Too much
Way too much
Overdose overdose overdose

I'm laying here, staring at the ceiling, something inside me is flaring over my lungs and heart. I'm figuring my position one way to another, fixing my placement every few seconds. The air around me grew thinner and harder to breathe. 
' What time is it?' 
I look over at my, My friends, phone and it was about 2:33 am. I had been up for hours just staring at the ceiling letting everything build up until I threw all of my anger, fear, and pain out to the world I had lived in. 
I'm so tired but I can't give my body a break to even think about sleeping. 
" Jamie is sick and it's all my fault. All of it is my fault. He's in the hospital because of me. My precious baby is in the hospital because I am putting too much pressure on him. I'm breaking him down and killing him- and it's all my fault. " I whisper to myself, just quiet enough for Erica to only roll over, pulling her hood over her head. 
My heart was practically vibrating with emotion. I took a brisk step over my bed and threw my arms out, shattering the water filled vase next to me. Breathing heavily into my oxygen mask, I held my hand against it for a split second then tore it off my face, snapping the tube, and chunking it to the ground. I stopped for a split second to see Erica, she's still asleep.. odd.
" Erica is asleep, cute. " I chuckle and stiffly walk over and pick her up, pushing her hair out of her face. I giggle, I swear she's my kid. I adjust her arm from pushing into my stomach to over my shoulder. I carry her out into the lobby, two stories down. Whatever is making me feel like I could break is getting worse, I can feel tears fall down my expressionless face. I quickly drop her in a chair and cover her mouth before she could make a sound.
" ssshhhh, shhh, sh, it's okay Tiny. It's okay. " I soften my voice like a mother would to calm her child, " It's okay Tiny, go to bed. I'm going to talk to Jamie, if he's awake. Okay Honey Bun?" Erica took the tone as a weakness.
" Yo, dude whats your deal? You good?" Her voice is still groggy from barely being awake, not conscious enough to move her body.  I nod in response,
" Yeah, babe I'm okay. I got something in my eye. Go to bed kid." She groaned in response and rolled her body to allow herself to sprawl out on the chair.
" I hope your eye feels better." I couldn't entirely understand what she was saying but I kissed her cheek  and whispered a simple, " goodnight", Before I got up storming off to the stairs. More tears pouring down my face, I couldn't see a thing, so I felt my way up the stairs. My legs felt numb- a painful numb ; I start to stumble as I fall on my door, propping my elbows to the flimsy made opening. My left arm slips and I fall back hitting the ground. 

That's it. That was it. 

I get up, off my knees and shove my the door back, slamming to a close. I growl under my breathe picking up the desk next to my bed throwing it across the room, drawers hitting the floor to a stop, supplies scattering like deer running for their life. I begin to feel light headed stumbling around the room, running into the walls around me, falling once or twice. I run over the the window and hesitate and push at the wall, punching it until my knuckles bled from the impact. I let out a whale of anger through my tears and take a forceful jab at the window. Glass flying everywhere, cutting my face and arms. My hands a bloody mess, dripping more and more as I pace around the room.  I flip my bed and kick it, repeatedly, over and over and over until I couldn't feel my foot. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and head. I felt it all over my body. It angered me more then it should have as I ripped my bed apart, Pushing my foot to the edge of the bed and tearing the metal framing off, letting it fall from my hands. Most of the fragments of the metal stabbed through my hands, the larger pieces being scattered across the room, piercing the walls leaving holes and dents. I fall back onto the floor shoving the bed to the opposite corner of the room, almost blocking the door. I look up to see my blood falling from the walls, mostly accumulated under, and what was left, of the window.  I look down at my shaking hands and covered my face breathing more heavily than before, tears and blood mixing over my face and hair. 
I fall to the corner I had originally slept in, my whole body shaking. 
" This is my fault. This is all my fault, it's my fault. " I kept rambling under my trembling breathe, forehead on knees and hands over my mouth. 
" I'm sorry God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, please, please make Jamie better. Please, kill me to help him- I don't care. Save him. " I just cried until morning broke over the horizon. 
I haven't left this corner in a few hours.