Ana's POV

Pretending I didn't see anything, I shuffle around in search of my clothes while wiping the stray tears on my cheek, my heart shattering into uncountable pieces as my shoulders shake in silent sobs, the ringtone ending as no one attends to it.

"What are you doing?" He questions in a rough voice, stirring from his slumber.

"I'm leaving," I declare, making progress in spotting my shirt and pants in the open bathroom.

"I don't understand," he acknowledges and I hear the bed creaking as he sits up, facing where I am.

"You won't," I sniff, tugging on my sweatpants and shirt, not bothering to put on a bra.

"Ana what--" he begins walking to me in all his naked glory as I return to the room.

"Don't come an inch closer," I order, directing a harsh stare in his path.

"What has come over you?" He asks, dropping his arms to his sides.

"Nothing," I assert. "I just want to leave."

"Tell me why babe? Did I do anything wrong?" He investigates, placing an arm below his jaw to direct an inquisitive glimpse my way.

"There's no reason," I lie. "I just don't want to be around you."

"Oh," he blurts, shaking his head in humor. "I get it now."

"What--
What do you get?" I interrogate in confusion.

He chuckles hysterically. "This is what sluts do, I mean, why haven't I noticed it earlier?"

"Excuse me?" I query, stunned at his outburst.

"It's true, you always do this. Whenever we have sex you always disappear in the morning, typical," he explains in a bitter laugh.

"Fuck you!" I cry, the tears flowing freely now as I don't have an ounce of sense to wipe them off while I pick up my undies and shove them in my bag, heading for the door.

"Of course, just leave," he snorts, eyes shining with hate and disgust as he murmurs under his breath, "like you always do."

Not responding, I fish for the key card, pain wrenching at my insides, my cries thick and heavy due to the amount of hurt I feel within, the tears, not allowing me a chance to see clearly as I roam around the room like a lost lamb while he stands staring at me, his fingers fisting in rage at my behavior.

Finding it laying carelessly from where he probably dropped it the previous night I snatch it up and saunter to the door, swiping it immediately before flinging it behind as I exit, shoes in hand.

Sneaking along the hallway like a thief for fear of recognition, I retrace my steps back the way we came through yesterday. Fortune smiles on me as I can remember the route to the elevator and select the down floor.

Trudging lightly without making a sound due to my bare feet I reach the secluded door, thankful it is unlocked, I push it and meet an empty garden with a garage ahead.

"I need to order a taxi," I muse, blowing my nose into the white t-shirt and dry my eyes afterward. Unlatching my satchel, I search for my phone. Sighting the device I press the power button, happy that it has some percentage left for use.

I unlock it and look up the bolt app and order a ride. The app indicating the driver will be here in about five minutes. Exactly in five minutes my phone rings and I answer, him as he tells me he's at the gate.

Bending, I lace my feet into the sneakers I'm holding, and compose myself despite everything as I saunter to the gates, my head bent low and braids falling at my side to hide my face from onlookers and employees of the establishment.

I nod at the gateman who tugs the metal open for me to pass through, and I do, catching sight of the blue Hyundai packed in the distance. Hiking a tad, I attain the car and crosscheck the plate number making sure it matches before I knock on the window.

He responds by unlocking it, muttering a "good morning," with a disapproving glance at my state of dress the moment I enter. Wallowing in misery I feign ignorance at his attitude and shut my eyes, sloping the back of my head on the plush leather, and sealing my lips in a trembling line as I go through the occurrences in my mind.

*****

"Thank you," I mumble to the driver who grunts in response as I alight and closes the door for me, driving back to wherever he came from.

Dragging my feet, I put my hand below the latch and unlock it from inside as I see he deactivated the fingerprint gesture for a reason known to him.

I latch it after I'm through and turn to face the quiet environment as Joe's car doesn't seem to be in sight. Pondering on why he isn't home I recall today is Sunday so he must be in church now.

Lifting my wrist, I check the time to see it's 10 am meaning I'm right to insinuate he is in church. Gratified for privacy, I steer to my apartment and slant the handle to push it open.

I know some of you might think Joe and I aren't security conscious seeing as the gate can be easily unlocked and my front door is barely ajar.

The reason we are not that worried is that this is a pretty secure estate, no one enters or leaves without a permit.
For example, if someone like Brian is coming to see me, I will be called to affirm because he hasn't ever come before so the security personals are not familiar with him.

This means no stranger can come into this estate without access from someone inside. Also, pretty much everyone who lives around here is always occupied, so no one goes visiting each other's houses.

Despite this, my gate is always locked, but I'm sure Joe must be expecting me back anytime so he did it that way without using a key seeing as I don't always carry mine around with the hope that he's usually home.

He probably doesn't want me to get stranded at the gates or call him to come to unlock it, thereby distracting him from his commitment to God.

Speaking of God, He must be disappointed in me for my behavior and action. I keep dragging myself into a mess no matter how hard He tries to save me from my sticky predicament.

Sighing, I compel my body past the living room into my bedroom. Throwing my bag on the comfy red chair in the corner of the wide space, I reduce my weight on another.

I inhale, holding it in before exhaling some seconds later. I do this about three to four times in a bid to organize the thoughts running through my head and the emotions wrenching at my heart.

"You need to pull yourself together Ana, it's not the end of the world," I chastise myself in a strong tone hoping that will work, turns out it doesn't as my lips tremble and my breath hitches.

I suddenly feel suffocated as I gasp for air, my eyes building in tears as I rub my fingers along my neck in a calming manner.

"God!" I scream, my heart rate increasing, tingles in my ears, and it seems I can't hear my own voice.

I release my palm from my neck to gaze at it, only to observe its shaking as a result of the anguish and ache nibbling at my resolve. I sense my whole being crumble, my emotions are high due to the hormones active in me, such that I grip the chair handle to stop myself from falling forward as I seem to be losing control of my actions.

Sobs rake through me as the name 'Love ' keeps reappearing in my mind, haunting me as betrayal sets in.
The betrayal of being used, the betrayal of being insignificant, and the same time unimportant.

It's crazy why I feel this way thus I knew this is how it was going to end. I admitted it as a curse so I should have been ready for this, I should have been prepared for the knife-slashing pain, for the terror and turmoil I'm going through.

Instead, it appears I wasn't prepared enough, in fact, nothing could have prepared me for this hell on earth, for this need for something or someone to hold on to in this time of grief.

My decision of being alone coming to bite me in the ass as I fight suicidal thoughts.
The feeling to just end this, to end the pain, to end the humiliation and embarrassment of being disposable, of not being good enough. But I'm better than this, I'm stronger than I think.

"Dear God," I start, clapping my hands together before me as I lower to my knees, humbling myself in His presence.

"I know I've sinned. I know I deserve all these I'm experiencing right now. I know it should have been avoided but I also know everything is written, and the fact this happened shows there's no way I could have avoided it even if I tried."

"I also acknowledge that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this happened to make me stronger, or it did to open my eyes to the total mess called my life. Or maybe it happened to prepare me for what is ahead, I'm not certain, rather what I'm certain about is that you are always here for me. Despite my shortcomings, I know you love me."

"Therefore I've come on my knees right now asking you for forgiveness because I have sinned, I have fucked up badly. Yeah, I said that." I smile, gazing at the PVC ceiling.

"I plead your mercy and strength Lord. Come to my aid and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. All these I ask of You in Your son's name Jesus, Amen," I end, feeling a sense of reassurance and calm set in. The pain is still throbbing in my chest but I have to be strong.
I have a child to take care of so I need to be tough, tough enough to fight, for our sakes.

I get up from the tiled floor and pull my mind together. Taking a deep breath, I sniff and walk towards the comfy brown duvet-covered bed that matches the white walls and retrieve a rubber band from atop the side table close to it.

I pack my hair plaits and shed my attire. Craving a bath, I amble to the washroom and set the bathtub with the toiletries needed after which I go to brush my teeth, rinsing my mouth when I'm sure it's clean.

Placing a towel beside the tub, I go in, letting my mind wander as I get comfortable, while hoping it will help numb the pain I feel inside.

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