There was one very important thing you could learn by watching how someone reacted to something, it had the power to tell you a lot about someone. A normal response to a ball coming your way is to move, when someone raises a hand at you, you flinch. That was the problem, Aditya could not recall Zoya flinching, she begged for him not to hurt her, even claimed fear but she did not flinch. The only reason he could fathom was that she was used to hands being raised and objects thrown. When he really considered it, she didn't even smile, her expression was of stoic indifference, kind of like she had lost her spirit.

The last person who had took away her smile had gotten a present in return, it was simple logic; when someone smiles at you, you smile back. Now Zaheer was always smiling, and he would forever remember that it was Zoya's name on his lips seconds before he grinned forever. The moment only felt like yesterday, he had posted bail for the apparent murder of his wife, travelled straight to a knife shop and got Zoya's name engraved on the blade, then he found Zaheer.

"Usually, I would sing you a song and squeeze the life out of you, but this is personal, this isn't for me" Aditya rose his head and shoved his hood down then stood up "It's best not to try and break out of the ropes, i'm not in the best of moods" spinning the knife between his fingers he held it upto the light "Zoya's name is engraved right here, I felt the roses added speciality, it isn't something you'll ever forget, just like her it is truly unforgettable" grabbing his chin he smiled "Ever heard of the glasgow grin, you'll be smiling forever, all thanks to Zoya" ensuring Zaheer could see her name he ran the blade from the corner of his lips to his mid-cheek then did the same on the opposing side, he watched as the blood dripped from his cheeks and his skin began to curl "If you decide to upload a picture on social media, hashtag it smile for Zoya, toodles" waving his hand he walked toward the door then stopped "Sometimes living with the pain of something is the bigger punishment" then he was gone

[~~~]

Zoya stepped inside Dr Rowlan's office "Hi, I just came to drop off this box for Allison" she noted how his gaze was faraway, eyes focusing on the letter in his hand "Dr Rowlan"?

"Huh" he looked up and quickly shoved the letter in his top drawer "Right, yeah thanks" standing up he walked toward the box and removed a file "How's it with the patient"?

"Um, it's okay, he makes me slightly uncomfortable though he's a lot to take all at once, excuse me if this is out of place but are you okay, you seem bothered by something"? There was a very comforting aura around him that always left her feeling at peace, in the strangest way it was like she knew him.

"I'm fine" he nodded "I think in regards to Aditya it's important to remember that he has lost a lot, he may seem like a lot at times but he's also a man with a marvellous brain, he's fast on his feet and is very knowledgeable" he held out both hands "Only a very small part of him is a serial killer, there are all these other parts of him that you need to focus on because if you walk straight in there and think of serial killer then your mind is already clouded, one aspect is what made him kill, his childhood, his personal beliefs, then you have his likes, his dislikes, then his personality, his obsessions, his guilty pleasures" leaning against his desk he removed his glasses "From our perspective, he is a man who was born to be more but his childhood pushed him into the arms of criminality, he isn't adapted to sitting and talking, but you have to be clear on your expectations, does that make sense, you tell him what you want and give him what he wants, he was in isolation for five years you are the only conversation he gets daily, so he is bound to act out, now you also have the same name as his wife, I don't know how much you know about her but she was a kind woman, very strong and empowering and she was also his therapist, you may question why someone who had her whole life ahead of her would give it up for a serial killer, but that's not who he is, it isn't his identity, it's a part of him, he offered her something she needed, something she did not get from anyone else, he is just a man who lost his wife, a man who still to this day loves her, the man who probably has the biggest sense of empathy in this whole hospital"

"I, I didn't really think about it that way, guess I could learn a lot from him, someone told me once to learn from my patients but I can't recall who" she smiled

Gulping back tears he smiled back, it had been one of the first lessons he had taught her and she hadn't forgotten it. "Miss Siddiqui, would you like to-" he was cut off when she bounded into him and knocked him to the floor, his head smacked against the door just as she rolled off of him a bullet grazed the wall after shattering the glass

"I'm so sorry, are you okay"? She sat up and checked him over "I saw a gun and was just focusing on moving you out of the way, are you"? Gripping her head she closed her eyes tightly, all she could see was blood covering her clothes and a man in her arms. Shaking herself out of it she helped him stand up "Sorry, I just" pressing her hand against the bloody cut on his forehead she grimaced again as she saw a body on her lap, trembling in her hold, opening her eyes she frowned "Dr Rowlan, have we, have we met be-"

"Zoya, there you are, did you forget about our date"? Carlos smiled "Oh you must be Dr Rowlan, nice to meet you" he outstretched his hand

Martin gritted his teeth "You are not welcome in my hospital" sure Carlos' facial features had changed ever so slightly, but he was not a man that could ever be confused with someone else. Then it all clicked, he was dating Zoya, his Zoya who he had brought up, sung to, read to, it was too much to handle. "I'm sorry, Miss Siddiqui cannot come to your date, she has work to finish with her patient, if you are found to be on these premises again I will contact the police" he tried to level out his voice, not wanting to risk Zoya getting suspicious, ever since Aditya had assured him of her identity he had tried to be more careful around her, relapses were all too easy

"Oh, I have a pass" he grinned "You have a good day sweetheart" kissing her cheek he turned around only to bump into his partner's patient "Sorry, mate, didn't see ya" leaning up he whispered "Too many times have I watched her sleep, had her body pressed up against mine and had her scream my name to give up now" patting his cheek he cleared his throat, clearly baiting him to react, he was seconds away from getting what he wanted when Zoya spoke up

"Mr Hooda, how about we go back to your room, I have some things i'd like to discuss" she nodded to Dr Rowlan, now was his time to report the gun crime while she busied Aditya and hopefully learnt how to be kinder to him, wringing her hands she fell into step beside him silently, in all honesty she really didn't like the cold person she had became lately, she spent so much time releasing her emotions at home that when she got to work she was like a robot. In a way it felt good to be angry at her patient, any emotion was valuable right now. Looking at the sketches on the wall she lifted her hand to one, the resemblance was uncanny to herself "Is this me"?

He nodded in response but remained still otherwise. Rubbing her hands up her arms she tried to avoid the merciless thoughts of the gun aimed towards a man she looked up to, a part of her wanted nothing more than to cry but try as she might a tear wouldn't come her way. "It's beautiful" she looked at how intricately he had drawn her hands around a rose, her hair curling around her face and her eyes so bright "Can I keep it"? Maybe it was too much to ask, but no one had really taken the time to focus on her in a long time

Placing it in her hands he looked into her eyes "Why don't you smile"?

"Excuse me" her expression was full of shock "I do smile"

"No you don't, you're very glum" Aditya lifted her hair from her shoulders and ran his fingers over a greenish bruise "Bruises don't suit you doc, you ain't rotten fruit" sitting onto his bed he surfed his hand beneath the pillow then stood up again "Here"

Zoya looked into his hand "Pearls, but-"

"My sister always wore them, she gave them to me the last time I saw her, suppose holding them makes me feel" he tipped his head from side to side "Relaxed, try it"

Looking up at him she took them into her hands but kept her hand just above his "Thank you" rolling them around her palm she sighed "You and I, we really got off on the wrong foot and i'd like to edit that, I have something in mind" clenching her fist she placed the pearls back in his hand and the paper on the bed "Have you ever considered art therapy, it would give you more of a variety of utensils to use for your drawing"

"Nope" he stepped back "That all"?

"No, I" something was wrong, he seemed low? He wouldn't maintain eye contact, his shoulders drooped and there wasn't even an edge of sarcasm in his tone. Crazily she missed it, the glint in his eyes and the animated way he spoke, when he walked into a room he owned it, last night once she had returned home after their last session she had fallen sleep to his voice in her head, hand sliding under the duvet but never quite allowing herself the satisfaction she wanted, it all made sense. All of this anger toward him wasn't because he was rude, obnoxious and jovial; it was because within her was a deep seated attraction, one that followed her home and wrapped her up in husky caresses. She needed to fix this, but she had no idea how "Are you willing to try it"?

He looked up, disoriented and unfocused "Try what"?

"Art therapy, Mr Hooda are you okay"? She so badly wanted to touch him, comfort him and she loathed herself for it, he was her patient but no one had made her balance on the edge like he had, that was how she seemed to like it; being in a position where she could fall but also be pulled back up.

"Nope, not interested" tapping his feet he held his hands behind his back and swung on his heels, he hadn't expected failure to hit so hard, he had really believed that pushing her was the way to get her attention, just how it used to be but the fact remained that she was not his Zoya, not the one he knew. She did not fire back in the same way or even have any interest in him, the show was over now. Time to let her go, she was no longer his problem, it was time for him to return to the darkness where he belonged. "If that's all, i'd like to get some rest"

Zoya pursed her lips, all or nothing and now was the time, whatever she said now had to count, if it didn't she had a suspicious feeling that this might be the last time she ever got another word out of him "I have a question for you"

Aditya didn't look at her but he didn't move either, at the very least he was listening and that would have to do "I'm not per say in the mood for questions" he waved his hand "I want you to leave"

She hadn't expected that to hurt as much as it did. Licking her lips she blew out a breath of air "No"

She hoped he'd argue back, instead he shrugged "Fine, have it your way" sitting at the desk opposite her he turned away

Then it happened, she was crying. She had no idea why, it was inappropriate and unecessary but she couldn't help it, sniffing she tried to calm her sobs but her shoulders shook and her breaths came out ragged, swiping at her cheeks with her knuckles she nodded and headed toward the door

"What was the question"?

Zoya shook her head "Nothing, it isn't important" looking up she blinked fast then turned to face him again "Um, you asked me before if my boyfriend could get it up" her cheeks felt hot "I wouldn't know, we aren't together, just dating" she knew she shouldn't have told him the truth, but she just wanted to give him something he wanted, just once

Aditya still wouldn't look at her, the dismissal hurt. "I want to go back to isolation"

"Why"?

"I want to mourn the loss of my wife in peace"

"No, I can't let you do that" she shuddered at the thought "You don't belong in there, we can talk it through and-"

"I don't want to, especially not with you" he snapped, fists hitting the table "Send me or i'll get myself sent"

"But Mr Hooda-"

"Aditya, don't call me that only she called me that" he spun his body to face her then rolled his eyes "Oh stop with the waterworks"

"Is this a punishment or something, because of how I spoke to you, how do you go from telling me how badly you want to touch me and getting jealous, to this" she was lost

"I want to touch my wife, I don't want anyone else to touch her, you are not my wife I was caught up in the moment"

"So, you're not attracted to me"? She couldn't believe she had even asked, what was this? She shouldn't even want him to be, but weirdly enough he made her feel alive

He didn't respond and it only angered her further, she had tried to hide for so long the butterflies in her stomach whenever he came near, she didn't care if he hit Carlos over the head with another plank of wood but she did care that he was talking to Megan in private. "I have a responsibility to do things that are in your best interests, you aren't going to isolation, you wanted me as your therapist and now here I am, you can't blackmail me into staying then tell me you don't want me anymore, it's not how it works"

"It's my right to say no" he was up and in her face "Don't try and assert yourself onto me, can't you see, I don't want you, who would, oh yeah, Carlos, that's probably the best you can do" he hadn't wanted it to get to this, but he had no choice if he wanted her gone. His mother had been right, a relationship was not for him. "What would I ever want with someone like you, you disgust me"

"Likewise Mr Hooda" she held her own, eyes staring into his and back straight "You're a patient at a mental health centre, it isn't like I want you, i'm really not that desperate" she bit back "Is this how you won your wife over, tore her down so she believed she couldn't do any better than you, why would a woman like her ever settle for you" she knew she had crossed the line, but she was also past caring

"Don't you talk about her, you didn't even know her" he threatened

"Why, it's true isn't it, you were obsessed and the only way you would get her was if you ruined her, how did you ruin her, how did you break her down"? Her eyes darkened "What ya gonna do, hit me, go on I dare you"

Aditya yanked her forward by her hair, span her around and shoved her face into the wall "One more word about her and i'll fucking kill you, she wasn't weak, no one could tear her down" pushing his knee into her back he pulled her head back "You really thought you could come in here, ask me one question and we'd be okay, go on, I wanna hear it"

Hissing she moved her hand to tug on his "I can't br-"

"SAY IT" he ordered

"I wanted to learn from you to, rather than just see you as a" she wheezed loudly "As a killer" she grunted, twisting her arm to shove at his knee "So, I wanted to ask how do you" she squeezed her eyes shut in pain "How do you um be so confident"?

Aditya let her go immediately "What"? Turning her around his jaw clenched, she was still there, his Zoya.

Sliding down the wall she grimaced "Must you always be so violent"? Pulling herself up she held her back, she really had gone mad, how on earth had she managed to become attracted to a deranged patient? "I'll speak to Dr Rowlan about sending you back to isolation, that attack will be enough of a reason" she kept her eyes on the floor "You know" she looked up "Words hurt, you didn't need to take it that far, I get it, why would anyone want me, I mean look at me" gnawing at her lip she sighed

"No, Zoya I only said that to get you off my back" Aditya reached out for her then thought better of it "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever set eyes on"

"Don't lie, nothing beats your wife, I don't need your false pity"

Aditya reached for the drawings from beneath his bed "Look, this is my wife, look at her what do you see"?

Zoya gasped audibly "She looks just like me, no, you're lying, that isn't her, why would you be so cruel to me if I looked just like her"? She shook her head fast, doe eyes watery

"Because you look like her, it haunts me, do you believe me now, that you're the-"

"You are a cruel man Mr Hooda, a very cruel man and I hope you rot in hell" storming past him she slammed the door

Im so hurt after this! What a long chappy! Enjoy x