Everybody Loves a Clown.

CHAPTER TWO , FEARS & AWKWARD TENSIONS

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Sydney felt out of place.

Seeing John's body burn on the pyre made her uncomfortable. Sure, she knew John personally. But she felt like she was intruding. Everything happened so fast after John was declared dead. Sydney could feel the resentment Dean had for her. He didn't want her there with them. Sydney would've found a way to leave but the brothers had to get John's body from the morgue without any eyes on them.

Sydney figured she could help them one more time before leaving. Then that 'one more time' became her helping them find a spot to burn John's body. Then find wood for John's pyre. Now she was so deep in this heart-wrenching day, it felt too awkward to leave.

"Before he...before he..." Sam's voice gets caught in his throat. "did he say anything to you? About anything?"

Dean keeps his eyes on the fire before he spoke. "No. Nothing."

Sydney pulls her brows together and shifts her gaze to Dean. She saw John whisper something to Dean and just from his reaction it really fucked him up. Why didn't he tell the truth? Maybe it was about Sam. Even so, Sydney keeps her mouth closed and turns her gaze back to the John's burning body.

After a couple of hours out in the woods, the three walked back to the open road in silence.

"So, what's next for you now?" Sam asks. "Heading back home?"

Sydney lifts her gaze, meeting Sam's. She bites the inside of her cheek.

"Try to stay together this time."

The brunette pulls her mind from the memory and forces a small smile onto her lips. "I was actually thinking I could stick around for a little while." Her jaw then goes slack and she slightly lifts her hand. "If that's okay?"

Sam's eyes soften and he reciprocates her gentle smile. "That's more than okay, Syd."

Sydney presses her lips together. Dean softly huffs and shakes his head. Sydney turns her head to him and her gut turns from Dean's reaction. It made her feel far more guilty about the choices she's made in the past. Sydney couldn't even bring herself to apologize. After everything these boys have been through this past year, how could she even begin to apologize?

She just really hopes this was the right choice.

One week later.

Sydney was sitting in the Bobby's house with her eyes on her bowl of cereal. She slowly spins her spoon in the bowl almost mesmerized by the floating colorful marshmallows.

"You do know that you eat what's in the bowl, right?"

Sydney blinks and lifts her eyes to Sam. The brunette softly chuckles. Sam sits across from her at the table. "How you doing, Syd?"

Sydney sets her spoon down with a soft huff. "Well, I was able to sleep last night." She then shrugs a shoulder. "That's always a good thing." her brown eyes settle on Sam's face that was still healing from the car crash. "How've you been doing?"

Sam raises his brows, "Not great." He admits. "I'm just trying to keep myself busy if I'm being completely honest."

Sydney gives him a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I get it." She nods her head. "Do you need anything? I could make you a sandwich or bake you a cake?"

Sam pulls his brows together and he couldn't stop the amused smile from forming on his lips. "A cake? Why is that an option?"

Sydney blinks. She then chuckles, "Everybody loves cake, Sammy."

Sam hangs his head low and lets out a soft laugh. Sydney smiles and goes back to eating her cereal. "Is..." she slows her chewing. "Is Dean still working on the car?"

"Yeah. He hasn't stopped." Sam's eyes sadden. "Have you talked to him yet?"

Sydney's body tenses, she forces out a nervous chuckle. "Nope. Not since the hospital."

Sam watches Sydney begin to move the milk in her bowl around once again. "Are you going to?"

Sydney sucks in a breath, "Sam. Dean hates me, all right? So, I'm just trying to give him his space."

"He doesn't hate you." Sam says. "If anything...he still likes you."

Sydney raises her brows and softly hums. "Right, sure." She picks up her bowl and drinks the milk from it.

"Have you talked to Bobby yet?" Sam asks. "I know he wanted a reason why you've been M.I.A."

After drinking the milk, she stands up and heads over to the kitchen sink to wash the bowl. "Nope." Sydney sighs. "Another awkward conversation I'm gonna have to have with someone I..." she trails off and her chest tightens. She turns and leans her back against the sink with her arms folded. "...c-care about."

Sam raises his brows and chuckles. "Nice save."

She presses her lips together. Her eyes shift to the phone on the table.

"That yours?"

Sam looks down at the phone. "Uh, no. It's one of my dad's."

Sydney frowns, "Yeah? Anything on it?"

"I don't know. I can't get it open." Sam grabs the phone and looks back down at it.

Sydney bites the inside of her cheek. She dries her hands on the towel and walks over to Sam. "I know I'm a bit rusty. But...I could take a crack at it." She bunches her shoulders with a sheepish smile on her face. Sam looks at the brunette and raises his brows, "Yeah, go ahead." He hands the phone to her.

Sydney grabs the phone and looks down at it. Sam keeps his eyes on Sydney and he lets out a small breath through his nose. Even though he hasn't seen Sydney in 6 years, she's still so quick to help them."Thanks for being here, Syd."

Sydney lifts her head and gives Sam a small smile. "I'm sorry, I wasn't here sooner."

...

Sydney and Sam had worked on cracking the phone open together. There was a voicemail they found on the phone which Sam immediately wanted to tell Dean about. Sydney encouraged him to do so. While Sam encouraged Sydney to come with him.

She was hesitant on it. Very hesitant. But nonetheless she followed him out to the junkyard where Dean was working on the impala. Rock music was blaring from the stereo and Dean was under the car with his boot lightly tapping against the sand. It caused a small smile to crack onto Sydney's lips.

"How's the car coming along?" Sam calls out.

"Slow."

Sam nods, "Yeah? You need any help?"

Dean softly grunts, "What—you under a hood? I'll pass."

"Need anything else, then?"

Dean slides out from under the car and sits up. His eyes shift to Sydney and his jaw clenches. Dean could see the guilt and shame in her eyes every time he showed an ounce of animosity towards her. But Dean could hardly feel bad about his anger. He's been angry like this all week and no amount of shame-filled looks were going to make it go away.

"You still here?"

Sydney slightly opens her mouth. "Yeah, I just wanted to stick around to...be of help in anyway I can."

"Well, how nice of you." Dean's tone was sharp. It caused Sydney's skin to crawl. Sam softly sighs, "Dean, come on, man."

Sydney shifts her eyes to the ground, not putting up much of a fight. She then looks at Sam with a small smile. "It's fine. I'll give you guys a few minutes." She glances at Dean, who quickly looks away from her with a clenched jaw.

Sydney let out a small breath through her nose and walks the trail up to Bobby's house.

Sam softly scoffs and looks back at Dean. "Dude—"

"Don't 'dude' me." Dean lets out a dry chuckle. "You shouldn't have said she could come."

"Why not? Sydney just wants to help."

Dean stands up and wipes his hands with the towel. "No, Sam. She just wants forgiveness for herself." He holds his arms out. "She doesn't care about us."

"How can you say tha—"

"If Sydney cared about us, she would've showed up when I first told her about Dad going missing. She would've helped us when I called her about Jess!" Dean shouts.

Sam closes his mouth. Dean drops his hands to his side and lets out a heavy breath. "Look, man, I get it. Sydney showed up at the hospital when I was in that coma. That's nice and all, but...you can't be clouded by that. She's only here for herself."

Sam presses his lips together. "Well, I think you're wrong." He shakes his head. "Sure she wasn't there for us then. But, you can't blame her for that. You broke her heart."

"And she broke mine!" Dean's voice trembles. He quickly looks away from Sam and places his hands in his hair. "This is fucking ridiculous—I'm not discussing her anymore, all right? Why'd you come out here in the first place?"

Sam keeps his eyes on his brother's back. Dean always had a knack for shutting people out. Especially when Sydney came up in the conversation.

"It's one of dad's old phones." Sam pulls the phone out of his pocket. "It took us a while, but Syd and I cracked his voicemail code. Listen to this." He holds the phone out to him.

Dean stares at the phone and grabs it. He places the phone against his ear and listens to the voicemail.

"That message is four months old." Sam states.

"Dad saved that chick's message for four months?" Dean asks.

Sam nods his head.

"Well, who's Ellen?" Dean questions. "Any mention of her in dad's journal?"

"No, but J ran a trace on the number and got an address." Sam says.

Dean nods his head, "Ask Bobby if we can use one of his cars."

Sam looks to the side. "Look, Sydney's coming with."

Dean opens his mouth to object, but Sam speaks first. "She told me that she knows Ellen personally. So, she's coming."

Dean doesn't even bother with his argument anymore. It was obvious Sam was standing on this decision. "Fine—whatever." He tosses the oil ridden towel to the side. "Tell her to hurry."

☆

"This is humiliating."

A small upside down smile forms on her lips. Dean pulls the keys out of the ignition and he pushes open the minivan's door. "I fell like a friggin' soccer mom."

Sam follows suit. "It's the only car Bobby had running."

Sydney steps out of the mini van and pats the dust off her denim bell bottoms. She watches for a moment as the brothers examine the building and call out for anybody.

"Hey, did you bring the uh—"

"Of course." Sam tosses him the lock pick. Sydney's mouth opens and her back straightens. "Oh." She looks at Sam, but he had already walked to the back of the building. The brunette softly curses and cautiously but quickly walks over to Dean.

"I...I don't think a lock pick is necessary." Sydney softly speaks next do him.

Dean stops working on the lock. "The lock is locked,"

Sydney presses her lips together at his wording.

"so I think this is necessary, don't you?"

Sydney swallows the nervous lump in her throat. "Dean, what I meant was—"

Click.

Dean pushes the door open and Sydney's shoulders sags. He steps into the building and Sydney follows with a small exhale through her mouth. She didn't know how long she was going to be on the road with them. But she did know that it was going to be a long couple weeks.

"Is he alive?"

Sydney looks at Sam and Dean, who was looking at the man on the pool table. The brunette pulls her brows together and a small smile forms on her lips. "Yeah, he is very much alive. Just nursing his daily hangover."

Sam's and Dean turn to the girl. "You know him?"

Sydney nods her head. "Yeah, and that's definitely Not Ellen." She glances at the brothers.

Sam glances to the side and his eyes land on the door to another room. He walks into the next room to observe it. Sydney walks around the pool table, her eyes still on her old friend's body that was curled up onto the table.

"Oh, God, please let that be a rifle."

Sydney frowns at Dean's words.

"No, I'm just real happy to see you."

Sydney pulls her brows together and turns to see the familiar blonde aiming a rifle into Dean's back.

"Don't move."

"Not moving—copy that." Dean says.

Sydney slightly opens her mouth. "Dea—"

"You know you should know something, miss." Dean speaks, Sydney's voice going unheard. "When you put a rifle on someone, you don't want to put it right against their back, cause it makes it real easy to do..." Dean makes a sharp spin towards the girl and grabs the rifle from her hand. He uncocks the weapon. "...that."

"Guys—"

The blonde punches Dean in the face and Sydney's hand slaps over her mouth. The girl grabs the gun and aims it back at Dean as he staggers and clutches his nose. "Sam! I need some help in here."

Dean mumbles words about not being able to see as Sam is marched out of the room with his hands behind his head and a woman holding a revolver to the back of it. Sydney then pinches the bridge of her nose and her face grows hot. This was going to be so awkward for her to break up.

"Sorry, Dean. I can't right now." Sam motions his head to the woman. "I'm a little tired up."

Ellen shifts her gaze between the brothers. "Sam? Dean?"

"Winchester?"

The brothers wait a moment to speak. "Yeah."

Ellen then huffs. "Son of a bitch."

"Mom, you know these guys?" Jo questions.

Ellen nods, "Yeah. I think these are John Winchester's boys."

"Yeah? They...they definitely are John's kids."

Suddenly Ellen and Jo snap their heads over to the quiet girl standing beside the pool table. She was anxiously scratching the side of her neck with her eyes to the side. Her face was beet red and her face was scrunched as if she had said something wrong.

Jo raises her brows and a wide smile forms on her lips. "Sydney?!" She sets the rifle down and sprints over to the brunette. Before Sydney could have any time to react, Jo crushes her in a tight embrace. Sydney softly grunts and she stumbles back. The brunette's hands were pinned down to her side from Jo's hug, but she managed to slightly lift a small hand and pat Jo's forearm.

"God, it's been too fucking—"

"Jo..." Ellen warns her daughter.

Jo hangs her head low and huffs. "It's been too long, Syd." She corrects herself. Jo pulls away from the hug to look across Sydney's face. The brunette has always had many scars from her past hunts and even fights from school. But some of these scars were new. And Jo remembered specifically hearing about Sydney disappearing from the hunting world.

So, why have a scar across her right upper lip? Sydney gently takes Jo's hands when the brunette noticed her worry. "It's okay..."  she softly speaks, making sure no one else would be able hear her.

Jo clears her throat, forcing herself to pull her thoughts away from that. "How's Laura?"

Sydney then smirks. "She's great, last I heard, finishing up school." She then tilts her head. "When's the last time you talked to your girlfriend?"

Jo's face grows hot. "Th-that's—she's not my..." she trails off when Sydney starts wiggling her brows. "Well, when's the last time you talked to your little sister?"

Sydney tenses, "Well, time is relative, so in other words—"

"Shut up." Jo lightly shoves Sydney's shoulder.

"Kiddo?"

Sydney turns to Ellen and her face drops. "Hey, Ell—"

Ellen grabs Sydney's wrist and pulls her into a tight embrace. Jo's hug had nothing on Ellen's. Despite having the air squeezed out of her, Sydney could feel Ellen's body tremble. "You scared the ever-livin' hell out of me."

Sydney felt her guilt sink lower into her stomach and she presses her face into the crook of Ellen's neck. "I'm sorry."

Sam looks over at Dean, hoping he also was witnessing the emotional reunion. But the the eldest Winchester was bent over with his hand still covering his nose. "Am I bleeding—I think I'm bleeding." He lifts his nose so Sam can look inside.

Sam grimaces and he mushes his brother's face away . "No, but you do have boogers, dude. Get a tissue."

☆

"You called our dad, said you could help—help with what?"

Sam, Dean, and Sydney were seated at a table while Ellen and Jo were leaning against the bar counter. Dean was currently nursing his bruised nose with a towel wrapped icepack that Ellen had given him.

"Well, the demon, of course,"

Dean quickly glances at Sam, who has the same look of shock across his face.

"I heard he was closing in on it."

Dean softly huffs when he looks back at Ellen. "Was there an article in the Demon Hunter's Quarterly that I missed? I mean, who are you—how do you know about all this?"

Ellen immediately holds her hands up. "Hey, I just run a saloon, but Hunters have been known to pass through now and again, including your dad a long time ago."

"John was like family once."

"Oh, yeah?" Dean presses the icepack against his nose. "How come he's never mentioned you before?"

Sydney can see a hint of sadness wash over her eyes. "You'd have to ask him that."

The brunette shifts and looks down at her boots.

"So, why exactly do we need your help?" There's a snarkiness in Dean's tone that causes Sydney to swallow.

"Hey, don't do me any favors." Ellen scoffs. "Look, if you don't want my help, fine. Don't let the door smack your ass on the way out. But John wouldn't have sent you if..." she trails off words and her face drops. "He didn't send you."

Sam and Dean's energies grow small. Ellen looks at Sydney and she bites the inside of her cheek.

"He's all right, isn't he?" Ellen's tone was softer than before.

"No. No, he isn't." Sam answers. "It was the demon, we think. It just got him before he got it, I guess."

"I'm so sorry." Ellen then shifts her eyes to Dean.

"It's okay." Dean easily replies. "We're all right."

"Really, I know how close you and your dad—"

"Really, lady, I'm fine."

Sydney sucks in a sharp breath when a silence settles around the five. Jo squints her eyes at Dean. She then shifts her eyes to Sydney. The brunette was seated by Sam but her eyes had been glancing toward Dean every so often. Sydney was worried about him. Jo would've assumed it was just because John had just died. But then she saw Dean glance behind him towards Sam and his eyes had shifted towards Sydney.

Their eyes caught each other's. Even though Jo could only see the back of Dean's head she saw his body language tense. Then she saw Sydney bite the inside of her cheek once again and tug her earlobe.

Jo raises her brows and her mouth slightly opens. "Is he the guy?" She points at Dean.

Sydney's entire world slowed down and her heart drops into her stomach. "Oh god..."

Dean pulls his brows together from Jo's pointing. "Guy? What guy?"

Sydney covers her forehead and looks at the floor. "I think I'm gonna pass out."

Ellen lightly nudges Jo, telling her to shut up. Jo grunts and she huffs. "I was just wondering...he seems like the kind of asshole to break someone's heart."

"Joanna Beth—"

"All right, all right!" Jo throws her hands up. The blonde looks at Sydney and mouths the words "I'm sorry"

Dean then turns to Sydney and she was not making a move to make eye contact.

Sam opens his mouth, hoping to pull everyone's attention away from the awkward situation. "So, look, if you can help...we could use all the help we can get."

Ellen looks at Sam and lets out a small breath. "Well, we can't. But Ash will."

"Who's Ash?"

"Ash!"

Suddenly the man from earlier quickly jolts up from the pool table. Sam and Dean turn to the man. "What? Closing time?"

Sam blinks, "That's Ash?"

Jo nods her head, "He's a genius." She then clicks her tongue and points at Sydney. "Beat Laura and Sydney in trivia—"

"Okay, hold on." Sydney quickly objects. "He cheated!"

Jo cocks her head to the side. "Did he cheat or did you just cheat which got Laura disqualified by association?"

Sydney opens her mouth and she looks to the side, thinking. She remembers the events vaguely. Sydney was always competitive and when she was competitive she would drink. Sydney pretty wasted that night. Maybe she did cheat. She wouldn't put it past herself. Sydney then closes her mouth and sinks into her seat which causes Jo to smile triumphantly.

...

"You got be kidding me. This guy's no genius." Dean softly huffs. "He's a Lynard Skynard roadie."

Ash softly chuckles, "I like you."

"Thanks."

Sydney swipes her tongue across her lower lip. "Ash is good."

Despite Sydney speaking in such a soft spoken tone, it still made Dean tense. Dean kept his eyes on the file, not bothering to look at the brunette. Maybe if he didn't look at her, he would keep calm.

"Trust me."

From those words being spoken, Dean couldn't stop himself. He scoffs and snaps his eyes over to Sydney. There was a soft smile on her lips. But it quickly fell as soon as Dean's fiery eyes burned into her soft ones. "Trust you." He echoes. A bitter fit of laughter comes from his mouth that causes each person at the bar counter to tense. "And why would I do that?"

Sydney could feel herself shrink. She regretted even opening her mouth. Actually scratch that—she regretted ever joining the brothers on the road in the first place. Sydney pulls her eyes away from Dean and looks at her glass of water. "Right. I'm sorry."

"Yo, not cool, man..." Ash exhales sharply and shakes his head.

Jo keeps her eyes on Sydney. She then snaps her eyes over to Dean and her jaw tightens. "Just give him a chance." She snaps.

Dean looks at Jo, both of them challenging one another with their eyes. Jo hasn't seen Sydney in years. But the brunette was still someone she saw as her big sister. Sydney was there for Jo when she wanted to start hunting, despite her mother's orders against it. Sydney knew Ellen would be pissed at her for helping Jo step into the hunting world, but she figured it would be safer for the blonde to learn from her than on her own with no experience. Jo wasn't going to allow anyone to treat Sydney like shit. Especially, not after what Laura had told her.

Dean rolls his eyes and opens the large file that had clippings and notes stuffed into it. "Well, this stuff's about a year's worth of our dad's work." He then gives Ash a snarky smile. "So, let's see what you make of it."

Ash opens the file and sorts through it. He then clicks his tongue, "Come on. This crap ain't real. Ain't nobody can track a demon like this."

Dean raises his brows and he quickly looks at Sam, who had the same look of shock.

"Our dad could."

"These are nonparametric statistical overviews, cross-spectrum correlations. I mean..." Ash lets out a breath of awe. "Damn."

"They're signs, omens." Ash states. "If you can track them, you can track this demon—you know, like crop failures, electrical storms."

"You ever been struck by lightning?" Ash asks with a shudder. "It ain't fun."

Sydney pulls her brows together. "Ash, can you track it?"

Ash refocuses and looks at the brunette. "Oh, come on, Syd!" He holds his hands up. "With this, of course I can. But it's gonna take time."

"Give me...51 hours."

Sydney smiles, "Take your time."

"Not too much time." Dean cuts in. "We're on a tight schedule."

Sam kicks Dean shin and the older Winchester grunts. "We're not on any kind of schedule. Like Sydney said, take your time."

Ash gives Sydney a wink, he gathers up the research, and walks to the back of the bar. Dean softly chuckles, "Hey, man!"

Ash whips his head back around.

"By the way, I dig the haircut."

Ash smirks, almost like Dean's compliment was obvious. "All business up front." He fluffs his mullet. "Party in the back."

Sam softly laughs, "That's the guy you lost to trivia to, huh?" He looks at the brunette.

Sydney looks at Sam and playfully rolls her eyes. "Do I have to remind you that he's a genius?" She holds her pointer up.

Dean abruptly stands up from his seat and walks away from the two. Sam's eyes follow Dean and he lets out a harsh breath from him making eyes at Jo. Sydney pulls her brows together at Sam's reaction, "What's wrong?"

Sam swallows, "Nothing, it's nothing." He looks back at his water. Sydney gnaws on her lower lip and furrows her brows. Sam side eyes Sydney as he sips his water. The brunette slowly turns her head and turns to see Dean and Jo talking. Sydney sucks in a small breath as Dean tucks his arms into themselves and flashes Jo that damn smile. Sydney turns back to her water and lets out a hum. Sam watches Sydney carefully—hoping to find any ounce of pain or anger flicker across her face. But, he saw nothing. Maybe her mannerisms have changed over these past years of being gone. He couldn't tell if there was something wrong, so he had to ask. "Are you...okay?"

Sydney looks at Sam and her eyes soften. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't have to be—"

"Sam." Sydney softly chuckles. "Dean and I..." her finger runs across the rim of her glass. "...whatever we had is over."

"Whatever you guys had? Syd—you guys were in love." Sam reminds her.

"Kids that were in love." Sydney adds. "It's over. We both moved on."

Sam lets out a breath of defeat as Sydney looks into her glass. The brunette lifts her gaze and her eyes fall on the pictures pinned to the wall. Then her brown eyes catch sight of a folder with red lettering across it. "Hey, Ellen?"

The woman turns to Sydney. "What is that?" She points.

Ellen follows Sydney finger, "It's a police scanner."

Sydney's jaw goes slack and her face heats up.

"We keep tabs on things—"

"Uh, I am so so sorry." Sydney bashfully chuckles. "I was actually talking about that folder next to it."

Ellen raises her brows. She grabs the folder and walks over to the two hunters. "I was gonna give this to a friend of mine, but take a look if you want." She sets it in front of the two.

Sydney softly thanks the woman as she walks away from them. The brunette looks at the picture paper-clipped to the folder and she laughs. "Sorry, Sammy." She looks at Sam, who nervously swallows at the clown picture.

"Murderous clowns." Sam frowns and nods his head. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He gulps his water down.

Sydney rolls her lips into her mouth, trying to keep herself from laughing. Sam notices and he playfully scoffs, "Oh, I'm glad you find this funny." He then nudges her arm. "Bug girl."

Sydney's skin crawls, "Listen to me, man." She points at him. "Bugs are unpredictable. There are so many different species."

Sam exhales, "You would've hated one of our cases last year."

Sydney's face drops. "What do you mean?"

Sam then laughs which makes Sydney's heart drop. "Bugs?"

"Oh, are you kidding? Tons!"

"Ew! Okay, that's enough—I'm done." Sydney rubs her arms. "Let's just...look at the file, please?"

Sam laughs and flips the folder open, "Yeah, okay. I'll give you a break."

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Author's note.

In my first draft of this Sydney's story she and Dean immediately were cool in this episode, but I think I'm gonna have them on the outs for a bit this time around...

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