All events happening here are non-canon

 " ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Erza: Merry... CHRISTMAS !!

All: Merry... CHRISTMAS !!!

Lucy: Merry... WHY ARE YOU ALL PARTYING AT MY PLACE ?!

Gray: C'mon, don't be a stick in the mud...

Natsu: Chilling at Lucy's house is always soothing.

Happy: Aye !

Gajeel: Hey, gimme that tea cup ! I'm hungry !

Levy: This... isn't even metal, you know...

Pantherlily: The metal's over there.

Juvia: It's a wonderfully quaint apartment, I must say...

Carla: pretty cramped if you ask me.

Wendy: Well, considering all of the people we packed in here...

"That really makes me wonder why we didn't organize the whole party thing in our house instead. I mean, there's way more space."

Mew: You really want to do the cleanup after they're all down partying and/Or fighting ?

"Yeah, good point."

Lucy: You guys are demons, and you're not even trying to hide it !!

Erza: Come on, just drink up and forget your worries ! This is the spirit of youth ! We're going all out tonight !

Lucy: Looking at that Santa outfit of yours, you're really in the holiday spirits, I see... Fine, I get it already ! Jeez !!

Gray/Natsu: that's it ! Chug, chug, chug !!

Mew: Ey, keep on drinkin' ! The night's young !!

"Someone bring out the turkey already, I'm starving !

Juvia: Gray-sama, you mustn't strip now !

Happy: Aye sir~ !

"What... What happened while we weren't looking... ?"

Gray: Aw crap ! It's happening again !!

Juvia: Winter is so painful... It's heartrending...

Erza: Bring me more booze, on the double !

Lucy: Levy-Chan, gimme a piggyback ride~ !

Levy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!

Wendy: It's spinning...

Carla: You're a donkey ! My donkey ! Get it ?!

Happy: Aye...

Mew: Who... Who ze hell plassed that chandelier HERE out off all plasses ?! P- P- Pisses me off !!

Gajeel: What the fuck did I get myself into ?!!

"Wait, what do you mean, again ?! It already happened ?!"

Natsu: Yes, and what's about to follow is even worse ! We gotta get out of here right now !!

Gray: Agreed !!

Erza: And just where do you think you're going ?!! Pour me another glass right now, on the double !! If you can't even do that... Then pour me another glass !

Levy: She said the same thing twice... Pff... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Hm... ? ... ... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!

Juvia: You're going home and leaving Juvia here all by her lonesome self, Gray-Samaaaaaaa ? Waaaaaaah !!

Mew: T- The party's still young... You just need *Tunk* YOU GODDAMM CHANDELIER !! NOW YOU'RE GUNNA GETS ITT... !! *Hips*

Lucy: C'mon, I wanna play more... More, more !

Wendy: Look at all the pretty... Stars...

Carla: You're my reindeer ! Now pull the sled !! Hooo ho ho ho !

Happy: A- Aye...

Pantherlily: How... How did I get dragged into this mess ?

Gajeel: Pull yourselves together, you damn drunkards !!

"... if we ever survive this, I think the alcohol in the guild should be reserved to Cana from now on..."

Gajeel: Agreed ! Ey ! Levy !!

Levy: AHAHAHAHAHAHA ! Gajeel, why're you so... Why don't you have eyebrows ? Ahahahaha !!

Gajeel: GUHHHHHHHH...

Juvia: Gray-Sama ! Snow is... Snow is falling everywhere !

Gray: Why are you so worked up about it ?

Juvia: It's just... It's just so sad... !

Gray: Like I care ! Let go of me !

Lucy: Natsu~... Do that thing where you purr like a cat~...

Natsu: When the hell have I ever done that ?!

Lucy: Mmmkay~, then I'll do it for you !

Natsu: Hey ! Cut it out, Lucy !!

"What is happening here... Is alcohol unleashing new personas we had no ideas existed... We need to stop this madness, or else..."

Erza: You aren't going anywhere... Now get over here !

"E- Erza, listen... You really aren't in your normal state, I think you should-"

Erza: Get.Over.Here.Now.

"... ... Y- Yes ma'am."

Erza: There, there, good boy. All those couples being lovey-dovey... I just can't stand it.

'I am extremely conflicted about which sensation I should express right now...'

Erza: ... ... Hmm... I think I've got the perfect idea. All you hormonal teenagers need a dose of this !! GUILD MASTER GAME !!

Lucy: Yaay~ sounds fun !

Levy: Ahahaha !

Natsu: Guild master game... What the hell...

Gray: Wait... I've heard of this... You're dancing with the devil if you play this.

"What is it... What kind of game can scare you that much ?!"

Erza: It's simple, really. Each one of these sticks is numbered. Only one of them has the master's crest. Everyone pulls out a stick, one at a time, and whoever becomes the master... can issue orders, like so: "Number 5 must slap number 8", and so on. And the master's orders... Are absolute !

Guys: ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Lucy: This is gonna be a blast~ !

Juvia: Wendy ! How could you fall asleep and let everyone have fun without you ?

Levy: I get it, you're just gonna give out some shady-ass orders... AHAHAHA !!

Mew: ... ... I think I'm just gonna take a nap. Don't mind me.

Lucy: H- hey, what happened to my chandelier ?!

All: Alright... WHOOOOOOO'S THE MASTER ?!

Erza: IT IS I! I'M THE MASTER !!

Natsu: This game's gotta be fixed...

Gray: Dumbass... Don't say anything you'll regret...

"C- Come on, it's just a game. How far can it go... ?"

Gray: This is Erza drunk. The answer is yes.

Erza: Number 7 must... Strip naked !

"I stand corrected !!"

Natsu: Gah... A MESSED-UP ORDER RIGHT OFF THE BAT !!

Lucy: H- How... F- Fun...

Juvia: H- How... S- Sad...

Levy: Aha... Ah...

"Well, on the bright side... They did sober up pretty quick..."

Erza: All right ! Who's next ?! Gajeel ! You better hope you're the next master~ ! Hehehe...

Lucy: M- maybe we should call it quits, Erza...

Juvia: Th... This game is incredibly dangerous !

Levy: What... What am I gonna do... ?

All: WHOOOOO'S THE MASTER ?!

Lucy: It's me ! *Phew*... Alrighty, number 1 and number 5 must shake hands !

Erza: LAAAAAAAME !!

Lucy: B... But the master's orders are absolute, aren't they ?

Erza: You're completely missing the point of the game ! The real thrill of the guild master game is for youngs to give each other embarrassing orders to turn their secret desires into reality !

Gajeel: So seeing me in the nude was your secret desire... ?

"Gajeel... I really think you weren't the intended target on that one... It was just a stray shot..."

Erza: I am invoking my privileges as the previous master to overrule this order ! Number 1 and Number 5, you shall grope the breasts of the current master !

Lucy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!

Lucy: ... ... ... ... ...

Levy, well, at least you don't have to get groped by the guys, right ?

Juvia: For how long will this torturous game continue... ?

Erza: You can't stop yet ! The minimum time is a minute ! that's the rule !!

Lucy: EEK !!

Wendy: R- Rule ? The minimum time is one minute... ?!

Carla: that's terrible...

Happy: WOOHOO ! I'M THE MASTER NOW !!

Carla: H- Happy... P- Please don't do anything mean, ok... ?

Pantherlily: At this point, I don't think anything can stop him...

Happy: Heheheh... Number 3 must slap number 10 on the butt !

Erza: Hmhm. 'Attaboy, Happy.

Lucy: What I have seen... can never be unseen...

Gray: No, Y/n !! Put down that spoon !!

"Let go !! I must do it !! I must cleanse my eyes from what they've just witnessed, before it prints itself in my soul forever !!"

Wendy: Um... Number 2 and number 6 must gaze at each other for one 1 minute...

Gray: i'm glad it was an easy one...

Levy: Yeah...

Juvia: Even Levy has become Juvia's love rival... !!

levy: Number 8 and number 9 must embrace each other for one minute !

Gray: *Phew*...

Lucy: Well, as long as it doesn't go any further than this, I guess...

Juvia: WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE GRAY-SAMA ?!!

Erza: I AM THE MASTER ONCE AGAIN !!

"THE DEVIL HAS BEEN REVIVED !! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES... AND DIGNITY !!"

Erza: You cowards have been giving nothing but lenient orders... I will not go so easy ! Number 8 must bust a move in the nude !

Lucy: Please, just stop it with the naked trend already !!

Erza: Tsk ! Another bad draw. If I could just get my target... or a girl to strip, at least, things would get interesting...

Levy: Uh... I'd like to be a married woman one day, you know...

Erza: IT SEEMS LUCK HAS SIDED WITH ME TONIGHT ! I AM THE MASTER ONCE MORE !

Natsu: twice in a row ?! it's rigged !!

Gray: You damn tyrant !

Wendy: Please, Erza... Stop it with the stripping, i'm begging you...

Erza: Hm... I see. I can't help but hesitate when you look at me like that, Wendy... HOWEVER, YOUR REQUEST IS DENIED !!

Wendy: Ehhh ?

Erza: Number 1 must strip, get down on all four, and shout out the name of the one they love !!

Gray: ... ... MASTER UR !!

Juvia: Juvia's heart is in pieces...

Lucy: I shudder at the thought of what would happen if I had been number 1...

"Must keep a low profile..."

Erza: Number 3 and number 11 must bark like puppies while wearing a maid outfit !

Carla/Wendy: Woof woof ! Woof woof !

Erza: Howl.

Wendy/Carla: AWOOOOOOOO !!

Erza: Number 6 must go shopping in nothing but a swimsuit !

Juvia: ... Juvia's cold...

Erza: Number 4 must strip off their underwear and toss them out of the window !

Levy: Ughh...

Gajeel: Ah... Ahh...

Erza: Number 6 and number 10 must kiss each other !

Erza: For one minute.

Happy/Lily: *Kissing, but with more shame and disgust*

Erza: Number 3 must moan "Oh yeah, it feels so god..." While having hot wax melted on their back !

Lucy: AH ! Oh... Oh yeah... It feels so good...

Natsu: YOU'RE TAKING THINGS TOO FAR, DAMN IT !!

Lucy: Uuuu... *Sniffle*

Levy: There, there...

Erza: Now then, let us continue !

"Uh, Erza, I don't want to ruin things but... i'm pretty sure everyone is down and done for already... There's only the two of us left."

Erza: Oh... I- I see... maybe I went a bit overboard... Just as planned.

"W- What ?"

Erza: Didn't you find it weird ? And yet you've found out about my target pretty quickly. So why didn't you got anything ? Your number was never called, how could that be possible ?

"... Not on your own..."

Mew: Oop. Looks like I've been found out.

"You're kidding me..."

Mew: ... *Hic*

"Oh, right. Kinda forgot that part. So she was looking over my shoulder that whole time..."

Erza: Telling me your number, just so I could have you right where I wanted, right when I wanted, and right how I wanted...

"... *Gulp*"

Erza: I don't want any interference... Now that you're here, you just need to know... Tonight, you're.All.Mine~... Well, doing it that way wouldn't be fun, so here's the thing.

Erza: One last draw. One of these two has the master crest. Pick the right one, and you can calls it, ending all of this. Pick the wrong one, and... Well, I don't want to spoil anything, but this will be a long, fun night~.

'*Gulp* Well... It's not like I really have a choice there. It's all or nothing ! HERE GOES...'

*1*

'... Not the master crest...'

Erza: Well. It is what it is. That basically was a coin flip.

"I guess so... Even after I knew what I was involving myself with, I couldn't step down... And this is the result."

Erza: Very well, then... We both know what happens next, so... What are your orders ?

"... What ?"

Erza: I guess you will order this game to stop, but you still need to say it.

"No, what I meant was... Why are you waiting for my orders ? I lost... You're the one who should be giving them..."

Erza: ... Are you serious ? I mean, look what I picked...

*2*

"But wait... If I didn't pick the master crest... And you didn't either... Then..."

Erza: Who picked it... ?

Mew: ... That really is a nice crest. I think it suits me.

"... You said you weren't playing !"

Mew: ... the way of chaos, is being neither good nor evil, just acting on whims. Someone taught me that, but I just can't remember who.

"Were... Were you holding a grudge ? For 7 years ?!"

Mew: I don't know what you're talking about. But now, the fun part begins. After all the master's orders are absolute, are they not ? So...

Mew: The master... orders number 1 and number 2 to go home together, and spend the rest of the night in each other's embrace !

"Ah... I don't know if I should feel relieved, or... Whatever, let's just carry this on."

Erza: You're gonna have to carry something else~.

"... Haa... Hop on."

Erza: Yaay~...

'Mew, I'll definitely get you for this one... one day, probably.'

Mew: You know you aren't even really mad at me.

"Brrr... Almost forgot how cold it's supposed to be these days... But at least this time, my back stays warm... Still, better hurry before I fall asleep."

???: So you were here, after all... You have any idea how hard it was finding you in this city.

"... My house, the guild hall, Lucy's apartment. The number of places I can be is rather limited, especially on Christmas Eve."

???: I suppose...

???2: I told you we should've asked these two back at the tavern.

"More importantly... What are the dragon gods of time and space doing here ?"

Palkia: Come on, do we really need a reason to see our little brother on Christmas ?

Dialga: Your sudden disappearance really had us looking everywhere for you, you know ?

"I thought you guys were kinda used to that kind of stuff happening..."

Dialga: We are, but still. Everyone was relieved once they learned you were fine.

"Yeah, about that, I'll have to apologize to Asia once I come back... Oh, and if you guys are looking for Mew, she's still inside, completely wasted, just like everyone else. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a duty, and a drunk girlfriend to carry. And you too seem to have burdens to carry."

Cana: Wheeeeeeee~...

Makarov: C- can't... Drink... Anymore...

"I'll see you around."

Palkia: ... Girlfriend, huh ?

Dialga: They grow up so fast.

Mew: Not exactly so fast... He's still such a troublesome kid at times...

Palkia: I thought he said you were wasted.

Mew: ... *Hic*

Palkia: Okay, you still are. Just slightly more sober.

Mew: I don't like that tone you're taking with me young man. *Hic*

Dialga: I take it you're kinda responsible for the fact he's walking around in the middle of the night with a drunk girl on his back ?

Mew: These two just need a little push.

Dialga: How so ? How far can they be in term of relationship ?

Mew: They've reached the point where she purposely opens a window in the middle of the night, just so he'd snuggle up to her even more. Something the two of you can't possibly comprehend.

Dialga: H- hey, I'll have you know-

Mew: What, about that one time you tried asking Celebi out and she smacked you in the face ?

Dialga: Ugh...

Palkia: Pffffffr...

Mew: You think you're safe ? What about...

Palkia: OH NONONONONONONO-

Mew: What, you don't want others to know that you mistook Hoopa for a girl, and only realized it once it was a tad too late ?

Dialga: PFAHAHAHAHA !!

Palkia: Please, stop... I beg you...

Mew: Both of you are lucky that I didn't tell Arceus or the spirit trio about any of that. Now carry these two drunkards to their home, and realize he's been more successful in love after a few months than both of you combined in literally an eternity.

Palkia: ... We came here lighthearted with the spirit of Christmas, happy to meet up with him...

Dialga: First some barkeeper told us to drag these two along for whatever reason once he learned we had the slightest indirect connection with them...

Palkia: And then you just had to come and ruin everything... Guess we'll just have to follow your example...

Mew: What ?

Both: ... Drink until we fall down and forget all about that evening.

Cana: Yaaaaaaay ! Party !!

Mew: ... You know you're gonna go down even faster than her.

"Haa, home sweet home. Honestly, that really wasn't the Christmas Eve I was expecting-"

*Smooch*

"... I can't say I didn't enjoy that, Erza. i'm just curious at why now and here ?"

Erza: Look up~.

"Up..."

"... And there too... there, and there... Who hanged mistletoe all over the place ?! ... Rhetorical question, that note will surely confirm my suspicion."

*In case you haven't deduced it yet, i'm the one who did that. I made sure there was no safe spot in the entire house, and may I remind that you need to spend the entire night literally in each other's arms. Have fun. Mew.*

'... At this point, I don't even know if I should be grateful or angry anymore... Angrateful... ?'

Erza: I've counted, there's at least 20 branches before we even reach the stairs. You're not escaping, honey~...

"... Look like you didn't even needed to draw the correct one, after all. No mater what, I'm pretty sure I would've been in your care."

Erza: that's what I want to hear. But the night's still young. And remember, it's almost Christmas, so... Why don't we just go to the bedroom so you can "Unwrap~" your little present~ ?

"My present ? But I got it long ago, and it's right there with me~."

Erza: Ohhhhh, you naughty boy~.

Palkia: Can't... Finished...

Dialga: This woman... She's not human...

mew: I told you.

Cana: Wahahahaha !! What, are you finished already ?! Come on, bring us two more barrels, please !

Makarov: Rzzzzzzzzz...