Credit for the AMV above goes to the YouTube channel Claire James!

CHAPTER TWO

Journal entree number 1:
Date: September 2, 2017

Hey Adrien. It's me, Marinette. I guess it's kind of stupid addressing this journal entree to you when you'll never get to see it. One day maybe (hopefully) you will. Maybe when I grow enough courage to hand this book off to you and run! lol. But I digress.

By the time you do get to read this, I'll be gone. But... I knew there was no way I could just disappear without leaving some kind of reason.

So, instead of just waiting to tell you everything... I wrote it.

It all started on that first day when I assumed you'd stuck gum on my seat, thinking you teamed up with Chloé (the evil wicked witch of the west and my arch nemesis since kindergarten) to once again bully me throughout another year of high school. Chloé apparently was your best friend since you guys were in diapers, but you were never like her. You're different. You're kind and caring and sweet and super attractive and–

Whoops! Well, I mean, someone had to tell you ;)

Adrien chuckled to himself as he read over her words again, still completely fascinated as to how she could incorporate humor in such a serious and horrific story.

I realized after you handed me your black umbrella, willing to get soaked if it meant I'd stay dry, that you weren't out to get me like she was. I realized how wrong I was about you that night. I ended up falling in love with you, Adrien Agreste. That night, I saw you through a whole new pair of eyes. I guess I was always too afraid to tell you how I felt, so I never made it too obvious.... until you found out. Ha but who am I kidding... I couldn't be any more obvious! You just never noticed in the beginning. And I don't blame you. I mean... I'm not anything special to look at.

Adrien frowned deeply at that. He never really remembered ever seeing Marinette in that way in the beginning, but there was no doubt in his mind that eventually did see her that way. After all, she was a really beautiful girl. Perhaps if he hadn't been so pinned on Ladybug back then, he might've been inclined to ask her out on a date sooner.

Or maybe he wouldn't have. Back then, he cared more about their stupid social ranks in high school and how different they were that being friends with her would've been difficult enough (not that Adrien ever regretted being her friend.) He just regretted a lot of other things.

Peer pressure has a way of making people do stupid things sometimes.

However, I never thought a silly crush on you would bring me to the point I'm at now.

If you didn't know already, Chloé Bourgeois is in love with you too. I think she's had those feelings for you since you first reached puberty. But you can be a bit oblivious sometimes... okay... a lot oblivious. You probably didn't even notice Chloé's obsession with you.

Oh... Adrien noticed all right. It wasn't that hard to miss. He just learned how to put up with it after all of those years, and then he learned how to use it to his advantage, even if he never returned those affections.

Labeled as a childhood best friend all her life, Chloé really wanted to prove to you that she was your soulmate. But when she figured out that I had a crush on you too... well... that became competition to her... and she wasn't going to have that.

"Did you hear, Marinette?! Chloé's throwing a party tonight!"

"I heard," Marinette mumbled idly, her eyes darting from left to right as she watched her best friend pace back and forth in front of her wardrobe, unsure of what she should even wear for said party. Never once had Marinette nor Alya ever associated themselves with Chloé, because Chloé Bourgeoise was a blonde rich bitch who could never be predicted. One minute, she was your sworn best friend, and in the next, she was your sworn enemy.

Marinette arched a brow, and then added, "But since when do you care?"

"Are you kidding me, girl?" Alya turned to look over her shoulder for only a second before she was back to rummaging through her wardrobe, and Marinette watched with hardly any interest at all as she examined the dress on her figure through the mirror. "Everyone's going! It's going to be so epic! And besides, Nino invited me, and I couldn't tell him no."

"Of course you couldn't," Marinette muttered under her breath. It was obvious that her friendship with Alya was slowly dwindling to nothing. They were slowly drifting apart—well at least in her eyes they were. Alya didn't seem to think anything had changed... but it had. Alya was so focused on her image and her new boyfriend now that she was beginning to forget who her true friends were.

She was forgetting that she was nothing like Chloé, nor did she belong in a party filled with people like Chloé. All of those people only cared about themselves and treated others who they considered less than them like shit.

It was almost as if Alya was drifting off into another world... a world in which Marinette refused to follow her into. "Did you forget this is Chloé's party we're talking about here?" She asked, her brows pinched as she watched Alya admire herself in the mirror. "Remember, the Chloé who has made it clear plenty of times that she hates our very existence?"

But Alya disregarded her words as if they meant nothing with a wave of her hand. "C'mon  Marinette. It's our senior year... and Chloé isn't as bitchy as she used to be. She and I are actually pretty chill now."

Chill?

Well, that seemed to be the lie of the century.

If Chloé had been the one to say that, then it was definitely a lie.

"Really? Since when?"

"Since you didn't come to the party last week, and I did." Alya sassed, and although her tone was playful, Marinette couldn't find it in herself to smile. Her best friend was becoming a different person, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to stick around for the change.

In the mirror before in front of her, Alya busied herself with her hair. The brunette was so focused on how appealing she looked, that she didn't even notice her best friend behind her, who was pulling up a sleeve to her long sleeve shirt to expose the many cuts that embedded her skin.

"I worry about you, Alya." Marinette reached into her pocket to pull out a small blade, and she winced inwardly when she allowed it to pierce her pale skin. She watched, somewhat satisfied, as a small amount of blood seeped through. This wasn't something she normally did in her best friend's bedroom, but what did it matter if Alya had stopped paying attention to her well-being months ago?

"There's nothing to worry about," Alya assured.

Sighing, Marinette once again hid the blade in her pocket and pulled her sleeve back down to cover her bleeding wrist. Marinette frowned and stood from where she had been sitting—at the end of Alya's bed. "You know, I can't seem to figure out why you asked me to come here. It seems to me that your own looks are more important than your real friends."

"Relax Marinette," Alya chuckled, her eyes still fixated on her own reflection in the mirror. "I invited you over so we could pick out a dress for you."

Marinette frowned deeply, "I already told you I'm not going to that party."

Alya finally turned around to meet her best friend's eyes. The look she had to offer her, however, seemed unperturbed. "Why not?" Her monotone voice pierced through the air like ice. "It's not like you have anything better to do."

"Why would I go to a party filled with a bunch of people who hate my guts?"

"Adrien doesn't hate your guts."

That was debatable, Marinette wanted to say, but instead, she held her tongue. Maybe Adrien didn't hate her, but he wasn't necessarily keen on being seen with her in public either.

He had an image to uphold, after all.

"Adrien will be too busy surrounded by his fake friends to notice me."

Alya rolled her eyes at that and returned to looking at herself in the mirror.

"What's the point of even going?" Marinette pried when it seemed Alya had ended the conversation. She wanted to understand why her best friend had changed so drastically. Why Alya was no longer the nerd blogger, obsessive superhero lover, she'd become best friends with at the beginning of their freshmen year.

Alya scoffed, "Because it's fun, Marinette," She said as she turned around to face Marinette again, frowning slightly, "Lighten up a little. What happened to the outgoing best friend I used to have? It's almost as if you've changed personalities overnight. You've become this... totally boring person who hardly ever wants to have fun anymore. It's kind of annoying."

Then, Alya turned back around to look at herself in the mirror again, and when the atmosphere between them fell silent once more, Marinette allowed a single tear to slip down her cheek. Of course, Alya hadn't and never would notice how much her words affected those around her.

Because she was always too busy focusing on her own reflection.

In a way, she was right. I was hardly ever wanting to have fun anymore, but that wasn't blame for me to take. I didn't really have anyone else. I was kind of alone in everything I did. I knew that my mood wasn't the best or usually positive, but... I didn't think of myself as that bad to be around. And although Alya was so sure that this party would be amazing, I had my doubts about it.

And for Alya's sake, I decided to follow her there.

I remember the strobe lights were flashing back and forth, and the DJ's music was blasting through Chloé's hotel. Oh, and that DJ? Well, he's a jock too, you know. Nino Lahiffe. He's on the football team, and he just so happens to be my best friend's boyfriend. But there was always something about him that I never liked. Something that made the hairs on my arms stand up whenever he was around.

I ended up finding Alya that night. But what I found was not my best friend. I found her drinking shots of alcohol underage and sitting inappropriately in her boyfriend's lap. This wasn't the Alya I knew. What I saw was a girl trying to fit in. She was trying to look cool. When I saw what I saw, I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

But, of course, before I could, Chloé had to make her presence known to me.

Oh, and not just that. She also had to make me feel like I was nothing every time we bumped shoulders.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng," Chloé crackled, "What a lovely surprise." Her voice was barely heard over the blasting music being played, and thank god for it too. At least the music would come to good use in blocking out their conversation from everyone else's ears. "I didn't expect to see you here tonight."

That was the understatement of the century.

Marinette was never invited.

"Don't worry, I was just leaving," Marinette said, a frown etched on her lips as she moved towards the exit of the building.

Unfortunately, her failed attempt to get around Chloé unharmed was in vain when Chloé sidestepped to block her way. "I don't think you were ever even invited to begin with." Chloé snickered, and from the corner of her eye, Marinette caught sight of Sabrina, Chloé's so-called best friend who was really her servant, next to Chloé's side. Though Sabrina wore a thick frame of glasses and had cut her red locks into a bob style, the absolute nerd was somehow considered worthy enough to be at Chloé's side.

"Don't mind me. I was just looking for a friend, Chloé."

"'A friend?'" Chloé threw her head back and laughed, "I doubt anyone here really wants to be your friend, Dupain-Cheng."

As painful as that sounded, it was probably true. Her own best friend was choosing these people over her.

Marinette frowned, "I was just looking for—"

But, she never had the chance to finish that sentence. Marinette stumbled back and fell onto the floor as Chloé shoved her, and there was nothing, or rather, no one, to catch her fall as she hit the hard tile. Chloé's laugh echoed throughout the entire building. Other students who had witnessed the fall stopped to laugh along with her. Sabrina even snapped a photo.

Then, Chloé leaned down and smirked, "Don't even think about trying to look for my Adrikins. He's not yours!"

"But I—"

"Adrien wouldn't even want to be seen with someone like you." Chloé whipped her hair to the side. "He's too... good for you. And besides, the only reason he'd ever want to be near you is to probably get in your pants. That's probably all you're good for."

Shame. That was probably the only emotion Marinette felt at that moment. There was no way that could be true. Adrien could be like that, but he wasn't like that with her.

Right?

"And you would probably enjoy it too." Chloé spat. "The last thing I would want is to be seen with a slut like you. I'm sure even Adrien feels the same way."

     It all started with the name-calling. Chloé had always been a bitch to me... ever since I first crossed paths with her in grade school. For some reason, she always hated me and I never knew why. But then, as the years went on and we moved up to high school, the bullying escalated to being a bit more physical. She'd hit me, slam me, shove me, pull my hair, and that's when little, naive me couldn't take it anymore and started doing something I told myself I would never do. I started cutting my wrists.

     Wait, but Adrien... don't you remember that night at the party? You were there. You saw when Chloé shoved me to the ground, and you watched me get humiliated by her. And yet, you did nothing but watch. Why? It was the question I wanted to ask you for so long... but could never build the courage to ask. So now, I ask you why. Why didn't you help me?

     I thought we were friends.

"If I ever catch you in one of my parties ever again, you will regret it, because whatever reputation you have left... I will make sure crumbles to the ground. I will make your life a living hell." Chloé had the audacity to spit on her as if she was worth nothing. All around her, her evil friends joined in to laugh at her and mock her, and all Marinette could do was stare up at them and pray a tear did not slip down her cheek while they watched.

Her eyesight felt fuzzy and her ears were ringing, but there was a moment where her eyes met his: Adrien Agreste. He hadn't joined the group to make fun of her, but instead, he remained occupied in a conversation with someone who was probably one of his friends. She simply stared at the wide smile on his lips, wondering when it would fall when he noticed what Chloé had done.

It didn't take him long to realize. When his eyes accidentally connected with hers, his smile fell and a small frown took its place. Yet, he made no move to go to her aid, nor did he fight by her side and defend her from these people whom he actually called his friends.

He just watched.

And even after Adrien had finished reading that page, and had set down the small journal, closed, and in his lap, he couldn't help but grab fistfuls of his hair and curse himself for being such a fool. How could he have been so foolish back then? How could he have done that to her?

All Marinette ever wanted from him then was to be the friend he claimed to be. She wanted him to show her and everyone else there that he cared about her in some way... and he couldn't even do that for the sake of his pride.

______________________________

"When you feel like giving up, just remember the reasons why you held on for so long." — anonymous

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