Unedited.

Rufaidah slid down on the rug,  her heart beating so fast it feels like it's going to split into two.

"I was at the hospital daddy, Faridah is in coma" she finally replied her fuming father after regaining her balance.

"Who did you inform before going out?" He seethed,  glaring at her.

"No one" she mumbled. As if pricked by needle, she abruptly got up looking at her father dead in the eyes, with no trace of fear in them.

"It is not like anyone cares about my well being daddy, not you, not mommy,  not my so called brothers that aren't even here  and definitely not yaya Shams who's always making my life miserable.  You are hardly ever here daddy!  When you're around you just spoil me with money and gifts which aren't the things I want,  it's always 'whenever you need something baby talk to my secretary,  I'll credit your account with a little something so that you won't need anything'" she mimicked his voice,  tears blurring her vision.

If she's to be honest,  daddy's secretary is more like her real father than her biological father ever is. She has known him all her life as the one who see to her every need right from necessities up to school fees and cars she change every time she please.

"What do you want from me Rufaidah?  Haven't I provided enough for you?  How can you accuse me of being absent despite the fact that I've been toiling day and night to give you the best of everything?" He meekly asked.

"What about your presence huh? What about you asking about my day, about school,  about my friends,  you don't even know Faridah that much do you?  She is my best friend dad! We have been friends since childhood yet you didn't even care when I told you she's in coma, she is the one keeping me sane when this house,  this family,  this empty shell is driving me crazy".

"Have you ever for once sat me down and tell me about your family?  Have you ever taught me something about life,  about the deen or anything that will prepare me for the worst?  Don't you think that I know about everything that made this family fall apart?  The reason why my brothers left you guys, the reason why mommy is miserable? How can I even respect you after what you did, the hurtful things you said about me? Daddy tell me how?" She wailed,  flailing her arms exasperated.

"Calm down Rufaidah, we will talk tomorrow, I can't even comprehend most of the things you are saying. Good night" with that he left the room, closing the door with a loud bang as her heart shattered into more pieces.

If it were a normal Muslim girl,  Rufaidah would've uttered some duas,  ask Allah to heal her,  to make things easy for her,  to mend her family but she doesn't know the importance of all those making it hard for her to seek help from One who control everything in her life.  She lay awake till dawn, thinking of her Besty,  thinking of how miserable she's going to be if God forbid she didn't wake up.

The next day,  she didn't leave her room neither holler at the maids to do her bidding. She ate the junk food she has in stock in her room the whole day. She called mama asking after Faridah and made some research about diseases that leads to medically induced coma since she has no idea what Faridah is suffering from.

At noon, she heard some faint noises coming from mommy's side of the house but she didn't even bother to peek. After all it might be Yaya Shams making a ruckus as he always do.

"Control freak" she scoffed.

"I don't think she knows, there is no way she will know" mommy's voice sounded frantic,  she was at Rufaidah's door.

"Let's go in and find out"daddy insisted.

"She isn't at home" countered mommy.  Tired of listening to their not so discreet voices Rufaidah opened the door for her parents but instead of letting them in,  she burst out " I know about my siblings that you aborted,  were they three? Six? Only Allah knows,  I know about your regrets of bringing me into this world and all the other dirty secrets you think you're hiding" that being said, she slammed the door at  her parent's opened mouthed , slacked jawed faces.

She cried herself to sleep only to be awaken by a fuming yaya Shams.  "What have you done this time? What mean thing have you told them to make them so sad?"

"Yaya Shams I can't talk right now,  can we please talk about this later?" She said, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Who do you think you are? Kina son shiga aljannah kuwa Rufaidah (do you want to enter paradise? ) they are your parents for petes sake, your jannah lies beneath their feet and yet you do nothing but disrespect them. Why?" He asked breathlessly,  reining his anger by a thin thread and she knows not to cross him any further and he's the only one she doesn't actually hate for something bad he did rather how he treats her.

She motioned for him to follow her outside the house which he did without putting up a fight. He suspects something fishy about her behaviour since he got back from school abroad two years back but they don't have the kind of relationship that will make him ask. He knows that she's broken,  how can she not be when they have the kind of parents that only pamper them with money thinking it's their own way of showing love.

They halted by the steps to the entrance of the house and she sat rubbing her eyes.

"Yaya Shams I know that we don't have a stereotypical brother/sister relationship and that's neither of our fault.  Something happened few years back when you were away from home" she started, wiping a stray tear.

She came back from school happy because they are going for a trip and she can't wait to spoil herself in Newyork. Knowing that mommy is in her room she ran up to meet her. She heard some faint noises so she stood by the door to listen in for a while before she barges in, in case mommy is having a meeting with one of those snobby rich women she mingle with.  But she ended up hearing what she was never meant to hear, what will change the perspective she has on her parents forever.

"He told her that she have to abort her pregnancy the same way she did the others, he can't bear to bring another spoilt brat into this world, we were never meant to be five, he only wanted two kids and we are all mistakes, something he will regret for the rest of his life" she sniffed, smiling at her brother's shocked face.

"And you know what she said? Our very own mother who is supposed to love us to bits, more than anyone else in this world. She said it is okay, she is also tried of bringing people like us into this world,  that we are the reason she is not enjoying her life as she planned and it will be the last time she's even letting herself get pregnant ever again"

"What I am trying to tell you dear brother is that our parents don't love us, they see us as a cosmic mistake to their existence and they are also heartless murderers" she didn't even wait to hear what he has to say or the expression on his face before dusting her dress and going back to her room.

"Don't be pathetic as I am big bro, get over it" she called out,  wondering why she told him something she never told a soul before. Maybe she's tired of him seeing her as a bad person,  maybe it's time for her parent's to get a taste of their own medicine or maybe she needs to let it all out to find closure.  She might get the much needed peace in her life and maybe she can even start writing again,  something she haven't done in years.

It was after that incident that she requested to be shipped abroad so that she will get off their faces and the hypocrisy they showed about actually giving a damn about her fueled her anger more. She would have run away from home if she can survive on her own but she knows that it's something impossible so she stayed back,  hating everything and everyone,  becoming selfish and heartless with no iota of respect for the people she is to love and respect most.

♡♡♡

She haven't seen her parents nor her brother since that day and she didn't care because she is too busy spending her day at the hospital with Mama or at her house which she seldom visit when Faridah was okay. She find it ironic how she's doing all the things she ought to have done a long time ago and she realised just how kind and selfless her best friend is, she seldom pray but she always say a prayer or two for Reedah's well being.

"Rufaidah can you please make lunch?  The maid is sick and I am exhausted.  Baba will be back any minute" mama smiled down at Rufaidah,  totally forgetting that she doesn't even know how to make her bed talk less of food.

Rufaidah looked at mama with wide eyes, she doesn't want to disappoint mama now that she wants to get into her good books and can't burn down the whole house to save her ego.

"Umm mama we have left over food at home, let me go and bring it" she stammered,  avoiding eye contact.

Mama smiled knowingly before nodding.  The moment she is out of earshot she called one of the maids to whip something up before she gets there.

Knowing how she asks for food that are hard to make at odd hours taught the maids a lesson, they always have something in stock in case her royal highness is in the mood to punish them for no fault of theirs and they were making dambu when she called so they packed it for her and made spaghetti with veggies.

Baba appreciated the dambu saying he haven't had it in ages.  That afternoon Rufaidah witnessed something she thought only happen in movies because Baba sat with them including Faridah's brothers and they discussed about their respective days,  his business and Faridah's health and how much they all love and miss her. She wished she can freeze that moment but knowing she can't made her record the conversation.  Around Maghrib yaya Shams came in along with Faridah's immediate elder brother who she didn't know have any kind of relationship with her brother.  They exchanged awkward looks and hi's before they left saying they are from the hospital.

"You can follow shams home dear, get some rest tomorrow,  I'll call you if something comes up" Mama said,  motioning for shams to wait for his sister.

"Alhamdulillah,  daman I am tired of being his driver" yaya Al'amin said with a dramatic sigh earning himself a glare from yaya shams.

He collected the keys from her without saying a single word which she finds unusual.  He didn't even comment about her mode of dressing though she's wearing one of the numerous abayas bought for her by Faridah.  He should at least compliment her modest outfit,  mock her even, but he's too quite.

"In shaa Allah we will start your islamic lessons tomorrow immediately after ishaa" he finally broke the ice, she had to look at him to make sure he's speaking to her not someone on phone.

"I don't need any Islamic lessons yaya, I am okay" she mumbled with a stubborn pout.

"This is not a request,  it is an order, defy me if you want and I will deal with you" he cooly replied, turning his attention back to the road.

He knocked at her door around 9pm "come in" she ordered, tucking away her diary under her pillow.

"Rufaidah" the way he called her name softly like she is a fragile piece of china made her resolve to be mean to him crumble.

"I know that I am too hard and harsh on you all the time and I am sorry,  I didn't know what you are going through,  I didn't fulfil my duties as a brother and I definitely don't have the right to judge you after knowing the kind of parents we have.  I am still in shock over what you told me and I understand how you must be feeling being in a house where you are not wanted,  a home where everyone lives life as if we are not related,  a place where money is all that matters.

I can't make it all go away but I can make you feel better.  Please let me help you,  the least I can do is to teach you the deen. I am sorry" he wiped a tear sadly smiling her.

Rufaidah kept mum for some seconds,  mulling over his words,  relishing the warmth of love zinging through her whole being.

"I am also sorry for being a mean devil to you all the time, for disrespecting you when you don't deserve to be disrespected and for not loving you like I should.  Please forgive me brother" she stretched her hands for a shake which he gladly accept with a megawatt smile.

"Be down in five,  I wanna treat you out on our first date" he said,  getting up from the couch and she nodded.  The moment he left,  she squealed and danced before waltzing to her closet to get some comfy clothes.

"Tell me everything about you,  from the most embarrassing things down to the things you are proud of" Yaya Shams asked,  as they wait for their order in a fancy middle class eatery that she has never been to.

" I don't even have a favorite color and I am not proud of anything" she sighed. Realizing how pathetic she sounds even to herself. She needs to live life before it's too late because life happens when you are busy making other plans.

Instead of making fun of her or saying a little white lie to make her feel better he said " Don't worry Rufy, we will change all that soon in shaa Allah"

He told her some of the childhood memories he has of her and how she was a spitfire even back then with sharp teeth that stings like hell. He told her about his adventures abroad and how passionate he is about his humanitarian organization that is at registration stage.

"Once everything is set, I am going to employ you in shaa Allah" he said with a wink.

"Why do you always say in shaa Allah? Isn't that so extreme?  As in only extremist do that?" She wondered out loud, making him laugh so hard it start to annoy her but she won't get mad at him, this is new amd and she loves every bit of it to spoil it over her inability to take a joke.

"It isn't my dear, nothing happens except that which Allah has willed and anything that there is no Allah's khair nor his will never turns out to be something good. Hence,  the in shaa Allah because I might die, something might go wrong, the registration may be turned down et cetra"  he explained and she nodded in understanding.

"Wow that's cool. Thanks bro" they high fived each other.  They lost track of time talking about everything and nothing and she can swear it's the best day of her life.

They met their parents in the living room fuming with anger.  " Don't worry I got you" he whisper before they entered. 

"Good evening Mommy, daddy. How was your day?" He greeted with fake enthusiasm.  Rufaidah found herself imitating him.

"Where are you coming from? " daddy asked .

"We went out" came yaya sham's reply.

"Okay you may go" he dismissed them. It was after 11pm and they get nothing but Okay you can go and here are their parents wanting  them to be ideal children who are not involved in anything untoward. 

"Be good to yourself,  for your sake not for them, good night sis" yaya shams said, patting her head gently.

"Good night B, I had a great time.  Thanks" she waved and made a turn to her room a part of her heart boiling in anger while the bigger part is swelled with love and happiness.

In shaa Allah I am going to be free from this negativity.

♥♥♥
I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, just bear with the late update until I get my bearings back.
Aisha Galadanci, hope I've fulfilled my promise.