Rage.

chapter forty-one , So, This Is What It's Like to Be Blindsided?

a/n : *CONTENT WARNING* mentions of suicide! Please skip if you're uncomfortable!

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Bobby pulls open the door and Emery walks in.

"Emerson—"

"This is your fault!" Emery points at him.

"I'm sorry?—"

"You. Using Amaya against me, so I could agree with not bringing Buck back. How could you do that to me?!" Emery touches her forehead. "Y-You..." she inhales a breath and looks away from him, not speaking her mind.

Bobby watches as Emery fights every urge not to yell at him.

"Say what you have to say, Emerson." Bobby urges. "No consequenc—"

"You're a dick." Emery snaps. "Who the hell do you think you are using my sister against me? It feels like just yesterday I felt her hand slip from mine and you just throw her name in my face like that? For your own personal gain?"

"And you got what you wanted, but what about me?!" Emery cries. "Because I wanted him and now..." she inhales a breath and her eyes begin to get teary. "He hates me."

"Buck doesn't hate you," Bobby says.

Emery scoffs, "You didn't see him, Bobby." She snaps her eyes over to him. "He...he looked so betrayed. I did that to him."

"We both did—"

"No, you don't get it." Emery presses the palms of her hands against her brow bones. "Those subpoenas are because he found out that I didn't vote to have him back at the station."

Emery hadn't talked to Buck in almost a month. She had been calling and texting. Emery didn't know what else to do. So, she asked Maddie for advice and all she said was, "Give him time."

Emery understood that, so that's what she was going to do. But after the subpoenas, she needed someone to talk to, more so someone to yell at.

And that someone was Bobby.

But now, standing here and shouting at him; Emery realized how embarrassing she was being. She was not going to be that girl. Oh, god, was she that girl?

Emery felt like curling into herself. But before she could let out the biggest sound of disgust, a ping went off on her phone. She grabs her phone and looks at the text.

Christopher had another nightmare. He was asking for you.

Emery's eyes soften and it's like all her negative emotions toward herself and Bobby had slipped away from her. Now, all she was worried about was getting to Eddie's house. She looks at Bobby, "I've got to go. Sorry, I even bothered—"

"Emerson..." Bobby stands in front of her, which causes Emery to stop and let out a sigh. He had a heavy look of guilt in his chest and it made the air harder to breathe for him. "I am so sorry about what I did, Emerson," Bobby says. "I was so focused on Buck that I wasn't thinking about how what I said would affect you personally."

Emery keeps her eyes on Bobby's for a moment. She didn't react negatively or positively. She just softly hums and gives him a curt nod. "I'll see you at work, Bobby."

...

"Thanks for this, Em."

Emery looks at Eddie and gives him a small smile. "I'd do anything for Christopher, you know that." She lightly nudges his arm. "Is he in his room?"

"Yeah, you can go in." Eddie returns the small smile.

Emery walks down the hall and stops when she gets to Christopher's door. She lightly knocks on the door. "Hey, Chris? It's Emery."

"Come in."

Emery opens the door and peeks her head in. "Hey, bud." She walks into the room. "I heard you wanted to see me?"

"I had a nightmare." Christopher's eyes were teary.

Emery could feel her own heart breaking. A sad smile formed on her lips, "Yeah, that's understandable." She walks over to him. "You wanna tell me what it was about?" She sits on the edge of his bed.

Christopher stays silent and Emery lets out a small breath from her nose. "Well, I have nightmares."

Christopher looks at her, "Really?"

Emery raises her brows, "Oh, yeah. All the time."

"What about?"

Emery presses her lips together and hums. "Well...the tsunami." She sighs. "My sister and Helena."

She bites the inside of her cheek. "Last night I had a nightmare about Amaya...not being able to save her again."

"Do you have that nightmare all the time?" Christopher asks.

Emery slightly opens her mouth, "I used to. But it recently started up again after..." she trails off her words. She forces her own guilt away and looks back at Christopher. "After my mom left."

Emery touches the top of Christopher's head. "You don't have to tell me what you had a nightmare about. It took me a long time to talk about anything with anyone." she gives him a small smile. "So, you take all the time you need. I will be here and so will your father."

"What about Buck?"

Emery's smile lessens. Ever since they received their subpoenas, no one has been able to talk to Buck. It was hard, of course it was. But there was nothing they could do. The rules are the rules. And no one could talk to Buck with this case being ongoing.

"Buck's just figuring some stuff out. But, he'll be back soon..." Emery lets out a breath. Please come back soon.

"Okay." Emery holds her arms out. "Get over here, you."

Christopher giggles and wraps his arms around Emery. She touches the back of his head, hugging him back. "I love you, kid."

After an hour of the two of them talking, Christopher had finally fallen asleep. Emery closed his door behind her when she left. She lifted her head up and saw Eddie standing there with his arms folded and his back against the wall. Emery lets out a small breath, "So, I'm guessing you heard all that?"

Eddie gives her a small smile, "Wanna talk?"

Emery lets out a small breath, "Depends, do you have beer?"

Eddie laughs softly, he pushes himself off the wall and steps toward her. "Is that even a question?" he walks towards the kitchen. Emery bites the inside of her cheek and smiles, following Eddie into the kitchen.

For a moment, the two stood in the kitchen in silence. Emery sipped her beer and let out a breath through her nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't get Christopher to talk about his nightmares."

Eddie shakes his head, "Nah, I think what he needed was to just see that you were doing okay."

Emery quirks a brow, "Well, I'm sorry I told him about my nightmares."

"Emery, you were honest with Christopher. That's all he wants." Eddie chuckles. He takes a sip of his beer. Emery sighs and looks to the side, her eyes sadder than usual. Eddie tilts his head, "So, you started having nightmares again? You told Christopher it was after your mom left, but we both know that's a lie. So..." he bunches his shoulders. "...what's going on?"

Emery inhales a breath, "I think...I messed up." she admits. "Bad."

Eddie pulls his brows together. Emery sighs, she tilts her head back and takes a minute to drink the rest of her beer. "Okay, when I tell you this...you've gotta stay calm."

Eddie presses his lips together, "I'm calm, Em. Just say what you have to say." he sips his beer.

Emery sucks in another breath, "Evan and I have been sleeping together."

Eddie spits his beer out, Emery takes a step back and wrinkles her nose. "Well, I mean...we were sleeping together." she corrects herself. "We stopped at some point and then a month ago, we had like a whole night where we just...went at it--"

"Emerson, my brain is like going a million miles a second right now." Eddie chokes out, still hitting his chest. Emery purses her lips, "Uh, right. I'm sorry. Take your time."

It took Eddie pacing back and forth for half an hour before he was ready for the whole story.

"Oh, wow..."

Emery nods her head and sets her third beer down. "Yeah."

Eddie looks at the wall, "Wow--"

"I. Know."

"You and Buck. Buck and You...together. And you two almost went on a date." Eddie shakes his head. "So, that means you two...like each other." he scratches the side of his neck. "Or liked?"

Emery looks at the ceiling. "I don't know--I mean, I like Evan."

"And you call him Evan." Eddie exhales a breath. "You're in it deep."

"I am. I am." Emery lets out a whine and sinks deeper into the couch. "I mean, it's got me excited," she admits. "But at the same time, I feel like shit for what I did."

"Emerson, you and Bobby are our captains." Eddie bunches his shoulders. "If Buck wants to get back on this team, he's gonna have to respect the chain of command."

Emery still wasn't convinced.

"Also, it's not surprising that you and Bobby made that kind of decision," Eddie admits. "Even if Buck is ready to come back."

Emery pulls her brows together. "What do you mean?" she turns and looks at the side of his face.

"Well, you and Bobby have...trauma." Eddie takes a sip of his beer. "And you just didn't want to risk losing anyone else you cared about. I get it." he nods his head. "Honestly...I would've made that same decision."

Eddie looks at Emery and notices her teary eyes. A panic starts in his chest. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry--uh, please don't cry." he sits up and turns to her. Emery wipes her eyes. "No, it's not that...I just really have a lot of shit to still work out."

Eddie softly chuckles, "Yeah, I hear ya."

Emery tilts her head, "You doing okay>"

Eddie sips his beer, "I mean, yeah. I'm good." he shifts in his seat. "Just...a little stunned by you and Buck. I always thought it was going to be you and Fletcher."

Emery rolls her eyes, "You're trying to change the subject..." she trails off her sentence and turns to him. "Hold on, what?"

"Yeah, I mean, the way he's always so smitten with you and you're so...patient with him." Eddie shrugs. Emery covers her mouth and laughs. Eddie then chuckles, "What?"

"Nothing! Nothing, it's just..." she then covers her eyes. "I always thought that it was going to be you and Fletcher--"

"Stop lying." Eddie laughs harder. Emery shakes her head, "No, no. I'm serious. You and Tom have this chemistry thing and I thought it was going to be something. But nothing ever happened, so I kept my mouth shut."

Eddie pulls his brows together, and he softly hums. Emery scrunches her nose and giggles. "I've got to get home." she stands up. "And you've got some thinking to do."

"Are you good to go home?"

Emery taps her nose, "All good, Eddie. And it's not like I'm driving or anything." she leans against the couch and gives Eddie a small smile. "Thanks for letting me talk to you."

Eddie shrugs, "What are friends for?"

Emery snorts, "Oh, and the whole Buck and I situation--"

"I won't tell a soul." Eddie crosses his heart.

Emery presses her lips together. "I appreciate you." she high-fives him.

"Yeah, I guess that means I appreciate you or whatever." Eddie high-fives her back. Emery squints her eyes, "So, are we best friends now that you and Buck aren't talking?"

Eddie returns her expression, "Are you trying to steal me from your boyfriend, Emerson?"

Emery's mouth hangs, "He's not my boyfriend, Diaz." she seethes. Eddie tilts his head, "But you want him to be." he teases

"I'm...going home." Emery laughs. She steps away from the couch and points at Eddie while giving him a warning look. Eddie sends her a two-finger salute as she walks out of the apartment.

☆

"Apart from a blowout bar, this is the dumbest thing people in L.A. pay money for," Hen says.

Emery shakes her head, "Nah, I think this is amazing." She lets out a breath. "I mean when people don't want to go to therapy or talk to anyone. Why not do this?" She motions around the building.

"I agree with Em," Chimney speaks.

The group of firefighters walk over to the brunette. Emery raises her brows, "Well, look who flew the coup."

Wren smiles, "I know. Rookie Marshall is out the window, just Officer Marshall now."

Emery smiles at Wren's excitement. "And what about you?" Wren points at Emery. "I don't see Captain Nash today. You handling this call on your own?"

Emery presses her lips together. "Yeah, he had some paperwork to finish up."

"And lemme guess...you already finished your paperwork?" Wren raises her brows.

Emery smiles, "Why yes, I did."

The officer gasps, "Oh, right! Your victim's in there."

They enter the rage room, but it's empty. Emery blinks, "Uh, where?"

Wren raises a brow and snorts. She points at the can, "There. Your victim climbed into the barrel after her best friend started chasing her with a sledgehammer."

"I thought the point was to smash things, not each other." Eddie pulls his brows together.

Wren winces, "Yeah, uh, let me introduce you to..." she points at the woman handcuffed. "The wife and..." she points at the barrel. "The mistress."

"Adulterous slut!" The wife bites.

Emery slightly opens her mouth, "Damn..." she looks at the wife, who had tears burning in her eyes.

"Does the adulterous slut have a name?" Chimney asks.

"Homewrecker," Emery suggests with a frown on her lips.

"Emerson." Everyone in the room turns to her.

"Yes, that's her name!" The wife agrees.

Emery hums, "Sorry. Sore subject." She looks at Wren. "What's her name?"

"Denise," Wren answers. "She can't hear you very well in there. Her ears are ringing."

Emery lets out a breath and walks over to the barrel with the team. "Denise, are you hurt?"

"What?"

"Ah, looks like she's sledge-hammered in there pretty good, Cap." Eddie looks at Emery.

Emery hums, "Okay, uh, Lena, Eddie, saws and jaws."

"On it, Cap." Bosko and Eddie make their way to the fire engine.

"Denise, we're gonna cut you out of there," Emery speaks louder than usual, hoping for Denise to hear her.

"What?"

Once they cut Denise out, they helped her onto her feet. Denise looks over at her 'best friend'. Wren reluctantly speaks, "Ma'am, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you—"

"Wait, excuse me," Denise speaks. "Please, don't arrest her. This is all my fault."

"You could say that again." Emery places her hands on her waist. "Does anyone have any popcorn?"

Eddie wags his finger at Emery, "Down girl."

Emery rolls her eyes playfully and looks at the ground. Wren chuckles, "Look, Denise. If you want to be a better friend, you've got to bail her out."

"I'd rather rot in jail than have her do another thing for me!" She lunges toward Denise. The officers pull her back. "I should've never trusted you! Consider this the end of our friendship! I hate you!"

Emery swallows the lump in her throat. Why does every call have to relate to my life somehow?

"So much anger in the world these days." Chimney sighs. "I can see why this place is all the rage."

Emery couldn't stop the snort from leaving her lips. She shakes her head and laughs.

"See what I did there?" Chimney smugly walks away.

"Oh, I see it." Hen huffs.

Emery walks bedside Wren and sighs. Wren wraps her arms around Emery's waist. The girl grunts, but she softly chuckles. "What's this for?"

"It just looked like you needed it," Wren speaks softly. She separates from the hug. Emery presses her lips into a small smile. "I'm okay, Wren. Thank you, though."

Wren keeps her eyes on Emery's. Emery playfully rolls her eyes and smiles. She looks back at Wren. "Evan just needs space. And I'm giving that to him."

"Yeah, but tomorrow you're going to see him." Wren tilts her head. "And you know cases like these can end ugly."

Emery sucks in a breath. She gnaws on her lower lip and exhales through her nose. Emery has had a pit in her stomach since Buck left her house that night. And getting served that subpoena only made it worse. Buck couldn't even hand it to her face-to-face. She had really hurt him.

Emery just wished she knew what was in store for her tomorrow morning.

☆

Elijah watches as Emery fixes her tie on her uniform. He tilts his head, "How do you know how to do that so well?"

Emery hums, she turns to her dad and pulls her brows together. "Do what?"

"Tie a tie."

Emery softly smiles and she shrugs. "YouTube." She looks back in the mirror and examines her work. "Perfect." She turns to him. "So, do I look like I'm about to get absolutely demolished in court?"

Elijah slumps his shoulders. "Emerson, that's not going to happen."

Emery quirks a brow, "From what everyone is saying...I should expect the worst." Her stomach begins to turn. How the hell was she supposed to expect the worst with Buck? All she saw was good. Emery swallows nervously and taps her finger against her waist four times. She looks down at her finger and raises her brows. She hasn't done that in so long...

Emery looks back in the mirror. "Is it crooked?" she asks breathlessly. Elijah's eyes soften, "It's perfect, sweetheart."

Emery inhales a breath and holds it. "Okay, okay. You're right." she looks back at him. "Maybe, I should check it two more times? Yeah, I'll just--"

"Emerson."

Emery lets out a sharp breath and forces herself not to look back in the mirror. "Okay, sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, kiddo." Elijah softly smiles. Emery relaxes from her dad's warm smile. "Thanks, Dad." she rubs her hands against the slacks of her uniform.

Her phone begins to ring, she grabs it from her pocket and looks at the alarm. "Okay, I've gotta get going."

Emery slips her phone into her back pocket and grabs her bag, "I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?" She walks over to her dad and wraps her arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you too. Give ''em hell."

"No, I will not." Emery chuckles. "I will keep my mouth shut unless it's to answer a question."

And avoid eye contact with Buck as much as possible.

She then inhales a breath. "Calm and reasonable Emery is here today and she will not be giving anyone hell."

Emery smiles, "I've got this, Dad."

...

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Emery had stolen many glances from Buck, but he never even bothered looking at her. It made her want to sink into her chair with guilt. She shifts her eyes onto whatever her attorney is writing down. She pulls her brows together, no one has even spoken yet. What could they possibly be writing?

"This is not a trial,"

Emery blinks and looks back at the Arbitrator.

"and I am not a judge. This arbitration will address Mr. Buckley's claim against the Los Angeles Fire Department for wrongful termination."

"There will just be a few questions that Attorney Mackey will be asking you. And I am just here to make sure nothing goes too far."

Emery raises a hand and adjusts her tie. Shit, I should've looked at it again.

"Can you please state your name and position and which firehouse you belong to?" Mackey asks.

Emery blinks, she lowers her hand and sets it back on the table. "Uh, Emerson Bailey Sharpe. Firefighter and Co-Captain of Station 118."

"Have you had any serious injuries while working at Station 118, Captain Sharpe?" Mackey inquires.

Emery tilts her head to the ceiling, "Well, I've had a broken wrist a couple of months ago, I've dislocated my shoulder, and about 2 concussions in my career." she lists off. "That's it."

"And how long was it until you were able to come back after those physical injuries?"

"The broken wrist and one of the concussions happened at the same time, so I'd say around 2 months."

Mackey pulls his brows together, "2 months for a broken wrist and a concussion. That doesn't sound right."

"Well, I had been announced as Captain during that time, so I had new responsibilities," Emery states.

Mackey looks through his manila folder, "Well, it seems like right here it's stated that, during the time of your broken wrist and concussion; you lost your sister in that awful tsunami."

Emery inhales a breath, "Yeah, that's correct." she gives him a small nod.

"Well, you didn't have time to heal your physical traumas. Did you have time to heal your mental ones?"

"No, actually." Emery admits. "I didn't."

"Is that why you're currently seeing a therapist as well?" Mackey inquires. Emery quirks a brow, "Partially, yes."

"Partially? Could you clarify?" The attorney innocently tilts his head. Emery then squints her eyes telling him 'don't push it'. Mackey's jaw goes slack with fear and he looks down at his paper. Emery looked at Buck, his eyes were already on her, but he had quickly looked away. She looks back at the lawyer. "I have personal things going on with my dad that would be easier to talk to, I guess. With a therapist."

"Oh, right. Of course, my condolences."

Emery's jaw clenches.

"He's not dead." Emery and Buck both snap.

Emery looks at Buck and he looks at her.

"Miss Sharpe, may I ask...how long was it until you were able to come back after your wife committed suicide?"

Emery looks at Buck's lawyer. "I don't know..." she taps her finger against the table four times. "...a month, I guess. That time was a blur."

"A blur..." He hums and nods his head. "Of course, that's understandable."

"Was it also a blur when you decided against not reinstating, Evan Buckley?"

Emery raises her brows, "Uh, no. I made a judgment call."

Buck looks to the side and a small breath leaves his lips. It sounded like a scoff, which caused Emery to look at Buck with her brows pulled together.

"Miss. Sharpe, did you have a sexual relationship with your colleague, Evan Buckley?"

Emery's chest tightens. She wasn't surprised that Buck had told his attorney about them hooking up. Nonetheless, she still felt her face become hot with embarrassment.

"What's the relevance?" Emery's attorney asks.

"I'm just wanting to know where her heads at." Mackey quirks a playful brow. Emery shifts her eyes to Buck and this time, he doesn't look away. He didn't have an ounce of emotion across his face. Did he even care?

"Miss Sharpe, could you answer the question, please?"

Emery blinks and looks back at the lawyer. "Uh, yes. I did..."

"And as a fire captain." He sucks in a sharp breath. Emery furrows her brows, "Wait, what are you implying?"

Mackey holds hand up, "He was your subordinate—"

"You think that I...used my rank to get him to sleep with me?"

"Did you?"

Buck snaps his eyes over at his lawyer.

"No. I didn't." Emery's voice was firm and she felt her chest begin to tighten with rage. "How fucking dare—"

"Miss Sharpe, please refrain from profanities." The arbitrator speaks.

Emery taps her fingers against the table and looks at Buck. "Are you seriously going to let this happen?"

Buck moves his head to one side, almost like he was saying he was powerless. Emery raises her brows and a small breath of disbelief escapes her lips and she leans back in her seat. She looks at Buck's lawyer, "I wasn't a captain when it started--"

"No, but you were a month ago, correct? When did the two of you last have sex, again?" Mackey taps his pen against his lower lip.

Emery rolls her lips into her mouth, thinking about her next words. Don't threaten him. Don't curse him out. Just. Answer. The Question.

"A month ago."

"Okay, thank you for answering. I know that must've been so difficult for you."

"You're a real piece of work--"

"Miss Sharpe, please."

At this point, Emery had her fists balled and they were sitting in her lap.

"Another inquiry I have for you..." he looks across the file.

"Ah. Here it is...Is it true that you lied on your form about you being Bipolar?"

Emery's back straightened and she could hear her heart drop deep into her stomach. It's like everything went quiet. She could hardly think. Emery then looks at Buck and she sees the look of betrayal across his face. Emery didn't care about the secret of them sleeping together. She didn't care if everyone knew. But this...this was something that could not only get her fired, but it could get her in actual court this time. Even put behind bars. And for what? All because of a job she barely thought about anymore?

Emery finally manages to speak again, "Wh-What?—"

"Did you change your medical records, leaving out the mention of your Bipolar disorder?"

"Th-That's not—"

"It's a yes or no question, Miss. Sharpe." Mackey sighs, he then nudges Buck with a soft chuckle. Emery squints her eyes and looks between the two men. Buck's eyes shift to the table and her jaw clenches.

"Yes, that's true." She keeps her eyes on Buck's.

"How can we really be confident in your judgment calls if these are the calls that you're making?" Mackey shrugs. "I mean, I would hate to say this--"

"Then don't." Emery snaps, her voice shaking.

"--But if your dear wife were here now--"

"That's enough," Buck speaks.

"I don't need you to defend me." Emery snaps, her eyes glassy. "If my wife were here now, I wouldn't be in this mess. Because I would be a mother and I would've had a family."

Silence fills the conference room. Buck watches as Emery tries her best to compose herself. In all honesty, Buck couldn't stop thinking about the last night they had spent together and what he said. The way he could see the panic and tears rise in her eyes. He had done that to her. And now, he could see the small hope she had left for him leave her body.

And in these last few moments, Emery hadn't even acknowledged Buck. She just kept her eyes on the lawyer before speaking.

"You know...when Helena found out I lied on my form about being Bipolar; she said she was going to go to the Chief about it." Her throat begins to tighten as the memory runs through her head. "And you know what I said to my wife?" Tears blur her vision.

"This is my everything—my dream and you're taking it from me."

"She said, "Maybe this marriage was a mistake"

"Then I looked into my wife's eyes, who was bearing our child that day, "My mistake...was ever thinking I could trust you"."

Emery shakes her head. "My wife, Helena was my dream, she was my world. And I..." she trails off her words, her voice beginning to shake. Buck's eyes grow teary.

"I finally understand why she did what she did." Emery looks at Buck. "I'm not going to apologize for wanting you to be safe. I know it wasn't my decision, but I made it and I cannot take it back."

"But I will not apologize for caring about you."

Emery's eyes begin to blur with tears. "I had already lost Helena and that was on me. I wasn't going to let someone else who could've very well been my dream, die and there was something I could've done."

Buck's mouth was slightly open as he watched Emery pour her heart out to him. All the words she wanted to tell him a month ago, before everything fell apart came spewing out of her. And she couldn't stop it.

"Okay, I think we're done." Emery's attorney stands up and gently grabs Emery's arm. Emery stands up and follows her attorney to the door.

"Just one more question Miss Sharpe."

"Just leave her alone, please," Buck whispers, wiping at his own eyes.

"Are you currently taking your meds now?"

Buck looks over at Emery and she looks to the side. He watches as her jaw clenches and he pulls her brows together. Was she really not going to answer?

"I'm done." Emery looks at her attorney and leaves the room.

Buck's attorney lets out a triumphant laugh. "You have nothing to worry about Buckley, you're going to get your job back soon."

But at that moment, Buck didn't care about the career he tried so hard to fight for. Right now, he cared about the girl who had just left. The girl who was the girl of his dreams. He let her go. No, he drove her away.

Worry then fills his body. If Emery were taking her meds, she would've had no problem answering that question. Buck quickly stands up and leaves the room, leaving his lawyer in the dust. As soon as he saw Emery stalking towards the elevator to catch up with everyone, he couldn't help himself. The case was over, he could talk to her.

"Emerson, wait."

Emery keeps walking, her breathing heavy. Why was it so fucking hot in here? She undoes her tie and tears blur her vision. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

I can't trust anyone.

"Emery--" Buck grabs her wrist. Emery turns back to him and his heart drops from her teary eyes and the distraught look across her face. She didn't say anything because her eyes said everything that Buck needed to know.

How could you?

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

Emery shakes her head, turns away from Buck, and steps into the elevator with the team. Buck's entire body felt cold as the elevator doors closed and he saw the tear slip from Emery's eye.

☆

"So...that bad, huh?"

Emery and Wren had met at a bar. She had caught her up on what happened at the trial. But, she didn't tell her everything that the lawyer said about Helena. Wren would've tracked Mackey and Buck down. As much as Emery would've paid to see that, one of these girls needed to have a clean record in their career.

Emery looks at Wren. The brunette winces, "Jeez, I hate to say I told you so."

"No, you don't." Emery sinks into her chair and sips her martini.

"You're right, I don't. But in this context, I hate to say it." Wren then zips her lips. "So, I won't."

"Thanks."

Wren sighs, "So...does this mean Friday nights with Maddie are off?"

Emery hums, "Depends. Did she talk to him?"

"Uh-huh."

"And what did she say?" Emery asks.

"She called him a desperate idiot," Wren says. "That just wants his job back."

Emery wrinkles her nose, "I don't know...I think she's playing the field and I don't like it."

"Well, she knows how bad you can hold a grudge." Wren tilts her head to the side. "And you're her best friend. But..." she holds a pointer up. "Buck is her brother, so it makes sense she's supporting the both of you."

"I can't believe I even told him that shit," Emery whines. "Like, it wasn't even like a drunk rant. I told him everything because I trusted him." she sits up.

Wren watches as Emery wraps her hand around her martini glass. "Please don't break it. I don't want to pay for it...again."

"Sorry." Emery uncurls her fingers from the glass. She hears a small fit of laughter come from the brunette. "What's so funny?"

"Well, it's just...I never thought I'd see you get this so worked up over a guy." Wren winces. "It's funny, but...painful."

"I hate men." Emery seethes. "I'm not even saying that just to say that. I'm genuinely feeling a rage towards everyone right now."

Wren pulls her brows together. "Well, there's a difference between having rage towards men and rage towards everyone. So, please specify." she scoots her chair away from Emery.

Emery lets out a breath, "Right now...it's both." she downs the rest of her martini. "It's not a murderous rage."

Wren lets out a breath of relief, "Oh, thank god. Because that would've been bad."

Emery doesn't even laugh, she just motions the bartender to get her another martini.

...

Eddie had no idea who else to call. He wasn't able to talk call Buck while the case got finalized. And calling anyone at the 118 would be a nightmare. But, he had no one else. So, he called the only person who would bail him out. And be understanding about it.

At least he thought she was going to be understanding.

Emery stalks out of the police station with Eddie trailing behind her. "Hey, so, I just wanted to say thanks for bailing me—"

"Next time call someone else."

Eddie nods his head, "I know you're disappointed—"

"I'm not disappointed, Eddie." Emery turns to him. "I'm pissed. I mean, what the hell are you doing getting yourself locked up? In a parking where your kid was a few feet away?" She scoffs and shakes her head. "Talk about good parenting, huh?"

Eddie pulls his brows together from the sudden change in Emery's attitude since the other night. Well, he couldn't exactly be surprised since his attitude had taken a 180 as well.

"How would you know anything about parenting? You don't have a kid."

Emery stops in her tracks and her chest tightens. "No, I don't. But I would've had a kid." she walks back over to him. "And as someone who was preparing to have one, I know that I punching handicapped people--"

"He had a bad knee." Eddie rolls his eyes.

Emery pulls her brows together. "You seriously don't get it, do you?" she then scoffs.

"I get that you're hurting, believe me—I know. But you're a dad, Eddie. You can't be...beating the shit out of people because you're angry." Emery then scoffs. "What would Christopher have thought if he saw you like that--"

"Listen to me when I say this. Christopher, is not your kid, Emerson." Eddie seethes. Emery raises her brows, "Yeah, well. Guess what, Eddie? You had to get me to tuck your kid in at night because he wouldn't even talk to you." she then frowns. "So, it seems like you need all the help you can get."

A bitter chuckle leaves his lips. "Not from you, Emerson. That was my first mistake."

Emery's upper lip curls, "You know what? Like I said before, call someone else." she then scoffs. "I'm done with everyone's bullshit."

"You mean Buck's bullshit,"

Emery arches a brow, folds her arms, her anger rising. "And since you can't talk to him right now or even go another round with him, you're taking that anger out on me."

Emery clenches her jaw. She looks across Eddie's face and shakes her head with disappointment.

"Yeah, well...I don't need Buck when I have you. Because you and him are exactly alike. Using the personal things I shared and trusted you with against me." Emery walks away from Eddie and speaks once again.

"Fuck you, Diaz."

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author's note.

This season is going to be a lot 😭

words : 5942