Dear Lauren,

I thought the nightmares were gone, but this is the second night in a row that I've had one.

The first one, we were all on a ship, the only humans left. When we first got on, I tried so hard to impress my mom, but she never looked at me. I say I'm fine being lonely or ignored, but it hurts so much sometimes.

Later, we reached an empty sea that was cold, dark, and had fog all around. Of course, they decided that I would be the one to venture out into the ocean. When they set me off to sea, it was only then at they warned me that if I went to far, I'd never return.

I begged, I screamed, I kicked, I did everything possible to make them get me back onto the ship. After what seemed like an hour, it worked.

It was only a few weeks later when we discovered that my mom was pregnant with the captain's baby. To get ride of any evidence of his wrongdoings, she was abandoned on an island when we assume she died. It was lonely and miserable, the only person I had left was my dad who was kept busy with work.

I woke up a little later to my brother freaking out that we were going to be late for the movie. We were, in fact, not late for the movie, but I'm glad he woke me up.

The second nightmare was a zombie apocalypse. I don't think I need to describe it to you so you understand how terrifying it was.

I don't know what else to do, Lauren. Will it be like this forever? I hope not.

This week has been hard, with people screaming and yelling at other people and me, the thought that I'm not good enough as a constant presence in my mind.

I'm worried. Maybe that's just it. They expect me to start the offering music, and that freaks me out. I'm not good at rhythm, and that's the main focus of the bass bars! I'm going to mess it up, I just know it.

I wish I could go back to a time when I didn't have to worry about anything like this, or death. I wish I could go back to before my mom started teaching day classes instead of the night ones at the college she worked at. I wish I could go back to when it didn't feel like my parents were wasting all their money on me.

It's my fault I hear them worry about it in hushed voices. I hate my teeth that have needed stuff in them since third grade. I hate my eyes that need expensive glasses to see. I hate my elbow that needed three casts and surgery that we got bills from for years. I hate the fact that I want to do everything when everything is expensive. I hate how I cause them worry.