs me excitedly, making me look at her with an equally excited smile. When my eyes sneak back over to check on Rick, he's talking with Carl.

We begin to try to catch the water with whatever bottles we have as the rain only increases with fervor. It begins to become painful, the fat droplets pelting my bare skin harshly.

At a deafening sound of a new thunderclap, slight worry flinches through me. It's getting... brutal. As Judith cries out, Carl shields her with his father's hat, looking around nervously.

Rain is good, but getting caught up in a tropical storm is not what we need.

"We should move on!" Rick calls out to us over the deafening rain pounding around us.

"There's a barn!" Daryl shouts, and immediately Rick nods at him to lead the way.

As Rick tells some of the group a story about his grandfather, his kids sleeping soundly beside him, I sit across the barn next to Daryl.

I sit down next to him wordlessly, not feeling the need to talk. That's what I like most about being with Daryl. He never feels the need to fill the silence with words.

It's comforting.

I glance beside me, at him, in the flickering light from the small fire not so far from us. He's looking down, playing with the frays in his jeans.

I notice as I watch, a circular burn mark on his hand, right beside his thumb. Frowning, I gently grab his hand to get a closer look. He flinches but I tighten my grasp, looking closer, making my stomach twist with realization.

A cigarette burn. Fresh.

My eyebrows meet in the middle, tears prickling in my eyes as I release his hand, turning to see his face. He looks away, ashamed.

My heart hurts so much for him. I gently touch his back, making him flinch once again. I close my eyes for a minute, reminding myself of his past, guilt flinching through me.

"I'm here. When you need me." I tell him quietly, searching that tortured look of his. He nods, not looking up, his hair shielding his expression.

"I'm the last person who would judge you. You know that. My taste in men alone makes that impossible." I inform him, grinning in an attempt to make him feel better. Daryl smiles out of one corner of his mouth, nodding.

After an understanding sigh, I pat his shoulder gently once before I get up to sit closer to the fire. Daryl needs to be left alone, I can tell. I've crossed the boundary too far tonight.

I cross the dirt floor, glancing up at the slatted roof as the wind and rain howl around us. Thank God we found this place. Thank God for Daryl.

Gingerly, I sit down in the only space around the fire, beside Rick. Carl is fast asleep behind us, cuddled adorably with Judith. My heart warms, loving how close those two are. It's hard to remember the times when Carl was reluctant to hold her.

Doing a quick sweep, I make sure Sophia is alright, sleeping with her head in her mother's lap across the fire. Beth is still beside her sister, awake this time as the pair speaks quietly.

Feeling a sense of relief that all the kids are okay, I sit down properly, cross-legged on the dirt floor.

"He okay?" Rick asks me quietly, his eyes darting to Daryl before meeting mine questioningly. He's noticed too. Something is off with him. I simply nod. It's not my place to tell Rick about everything that's with Daryl. He could have been triggered by his childhood abuse, making him hurt himself like that. After Phillip, sometimes I had those urges too.

It hurts my heart that has such a good person but he can't ever see it. And he's the last person to accept help.

"As okay as anyone can be right now," I reply quietly, my stomach aching heavily with hunger. We had some leftover jerky from those dogs, but I made sure everyone else, including the kids, had their share first. I got some, but not enough to help the cramping in my stomach.

I long for the days in the prison, with Rick's amazing farm. The fresh food we had, the water system, the security, the happiness. Judith was safe. She could have grown up there. She should have grown up there.

Hopelessness sinks in my chest as I stare at the flames.

We're fucked. How could we possibly get out of this? I let out a slow breath, trying to calm myself. If I think too much about it, I'll drive myself crazy. I just need to take it day by day.

Rick's warm hand is suddenly on my back, making my eyes flutter closed with pleasure before I can stop them. My heart pounding, I turn to look at him, the emotion in my chest only growing.

His eyes search mine softly like he can read my mind. That somehow, he knows that I was spiraling. His hand sends a radiating warmth through my thin t-shirt and to my skin underneath, keeping me grounded.

How can I ever get over this man? He makes it so damn hard sometimes.

I mouth "Thank you", making a kind smile grow on his face. He nods at me, his thumb rubbing back and forth. Before I can stop myself, I lean into his touch slightly, the tension that was growing in my chest steadily starting to dissipate.

As I look at him, my eyes meeting his, I wonder. Am I imagining it? The difference in the way he treats me? Cares for me?

Is it because I seem like a helpless idiot or could it be that he feels something... more with me?

Is that even in the realm of possibility that he feels that way? Or is it just because my feelings for him are so strong that I'm just hoping that he feels the same?

Rick tilts his head slightly, his eyes watching me carefully like he's trying to read my mind.

Should I ask? At the risk of ruining our friendship that I cherish so much?

Before I have the chance to question this any longer, my attention is drawn to the front of the barn at a sudden crash. My stomach drops as I see Daryl pushing against the large wooden doors of the barn, trying his hardest to keep them closed.

Between his shadowed frame is a large gap looking out into the night, dark blue with rain pounding down, and lightning occasionally flashing in the distance. And closer, a massive herd, headed straight for us.

Sasha runs up beside him, throwing her body against the doors, her face contorted with effort.

"Shit!" I curse under my breath, before jumping to my feet and rushing over the help. As I near the two, my fears are confirmed by the familiar gut-wrenching groans of a herd. Slamming my back against the doors beside Sasha, I dig my feet into the dirt, desperately trying to push back as hard as I can.

My eyes are scrunched shut, my face contorted with effort as my malnourished body aches with exertion, trying my hardest to keep the hoard of undead away from my family.

Within seconds, the rest of my family rushes over, using our combined strength the keep the doors shut. Judith cries as she's left on the floor in order for Carl to help as well.

We push and push. Maintaining our small piece of safety, refusing to let those fuckers win. We will not die.

We

fucking

stay.

When I wake the next morning, blinking up at the deteriorating slats of wood above me, I lie there for a minute, trying to collect myself. Despite the sense of defeat that constantly weighs on my chest, I need to push through it. To be here for my family.

And after last night, maybe we can do it.

I'm jolted out of my thoughts at the large doors we were pushed up against last night opening on the other side of the barn. Sitting up, my heart racing, I squint my eyes with curiosity, my instincts reminding me that now there's danger at every corner. I relax slightly when I see it's just Maggie and Sasha coming in.

At the sight of a stranger following them, I jump up with panic, immediately reaching for my knife. The man's arms are held in surrender as he gingerly walks in, his eyes scanning the already on-edge group. He's suspiciously clean with a nervous smile pulling at his mouth.

"Hey. Everyone, this is Aaron." Maggie introduces him, holding a backpack that must be his. "We met him outside, he's by himself. We took his weapons and gear." She tells us apprehensively as Aaron nods, an uneasy but friendly expression on his freshly shaven face.

Crossing my arms, I asses the man, feeling my expression harden with distrust and worry. Squinting my eyes, I scour his laundered clothes, his curly and shiny hair, his white teeth. Aaron glances at all of us silently and coldly assessing him, making him chuckle awkwardly, striking me with sharp disapproval.

"Hi" He breathes, his eager eyes darting around the barn, his mouth pulled in a nervous smile.

Absolutely not.