Hey everyone! Welcome back! I'm Rylee but you can call me, Ryles, and I'm back with a new post for Autism Awareness. 😀💙 BTW Happy Autism Awareness month!

If you don't know already, but I have Aspergers or now because it's all under of umbrella Autism. I myself still prefer to use the term Aspergers or for short I refer to myself as an Aspie. 💙

With my Autism I find it super difficult to make new friends and socialize. I come off as very socially awkward and I can be clumsy at times. For example at camp I would always want to jump in and play soccer with the boys but I never end up doing it. I would just sit there and stare wishing I could join the game. But as of this year I'm trying to change that. I also try to socialize with friends of my friends, but I never really get that far… 😔

I also have restricted interests. Once I get into a fandom I usually become really obsessed with that fandom. And I would literally tell my friends all the facts I know about something. Like Barbie for example. I talked so much about Barbie and a realization that I had. Yea… My friend hung up on me on that one. 😂😂😂 Or Monster High. Ask any of my friends. I can just about name any character. At the moment I am currently obsessed with a boy band from South Korea known as BTS. 💜💜💜 I am not ashamed of any of that right there. Dedication to a fandom. 😂

I also have real bad anxiety. Like real bad… If you talk to one of my friends I bet they could give you a couple times I let my anxiety get the best of me. Like one time I freaked out over giving one of my old crushes a note... Which end horribly for me in case you're wondering. I also tend to freak when talking to new people.

For example anytime one of my friends try introducing me to their friends I would quietly sneak away when my friend are even not looking. It never fails… The first time my friend Elaina introduced me to her friend Austin I wouldn't even stand near him. She tried again a couple of weeks later and I quietly snuck off when she turned around. After this Elaina couldn't find me until second period… And that was more than an hour later. Austin now refers to me as the quiet girl.

(A little flashback)

Austin: “Elaina… Um.. Where did the ‘quiet girl’ go?”

Elaina: “Really Ryles..! Again?”

Austin: “Does she always run off like that?”

Elaina: “She's been doing it since the second grade…”

(Flashback ends :))

Yea… That normally how things go when one of my friends try to get me to socialize with their friends. I didn’t even realize how much I did this. I kinda feel bad. I need to  just let my friends drag me and make me socialize. I also do not feel comfortable being left with people. Of course big groups make me nervous, but small groups do too for many reasons. Especially if I’m in a room with one other person I don’t know at all. I start freaking out. Not that long ago we had a test and I was stuck in a room with mostly guys and a few girls. Each time I needed to leave the room I would drag a friend. If my friend had to leave I would right behind her. But on that day I was extra nervous and freaked out. My mind was on something else. But I will get into that in a later post.

I also tend to get super nervous when it comes to school. At the beginning of the year my chemistry teacher wanted me to research a word, remember its definition, write what it means on the board, and give an example in front of the whole entire class. I was freaking out n the inside. You probably couldn’t tell but I was. I also freak out each time I have a new project or presentation  which involves standing in front of people and telling them all about what you learned while doing your project. No thank you… I prefer to be seated down, where not all eyes are right on me. Focusing on my every move, watching me, might notice if I make a mistake… Yea…

But on the bright side I am trying to better myself. I’m trying to get better at socializing and learning social skills. Which is going pretty good for me. I’m talking more than I was when I first meet my Sunday school teacher. In fact this past Sunday I had a conversation with everyone in my Sunday school class and everyone agreed that I have come out of my shell some since I meet my teacher. Which is a good sign for me! Yay!!! I also joined the choir at my school. Which has helped a lot since I joined. My choir teacher makes choir fun and he is super nice and positive. I also learned that I love to sing. I gotten to the point where I can actually sing in front of others now. I’m also currently thinking about joining clubs at my school to help me as well. One club I am thinking about is the drama club. I would like to try that out.

But that’s not all why I came this far. God helped me in many ways. And I meet a lot of new people. My family and friends helped me out a lot. They helped me get to this point in my life. I also found the Strong Girls Club. Thanks to everyone on this account I have felt much better about myself. If I need something to relate to I know I can just open up one of the books and read the positive messages left on this account. For sure I came a long way. And I’m glad for that. Hopefully I will continue to improve and do better. And I sure won’t let anything hold me back. I will continue to work at my goals everyday and make my mark on the world. And you guys too no matter what challenges you face. You can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. Keep working at your goals and become the person you want to be. I hope you guys enjoyed my post. Until next time! Rylee signing out! Peace! ☮️ midnightdeadroses