Dear Lauren,

I know I said I was going to tell you about the rest of my classes a few days ago, but I forgot. I'm sorry.

I'm so stupid and a giant idiot.

I had a quiz in algebra today. When we went to lunch my friends were talking about how there were two no solutions in a row for questions 5 and 6. I only got a no solution for 6. I failed, I just know I did.

I also discovered today that I got a 92 on the math STAAR and a 99 on the reading one. Acceptable, I guess. 106 people scored higher than me on the math one and 14 on the reading. I'm a f*ucking idiot. I could have done better, I should have done better.

I was trying to do my homework today for math since it was due tomorrow. When my mom finally got back to help me, I ended up getting 3 out of 10 wrong. I'm supposed to be an expert in math due to both of my parents being high school math teachers, but I'm not. I'm just a giant disappointment.

The only thing that made me feel slightly better was when my mom said that the pyramid part was making it more complicated than what her honors algebra 2 students were doing.

I'm just dumb, let's except that along with the fact I'm not pretty. I barely have curves, just little barely visible dips by my hips, my chest and my butt are flatter than almost everyone else I know, my glasses are always dirty and falling off, I'm always sneezing and sniffling, I never wear makeup and my hair's always a mess. I want to cut it and when I told my mom she reminded me of how everyone called me Dora the Explore.

I don't know about you, but it feels a little racist and insulting. Just because I'm a Hispanic girl and have short hair doesn't mean I look like her. She has bangs, I don't. I have glasses, she doesn't. She'd probably be able to talk to my granny, and I can't. I don't know enough Spanish.

In science we were talking about how if a shooter entered our classroom, some of us not might make it. I'm a little closer to the science closet that has an exit leading to the hallway where we can escape to Kroger or one of the nearby elementary schools, but I think I'd probably be one of the firsts to die. If that really did happen and I was shot, would it really be that big of a loss?

People would certainly care and remember more if it were my science teacher, the first nice science teacher I've had in years, or the popular girl that everyone wanted to be. They'd probably even miss the annoying class clown that everyone hated more than me. It's not like anyone really talks to me that often anyways. My friends all have someone else they like more, and I get the feeling they find me a little annoying.

I think the world would be fine without me. My friends would slowly forget about me, my family would grieve for a few months or so before carrying on like usual. I even get the feeling some of my neighbors would dance on my grave if given the chance.

I'm a ugly idiot that the world wouldn't even notice if I was gone. I've made so many mistakes that probably leaves me with more enemies than friends.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...