Air was a necessity. It surrounded everything in our world and embraced them. Air was a vessel of life, carrying forth the needed atoms to continue breathing and nurturing. But it could also be a giver of death in it's absence. Choking on emptiness when nothing dares to grow without it, like a mother Desa had no recollection of, without it's warm embrace only hollowness followed. But as much as the lack thereof of it could be fatal, a hug of an overbearing parent could be just as deadly. Suffocating under the pressure from all sides, pressing on one's skin like a hot welding iron that didn't relent until silent screams filled the vacuum.

Desa opened her eyes and looked at the old brick wall sitting before her. She didn't know how long it had been since Aksel had left her here on the roof to practice overcoming her fears of bending. The sun had gone a while ago and her back ached from sitting still so long. She lost a weary breath and arched her back a little to work out the stiff muscles.

She really was trying, but all her mind managed to do whenever she tried donning a serene, calm mindset was to take those ideas, wring, twist and distort them until they were a heap of dark, depressing thoughts. She knew she was a pessimist but hadn't really had to sit alone with her thoughts for long periods of time before. Fuck. She really had problems and a lot of them.

The most pressing one after the panic attack inducing memories was figuring out moderation. She had problem scaling just how much force she could put in and it scared her. Air was literally everywhere around her, granted she still couldn't use any of it but if she could, she would have to make sure to not vanquish all of it so her and everyone could still breathe or make sure to not fill up one space with too much of it so that it didn't expand and explode them from the inside. Too little, too much... she had to have a pretty good control over the fickle invisible matter so that it could be just right.

She had never done anything in moderation before, it was all in or nothing for her. Everything about air bending seemed to clash with her personality and most of her meditation was spent thinking that maybe this was a cruel joke bestowed upon her by the weaves of fate. Giving her an ability that she could never master, condemning her to utter failure along with destruction throughout her life.

Desa wiped her clammy palms on the fabric of her rough pants. She hated being alone with her thoughts, depressing wouldn't even begin to cover the extent of it. She closed her eyes and felt the slow breeze around her again. The winds had calmed down as the day wore on and now it only whispered along her skin, toying with her black hair and kissing her a goodbye before a new current took it's place.

Air never moved the same way twice. It had taken her a while to visualise their path but now she could sense and flow with the breeze in her mind, it was akin to floating like a dust, trusting the breeze to take it where it needed to go. The emotion of giving up control was against her every instinct but her whole life had been a losing battle over control of her own actions, so it shouldn't have surprised her how easy she had taken to gently weaving through the currents, letting them take the lead to guide her.

The hard part was taking control. She needed to be able to redirect the gentle currents and slightly nudge them in a direction she wanted. Whenever she tried to even push the air around her an inch, it felt like shouldering against an immovable steel wall. She would be left panting and sweating curses after every try.

Raising her hand, and wafting it blindly in the empty space before her granted more results in moving air than when she tried using her bending powers. If she hadn't burnt down an entire orphanage or suffocated herself whenever she had a nightmare, she would doubt she was a bender at all.

Even though her progress was infinitesimally small, she was making better memories of air bending. Just like Aksel had said. The hours she spent meditating against the sun on the roof listening to the deep, soothing instructions of Aksel was like therapy. The memories of nights she spent sitting on the rug of the living room, inhaling his wood and ocean scent brought an immediate smile on her face. And then a faint blush creeped up on her cheeks. She really was incorrigible.

Here she was, trying to figure out bending and all she could do was think about Aksel. She just couldn't help it, the best thing about bending was him. Learning from him, spending time with him and gazing upon him. He had infinite patience and kindness towards her. It didn't matter she didn't make any progress, he never lost his unwavering trust that she eventually would. It never mattered that she kept being the most socially inept elf there ever was, his understanding never once tumbled.

Even though she had to keep three steps of distance between her bodies, whenever she was near him, she felt warm like his presence hugged her. Even now, all she wanted to do was go downstairs and trail after him just so she could just be with him. She just wanted to look at him, the calmness and peace his closeness brought out in her was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. It was like a primal need for her.

She didn't remember how she used to be alone before him. The thought of it made an ache form in her chest. The need to leave her post on the roof and seek him out increased tenfold but she shook her head. No, she needed to make some progress. All Aksel did was encourage her, she needed to make progress. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint him.

Uncrossing her legs, she stood up on shaky legs. She stumbled a little as cramps formed on her calves. "Wood working trouts does that hurt!" She doubled over hitting against the muscles of her legs with fists hoping the action would diminish the pain. Desa straightened up and then took awkward steps forward. Tiny muffled squeals escaped her closed lips as the feeling of thousand tiny insects crawling under her skin slowly dissolved.

She stretched a little, working out the knots on her shoulders as she rolled her head in a circle and then shaking her legs. Then she bent over, holding her ankles to stretch out her hamstrings. After she was certain she wouldn't pull a muscle, Desa placed her hands down on the ground shoulder width apart and then kicked her feet up in the air. She wavered a little but then stabilised herself as she stood in a handstand. Maybe the blood rushing to her head would give her a better idea to tackle her problems.

And if that didn't work, she could always workout and exert herself until the dark thoughts went away. Her biceps and back muscles were sore from the unfamiliar manual labour she had been doing since she started working at the harbour but they also felt stronger now.

Desa had once found it futile to train her body, it counter acted her desires to die but as time went on under the enchantment, and her exertions grew in both torture and missions, her body gave out in sickness and broke bones too many times. She hated the feeling of being ill, and stronger muscles meant that it was just a bit harder to break the skin, no matter how many times it was proven otherwise by Sontarro.

In time, it had became one of the few aspects she could control in her life. She was in control of her body when she exercised, how she moved, how much she could lift or how fast she could run. She needed that facade of still being control over herself and she held onto it for dear life.

Lowering her legs, Desa stood right side up again, the abundance of blood leaving her head and rushing down to her limbs. Then she raised up her hackles as if she was guarding herself against an invisible opponent and started shadowboxing. She dodged and blocked as if there was something other than air before her, the quick movements of her hands, matching the restless pace her feet was dancing to. She twirled, her unbound hair swishing in the air like silk skirts of a dress and then she faced her invisible opponent again, catching it off guard with an upper-punch to its chin, followed by a lightning fast elbow to the cheek and then stepping back.

She took a second to catch her breath before squatting low and then delivering consecutive fast paced punches to the abdomen and then righting back up to deliver a round kick to the head. Then she threw her head to the right side and tumbled back a step holding her cheek.

She chuckled gazing at nothing but air with mirth in her eyes. "You saw me lowering my guard on my left huh. I can't hide anything from you Mr. Windslow." She took a few light steps circling the invisible opponent on the center. "But did you see this?" She asked as she jumped high enough that her knee would have brutally hit the opponent on the bottom of their chin and then delivered a right kick, followed by a left kick, finishing with a straight kick to the stomach.

She took confident steps over the imaginary opponent now lying on the ground and stared him down. "I told you, the last time you saw me, I'd repay you." She paused to listen to nothing as if hearing out his reply. Then she snickered. "No. I don't accept silver, only gold. Keep that in mind next time our paths cross."

Then she lowered herself to the hard floor of the roof and sprawled out on her back with her legs and arms spread out. Staring at the darkened sky, she could see the bright stars starting to twinkle down on Avilfell like tiny fireflies. Her chest heaved rapidly from exertion but a smile was on her lips, she felt lighter than she ever had in her life. She'd be going down into the house couple floors down to shower and then eat something, and then collapse on the couch that was infinitely more comfortable than her queen bed at her place. She knew it was because the couch was closer to Aksel but she didn't dwell on that part much.

Swinging her legs in the air, she rolled up and crossed her legs. Let's give this another go, Desa thought to herself. Make progress, don't disappoint. She kept repeating as she placed her palms on her knees. As she felt the night breeze carry the scent of the nearby ocean and summer night, she felt her chest expand with serene joy. The distant chants of workers leaving the harbour to go off to their homes a constant reminder of where she was and that she was safe here.

Her mind kept pulling her in the direction of gray eyes and silky navy hair with tan skin, and this time she let it wander. She thought about his touch on her skin, both by his water bending and calloused hands, how gentle he was like she was a glass vase that required the utmost care. She yearned to feel his skin against hers when nothing forced her to attack him, when she could grab him without her hands intending damage. Breathe in his scent as she embraced him and settled into the crook of his neck. She imagined how it would like to be the water he commanded so masterfully, wading between his fingers and gliding across his skin.

She felt a stir of air against her hair. Desa froze, her eyes snapping open wide. She felt her hair move. She. Had. Just. Felt. Her. Hair. Move.

It wasn't the breeze. She knew it. She knew with a certainty that she had made the strand of her hair move. A giddy excitement rose up in her gut. Desa pushed it down as she stifled her grin and licked her lips nervously. Don't get your hopes up until you can duplicate it.

Desa took a deep breath and then closed her eyes. Feeling the air around her with a renewed awareness. What had she done to move the air? She wasn't even concentrating. She thought back on her actions, going through her mind. She was just admiring how Aksel moved the water around with such finesse and the thought of his hands on her skin had brought her a yearning of wanting of that same calmness and joy in the movements. She thought about moving with those currents and felt her hair move again.

She squeezed her lips together but didn't open her eyes or make a noise, afraid that somehow she would scare the air away. She thought about how Aksel didn't seem to push away the water in a direction but instead accompany it in a path, like he didn't want control over it. He just wanted the delight of travelling with it like having a stroll out in a meadow.

Desa felt a breeze coming her way and her mind fell beside it, holding on to it, but instead of pushing it, she let herself go with it, gently cascading in the air and then slightly asked for it to move to the left and it did! She continued to redirect it until the breeze completed a full circle around her head and then she let her hold on the air go, as well as the breath she had been unconsciously holding in.

Desa fell down backwards and looked at the stars like she was asking them to be an eye witness to the momentous occasion. She wasn't sure what she just accomplished was real. Desa ran both of her hands through her hair and then a surprised laugh escaped her lips. She stopped the unusual sound by placing the back of her hand against her mouth.

Her eyes were wide with disbelief. She had bent air and nothing bad had happened. Lord of the fae, was this what bending was supposed to feel like? She felt excitement of her small accomplishment wash over her body and she allowed her lips to stretch out in a smile.

Finally! All those hours of silent meditating and she was finally able to do something with herself. She felt a prickling sensation at the back of her eyes but that quickly sobered her up. Desa pushed herself up with her elbows and then placed her palms on her knees again.

She quieted her excitement down and tried to repeat the action. This time, reaching around to one of the slow breeze around her and guiding it along her hair was easier. It was like holding hands with a friend and skipping along a tall grassy pasture. She couldn't believe what she had been missing all those years, fearing this feeling and power. All those years she had spent avoiding the simple fact that she was an air bender at all costs, and now, she felt happier than ever.

Desa opened her eyes and looked up at the sky to make sure they were still there, watching over this feat. They seemed to shine in response to her question. Desa lowered her head and nodded. Then closed her eyes and practiced her new found ability a dozen more times. Each time, it became easier to manage, like second nature to her. In time it would without a doubt become like a reflex to her.

All she wanted to do was rush downstairs, find Aksel and show him what she could do but first she needed to prove to herself that this wasn't a fling. So she practiced a dozen more times until she was sure she could do it on command and that it was definitely her doing it.

Getting up off the floor with a big smile she could not erase, Desa rushed to the metal door of the roof and opened it up. Bouncing down on the steps, taking some of them two or three at a time in her excitement, she bounded down flights. When she reached Aksel's house she opened the door and excitedly called out, "Ax! You won't believe what I'm about to show you!"

Then she hurriedly walked through the empty living room. He was probably in his room. Desa could not stay still as her joy bubbled up and out of her, she rounded the corner for the hallway and walked towards Aksel's door to knock on his door but just as she was passing by the door for the kitchen, Aksel's body exited and they came face to face.

Before Desa's eyes could even widen in horror, her right hand closed around the hilt of one of the daggers she had previously taken back from Mihram and pulled it out. Her hand was descending fast, with all her might, she tried to redirect her hand but it was too late. The blade plunged into Aksel's chest.

Gosh darn it.

I'll probably immediately start writing the next chapter because I just cannot leave this hanging.

I currently have zero readers and I am pushing myself to write and at least complete this but it's very hard to get motivated without comments.

So if you're reading this, drop a comment? Pretty please. Thank you ❤️