What the fudge are you doing?

This chapter is going to be a bit longer than the rest but what the . . .

What the . . .

What the freaking . . .

I CANNOT FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO VENT OUT THIS FRUSTRATION!!!!!!

People that write like this; I am immensely worried

When reviewing or judging books like this, I am this close to tearing off your ass!
Were you suffocated and drenched in magical acid that messes with your neurons and therefore allows you to type or spew out rubbish as you please?!

Has anyone ever read a book here on wattpad and wondered;

“How old is the author?”

You guys know there is a difference between writing books directed at children than writing like a child, right?

This chapter might be offensive to some but I am merely stating facts and another reason why a lot of people think wattpad is a home to trashy writers.

They are partially right though.

80%

Yeah, some of you here are very young . . . I think there might even be eleven year olds on this app.

Now, this does not include those with dyslexia, so please don’t bite me.

I cannot –

I just cannot can!

Please, don’t mind my senseless gibberish.

I am going to start now;

Once upon a time.

There was a princess.

This princess had a father and a mother, the king and the queen.

She had 15 sisters and 27 suitors.

One day, she went to the bush and squatted down to conduct a serious business.

That evening, she went home and they had dinner.

She was a beautiful girl and had black teeth with colourless hair. She was the most beautiful princess in the land and every day, she was married.

She visited her uncle and they played. She was so happy.

When she went back to the castle . . .

I think I’d faint if I continue.

Yes, I have literally read books like the above; even worse.

Imagine how my eyes burned when I was to review such a story.

Oh lord.

I am sorry but the above is an atrocity. If any of you still write like this, do not fear, you will get better. But readers simply cannot comprehend . . . that.

I don’t even think the above has a solid plot!

I have read one that did have a plot but it made absolutely no sense.

Even fairy tales for children are far more enticing than the messy porridge above. Where did you even see these examples to copy . . .?

Now, with the above example, couple it with the worst grammatical errors and imagine what it would look like.

Yes, I know. It’s terrible.

For those of you who call such writing “beautiful,” I wish I had a bazooka to destroy you along with the whole comment section.

I think my ranting for this is over and at this point, I beg you; the above is not a book, neither is it a story. It’s a tattle tale.

On a very serious note, don’t send books like that for a review, it is bad enough as it is. Don’t make some reviewers sprinkle sugar on it and make you feel like you wrote something that could rival the best writers.

Reviewers cannot be telling you how to write.

It is exhausting on the reviewer’s part and this is something even ten year olds would look at and say it sucks.

I am sure you know how blatantly honest children are.

You should never hand works like that over to a reviewer. You are just going to give them a massive headache and make the soft hearted ones cry; especially when they don’t know how they can tell you your book was horrible in the nicest way possible.

I can’t stress myself over this.

Yet, there is another set of writers that get under my skin whom I also put in the toddler writing category; though, they are of a higher class than the above example.

Were you hit with a lorry and vaulted over a high bridge unto sharp pointy hot rocks below . . . still intact?

Who in their right mind views errors as style?

Which alternate universe were you born in?!

“Your Honour.”

“The victim claims to have been stabbed by the defendant. Do you have anything to say for yourself, you degraded piece of shit?”

“Yes, Your Honour. It was an expression of love. A beautiful style I believe she should appreciate.”

“Oh. I see. I never knew it was a style.”

“Yes, Your Honour. It is the rage these days.”

“I see.”

“Yes. It is a style and I hope you accept it as such. I know it is wrong but it is without a doubt, a style.”

👩‍🔧

What a beautiful court case if I must say.

What kind of moron claims an error to be a style?

I am sorry if you are reading this, but yes, I am talking to you. And sorry for the insulting word but I think I'll just leave it at that.

Don’t worry, guys, the people know themselves . . . if they are reading this.

This takes me to that one time I was judging a book for one award. In the author’s note, I found something really disturbing.

She claimed she would write everything in lowercase letters and she viewed it as a style, in which no one should complain when they see it because simply, it wasn’t a mistake.

I know you tried to sound smart but it kind of came out dumb in the end.

How on Earth is this a style;

i wanted to eat juice but i just couldn’t. my sexy boyfriend was mad at me and i was mad at him to for giving me flowers. i wanted a freaking jeep for heavens sake. why cant he understand that? i killed a rat today but i’m not responsible for it.

I am sure you guys enjoyed reading that beautiful grammatical style above.

Don’t lie, you loved it. I know you do. It was even easy to read and even easier to follow.

Is it just me or was this writer just lazy and decided to deem it a style so we don’t harp down her throat about what an uppercase letter is and how it is supposed to be used.

Stop trying to justify something that is wrong!

I know some of you would come off and say let her just do whatever, but at least be considerate of other people. You are snuffing out chances people have on this app to be noticed!

I am utterly furious you would do something so wrong on purpose!

“Don’t read books on Wattpad, it has shitty writers.”

“That’s not true, they can write well, but they are just . . .”

“What?”

“Flexing . . .?”

“🤨🤨🤨”

Actually, I am not convinced that person knows how to use lower and upper case letters.

Please, if any of you write like this, stop it IMMEDIATELY. Not only are you going to chase away readers, but you just might come across as a person who can’t even write a middle school comprehension to save his/her life and has no respect for doing things in a proper manner.

You are also going to make yourself look like a lazy ass, and no one is willing to pat the head of a person who makes zero to no effort to do something so simple correctly.

I seriously wish I had a broom to smack you in the head with.

and i hope it hurts

nO, iT s HoUlD hUrt

Okay, I’m going to stop now.

In other words, someone who does something wrong on purpose is worse than someone who doesn’t know what the hell they are doing . . . or are they the same?

Hmm . . .