Early Saturday morning, I had to go to an Apple slot of get a new phone after mine still hadn't turned up. I had important things to do on my phone, so I sucked it up and paid for the device. I would much rather had not wasted my money, but even after I had retraced my steps back since I last saw that phone, I still didn't find it.

As soon as I got a new device, however, I made sure to block the old one and eventually, the phone left my mind.

The first thing I did after retrieving my sim was to call my mom as I'd initially wanted to do.

The conversation we had wasn't a long one. I told her I needed her advice on something and the first thing she said was "I'm guessing you and Richard are no longer together." I swear that woman is on some voodoo shit sometimes.

I didn't reply before I went on to ask her for advice anyway, phrasing my words in a very vague way. "What do I do if I'm in a situation where telling the truth might make me lose something really important, but keeping a secret won't sit right with my conscience? Do I tell the truth, or do I keep it to myself and hope that the guilt leaves me soon enough?"

She was quiet before she went on to say: "Guilt is a very strong emotion sometimes. If you don't say it now, it will eventually eat you up inside. And like they say, nothing is hidden under the sun. Secrets never remain secrets forever."

That was enough to give me the conviction that I was doing the right thing.

Sunday morning, Damilare's plane landed in Lagos. He told me that Fashé was picking him up already but he wanted to see me later that night so I agreed.

I proposed we meet up at Vanity Gardens, a park in Victoria Island and he agreed albeit confused on why I wanted to meet him there. I told him I wanted us to take a walk and talk.

He was further confused when I told him I'll be driving myself, but once again, he agreed. I couldn't tell him I wanted to drive so I won't be stranded when he walks out on me after I tell him. Or that I didn't wanted to be confined in a small space with him after revealing my truth.

All that wasn't something he needed to know.

Sunday evening, by around 8 pm, I got dressed in a backless floral print top and black flowy pants. I had taken out my braids earlier this morning and had my hair in straw curls so I left it be. I didn't use any make up, just picked up my bag and my watch before making my way out of the house which was empty cause my best friend was still boo'd up.

My drive to my destination was purposely slow. I dreadfully pondered over what I wanted to say to him and how to go about it. I planned to be honest with him from start to finish, however, one thing was for sure, I definitely couldn't tell Dami that I knew that his father, Wole Coker, cheats on his mother with girls like myself. That was none of my business.

I arrive at the park by a few minutes after 7:30 pm and the sky is not yet dark. The place is empty for the most part with only the occasional joggers and a couple I spot having a picnic on the grass.

My eyes seek out Damilare and I find him standing besides his car, his phone pressed to his ear. The man was always conducting business and for some reason I found him doing so very sexy. I knew he was a hardworking person. He had told me that although he could've easily been handed the reins to run his father's company, he didn't want that. He worked hard, interned there before and after university. He started from a lowly position in the company and worked his way up. Now, after Wole Coker retires, Damilare would take over his oil company. Till then, he did most of the things his father couldn't due to age, and then some.

I found all this highly admirable and it only drew me more to him. He wasn't proud or entitled as most people born into his class turn out. He was kind, hardworking, caring, humble and he liked to deserve the things he gets as he once told me.

This only strengthened my resolve. He didn't deserve me looking into his face and lying to him.

Approaching him, I noticed he was in a white dress shirt and black and white striped suit pants.

"Hey, you." I greeted with a smile.

He immediately turned to me, a wide grin showcasing his pearly whites slipping on to his face. He said something into his phone before taking it from his ear and putting it into his pocket.

Almost instinctively, I went straight into his arms as he wrapped them around me tightly, protectively. The man was all hard muscles but I found the strength in his physique so comforting.

"I missed you so much." I said into his neck and his arms tightened around me.

Finally, we pulled away from each other only slightly as he stared at my face. His gaze flitted from here to there as if trying to memorize all of my features. I found myself doing the same to him.

Standing here, in front of him, the full force of how important this man was and how much he meant to me hit me. So much so I felt a ball of emotions stuck in my throat as my eyes watered.

I didn't realize that a stray tear had fallen out until I felt Damilare's thumb against my cheek wiping it away.

I sniffed and moved away from him with a shy laugh. "PMS." I lied but it really wasn't anything related to my monthly hormones right now.

He gave me a knowing smile. "I missed you too. I got you some things." Dami said as he moved to his car, one that I hadn't seen him drive before but I identified to be a Porsche Cayenne Coupe.

He popped the trunk with his key and pulled out several plain white shopping bags. My eyes widened as I watched him pull them out.

"These are for you." He said as he handed me some bags. "Then I got some things for your mom, your sister, and Diana."

I stood there dumbfounded and in disbelief at his words. This man hadn't even met my mother before and he was buying her stuff? "Dami, this is too much." I told him and he simply smiled.

"Let them decide. As for yours, it really isn't. You deserve it, and more." He told me as he thrust the bags out and made me take ahold of them.

Do I though? Do I really deserve them?

I knew that everything in those bags will be nothing short of expensive. Dami loved to go all out every once in a while, that much I knew.

"Thank you." I told him before hugging him again.

This time when we pulled away, he held my face softly in his palm and bent his head for his lips to meet mine. This kiss was more passionate than usual and I knew that if we weren't in public, and if the situation wasn't what it was, I would be having my devilish ways with this man.

Out of breathe, we detached our bodies from each other and after locking up his car, he followed me to mine to drop the gifts.

Afterwards, we just held hands and took a walk. It was quiet between us for a while before I broke the silence with small talk. "Why are you dressed in corporate attire? Please don't tell me you went in to work?"

"Yeah, I did." He replied with a chuckle as he scratched at his beards with his free hand. "I had some things to attend to."

"On a Sunday?" I ask in surprise.

He nods before joking, "The oil market never sleeps. Anyway, how've you really been?"

I look up at him upon hearing his tone. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't really sound yourself yesterday. I was worried about you but I figured it wasn't a discussion we should have over the phone." He said as his steps slowed making mine do the same.

I paused at that. Of course he noticed. Dami hardly ever misses anything and his being overly observant was both a blessing and a curse.

"My mind was just occupied yesterday. My phone got stolen on Friday so I was busy trying to find it and then getting another one was a hassle." I say. I was beating around the bush with irrelevant things at this point but I didn't care. I just wanted to be in his presence for a little while longer.

Dami hums in understanding. "That's understandable."

We continue walking and then finally, he asks the question I have been waiting for him to ask.

"Have you thought about my request since the last time we spoke?"

I nod my head at him in response, keeping my gaze down.

"And?" He pushes, slowing us down once more.

I give him a small smile. "If it were up to me, my answer would be a big yes." I tell him and he immediately smiles before it disappears as he registers my words.

"What do you mean if it were up to you, Ada?" He asks me. "It is."

I ignore that. "Have I ever told you about my childhood?" I ask instead with a small smile.

Slightly confused, he shakes his head so I continue, "I grew up in a rough neighborhood in an urban area on the mainland. Dirt everywhere, bad roads, beaten down buildings, you get the picture."

He nods. "But you got out." He reassures me as he squeezes my hand in his.

My smile widens at that but it doesn't reach my eyes. "I did. But, even while there, I was happy, content. I had my mom, my dad, my sister...my family being together was all I needed to be happy. And then eventually, I went to the university with their help and I met Diana. She made me happy too." I take a deep breathe. "Then my dad died. I was barely out of university, didn't have a job and then life hit me with that. I had to become the head of the family and the breadwinner because for a while, my mom lost it. She lost her soulmate, and almost lost herself. This affected her business, and then before we knew it, we were barely getting by."

Damilare squeezes my hand again and the action brings me back to the present. I momentarily felt like I was back in that time. That point in my life that was filled with uncertainty. That point where I repeatedly questioned my worth in this world.

I sniffed as the cold air hit me. "I was in a really dark place too, mentally. But I had to be strong for my family. Then we got kicked out of our home for not being able to make the rent with every other bill we had to pay. We had to move into Diana's small apartment. That was when I came up with what seemed to be the solution to all my problems at that time."

Looking up at him directly, I could tell he was listening to my every word. "I decided to become a sugar baby." I told him seeing the surprise coming to his face. "To get my family out of there, I decided to do what I had to. At first, I didn't really engage in anything sexual with any of those men, I drew a line there. But then I met Richard."

His eyes widened at that and he pulled his hand away from me. "What?"

I knew that reaction was well on its way. I knew for him, it was one thing to sleep with strange men that he didn't know, but it was a whole other thing to sleep with a man who he considered family. But I hadn't even finished.

"I met him on one of the sites that I joined. He said he was just looking for companionship and that was fine with me cause I was just looking for money which he was more than ready to give. Then during our time together, feelings got involved. He gave me the job at St. Ives despite me not being qualified enough. And he helped my family out financially to the level that we weren't just stable, but comfortable. And yes, I knew he was married." I wasn't about to lie or omit anything to him.

"How long ago was this?" Dami asks with a deep frown marring his forehead.

"Over a year ago."

He makes a sound of disbelief as he lifts his hand to his temple.

Gulping, I continued. "Eventually, I started questioning things between us. I wanted more, I wanted something real —marriage, a family— and he couldn't give me that. Plus, I started to feel guilty about the whole thing. Those feelings only intensified when I met you. And so, I ended things with him."

"When?"

"About a month ago." I told him. "I need you to understand when I did what I did, I was desperate. That doesn't excuse my actions but, it's the truth. It seemed like my only solution and when I met Richard, I had been too deeply involved to pull out. Meeting you was a wake up call for me. What I thought I felt for him was nothing compared to what I feel for you, so I found myself questioning if anything was even real. Dami, I love you." I blurt out surprising but him and myself. "And I couldn't allow myself be with you without telling you the truth, I just couldn't." I tell him as I can feel the tears freely falling from my eyes.

He stared at me, a mixture of emotions etched on his face. Disbelief, anguish, confliction, hurt, confusion. My fear at his reaction only heightened but he didn't do anything, and with only the words, "This is too much." He shook his head and I watched him walked away for what I suppose is the last time I will see him. This was all it took for me to fall on the ground, my chest tight and my heart aching. I thanked God for the darkness that engulfed me as I allowed myself to let it all out.
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Till next time, stay safe!