❝ story ❞

[ A/N: disclaimer, although you don't need to have read my old nta on -osiriarose to understand what happens, it would be better if you did for story purposes ]

[ @peggy, what can i say except you're welcome ]

❝ winners ❞

seapaw's head drooped onto the edge of his nest as he absently twirled around a stray down feather. he felt drained, but with no idea why. nothing he hadn't heard before, just the daily dose of his clanmates calling him a she-cat because he wasn't out yet. and he still didn't know how he would tell anyone. hornetmoon didn't know, nor did any of the apprentices- seapaw's head jerked up as he saw the figures of the other apprentices. firepaw, lightpaw and flypaw were there, sweetly unaware of the turmoil in seapaw's mind... oh, to have siblings so close that you could share anything with them! and there in the corner was coralpaw- oh, what would he say? seapaw's belly squirmed. coralpaw's the last cat i want to upset, seapaw moaned inwardly, as he felt his ears start to burn in embarrassment. and not just because he's abrasive, and kind of rude, and... such good company...

seapaw wrung out his head, banishing his thoughts. they would all have to know eventually. after all, seapaw couldn't keep it a secret for the rest of his life.

i just don't want them to reject me... especially not coralpaw. seapaw flinched. there's no way he even likes me that much, or at least as much as i do him. actually, i don't even know if he likes anyone, except maybe dolphinsplash.

a chill seeped into seapaw's fur. it was a cold he wasn't used to because of his long coat, and he shivered. maybe it was just him blaming the early cold for his sudden chill, when he should've been blaming his own apprehension. great starclan, things would be much simpler if he'd just been born with the right body.

holding back a sigh, seapaw closed his eyes, burying himself in the darkness of sleep. maybe he'd have the answer to his dilemmas when he woke. so many questions, and none which he knew how to answer by himself. why was he born like a she-cat? how would he tell everyone? why was he even like this? was he doing the right thing?

"oh, seapaw... don't doubt yourself like that, my sweet."

seapaw's eyes flew open... his surroundings weren't deltaclan territory- no, it was, and then it wasn't at the same time. seapaw recognized every tree and every shrub that surrounded this clearing, yet everything was tinged with... what was that? a scintillating screen of serene silver, shining with some kind of quiet power, emanating in a way that seapaw felt its secret power, yet felt protected by it rather than scared.

"that's the power of starlight, love."

the voice came from seapaw's right. looking sideways, he saw a graceful brown tabby, their stripes barely visible, with a white chest and glowing yellow eyes. but there was something off; the cat was sort of semi-translucent, and seapaw could faintly see the trees on their other side, like how one can see the pebbles at the bottom of a pool, except here the vision isn't distorted by the water. and their frame was a slim one, where their pelt clung to their muscle, which there wasn't very much of.

seapaw found himself under the cat's bright yellow gaze- such a rich yellow the colour of a sunflower's petals, maybe, or bright mustard seed. "this is the place where starlight guards the cats who have lived their lives in goodness. you're in starclan, love. isn't it beautiful?"

seapaw hesitated. "it's..." he gazed once more at the trees. "... just like our territory."

the brown tabby cat nodded. "did you know," they asked, "that the forest is always changing? there," they pointed with their tail at a fallen log, "that tree used to stand over there-" they nodded at an empty spot farther into the cluster of trees. "and there, when i was alive, there was no horsetail growing." they swept their tail at a clump of the plant growing underneath the shade of a leafy bush. "and then there's every leaf-bare, where all the deciduous trees give their leaves to the earth- they haven't grown back yet, have they?" the tabby looked up; although the pines had kept their needles, the other trees' branches were... for a moment, the air flickered, and they looked bare. and then a split second passed, and there were leaves on the trees once more.

"no, i suppose not." the cat and seapaw locked gazes. "dipperwish is a past that i cherished, but it didn't fit me anymore. i had a new life to live, one where i could be myself- which was being, simply, a tom. and it's like the forest." the brown tabby tom blinked slowly. "everything changes, ever so slightly, or maybe drastically. it can be sudden, or slow like the forest. but at the same time, everything stays. it's the same soul, the same identity. we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?"

"a-actually, the river is quite cold in leaf-bare, so maybe we could do without it?"

the starclan cat laughed. "but leaf-bare gives your mortal earth time to replenish its life-giving powers. and change is necessary, and so it should be welcomed. just like us two, seapaw." the tabby's body swayed, its rhythm somehow soothing for seapaw to observe. "change is something to embrace, not to hide from. it's only natural. maybe some cats won't like it, and maybe some will. but i know i felt better when my clanmates knew who i was."

"who are you? how do you know this?" seapaw flicked his tail around at the trees. "why did you need to bring me to starclan?"

the brown tabby smiled, and for a moment, tiny glowing stars winked into existence from the depths of his fur. "i am dippermoth, love. i'm the one who has paved your way so that you can know the right path to walk. it's the path of being true to yourself, seapaw, because otherwise, who would you be?" dippermoth's eyes closed again, still wearing that serene expression. "in an unpredictable world that may love or hate you, where you could face a crisis at a moment's notice, all you can do is be yourself in the midst of all of it. you can keep growing, keep changing, but you'll always be you."

"b-but... you changed your name to leave your past behind?"

"dipperwish was a name given to me when i didn't know i was a tom yet. it was a nice name, but i associated it with the identity a she-cat, which i wasn't anymore. back in my time, there were two other warriors named '-wish', and both were she-cats, too. maybe that fact influenced me further to ask my mentor dustrain for a new name- one that sounded more androgynous, although nowadays, a lot of cats find themselves freer from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity'. it's not a standard that was ever really needed- but then, i don't regret changing my name. i felt better when i left my old one behind."

seapaw paused, his blue eyes rounding in wonder. "you... you're like me, aren't you?"

"yes, i am." dippermoth touched his tail to seapaw's shoulder. "back then, having someone like me was unheard of. even now, you're the only cat like me to be born after me. that's how rare we are- but that only makes our existence all the more important, does it not? have courage, seapaw. you'll be fine."

a faint shimmer glowed from dippermoth's right, and seapaw blinked in surprise. there was another starclan cat, this one with a silver pelt that matched the starshine and black stripes that looked like rivers made of the essence of the night. she looked paler than dippermoth, but her faded yellow-green eyes shone bright as she gazed at seapaw, then at dippermoth.

"after all, those who truly love you will stay with you and your choices," the she-cat murmured. her voice flowed softly, like a cool stream. "they might even surprise you."

dippermoth purred and stared bashfully at the ground.

"acceptance follows love, seapaw. trust that the ones who do will love you for who you are. i never stopped watching over my son for anything."

"but mudstep isn't like you, puddlebrook," dippermoth murmured. "snowdropfall is more open, but still..." dippermoth glanced back at seapaw, looking like he wanted to say something, but held back and glanced back to puddlebrook instead.

"well, we can't tell you what happens." puddlebrook broke into a purr. "as with him... well, let's say that you've got fair chances with him either way. he won't be put off, despite what he may say."

"you..." seapaw felt his fur flush with embarrassment. "you know?"

"coralpaw's a good cat, despite what he seems," dippermoth purred. "but i'm sure you already know that. he's not close-minded either."

"but you- i have a chance either way?" seapaw jumped up, the realization suddenly settling in. "do other toms even like toms? do you? how do you know? were you mates with another tom?"

"i'm a medicine cat, love; i could never take a mate even if i wanted to. but i never understood myself why a cat should only choose a mate of another gender. love is free. love is the sense of finding another cat who you can be happy with- love, as a whole, isn't even a thing you can only experience with a mate... even though i wouldn't know the difference." dippermoth angled his ears at his surroundings. "there's nothing forbidding anyone from loving anyone except for sometimes their own misconceptions, and you and coralpaw don't have such veils over your eyes."

the starclan tom dipped his head to seapaw. "go on, live your life in integrity. you will be happy that way."

puddlebrook smiled, and a second later, seapaw's vision went dark.

***

"hey, coralwish!" seablossom, now a warrior of four moons, nudged a curled-up coralwish who was trying to sleep. "coralwish!"

"what, seablossom?"

"nothing much," seablossom purred.

"then leave me alone. i'm trying to sleep, and so is everyone else." coralwish half-opened his eyes to a grinning seablossom.

"you know you can't ignore me, coralwish~"

"shut up, furball. i have a reputation, unlike you," coralwish huffed.

[ i remember nothing but the fact that coralwish is a tsundere and therefore am almost certainly characterizing seablossom incorrectly ]

seablossom just purred louder and flopped down into coralwish's nest, pressing his sleek coat against coralwish's coarse one. coralwish turned his head, a soft rumbling beginning in his throat. "what are you playing at?"

"your weakness." seablossom rounded his eyes innocently. "that being me."

coralwish swiped a paw at seablossom, but the blow was listless, without any power behind it. "i should've just rejected you when i had the chance."

"well, there's a reason you did, and now..." seablossom rolled closer to coralwish, his voice airy and teasing. "you're stuck with me for the rest of your sour little life."

coralwish smirked. "maybe i am. but you're also stuck with me, bee-brain. it was your question to ask, and now it's my job to make you regret it."

"ah, it won't work anyway, coralwish." seablossom batted coralwish on the shoulder. "because you feel the same way about me as i do for you."

"get out of my nest." coralwish closed his eyes and flattened his ears, determined to ignore seablossom's attempts to annoy him.

"okay, okay, fine." coralwish was dimly aware of the muffled sound of seablossom's paws pressing against his nest's side. coralwish opened his eyes a slit to see the long-furred white tom settle into his own nest and settle down to sleep. when he was sure that seablossom's eyes were closed, he got up, making as little sound as possible and trying not to step on anyone's tails, and promptly lay himself down on seablossom's side. seablossom choked and woke up with a start.

"wasn't expecting you to actually listen to me, fish-breath." coralwish shot a fake glare at seablossom. "but at least now i know that i've got you wrapped around my tail."

seablossom tried to push coralwish away, but coralwish just budged out of seablossom's reach. "you're impossible, coralwish."

"hmm, well, if that's how you really think of me, then i should really consider my decision to put up with you."

"coralwish and seablossom," a voice called out from one of the nests, "you're being adorable, but the rest of us need to sleep."

"oh starclan, sorry, firegleam, we'll stop now," seablossom stammered. "get off, coralwish!"

"yeah, yeah. and then in the morning you'll be all over me again, and i'll have to pretend to like it." coralwish stepped back and stretched, and a gasp erupted from another cat. "oops. sorry, flyfeather."

coralwish left, and seablossom tucked his head under his foreleg, staring at the silhouettes of other cats and nests against the faint moonlight that pooled through the den entrance. the den fell into silence, and seablossom became acutely aware of his own breathing. peaceful and steady. everything in his life right now was idyllic. he had his community who accepted him, and for those who didn't... well, it wasn't his job to make them like him. they couldn't change who he was, and he was him: seablossom, the molly-born tom.

and right now, he wouldn't have it any other way.

stars sparkled at the entrance of the warriors' den. the ancestors had known what seablossom was, and they had helped him through his worries. dippermoth smiled to himself as he watched the white tom fall into his slumber. first there had been himself, and now there was another like him. an anomaly from the norm, to be certain, but one to be welcomed and loved.

and seablossom knew that the rest of his life would be as a warrior with a place in the clan, even with his difference from everyone else.

change is something to embrace, not to hide from. seablossom watched the spirit disappear from the ground, a smile gracing his face with the knowledge that starclan was still watching over him.

go on. live your life in integrity.

thank you, dippermoth, for showing me the way.

❝ winners ❞

first place: -cocoaquill with dippermoth

second place: lucifurlaurens with dipperskies

third place: -skysong- with dipperdawn