Songs for this chapter are:

Towers- Little Mix

Say Something- A great big world

Take it all- Adele

(I am loving all these song suggestions!)

Tessa's POV.

"Hardin!" I push open the door and call his name. He's halfway across the front yard already.

When he turns around, his face is twisted in confusion. "Yeah?"

"Can you tell Landon to call me if he doesn't want to come inside." I quickly respond. I know Landon would come inside my mother's house but I'm sure Hardin wants to leave now, and unlike Landon, he wouldn't be okay with sitting in the car waiting.

"Oh, okay."

I wait for him to turn back to me, I don't know what it is exactly that I'm expecting, a goodbye, a hug, something, but it doesn't come. He opens the passenger door of Landon's car and climbs inside.

My hand moves through the air in a small and pathetic wave goodbye.  Landon rolls the window down and waves back, promising to call me tomorrow.  Hardin must have insisted that Landon get on the road, now.

The moment that Landon's car is out of sight, the emptiness weighs heavy on my chest and I walk inside. Noah is leaning against the threshold between the living room and kitchen, "Is he gone? " he asks.

"Yeah, he's gone." My voice is distant,  unfamiliar. 

"I didn't know you guys weren't together,"

"We, well.. we are just trying to figure everything out."

"Can you tell me one thing before you change the subject?" His eyes scan my face, "I know that look, you're about to find a reason to." Even after being apart from me for months, he still knows me so well.

"What do you want to know?" I ask before agreeing to his request.

"If you could go back would you? I heard you say you want to erase the last six months, would you really?" He asks, his blue eyes stare into mine.

Would I?

I sit down on the couch to ponder his question, would I take it all back? Erase everything that has happened to me in the last six months? The bet, the endless fights with Hardin, the downward spiral of my relationship with my mother, Steph's betrayal, all the humiliation, everything.

"Yes, I would, in a heartbeat."

Hardin's hand on mine, the way his inked arms wrapped around me, pulling me to his chest.  The way he would sometimes laugh so hard that his eyes would pinch closed and the sound would fill my ears, my heart, and the entire apartment with such a rare happiness that nothing could erase the memory.

"No, I wouldn't. I couldn't." I change my answer and Noah shakes his head.

"Which is it?" He chuckles and sits on the recliner across from the couch.

"I wouldn't erase it."

"You're sure? It's been a bad year for you and I don't even know the half of it."

"I'm sure." I nod, meaning it. "I would do some things differently though, with you." I tell him again.

"Yeah, me too." Noah quietly agrees and grabs the television remote from the cup holder attached to the recliner. Whistles and cheering crowds fill the small living room and I stare at the screen, replaying Hardin's laugh through my mind until I eventually fall asleep.

...

"Theresa," a hand grasps my shoulder and shakes me, "Theresa, wake up."

"I'm up," I groan and wriggle out of my mother's grip. "What time is it?"

"Seven in the evening. I was going to wake you up earlier," she purses her lips. I know it must have been driving her insane to let me sleep the day away on her couch. Oddly, the thought amuses me.

"Sorry, I don't even remember falling asleep." I stretch my arms and stand to my feet. "Did Noah leave?" I peer into the kitchen and I don't see him.

"Yes, Mrs. Porter really wanted to see you but I told her it wasn't a good time."

"Thank you," I do wish I would have had a proper goodbye with Noah but I know that I will eventually see him again, the same with Landon. I will see Landon much sooner than Noah.

"Hardin brought your car, I see." I can hear the disapproval in her voice as she turns from the stove to hand me a plate covered in lettuce and grilled tomatoes.

I haven't missed her idea of a good meal.

"Why didn't you tell me that he was here? I remember it now."

"He asked me not to."

"Since when do you care what he wants?" I urge, nervous of her reaction..

"I don't. I didn't mention it because it is in your best interest not to remember."

My fork slips from my fingers and onto the plate with a sharp clink. "Keeping things from me isn't in my best interest." I am doing my best to keep my voice cool and calm. I dab the corners of my mouth with a perfectly folded napkin.

"Theresa, do not take your frustrations out on me. Whatever that man has done to you that made you this way, is your own fault. Not mine."

The moment her red lips pull into a confident smirk I stand from the table and toss my napkin onto the plate before walking out of the room.

"Where are you going young lady?" She calls to me.

"I'm going to bed. I have to get up at four in the morning to shower and get on the road. I have a long drive ahead of me." I yell back and close the door.

The light grey walls seem to be closing in on me as I sit on my childhood bed. I hate this house, I shouldn't, but I do. I hate the way I feel like I can't breathe without being scolded or corrected. I never realized how caged and controlled I have been my entire life until I had my first taste of freedom with Hardin. I love having pizza for dinner, spending the entire day naked in bed with him. No folded napkins, no curled hair, no hideous yellow curtains.

Before I can stop myself, I'm calling him and he's answering on the second ring.

"Tess?" He's out of breath.

"Uhm, hey." I whisper.

"What's wrong?" He huffs, catching his breath.

"Nothing, are you alright?"

"Come on Scott, get back over here," a female voice says in the background.

"Oh, you're.. I'll let you go," my heart is hammering against my ribcage as the possibilities flood my mind.

"No, it's fine. She can wait." The background noise gets softer and softer by the second. He must be walking away from her.

"Really, it's okay. I'll just go, I don't want to.. interrupt you."

"Okay," he breathes.

What?

"Okay, bye." I quickly hang up and hold my hand over my mouth to keep myself from vomiting on my mother's carpet.

There has to be some sort of logical..

My phone buzzes next to my thigh, Hardin's name clear on the small screen.

"I'm not doing what you think I'm doing, I didn't even realize how it sounded." He immediately states, harsh wind blows around him muffling his voice.

"It's okay, really."

"No, Tess, it wouldn't be. If I was with someone else right now, that wouldn't be okay so stop acting like it would be." He calls me out and I lay back on the bed, admitting to myself that he's right.

"I didn't think you were doing anything," I half lie, I somehow knew he wasn't, but the idea was still there.

"Good, maybe you finally trust me."

"Maybe,"

"That would be much more relevant if you wouldn't have left me." His tone is sharp.

"Hardin,"

"Why did you call? Is your mum being a bitch?" He sighs.

"No, don't call her that." I roll my eyes, "Well she kind of is being one but it's nothing big. I'm just.. I don't know why I called really."

"Well.." he pauses, I hear a car door shut. "Do you want to talk or something?"

"Is that okay? Can we?" I ask him. Only hours ago I was telling him that I need to be more independent yet here I am calling him the moment I'm upset.

"Sure,"

"Where are you anyway?" I need to keep the conversation as neutral as possible, not that it's even possible to keep things between Hardin and I neutral.

"A gym,"

"A gym? You don't go to the gym." I almost laugh. Hardin is one of the few people to be blessed with an incredible body without ever having to work out. His natural large build is perfect, tall with broad shoulders, even though he claims that he was lanky and thin during his teenaged years. His muscles are hard but not too defined, his body is the perfect mixture of soft and hard.

"I know, she was kicking my ass. I was genuinely embarrassed."

"Who?" The woman who's voice I heard, obviously.

"The trainer, I decided to use that kickboxing shit you got me for my birthday." He answers.

"Really?" The thought of Hardin kickboxing makes me think about things that I shouldn't be thinking about.

"Yeah,"

"How was it?"

"Okay I guess, I prefer a different type of exercise but I'm a lot less pissed off than I was a few hours ago,": I narrow my eyes at his response even thought he can't see me.

"Do you think you'll go again?" My fingers trace the flowered print of the comforter. I finally feel like I can breath as Hardin begins to tell me about how awkward the first half hour of his session was, how he kept cursing at the woman and she slapped him across the back of his head, repeatedly, which then in turn made Hardin respect her, and eventually stop being such a jerk to her.

"Wait," I finally speak, "Are you still there?"

"No, I'm home now."

"You just .. left? Did you tell her?"

"No, why would I?" He questions. I like the idea that he dropped what he was doing just to talk to me on the phone, I shouldn't, but I do.

"We aren't doing a very good job on this space thing." I sigh.

"We never do." I can picture his smirk even though he is over one hundred miles away.

"I know but,"

"This is our version of space, you didn't get in the car and drive here, you only called."

"I guess so," I allow myself to agree with his twisted logic. In a way, he's right. My subconscious is trying to push her way in to make a snarky comment but I shove her right back.

"You didn't say goodbye to me," he mutters.

"You wanted to leave," I remind him.

"Yeah because you told me not to say anything I would regret. I was two seconds away from saying some shit that I didn't mean, so I left."

"Oh,"

"Is Noah still there?"

"No, he left a few hours ago."

"Good."

"Talking on the phone is so fucking weird," Hardin laughs.

"Why?"

"I don't know, we've been on the phone for over an hour."

I check the time on my phone to be sure, he's right. "It doesn't seem like it."

"I know, I've never talked to anyone on the phone before. Except when you call me to bother me about bringing something home or a few calls to my friends but they never lasted longer than five minutes."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why would I? I was never into the school aged dating shit, all my friends used to spend hours on the phone listening to their girlfriends go on about nail polish or whatever the fuck teenaged girls talk about for hours on end." He laughs lightly, and I frown a little at the reminder that Hardin never got the chance to be a normal teenaged boy.

"You didn't miss out on much," I assure him.

"Who did you talk to for hours? Noah?" Spite is clear in his question.

"No, I never did that talking for hours thing either. I was busy shoving my nose into novels." Perhaps I was never a true teenager either.

"Well I'm glad you were a nerd then." He says, making my stomach flutter. Is this what's it like to date someone? I have only dated Noah and Hardin, Noah was always at my house with me and Hardin, well nothing about our relationship has ever been conventional.

"Theresa!" I'm snapped back into reality as my mother repeatedly calls for me.

"Is it past your bedtime?" Hardin teases. Our relationship, non-relationship, giving each other space but talking on the phone-thing, has become even more confusing within the last hour.

"Shut up," I respond and cover the speaker long enough to tell my mother I will be right out. "I need to see what she wants,"

"You're really going tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Okay, well be safe I guess."

"I can call you in the morning?" My voice is shaky as I offer.

"No, we probably shouldn't do this again. Well not often." he says, my chest tightens, "It doesn't make sense to talk all the time if we aren't going to be together."

"Okay," my response is small, defeated.

"Goodnight Tessa." The line goes dead.

He's right, I know he is, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. I shouldn't have even called him in the first place.

...

"You have everything you need correct?" My mother studies me.

"Yes, everything I have is in my car."

"Okay, be sure to get gas before you leave town."

"I'll be fine mother."

"I know, I'm only trying to help." It's fifteen minutes until five and for once my mother isn't dressed to leave the house. She's wearing a silk pajama suit and has her robe wrapped around her, matching slippers covering her feet. My hair is still damp from my shower but I have taken the time to apply some makeup and decent clothing.

"I know you are." I open my arms to hug her goodbye and start my car to let it heat while I pour a cup of coffee for the road. The small nagging hope still clings to me, the foolish part of me that wishes so badly that headlights will appear in the darkness, Hardin will climb out of the car, bags in hand, and tell me that he is ready to go to Seattle with me. That foolish part of me is just that, foolish.

At ten minutes after five, I give my mother one last hug and climb into the car. Kimberly and Christian's address is programed into the navigation on my phone. It keeps closing down and re-calculating and I haven't even left the driveway. I really do need a new phone. If Hardin were here he would remind me repeatedly that this is another reason to get an iPhone.

But Hardin's not here.

...

The drive is long, it feels much longer than four hours. I have to stop frequently or coffee, food, and just to breathe. My nerves are getting the best of me as I drive down the dark roads. The sun finally comes up half-way through my drive and my mood brightens along with the sky. I'm really doing this, I'm really following my dream and moving to Seattle. I have an amazing internship and a car full of my belongings. I don't have an apartment, I don't have anything except myself, the few boxes in my backseat, and my job.

It will work out.

It will.

I will be happy in Seattle, it will be just like I had always imagined it to be.

It will.

Every single mile drags on and on, every second is filled with memories, goodbyes, and doubts.

...

Kimberly and Christian's house is even larger than she had explained. I'm nervous and intimated by the driveway alone. Trees line the property and the air smells of saltwater. I park behind Kimberly's car and take a deep breath before climbing out. The large wooden door is crested with a large "V" and I'm giggling at the arrogant notion when Kimberly opens the door.

She raises her eyebrow to me and follows my eyes to the door behind her, "We didn't put that there! I swear the last family that lived here was named Vermon," she promises.

"I didn't say anything," I shrug.

"I know what you're thinking, it's hideous. Christian is a proud man but he wouldn't even do such a thing," she taps the letter with her red fingernail and I laugh again.

"How was the drive? Come inside, it's cold out there," I follow her into the entry and welcome the warm air and sweet smell of a fireplace.

"It was okay, long." I tell her.

"I hope to never make that drive again," she scrunches her nose. "Christian is at the office all day, I took the day off to make sure you get settled in. Smith will be home from school in a few hours."

"Thank you again for letting me stay. I promise I won't be here longer than two weeks."

"Don't stress yourself, you're finally in Seattle." She beams and it finally hits me, I am in Seattle.

(Thank you guys so much for over 20 million reads on After 3!! Ily all so much!! )