1 Year Before

It's cold, snowing, but I like it. It's new, and fresh in this dry and lonely city, shaken by the busy traffic and lives.

My first time In New York. A solo ticket so I can escape from that madness. So I can focus for the first time on myself.

It's different from my hometown, people here are distant, mere serious faces in a grey crowd. Colder than the snowflakes that fall above my face, melting slowly, as a memento so I can take it home with me.

I don't know why I stopped. Maybe it was destiny, I believe it to be. How life made me stop in front of that shop, and enchant myself with the many books displayed on the windows, making me approach them.

But it was there, through the windy air, the white snow, and the warmness of Mooney's that I saw it.

You.

You have the brightest of the smiles, the charmest of  the laughs, as you walk around holding a couple of books in those veiny, big hands of yours. Something made you happy today.

Okay,  let's see...

Your hair seems like pure cotton, fluffy brown strands that fall in front of your chocolate sweet eyes, while you're dressed in black, with an apron covering your chest.

New York is indeed different. You are different.

I must admit, few captivated me like this. All I observe now is you, lovely stranger, a bit tall, with dilligent eyes observing the shelves and working from time to time.

You are not those classy, fancy guys, you are real, and you stick to it, I can see it by the way you dress simply, casually, but not effortlessly.

You must work here for a long time, you don't even look at the signs to know where you should go. No, you've got it memorized, also, something tells me by the way you stare at those shelves, that you have a hidden passion about all of this. All these books and the hidden silence within them.

You are discrete, try not to bring attention, but is attentive to each movement around you, when a client asks for something, you reply straight to the point. Has incredible social skills, but obvioulsy don't want to usem. A functional extrovert, a natural introvert.

I could enter and try to say hi, but what would be your reaction? Probably indicate me a best seller, if you are that type of salesman, wich you don't appear to be. No...you seem to be more intriguing, to wonder for something deeper into knowledge, that has an unique essence to it...Paula Fox.

I could say hi. But I'd rather read you better, my new book.

Once I entered this store, I realized that it was way warmer than outside, not just by the weather, but by your presence.

No one noticed me, I just entered with my head down, sneaking through the shelves making my way towards you. For an attentive guy, you barely heard me approaching you, well, my sneakers are pretty silent, so I'll give you a break.

And what is written on your badge? Your name must be unique as well. Not something weird, but something that suits you. Maybe a short name, a name that sounds like a whisper out of someone's lips. It would be a delight to pronounce your name, Mr. Mysterious.

Someone calls you back to the cashier, you seem so busy, but yet in a lighten up mood. I wonder what caused it, or if you are indeed a happy person.

Well, no one can be happy all the time.

And that smile, for my misfortune, seems to be caused by an irritating lovebug.

I mean, from what I see, you have no ring on your finger, but that does not exclude the options of your compromise to someone else.

From the way I see, your eyes reflect a true happiness, so sublime, so soft, that I wish you could look at me with it, maybe you could spread, contagiate me with this joy as a virus, Mr.Mysterious. I've been needing it lately.

Who is the lucky person to win your heart? Someone intellectual I suppose, or as charming as you. I'd hate to admit, but whoever you have chosen must make a great pair with you.

What type of man are you? You're strong but not so much, enough to press someone against wall, but also seems to be soft, you're gentle while turning those yellow book pages with the tip of your fingers. Maybe you're the perfect balance between both, strong as whiskey, sweet as honey.

I've never been greedy or spoiled. But you, at this moment, you're ruining my life by not being mine.

-Oh, I'm so sorry-A voice came from behind her, a body had bumped into hers by an accident. Erica turned around.

That's her.

Of course it's her. With these beautiful short blonde strands, and those eyes... almost as a doll's ones. She seems straight out of a magazine, a tipical white north american girl with a polite smile and pink gloss on her lips.

I'm not saying that you both don't match, but I feel a different atmosphere in the air.

She is the type who has a soft smile in front of people then later at home fills herself with a bottle of gin. She likes attention, her bracelets jangle, her clothes are not vulgar, but to be noticed, and...is she not wearing a bra? Well, I'm not judging, they are actually very annoying.

-It's no problem at all..-Erica responded.

Beck just smiled and nodded, leaving later. Erica pretended to be busy looking at the shelves, but could listen a bit of the conversation the blonde had on the phone

-Yeah, yeah, I'll be there soon. Are you alone? Yeah, I'm just leaving the bookshop...no, he doesn't know....okay, see you.

She appears to be busy with something, not the books, not the pretty boyfriend. No, but her posture, her rigid shoulders, the fast way she talks and acts...she is anxious, maybe nervous to do something. And, according to that phone call, meet someone.

Is that your girl, Mr.Mysterious?

She checked her phone for at least three times on the last minute while you're by her side, her lack of happiness while you try to cheer her is honestly frustrating to watch. From the way I see you dedicate yourself to her, she must have some issues, I bet on either father's or mother's. Maybe both, like me.

Want some advice? That girl is a walking red flag. But aren't we all in some way?

-Hey Joe, I'm going to my appointment now, okay?-The blonde told him.

So, your name is Joe. I like it. Suits you well.

-The therapist again?-Joe asked, his smile turned weaker.

-Come on, you know it's important to me. -She insisted- Dr.Nick is a great professional and he's been helping me a lot.

And now she is appealing to your emotional side. She really wants to go.

Joe sighed, but still showed support.

-Okay, see you tonight, then?

-I'll try to show up.-She kissed his cheek.-Bye!

-Bye.

Oh wow, she dumped you. I wasn't expecting that. Actually, I've never seen someone so anxious to see their therapist since my crazy aunt Brenda.

Well, two options:

1- She's either using the therapist as an excuse to meet someone else, so there's no appointment at all. Or...2- she's fucking her therapist. Well, the last one would be a bit more scandalous, so I wouldn't bet much on it.

Whatever she's doing, should be considered a crime for leaving you here. Your smile vanished with her words, turning into a straight, thin line across your lips, walking with not much enthusiasm through those aisles.

Now, you're in front of me. Well, not quite, since you have your back turned to me, and a shelf separate us. But still.

Joe. God...Joe. I really like your name, it's one of those names that would be a delight to scream during sex.

Is she really worth it? 

Looking from here I can see your nape and the back of your head. Your curly hair strands are simply adorable. You're a perfect mix between cute and spicy.

It's such a shame to see you getting wasted by a girl like that.

He turned around, but Erica turned faster, her back against the shelf, as he organized some books. She caught her breath from the surprise.

As much as I'd like to stay, I unfortunetly need to go.

She passed through the entrance, now in the cold sidewalk. Looked again at the window.

But that doesn't mean I want you any less.

...

I expected to be visiting the Times Square or the Empire State Building at this point on my trip, or do whatever the hell tourists usually do, but instead, I'm on my bed, eating a bag of cheetos and stalking your girlfriend with yellow finger tips.

Guinevere Beck.

I wonder if you're her Arthur and her affair is Lancelot.

On her socials she seems to have a perfect life, excepts on...wow, her friend died. At her profile, she shares some pics with her. Peach's profile has a last publication that she was mysteriously found dead, and, with  a quick search online, the police identified the death as suicide.

Wow, that's a lot.

What else?

King Arthur, you barely show up at your queen's posts, and you don't have socials either, it's quite frustrating. How am I gonna know more?

I guess we have to do it in the old fashioned way.

...

And she didn't show up to your date. That's sad. You're standing alone, in front of her house (which is actually very weird, who has a house all made of glass?) Maybe you're magically waiting for her to appear. What a shame.

I've been watching you these days, discovered your apartment, there's some drama happening between your neighbours at the building, including a kid, poor little boy...Also, there's something you keep in a basement. I paid some people to go to your book shop and report it to me from time to time what you're doing, after all I wouldn't commit the risk of being recognized by your friend on the cashier by appearing there every day.

And the more I discover about you, the more I'm invested. I'm serious Joe, you're better than any novela (soap opera), or any book I've ever read.

You are the type of guy who would dedicate yourself to someone, I can see it by the look in your eyes.

But that girl...she is annoying me. Really is.

She is careless, unlike you. She doesn't compromise yourself, doesn't trust enough to keep a relationship with you.

But my travel is almost ending. I'll soon have to get back to my country, and you...No, I can't just leave you like this.

But maybe with a little push of mine... maybe I can free you.

After all, it wasn't hard to discover. Any girl who'd go to that therapist would discover that he's a creep, a thristy man looking for a good time. And he has a family! What a jerk.

I scheduled an appointment with Dr.Nick, just once so I could be sure of my suspections.

Must of the time he seemed attentive, very attentive to my cleveage, and most of the times comfortable, very comfortable to even touch my thigh while I laid on the sofa.

If I allowed, he'd do whatever he wished at that moment. But he wouldn't be stupid enough to harrass a girl with a phone and bitter tongue, willing to scream as loud as I could so anyone on that street could hear.

He also didn't know about the knife inside my purse, but it would help as well.

Anyway Joe, I could see both of them meeting, at his office. And trust me, I was so disappointed. I definetly did not think about that hypothesis, now I can only magine your face when you discover it...how sad.

But I must not interfere, after all, you wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway, you don't even know me, and I understand you for doing it. Which is why you need a little push, let you see it by yourself. I'll just open your eyes.

-So, you said you had difficult sleeping?-Doctor Nick asked her.

-Yes. I keep having these flashbacks, they're horrible, I...-She started to blink multiple times.- It never goes away....I don't know what to do...-A tear rolled her cheek.-Sorry...

-It's alright Miss Evans,  it's good that you are letting it all out.

-God...this is so embarrassing...-She tries to clean up her tears.- Do you have any tissues?-She asked with puppy eyes.

He glances at the desk where lied his documents, laptop, and phone. The box of tissues was empty.

-Oh, we ran out of them, I can call my assistant, just a second.-He typed on the interphone, but no one replied.-Weird...she's not picking up. Give me a second please.

-Sure

As he left, she got up from the sofa, and took the phone on her hands, he had those pattern where you need to draw on the screen the password. Not a problem, since his screen was so dirty that you could pratically see the movement of his fingers to unlock it.

I got you.

With wife and kids I'd susperct you to be more careful with your history calls, but you aren't. They are all full of one name, "Beck".

You both are two pieces of shit, aren't you?

Erica took a picture of the screen with her phone and put the Doctor's again back in its' place.

She had managed to distract the assistant before by telling her a lie that someone called her, seemed urgent, like her sister to be in an ambulance. Erica didn't like to do that type of thing, but when she heard the assistant speaking with her sister talking about health problems at a call, it seemed like the perfect excuse to use it.

-Someone said she went to the hospital, I hope she's alriht, since she doesn't pick up.-Dr.Nick came back with a box full of tissues.-So, where were we?

-Actually...-Erica muttered, while grabbing some tissues from the box- I have an appointment now, a friend of mine invited me to her wedding...Sorry Doctor...

-It's completely fine.-He nodded.-It is good for you to spend time with the people you love, it heals.

-Do you do that, Doctor?

He looked at her confused.

-Do you spend time with the people you love?

-You mean my family?

-Yeah...is that your family?-She pointed at the portrait of his wife and his kid at the desk.

-Of course.-He lied.- They are...everything to me. It's an obvious answer.

-Right, silly me.-She faked a smile disgusted.-So, see you next time, I guess?

-Yes, have a good wedding, Miss Evans.  Maybe invite your husband to go with you, might be a good experienve for you to heal in your relationship.-He suggested.

-You're right.-She smiled, but inside she despised the doctor.-I'll make sure to tell Chris about it, thank you, now excuse me.

...

-Miss, please, can you lend me your phone??

Beck was surprised on the street by a woman with dark hair, she was gorgeous, but seemed to be running away from someone.

-What happened?-She asked.

-It's my boyfriend...-She tried to catch her breath.-He's after me, trying to kill me.

-Oh my God, we need to call the police.-She grabbed her phone.

-No, no, please...no cops-She shaked her head.- He's going to kill my sister if I do that. I need to warn her to leave the town.

-But it's dangerous, what about you?

-I have a friend who's going to help me, I'm just going to her house. But I need to call my sister, he took my phone and I just need to tell her!

Beck looked at the girl, she didn't suspect a thing, she seemed so helpless, so desperate. She just helped her right away.

-Here.-She lent her the phone.

-Oh! Thank you so much

-No problem, I'll stand there and give you some privacy.-Beck said pointing to the wall across the street.

-You are so kind, thank you miss, may you be blessed!

Beck unlocked the phone and let the girl call her aunt. The blonde crossed the street, and once she turned her back, the girl slided her fingers throug the screen.

She's way more naive than it seems. Piece of cake, and I'm not even a convincing actress.

And voilà, I've got your number.

Erica pretended to talk on the phone, grabbed a pen on her purse and wrote the number on her hands. Beck looked at her from afar hoping everything would work out, while Erica still pretended.

After some minutes she "ended the call", Beck came over and she gave her phone back, without even a sign of what she did.

-Thank you so much.-Erica spoke.

-Do you really wish not to call the cops? I can help you go to a police department, there's one just a few blovks away.

-You already did a lot, miss. Now I need to take care of this on my own, my sister is safe and I already have the directions on where to find my friend, I just wrote it on my hand. Thank you once again.

-No problem, be careful.

-Thanks, you too.-Once Erica walked away, her polite smile simply vanished from her face.

...

New chip, new message.

Unknown: Is this your gf?
Unknown: Looks like her therapy is going really well

The message sent to Joe Goldberg was simple, just a main text, a pick of Dr.Nick's phone calls, all of them registered as Beck.

She hoped that would be enough to pull a trigger at his conscience.

The answer didn't take long

Joe: Who are you?

She never answered.

...

Your ending was tragic. It seemed like you two broke up, and a short while, Beck died, police confirmed that the murderer was Doctor Nick. I don't know if he would murder her, he didn't seem like the type. But what I'm glad about is that you, Joe, you are finally free. This is priceless.

But I must take my flight. Luckily, I have a book to read on the way, the writter was murdered by her therapist, and it details all her tragic history, it was also published after her death, it's already a best seller on Mooney's. How insteresting isn't it?

And while I see those white clouds in the sky, while I see the present pass by through my eyes, I keep thinking that my future is you.

My story is you.

You are the book I've searched fot all my life, the romance I've always wrote but never experienced.

And I would be a fool to simply let you go.

Just wait a bit more, dear Joe.

Your true match is on her way.

And I promise you, once you meet me...

...your life will never be the same.