Wow, this is getting long, isn't it? Who knew I talked to you so much?

I know it hasn't been too long since I last wrote to you, but life just seems to keep getting more frustrating.

For starters, do you remember the person I talked about last time? Well, I asked them to check out the book I wrote, and the only thing they said was, "Is this Aru Shah? I don't know Aru Shah." I know they don't mean it like that, but I keep imagining them saying it in such a snobbish voice. Maybe I'm being rude. Actually, I am being rude. I'm sorry. I just want to write something they'll like, but it feels like anything I write they shoot down. When I asked they said something about a young adult girl who discovers a mystery or something with fantasy, mystery and angst. How do you even write that? I'm at a loss.

I know I don't have to try so hard to impress them, but I want to, I need to. If I can just get someone whose writing is amateurish and say that mine is good, it's like I've just gotten the highest honor. A good author can say that someone who's work is worse than theirs, but it takes a certain person whose writing isn't very developed yet and say that, hey! I love this story you've written! It's almost like saying that your writing is better than theirs. And when someone says that and gets invested into the story, it feels like the person you admire most is giving you a pat on the back. Why is it so hard for me to achieve that?

Another thing that happened was that someone tried to help me with my English homework. It was the graphic organizer for the essay I'm doing. It's about how it's okay for us to lie sometimes if our intent is good. My first point is how lying can save yours or other people's lives. The second point is about white lies. My friend's mom was trying to help me with it since my mom was already helping her daughter with math.

I swear, I wasn't trying to make it difficult. It just is difficult. So stop telling me that I have to talk about other times when people lied to help themself or someone else other than when it was a life or death situation. My first point is literally about how lying can save lives! I'm not being narrow minded! I'm focusing on my first point which is what I'm supposed to be doing!

Lauren, you have no idea how stressful it was. My mom keeps saying that I'm amazing at this stuff and how I should stop being so hard on myself, but it's hard not to when people are getting mad at me for them not understanding what the assignment is. Like it's my fault my teacher worded it wrong so I actually already wrote down all that I needed.

But you know what makes this all the more stressful?

Tests and major grades surround me on all sides. I took a test in social studies today and it turns out I have another one tomorrow. At least I got a 94 on my Spanish midterm today. And yet, it's still not good enough. Even writing is stressful with constant worries. Am I progressing the story too fast? Do people like this? Will it all flow together in the end? What if people hate it? Is that why no one's read the latest chapter even though it's been out for almost a day now? What am I doing wrong? Nowadays, the only rest I get is talking to my crush as we wait for the buses to take us home. Lately, we've been talking about Greek mythology, and it's been a lot of fun. I only wish I didn't have to leave so soon.

But today I didn't even get to do that because of the dnd Christmas party this afternoon. We're both in the club, but we're also in different campaigns, so the closest I get to talking to him is his brother who basically ignored everyone the whole time.

My mom's also worried about the writing competition I entered in school because there's a problem with the website and they keep sending her emails saying something about how I haven't entered my story yet even though my ELA teacher told her it is entered. What does it matter anyways? We all know that I'm not going to New York. I'm not as good as my teacher's old student who wrote about apple phones taking over the world or that one senior who wrote about astronauts dying in space after Earth is destroyed by an asteroid.

What am I doing wrong, Lauren?