((WARNING: This contains MULTIPLE profanities, if you have a problem with that, please DO NOT hesitate to click away. THANK YOU.))

Muahaha! Hello... whoever the hell you are. e.e Anyways, now that I've given basic stuff...

HERE COMES THE REAL SHIT.

Seriously, bro. You better back the fuck up. NO! DO NOT CLICK AWAY! Move that mouse back over here. +.+ Yes, thank you. :D Back to the point, let's get to some basic rules to help you troll the crap out of people who start stuff with you. xD Please don't go starting fights with other people, I will not be held responsible for ANY actions of trolling/insulting/insanely clever come backs you create because of my help. I don't need to be yelled at and/or sued. e.e So, let's begin, shall we? :D

:RULE 1: Stay calm.

Any good troll knows that the best thing to do is more or less just laugh in their face. It makes whoever is attempting to troll/insulting you SO angry. I mean, honestly! What is there to be serious about anyways? They're only giving you insults because they're insecure about themselves. When someone is utterly calm while they are being offensive, it not only means the calm one has good self control and are QUITE the bad ass. Like, seriously. If know when I get pissed and people are extremely calm, I'm just like, "BISH, I'LL CUT YOU. +.+" It only makes the person more angry than they should be. The offender is like: OKAY. LET'S JUST BACK THE FUCK UP AND PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED.

In addition to that, staying calm helps to, in my opinion, give you more comebacks at a faster rate. When you're angry and your mind is running at an extremely quick pace, it's hard to think for a clever reply on top of that, no? As a personal side note, when you're calm, it just makes them look SO MUCH funnier. xD

:RULE 2: Keep it simple.

When fighting like this with someone, whether in real life or over the internet, DON'T go crazy. Bro, if they tattle-tale on you, even if you're the person at fault, you can still get in trouble. You don't want to call them a series of profanities or other vulgarities. Just simple things. Something cute. DO NOT go overboard. The last thing you need is to get in trouble for doing something stupid.

:RULE 3: Do your best not to get beat up.

This rule is based more towards real life, and if so, when the fight escalates, just walk away with a smile on your face. I mean, c'mon? Do you really want to go home with a black eye? Physical contact should be avoided, these replies are merely for situations in which you're having quick banter with someone you dislike.

:RULE 4: Be cool.

The basic jist of this, is to, as it says, be cool. Don't reply RIGHT after they say something offensive. No, wait a second or two after you fit in your scary giggle, and THEN reply. It just... I dunno. Sounds better?

:RULE 5: Mistakes are okay, but do your best not to make them!

We all make mistakes. Everything's good. But try your best not to stutter, because sometimes you just look fucking stupid. A really good thing I like to do when I stutter during a fight like this is to, after making the mistake, pause and stay absolutely silent, void of expression. Stay like this for about five seconds, and then throw your head back in maniacal laughter. End it slowly, reverting from laughter to giggles, slowly bringing your head back to normal. Then turn around and say nothing with a poker face AND WALK. AWAY. Make sure your laughter is convincing, 'cause you'll either look bat shit crazy/bad ass... or just a fucking idiot.

:RULE 6: Make an epic departure.

When you leave, if you're still fighting, put on those sexy cells in your body. The thing you need to know, which is my personal secret, is that when you leave, give the scariest fucking threat EVER. There ARE a few things you need to make sure you do WHILE giving this, though. 

   - Since the person is most-likely an idiot, make sure that your threat has confusing words. I will give examples at the end of this, but if you steal them, I will hunt you down and chop you into tiny pieces, making sure to splatter your crimson blood on the walls of your own home. Then I'll feed you to my pet hyenas. :) 

   - DO NOT SCREW UP! Seriously, you need to say what you want, and get it out right. If you stutter, you'll look like a fucking idiot. I know the feeling from MANY years of experience. ._. Say it slowly, but not TOO slowly. You'll understand when you get there. If you do it right, you will look SERIOUSLY cool. This is the one part that you HAVE to get right.

   - Make sure you have it down! You don't want to forget and be standing there thinking of a threat for ten minutes. xD

   - Say it with a smile on your face. If you're angry, people take it seriously. If you're happy and smiling, using a cheerful tone, people are just fucking creeped out. No damn joke. I LOVE doing this. xD

   - DON'T LAUGH! They may look mortified or what ever, but the trick is keeping your emotion of cheerfulness. When finished, close your eyes and giggle, then skip away. Don't stop until you're positive that they can't see you.

:RULE 7: Avoid the fight if possible.

You know, sometimes I just REALLY don't want to fight. So, if they come up to you, just give them a glare. I'm serious. Just glare the fuck out of them. Don't laugh. Keep your glare until they leave. If your glare looks retarded, then give them a poker face. Keep it as well until they leave. For extra affect (effect? IDGAF!), stare over their shoulder blankly while they attempt to talk to you, and literally stand there for five minutes. If they still haven't left, wait for a friend to come bye, and then way, saying something like: "OH, HEY JOHN!" Proceed to walk over to them and ignore the person's prescence completely.

This is their reaction:

    1st: Will greet you.

   2nd: Will laugh and tell you to knock it off.

   3rd: Will ask if you're there.

   4th: Will get pissed off.

   5th: Denial.

   6th: Rejection:

   7th: Sadness.

   8th: Departure.

Fuck yeah. Thanks guys! Yet again, I ain't responsible for the stupid shit you may or may not do with this. e.e You better fucking leave a comment. This took me forever. ._. Yours truly,

                                                                                                                      -LW