i've been thinking of ending things.

i got burnt out from even the simplest tasks.

my lame, so-called "talents" don't even match up to the others'.

i wish that every suffering up to this point was just a play, and i'm the actor who is just performing my best on stage. and when it's time, i can leave and go about my day. but that's not how life works.

if i told you i might destroy everything and everyone i love one day, would you still stay with me? please, just don't leave me and my ruins here.

i can feel the urge to give up on hope running through my entire body. my soul is ready to fly down hell, with no one to come with me. i mean, what truly matters about my existence?

in my dreams, i can just scream "fuck it! i don't care" and continue to enjoy life. then i wake up.

sorry for being a selfish, horrible human being. sorry for being overly sensitive. sorry for failing at every aspects of life. sorry for this unnecessary ranting chapter.

and still, nothing happened. i'm still here after all.

at least, i can say that i tried.