Dear Diary,

Last night I wept and wept until I had no more tears left to weep. And I finally accepted the fact that crying wasn't going to do a thing. Getting angry and bawling my eyes out would not bring Father back.

I realized that I had cried all throughout the hard times in my life and it never helped. It never made me feel better and get back up. I realized that when Mother was still around, I had gotten so used to crying because she would always comfort me. But when she left, I tended to cry more. But not today. And not ever again.

"Aren't you going to join me for breakfast, Miss Lily?" Calvin had asked me when I didn't come to the breakfast table. I had never really had breakfast before, let alone at a table.

"Yes. Of course ! Thank you!" I exclaimed, my face lighting up, suddenly as Calvin's smiling eyes twinkled.

"No need to thank me!" he said as we sat down.

I gaped in awe at the meal. Waffles with fresh strawberries, syrup and whipped cream sat before me a large plate, decorated with dark green and light pink flowers. There were also cinnamon buns whose fragrance filled the air. There were hashbrowns, sizzling bacon, freshly-squeezed orange juice and...cooked carrots! What a blessing to have such wonderful food! I grabbed my fork and began to dig into the waffles, when Calvin stopped me.

"Aren't you going to say grace first?" he asked, laughing at my eagerness.

I slowly put my fork down. That's right. I hadn't said grace. Why? Because God had not kept my father alive. He had taken him. So why should I pray to Him for a second?!

"God took my father..." I mumbled. "Why does He deserve my thanks?"

Calvin looked very confused as he furrowed his eyebrows. "God gave you your family. He gave you a life."

"A life as a slave!" I exclaimed, trying not to shout.

"I was a slave, too," Calvin replied. "I fought hard, prayed every day and finally won my freedom. You have won yours too, Lily. You think you did that alone? No. God was guiding you. You should be happy and give Him thanks. Life is a gift"

I sighed and shut my eyes. "You don't know how painful my life has been," I murmured, through gritted teeth. "My mother was sold. She was taken from me. My good friend Johnny was beaten to death by Master! And now my father is dead! That was my life! What kind of gift is that?"

"That's not your life now..." Calvin whispered, leaning forward. He paused, pondering and then continued. "You think you're the only slave who's had a hard life? You think you're the only person who's had a hard life? No. You're not, Lily."

His eyes grew dark and weary.

"What...happened?" I asked quietly and slowly, wondering if it was smart to open my mouth.

Calvin folded his hands and leaned his head on them. "I had a girlfriend. One whom I loved so much. I was going to marry her. Then, one day, she was beaten to death by my master. And I never saw her again. She was taken from me...but not by God."

He raised his head and stared directly into my eyes. "And I didn't hold it against my master, either. At first I yearned for revenge. I even thought of murdering my master's wife, but I didn't. Because I couldn't bare that guilt. And no one should be able to do such a thing. No one should hold onto a grudge no matter what has been done to them. They should learn to forgive and move on. Life's gonna throw obstacles at you and you need to learn how to dodge around them. Not blow up and yell at it for the rest of your years. That'd be a waste of time. Forgive and forget and you won't regret."

Those words struck me like a bolt of silver lightning. How could I have been so foolish and angry at God? First of all, God didn't take my father. Old age did. Second, staying angry would only make me more miserable. Third, God had allowed me to reach freedom. I no longer was a slave, therefore I had no right to complain. That was all history. I was in the present and I intended to live it. Not waste it.

"You're right," I whispered, nodding my head.

I then blessed my breakfast, gave thanks to God and begged forgiveness from Him. Because God is forgiving. He gave us life, and I realized there was nothing I could do to thank Him enough.