Credit for the AMV above goes to the YouTube channel Shelby Morrow!

CHAPTER ONE

With his knees tucked into his chest, Adrien sat up against the headboard of his bed. At the end of his mattress laid the small book Sabine had given to him only hours ago when she claimed it'd been something her daughter had wanted him to have. But... he couldn't understand why Marinette would want him to have something she had always tried to keep hidden. This book was supposed to be important. It was supposed to be so valuable that only Marinette could read it. She always said it was for her eyes only.

So, why would she want him to have it?

The temptation to open it was there. Adrien was curious to know what was written inside, and he couldn't be blamed for his curiosity. He truly wanted to know what was written inside. Maybe it would solve all the unanswered questions as to why she'd done it.

Why had she decided to leave this world?

Why did she leave all her friends and family to mourn her death?

Why didn't she tell anyone she was hurting?

Why hadn't she looked for help?

Why hadn't she talked to him...

Or better yet... why hadn't he talked to her?

Why didn't he make sure she was okay?

Why didn't he spend more time with her?

Why didn't he be more honest with her?

Why didn't he treat her how he truly felt?

Why did he wait until he had no more time left?

Why hadn't he done anything to prevent her death?

He wanted to read it. He really did. But he also feared that the words written inside wouldn't be something he would want to see. What if it held nothing but hatred for him? Maybe a heartfelt goodbye? A love confession? He didn't know, but he could know. He could know exactly what was written inside... if only he would pick up the damn book and read it.

But Adrien Agreste was a coward.

"It won't do any good sitting there," Plagg's voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts, and he watched from the corner of his eye as the little kwami whisked himself into view. He plopped onto his holder's shoulder with a piece of smelly Camembert in between his paws and bit into it, frowning thoughtfully as he followed Adrien's gaze to the unopened book. "Just open it."

Adrien ran his fingers through his bangs. "I can't..." He murmured, his voice cracking from its lack of use. Adrien willingly only spoke to Plagg, because the kwami was the only friend who would truly understand what he was feeling. The one who had lost so many holders in so many different, horrific ways. "What if it's something I don't want to see? What if it's all her regrets for ever getting involved with me?"

"And what if it's something that will give you closure?" Plagg asked him, his wide, green eyes searching his holder's. Adrien knew it was inevitable. Plagg was right. This small, worn-down journal could have all the explanations Adrien wanted—no... needed. It could explain why Marinette took her own life; why she never told anyone she was hurting.

Despite all his fears, Adrien knew eventually he would have to read it. Marinette would want him to, after all.

So, he did. Leaning forward, he reached for the book and pulled it into his lap. Adrien sighed heavily as he opened the little hatch that kept the journal closed and flipped it to the first page.

Written in the top left corner inside the cover, he found that this book had originally been addressed to him. His eyebrows rose confusingly as he read...

To Adrien Agreste,
I knew I couldn't just disappear forever without a single explanation, so I had to leave a little piece of me behind.

Adrien blinked. That was it. That was all the first page said.

Adrien frowned as he flipped to the next page. What did she mean by that? If anything, that simple sentence left him more confused. What had she meant by leaving a little piece of herself behind? Why did she even have to leave at all?

Bewildered, his eyes widened when he realized the next page was countlessly filled with words. Along the edges and in the margins he noticed little doodles that Marinette had drawn herself. They varied from little hearts to smiley faces, to even things she came up with in her own head. He was somewhat awed by how talented she seemed to be in art.

He never knew she could draw.

He drew his attention back to the page filled with words... and his frown returned. Adrien wasn't too keen on knowing what Marinette's past self had to say to him before she decided to take her own life, but Plagg was right. It would give him the closure he needed to move on.

The page was filled from top to bottom with words, and he idly wondered why none of this she had told him in person when she was alive. Adrien turned to the next page and flipped rapidly through the rest of them, realizing every page was filled with nothing but words. Words she never got to tell him apparently.

He let out a shaky breath as he returned to the first previous page, and hesitantly, he began to read.

Dear Adrien,

   If you're reading this, then most likely you either found this book and realized it was addressed to you, or someone gave it to you after I died.

   That's right. You read that right. After I died. Sickening to hear the reality in those words, right? I thought so too at first. Death is a weird thing to fathom, and the only way to be driven to that level of extreme is to be pushed and pushed and pushed... until you have nowhere else to run. And don't get me wrong, I tried many times to convince myself not to do it. I tried to tell myself that I didn't actually want that. But then it got to a point where I ran out of places to run, and when I reached the edge of the cliff, cornered and afraid... I jumped.

   I guess I wasn't really thinking about how everyone else would feel after I'd be gone. Sure, I am being selfish. But I have a right to be. I was always putting people before my own needs, and all I ever got in return was... nothing. Absolutely nothing.

   You probably recognize this worn-out little journal. There wasn't a day when I didn't bring it to school with me. This book with scribbles, awful artwork, and empty words has months' worth of messages that I wanted you to hear, but could never deliver. Words I wanted to say, but could never speak. Thoughts and secrets I wanted to share with you, but could never express. I guess since I'm dead now it won't matter if you see it or not. I don't have to worry about getting embarrassed anymore.

   Of course, this isn't something you're forced to read, nor will dead me give a shit if you toss this to the side. No hard feelings honestly. But I don't want anyone else to regret what I will soon regret doing myself: giving up.

With lots of love, Marinette

Never once had Adrien Agreste read something so intense in his life. Just those words alone caused his throat to burn. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Marinette must've been feeling while filling these pages. How could these little words written in smudged, black ink, affect a person so intensely? Adrien could practically hear her angelic voice in his head, almost as if she was sitting across from him with the book in her lap, reading each and every word to him out loud. A single tear slid down his cheek, and he was honestly surprised that he even had any left to shed.

He thought he'd lost his ability to cry a long time ago.

A sudden knock on his bedroom door spooked him, and he swiped his damp cheek with the back of his hand just as his father's assistant, Nathalie, opened the door. Of course, she never usually waited for his approval to come in, and in a panic, Adrien quickly scrambled to hide the book underneath his pillow. Plagg disappeared under the sheets as well. Relieved, he met Nathalie's eyes from the doorway of his room and offered the most ridiculous smile he'd ever tried to muster.

Ridiculous... because it was obviously fake.

Nathalie arched a single brow before she cleared her throat and lowered her eyes back onto the tablet in her hands. "Your father wanted me to check up on you." She said, her voice holding no sort of emotion whatsoever as she met his eyes again. "How was the funeral?"

How was the funeral?

Seriously?

How was he even supposed to answer that? Oh, it was awesome. Yeah great. They had delicious finger foods at the reception.

It wasn't a fucking celebration.

Instead of saying that, which would have definitely earned him a lecture from his father, Adrien silently shrugged.

He knew obviously that Natalie only came to check on him because of his father's sudden extreme cautiousness. Now that every parent who had a student attending Françoise Dupont High School knew about the tragic incident of one of their classmate's death, every parent, including his father, kept an even higher alert on their children's whereabouts.

But with his father constantly checking up on him now, it made it extremely harder for Chat Noir to escape and do his job.

Not only that but while everyone in the city of Paris gossiped about what a teenage girl (whom they knew nothing about) had done, Ladybug had somehow gone missing right under his nose. But Marinette's terrifying story spread faster than Ladybug's absence all across television like wildfire, and almost every news reporter on every news channel had her name on their lips.

And Adrien couldn't stand it.

He couldn't stand the way they so casually discussed her act of suicide, as if it was just another news story for them; as if it was just another way for them to pocket some more money.

It sickened him.

Plus, Ladybug's sudden disappearance left him feeling extremely worried. After one week, he made sure to call her, but she never answered him. He even left countless voicemails. But it was almost as if she had vanished off of the face of the earth without a trace, and it hurt even more to know that she could have done just that without saying goodbye.

But he couldn't think like that. He needed her.

Paris needed her.

Ladybug didn't have the option to quit.

She was too important for that.

After three weeks with no sign of Ladybug, Chat Noir went to see the man who had given them their miraculouses, but that did him no good either... especially when Master Fu had no earthly idea that Ladybug was even missing to begin with. Then again, the old man didn't watch television... but still. How could he not have known?

Chat Noir tried everything. They tried everything. He called, he searched the entire city from head to toe, and he even begged the other kwami in the miracle box to somehow find a way to connect with Ladybug's kwami, Tikki.

Unfortunately, the other kwami needed Tikki to do connecting spells like that.

So, Chat Noir was left with nothing.

And even when all hope seemed lost, he at least still remembered the last time he'd seen Ladybug.

It was on a cloudy, yet chilly evening. Their causal patrol under the Parisian night sky had been the last time he'd seen her. He remembered the way her blue-bell eyes sparkled that night, and how the wind whisked through her dark, midnight hair. She'd been in a sour mood—he clearly recalled—because he'd been the one trying to cheer her up. But no matter what he tried, no matter what pun he made, her smile never returned that night.

And that was the last time he'd seen her.

"It was fine." Adrien finally replied idly. He hadn't meant to ignore his assistant, so he came up with a believable answer.

Nathalie didn't bother pushing any further, and Adrien was somewhat grateful for that. He had no other choice but to speak to his assistant and his father, but the less he had to do so the better. When Nathalie made no attempt to leave his room, Adrien pulled off a fake yawn. Hopefully, she would catch the hint to leave.

And she took his false yawn quite easily. "I'll be off then. Goodnight, Adrien."

He acknowledged her with a small smile and a nod because he had to, but he didn't bother to reply. Once she shut his bedroom door, Adrien pulled out the little journal from underneath his pillow and flipped to the next page.

When Plagg returned to devour his cheese on his holder's shoulder, Adrien had been too deep into Marinette's words to even care about the smell of Plagg's idolized camembert.

_______________________________

Time. It's one of those things we sometimes want to go by faster, yet want more of the older we become. Time is the second most precious thing besides your own life. It's something that people surely take for granted. We never know how much time we'll have left on this earth, nor will we know when our time is up. Spend each and every second you have wisely and use your time to spread love to those who have never felt it ❤️

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