chapter nineteen
SCREW FEAR
"we are the warriors that built this town."

"Shut the gate! Shut the gate!"

The frantic delinquents were in an uproar as they ran into camp. As soon as everyone was safe behind the walls again, Bellamy instantly climbed up to the Gunner's post, watching for the attack.

But nothing came.

Clarke climbed the wall to join him, but neither of them spotted anything.

"Where are they?" Bellamy asked, "Why aren't they attacking?"

"Because we're doing exactly what they wanted us to do." Clarke said, defeat radiating off of her.

"What are you talking about?"

Clarke spun around and looked down towards Finn, "Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive."

"If it's just scouts, we can fight our way out." Octavia said with confidence, "That's what Lincoln would do."

"We're done doing what that Grounder would do." Bellamy said, jumping down to the ground with the rest of the group, "We tried it and now Drew is dead. You want to be next?"

Finn challenged Bellamy, "That Grounder saved our lives. I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there's one scout out there."

Jasper butted in, but didn't look at them, eyes still wearily watching out for an attack, "One scout with insanely good aim."

"Clarke, we can still do this." Octavia told her, eyes pleading.

"Looking to you, princess." Bellamy shrugged, "What's it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open, or stand and fight back?"

There was an anticipatory silence that fell over the group as they waited for Clarke's response. She turned towards the forest and then back to the group, jumping to the ground.

Finn turned to her, "Clarke. If we're still here when Tristan gets here—"

"Lincoln said 'scouts'. More than one. He said, 'get home before the scouts arrive'." Clarke pointed out, "Finn, they're already here."

There was more silence as Clarke internally debated with herself.

Evelynn adjusted her grip on her rifle, clicked on the safety, and swung it over her back. She stepped inside the circle, turning the attention to her.

"I don't know about you guys," she said, "But I didn't learn how to shoot a gun just to run away."

Bellamy had to bite his lower lip to suppress his smile.

Clarke turned to him, "Well, it looks like you've got your fight."

"Okay then." Bellamy said with an edge of excitement. He shouted louder, addressing the whole camp now, "This is what we've been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed."

The camp followed orders without any question, teens with guns running to gunner posts and into foxholes.

Evelynn turned to Bellamy who shared a quick, small smile with her, which she interpreted as a thank you.

His attention shifted as Octavia ran by them, "O! Wait, O, you're not a gunner."

"No, I'm not." She smirked, "Like you said, I'm a Grounder."

She held Lincoln's sword up and then ran off into a foxhole. Bellamy lunged forward with complete intent to go after her, but he was held back.

"Bellamy," Evelynn chided as he turned to face her, "Give her a chance, she can handle herself."

He slowly nodded, not fully ready to let her go.

"Hey!" Clarke waved them down, signaling for them to come to the dropship, "We've got a war to plan!"

»»————-　★　————-««

"We've got 25 rifles with 20 rounds each, give or take. Thats roughly 500 rounds of ammo." Bellamy stood, arms crossed over his battle plans, "While you two were gone, we made some improvements. Thanks to Raven, the gully is mined."

"Partially mined." She croaked, "Thanks to Murphy."

"Still, it's the main route in. If the grounders use it, we'll know. She also built grenades."

Clarke winced, "It's not many."

"Again, thank you, Murphy."

"We'll make them count. If the Grounders make it through the front gate, guns and grenades should force them back." Bellamy informed.

"And then?" Clarke asked expectantly. Bellamy looked away. They didn't have a solid plan.

"Then we close the door and pray." Raven told her.

"And pray what? That the ship keeps them out? Because it won't." Clarke said.

Bellamy refused to give into the hopelessness that was beginning to spread, "Then let's not let them get through the gate."

Bellamy lifted his walkie-talkie and spoke, "All foxholes, listen up. Keep your eyes and ears open. Inflict casualties, as many as possible. You can hold them off long enough to make them turn back. That's the plan."

"That's always your plan," Finn shot at him, "just like the bomb at the bridge."

"Damn right."

Evelynn turned to Finn, "If you have a better idea, enlighten us, please."

Finn rolled his eyes.

"It can't be that simple." Clarke muttered and then turned to Raven, "You said there's fuel in those rockets, right? Enough to build 100 bombs."

"I also said we've got no gunpowder left." Raven sighed.

Clarke bit her lip and turned back to the game plan.

"What if we don't build a bomb," Evelynn said slowly.

The group all looked to her, completely confused.

She narrowed her eyes at the table in front of her, trying to work out the idea out in her head.

Clarke seemed to complete her thought, "What if we use the fuel to blast off?"

Evelynn nodded at the blonde with a smirk, "Exactly."

"Draw them in close. Fire the rockets. A ring of fire." Raven nodded with a smile, catching on.

"Barbecued grounders." Bellamy smiled, "I like it."

Finn turned to Raven, "Will it work?"

Raven's face formed into one of determination, the same look she had on her first day on the ground, setting off the flares, "The wiring's a mess down there, but yeah. You give me enough time, I'll cook them real good."

»»————-　★　————-««

Bellamy walked through the campground, watching the kids around him scramble in and out of foxholes, preparing for the battle the loomed over their heads.

Everyone looked absolutely petrified.

Evelynn was standing frozen, staring at the gate as if waiting for it crumble. Her knuckles were white as she held tightly onto her music box, the ear buds sticking out from under her hair.

Bellamy stood in front of her in an attempt to snap her out of her thoughts.

She yanked out her ear pieces and looked up to him, "Hey."

"Hey hummingbird. You scared?" Bellamy asked softly.

"Terrified."

Bellamy nodded, "Me too."

Evelynn bit her lip with a grimace. "Screw fear," she said, "It makes us feel so powerless. It sucks."

Bellamy chuckled a little, "Yeah, screw fear."

Evelynn tucked her music box back into her front pocket. She let her fingers linger on the metal. She really hoped that wasn't the last time she would listen to her songs. Part of her wondered if she should be saying goodbyes. The odds definitely were not in their favor.

"Hey, we'll make it through this, okay? Don't even think about saying goodbye." Bellamy said.

Evelynn looked up at him with a smirk, "Are you a mind reader now?"

Bellamy smiled back, "No, I just know you."

It was a simple answer, but it made Evelynn feel breathless.

After her mom died and she was locked up on the Ark, she learned to accept death. She knew she was going to die when she turned eighteen and she made her peace with it.

When she was sent to the Ground and people around her died all the time, she learned to accept death. She knew she was going to die when the Grounders came and she made her peace with it.

But the war was here and she wasn't ready to die.

Everything around her taught her to accept death, but Bellamy made her want to live.

She reached out towards him and wrapped her arms around his middle and buried herself in his chest before she burst into tears.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, running his hand up and down her back comfortingly.

"I don't want to die." She cried.

Bellamy exhaled sharply as if hurt by her words, "Hey, Ev. You won't."

Evelynn looked up to him, chin resting on his chest, still held tight against him, "I don't want you to die either. I can't lose you."

Bellamy closed his eyes, learned forward, and gently pressed his lips against her forehead.

When he looked down at her again she was staring at him with a soft smile. What he didn't see was the giant storm of butterflies he just released into her rib cage.

Evelynn felt her heart warm as she stared into Bellamy's deep eyes.

He then wiped a few tears from her cheeks, still holding her with his other arm.

"You're such a crybaby." He teased.

Evelynn scrunched her face at him, "Asshole."

Bellamy laughed softly, "Neither of us are dying, okay? We'll get through this."

Evelynn nodded with a warm smile.

Their moment was cut off when Evelynn jumped out of his embrace to catch the arm of Finn who was running by them.

"Where the hell are you going?"

Finn blew out a puff of pent up air, exasperated to be bothered while he was in a rush, "I'm getting medicine from Lincoln."

"Raven?"

"She's paralyzed from the waist down, the bullets in her spine. But the medicine will slow the bleeding."

"Finn—"

"I know." He said with a heavy tone, already knowing what she was going to say, "But we have to figure out how to fire the rockets before she—"

"Okay. Go." Evelynn said gently, "Be safe."

He nodded, but paused before turning to leave, "Will you go stay with her?"

Evelynn glanced at the rifle that was hanging at her side. She fully intended on fighting in the foxholes when the battle started. But her friend was dying.

Evelynn nodded quickly, "Yeah, don't worry."

Finn gave her a small smile before running off into the night.

Evelynn spun around and released an anguished sigh. This was really happening.

She was surprised to see Bellamy was still there.

"I still can't believe any of this is real." She shook her head. Raven was dying, Finn was out in the Grounder-infested woods, and war was literally right around the corner. They were all in mortal danger.

"I know."

Bellamy reached out and pulled a strand of Evelynn's hair behind her ear. His hand lingered, cupped on her cheek. She tilted her head and pressed her face against his palm, just enjoying having him close.

She moved her hand to remove his from her face and laced their fingers together, "Stay alive, okay? I don't want this to be a goodbye."

"It wont be." Bellamy assured her, every bone in his body aching to pull her closer and hold her tighter than before. He never wanted to let go.

A part of Evelynn wanted to tell him how much she cared for him. The way she always wanted to be near him, how she loved to just look at him, or how she wished that she could protect him from anything the world threw his way.

She didn't know when or how she caught feelings for him, but she couldn't let them go.

But she didn't tell him. Because, of course, this wasn't goodbye. So instead she gave him a bittersweet smile, "Okay."

She started to walk past him towards the dropship, their fingers becoming untangled, but neither wanting to let go. Both their fingers lingered on each others fingertips until the other was out of reach.

And neither looked back.

»»————-　★　————-««

Raven laid her head back onto Evelynn's shoulder and the crook of her neck.

Evelynn was sitting by the ladder where, just below them, Clarke was frantically inspecting the wiring. Evelynn has her legs outstretched and Raven sat between them and laid her back against Evelynn's body, too weak to hold herself up anymore.

"You okay?" Evelynn asked softly to Raven.

Raven moved her head slightly and swallowed before she spoke, "You're smart, lets think about this. I have a bullet in my spine, I'm internally bleeding, and if Clarke doesn't get the rockets to fire, we all might die."

"I meant—"

"I know what you meant, bright eyes. I know." Raven said softly. Evelynn cringed, she hated that there was absolutely nothing she could do.

There was an eerie silence that filled the room, the only sound Clarke rummaging below them, Raven's heavy breathing, and the distant shouts and gun shots from outside the dropship.

Raven stirred suddenly, "Evelynn. What the hell are you doing sitting here with me?"

"Wh—"

"Your mom was a freaking mechanic!" Raven shouted, using her strength to sit up and yell down the hatch, "Clarke, come up here and let Evelynn take a look around!"

Evelynn's eyes widened, "But, I'm not a mechanic. My mom was, not me!"

"Neither am I." Clarke said as he clambered through the hatch, "But my mom was a medic. I can stay with Raven and you can figure out how to fire the rockets."

"I'm not my mom, I can't do this!"

"You have to! You're our best bet right now. I have no idea what to even look for down there." Clarke said.

"You just have to find the wire that connects—"

"See!" Clarke burst with an edge of a laugh, "Don't tell me! Go do it!"

Evelynn swallowed nervously, but gave in.

She let Clarke take her spot sitting with Raven and began to climb down the ladder into the mess that was the wiring under the ship.

If she couldn't do this, the rockets wouldn't fire and they would all be doomed. So many lives lost.

She felt her breath shortening as she started to look around at the tangled wires.

Her vision was blurring as her eyes filled with tears.

She couldn't do this. She was going to be the reason they all died.

She pressed her hand tenderly on her chest, trying to catch her breath.

"Everybody listen up."

Clarke's radio sat at the bottom of the ladder and echoed throughout the room around her.

Bellamy.

"I know you're afraid, but how you chose to handle that fear is up to you. You can let it break you down, or you can use it to make you stronger."

She blinked fast and wiped her tears from her eyes and sat at the bottom on the cold metal floor by the ladder and held the radio in her open palms.

"Are we just a bunch of kids from the Ark who weren't strong enough to survive? Because if we lose today, if we let the fear win, that is what they'll say about us.
Well, I say:
'screw fear'.
I'm telling my own damn story."

Evelynn couldn't help but smile. Screw fear.

She scrambled to her feet, and clipped the radio to her pocket and went back over to the wiring with more confidence and determination than before.

"Find the wire that connects the manual override to the electromagnet." Evelynn whispered to herself.

She sorted through and pulled at wires until her arms were sore. She never understood why there were so many wires involved in mechanics, it seemed to make things so much more complicated.

Finally her hand landed on a bright orange wire, "Yes!"

She followed the wire down until she found the end.

"Uhh, Raven?" Evelynn yelled up hesitantly, "We have a problem."

"What's wrong?" She yelled back.

"The wire's completely fried. It's useless." Evelynn shouted back, eyeing the frayed wire.

Raven loudly groaned.

"Please don't tell me this is as bad as it sounds." Clarke asked, fear evident in her voice.

"Evelynn? Do you know how to splice a wire?" Raven asked.

Evelynn twisted her face. Her mom told her once or twice, but she never did it herself and she hardly remembered how. It was way too advanced and dangerous to try to do with a vague memory, "No."

"It's bad." Raven said.

Evelynn walked back over to the ladder and began to climb up. She stood at the top and laid her arms over the floor.

"You're gonna have to help—"

The radio in Evelynn's pocket burst with sound and the three all stopped talking.

"They're everywhere!"
"Get down!"
"We need backup!"

There were screams coming from the radio and gunshots from outside.

"Raven!" Jasper's voice rang out, "Raven, our mines actually worked!"

Raven gasped, "Jasper can splice."

Evelynn quickly handed the radio to Raven who quickly yelled into it, "Jasper, we need you in the dropship right now."

"Negative. We can't give up the west woods." Bellamy answered.

"The west woods are mined, Bellamy." Clarke took the radio and answered.

"It's still a risk. We need all the gunners we can get." Bellamy responded.

Evelynn snatched the radio, "I'll take his place. Jasper, get in here."

She tossed the radio back to Clarke and pulled herself out of the hatch and ran over to Raven's side where she left her rifle.

Clarke handed it to her, "You're crazy."

Evelynn smiled and looped the rifle strap over her head, "I know."

She backed away from Raven and Clarke and sped up into a jog as she pushed away the flap in front of the ship.

She ran deeper into the camp and passed Jasper. He gave her a nervous smile and they high-fived as they ran past each other.

Then she crawled into the foxhole with Harper and readied herself to fight.