We were four years old when we had met for the first time. 

I wasn't sure why all of a sudden the memories were returning to me, as catatonic as the pelting catastrophe outside. My memories were loud, overwhelming. My chest empty. 

I remembered the first time we had met, back in kindergarten when I had curiously followed the boisterous kid in class. I had found him near the sandpit, shovelling sand furiously. On asking what he was doing, he had informed that (after an oath of secrecy) that he was digging a tunnel that will lead us outside school. The idea was thrilling to me, so I joined in as well. 

Even though we were never successful in our great heist, I found something strange in this boy who talked too loud, ran too fast and was always looking for ways to make trouble. In many ways, the exact opposite of myself. Ace always did things I only wished I could. 

I took a shuddering breath, squinting my eyes as I struggled to maintain vision in the raindrops angrily falling on the windscreen. I kept shivering in my wet clothes, sticking uncomfortably to me. But I had no time to think. Ace was out somewhere. I simply needed to find him. 

It was easier to drive in a straight line once I was out in the streets, although each time that I came around a turn, my heart which seemed to be unfeeling, would get a spark of life and hammer nervously. I remembered how Ace had taught me to drive and the anguish pierced my chest with numbing ferocity. 

Where could he be? Where would he be and not tell anyone? Where would he be when he was feeling so low?

There were a couple of places I could think, both of which were extremely dangerous during this time. The promenade or the cliff. Then, of course, there was the possibility that he didn't want me to find him. 

But I had promised him I always would. 

I bit my lower lip to keep from bawling like a baby. I had to remain steady. When one of us clearly wasn't. 

I decided to check the promenade first, although it would be extremely difficult to spot him under the deluge. I hoped I would be able to spot his car if he had parked it at all and hadn't just gone on a vagabond ride.

I kept my eyes peeled for any shadow of his familiar car out on the roads. I could hear the thunder roaring in the skies above as if heaven itself was intent on crashing onto the wretched earth tonight. I was glad at least the roads were absolutely deserted from what I could tell so far. I gazed at the empty road outside as I reached the promenade, the bone-chilling cold turning my blood into icy streams. If I was so cold inside the car, I could only imagine how cold he would be if he decided to step out of his. 

My heart sank lower and lower as I was finally forced to admit that the promenade was empty. I didn't find any sign of his car all along the one-kilometre stretch of the road. The rain went on without dampening in its ferocity. 

I turned towards the road that led to the cliff, reminiscing the last time I was there. When Ace had decided to pull me into the water with him. When he had looked so carefree, so happy. I hoped against hope I would be able to see his smile once more. Even as the dark thoughts swirled torturously, tormenting me.

It was difficult to drive the car up the hill, for the lack of vision and extremely disadvantageous weather. I held my breath, struggling to keep my hands steady as I drove silently. It seemed like the rain was somehow gentler so far away from the city. Maybe Haywood was the only place damned under the deluge tonight. 

The ride uphill was slow, owing to my crippling fear. What if Ace wasn't here either? Or worse, what if he was? But in a bad state?

Try as I might,  I couldn't stop imagining extremely horrific situations in my head. But I couldn't fathom a life without him. To bear such anguish was inhuman.

My world came to a stop when I finally reached the top of the cliff and saw a silhouette of a car, raven against the night, standing a little further away. My heart hammered almost painfully as I drove closer to the stationary car. My world crashed to the ground when I saw a slender figure shadowed along the sky, standing beside the car, close to the edge. 

I braked the car violently and staggered out. The rain immediately embraced me like a lost lover, the water making my skin numb. The drops were gentler here, softer somehow. The roaring thunder, kinder. I wiped my eyes ferociously and made my way over to the shadow when thunder crackled loudly in the sky. The deafening sound made me stagger, but the split second of light that tore through the sky made me catch a glimpse of the shadow. I  recognized Ace's frame, my entire existence seemed to call out to him. 

"Ace!" I called, my teeth chattering through the cold as the lightning died out. "Ace!"

He turned around slowly, his face, almost entirely obscured as he gazed at me. 

"A-Ace!" I stuttered, struggling to keep my teeth from chattering. "Wh-what are you d-d-doing?"

He was quiet, his eyes fixed on me before travelling to where my car was parked. He then glanced back at me, no shred of emotion in his irises which were shrouded under darkness. 

"Ace l-let's take you home, o-okay?" I said, moving closer to him and taking his hand. A thrill of shock travelled up my spine at the icy coldness of his skin, matching my own. "You're f-fre-freezing."

He was quiet for a while, his eyes fixed on our entangled fingers. Slowly, he reached for me with his other hand, stroking my skin gently with his thumb. 

"A-Ace?"

"I've caused...so much...pain," he said softly, his voice barely legible. 

"A-Ace-" I began again. "L-let's just get you home, first? Okay? That's not true. I promise you that's not. Let-"

"You know everything I said to her...I-I was saying," he whispered, finally glancing to meet my eyes. My entire soul seemed to freeze in terror, icicles piercing my skin at the haunted look in his eyes. "That she took away dad from me. She didn't. It was me. I'm...I'm the reason-"

He took a shuddering breath, agony etched in his features as his eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't sure if he was crying, I couldn't tell because of the dark and the water already streaming down his face. 

"After I got my diagnosis...I...I hated him. And...I hated mom. For...for...for d-doing this to me," he continued incoherently. "The day...when we-we were in the c-car. I was s-so angry at him. I was so stupid. Because I...I inherited the condition and I blamed him.  I needed someone to blame and I blamed him."

He gasped loudly, his entire body trembling. 

"We were fighting right before the accident. I'm the reason he lost control. I...I'm the reason he died. I killed him, Miles. I fucking killed him. And I...I never...even got the chance to tell him I'm sorry. He just left. Why was he so angry at me that he would j-just leave? I was angry. I d-didn't mean to say all that. I didn't. I just..."

I stood rooted to the spot, realizing the cause of all his hate, all his bitterness. Most of which was an outlet for the hatred he felt at himself. 

"I...I never even told him I loved him. Never. I never even hugged him. I never even told mom I loved her and she sh-she left."

Was that why? Was that why he was so insistent on confessing to me? Was that why he kept telling me words he couldn't tell his parents? Words he wished that he had? Love that he wished he had expressed?

"I just....I just want him to know...want them to know...that I miss them. That I'll always wish it was me. Not dad. That I-" he gasped loudly, his eyes glistening. "How..."

"Ace," I choked out, struggling to keep my voice from trembling. "It's gonna be okay. Alright? We n-need-"

"I've never....really been able to say it to anyone. Ex-except you, I suppose." He shook his head, wiping his eyes furiously on his drenched sleeve. "Not even Allie. You'll tell her for me though, won't you?"

"Ace," I said, my heart twisting as his hand left mine and he took a step back. "You'll tell her. Okay? Let's go. You-"

I stopped talking when he shook his head. I couldn't make out his expression clearly, but from what I could tell, he was smiling. A sad smile that seemed to shatter my very soul with its fragments of agony.  

"I...I don't want to hurt her. Or Celia. Anymore. And  I don't have the strength in me to...bear this-" he pointed at his eyes and I realized what he meant. "I can't. I'm selfish, Miles.  I don't want that to happen."

"Ace, please," I began, my throat closing up. "Let's just take you home. I'll-"

"I'm always home with you, Miles," he whispered so softly I was almost sure I had imagined it. I stared at him as he took another step back, further away from me. "You've always been my anchor."

He smiled at me, a distant, almost eerie smile. I took a step closer to him, ready to shake some sense into him before he turned around, and before I could do anything, jumped. 

My entire world crashed to my feet. Vertigo, as I stood rooted to the spot, staring at what had happened. Uncomprehending of anything. The rain around me encasing me in icy claws, all my senses completely shut down. 

Time stopped as I stood still and almost in a trancelike state, walked closer towards the edge of the cliff. I glanced down at the dark waters, the white foam rippling off the jagged rocks. I couldn't see Ace anywhere below. Was that what he wanted?

But I had promised him I would always find him. 

With every ounce of love my broken heart could ever feel, I gathered courage and staggered nearer towards the edge of the cliff. 

Was this all a nightmare? Would I wake up soon? Would Ace still be with me?

Before my brain could form any comprehensive thoughts, I jumped. 

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A literal cliff hanger.

Also, happy new year in advance/belated whichever suits you. This year hasn't been easy for anyone so hey, treat yourself for making it through. 

Let me also take this opportunity to thank you all for the unreal support. My writing has sustained me throughout everything and I am truly grateful. 

Thanks for reading!