Songs for this chapter are:

The scientist- Coldplay

She will be loved- Maroon 5

Closer- Kings of Leon

beautiful disaster- John Mclaughlin

Tessa's POV.

"Tessie! In here, come in here!" My father's calls down the hall, excitement clear in his loud voice. I climb out of my small bed and rush into the living room. The loose ties on my robe nearly trip me in my haste and I tie them again as I enter the room. My mother and father are standing next to a beautifully lit tree. I've always loved Christmas.

"Look Tessie, we got you a gift. I know you're an adult now but I saw this and had to get it for you." My father smiles and my mother leans into him. An adult? I look down at my feet, trying to decipher his words. I'm not an adult, at least I don't think I am.

A small box is placed into my hand and I eagerly rip the shiny bow off of the gift. I love gifts. I don't get them often so when I do it's a special thing for me.

My mother's excitement throws me off, I've never seen her smile this way and my father, well, I feel as if he shouldn't be here but I can't remember why that is.

"Hurry and open it!" My father urges as I lift the lid off of the box. I reach inside and pull my hand back when something pricks my finger. I nearly curse from the pain and drop the box to the floor. A needle falls onto the carpet. When I look back up at my parents my father's skin has lost all color and his eyes have gone void.

My mother's smile is bright again, brighter than ever before as my father bends down to pick the needle up from the floor. He takes a step toward me, needle in hand, and I try to back away but my feet won't move. They won't move no matter how hard I try and I'm left helpless, only to scream as he pushes the needle into my arm.

..

"Tessa!" Landon's voice is frantic, loud, and frightening as he shakes my shoulders. I'm sitting up somehow and my shirt is stained with sweat. I look at him then back down to my arm, searching like a lunatic for puncture marks.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I gasp for breath, my chest aches as I struggle to find air and my voice. I shake my head and he tightens his grip on my shoulders. "I heard you scream so I-" Landon is cut off by Hardin barging into the room. His cheeks are flushed a deep red and his eyes are wild.

"What happened?" He brushes Landon off of me and sits next to me on the bed. "I heard you scream, what happened?" His hands move to my cheeks and his thumbs brush over the tear stains there.

"I don't know, I had a dream." I manage to say.

"What sort of dream?" His voice is nearly a whisper and his thumbs are still gliding, slow as ever, across the skin just under my eyes.

"The kind that you have," I reply, my voice equally hushed.

A sigh leaves his lips and he frowns. "Since when? Since when do you have my sort of dreams?"

I take a moment to collect my thoughts before saying, "only since I found him and it's only been twice. I don't know where they are coming from."

A distressed hand runs over his hair and my heart twists at the sight of the familiar gesture. "Well I'm sure finding the body of your dead father would cause anyone to-" he stops midsentence. "I'm sorry, fuck, I need a filter." He sighs in frustration.

"Do you need anything? Water?" He moves his eyes from mine and looks over to the bedside table. "I feel like I've offered you water a thousand times in the last few days," he tries to smile but it's forced, sad even.

"I just need to go back to sleep." I assure him.

"I'll stay?" He half demands, half asks.

"I don't think.." my voice trails off and I look over at Landon. I almost forgot he was in the room with us.

"It's cool," Hardin's eyes stare past me at the wall behind my head. "I get it." When he shrugs his shoulders in defeat, it takes everything inside of me, every ounce of self-respect not to wrap my arms around his neck and beg him to sleep with me. I need his comfort, I need his arms around my waist and my head on his chest, as I fall asleep. I need him to give me the peace in sleep that I have always provided for him, but he's no longer the safety net I relied on. Then again, has he ever been? He's been on and off, he's always been just out of reach, constantly running from me and our love. I can't chase him again, I simply don't have the strength to chase after something so unattainable, so unrealistic.

By the time I manage to break free from my thoughts, only Landon remains in the room. "Scoot over," he quietly instructs. I do just that and I fall back asleep regretting my earlier thoughts of wishing I had stayed away from Hardin.

Even in the midst of the inevitable tragedy that was our relationship, I would never take a second of it back. I wouldn't do it again, but I don't regret a moment spent with him.

Hardin's POV.

The weather here is much better here in Pullman. The rain is no where to be found and the sun has come out for a rare appearance. It's April now, it's about damn time that the sun is out.

Tessa has been in the kitchen with Karen and that Sarah chick all day. I'm trying to show her that I can give her space, that I can wait until she's ready to talk to me, but it's harder than I could have imagined. Last night was hard for me, really damn hard, to see her so distraught, so afraid. I hate that my nightmares have rubbed off on her. I would take them from her if I could.

When Tessa was mine she always slept peacefully. She was my anchor, my comfort in the night, fighting off my demons for me when I was too weak, too distracted by self-pity, to help her battle them. She was there, shield in hand, fighting every image that threatened my fucked up mind. She bared the burden on her own and that's what finally broke her.

She's still mine, she's just not ready to admit it again. She has to be. There is no other way.

I park my car in front of my father's house. The leasing agent tried to give me shit when I called to tell him that I am moving out. He fed me some bullshit about charging me two months rent for breaking the lease but I hung up mid conversation. I don't care what I have to pay, I'm not living there anymore. I know it's a compulsive decision and I don't exactly have another place to live but I'm hoping I can stay at Ken's house for a few days with Tessa until I can convince her to move in with me in Seattle.

I'm ready for this. I'm ready to live in Seattle if that's what she wants and my offer of marriage isn't going anywhere. Not this time. I'll marry that girl and live in Seattle until I die if that's what she wants, if that's what makes her happy.

"How long is that chick staying?" I ask, pointing to the Prius parked next to Landon's car. It was kind of cool of him to offer to take me to get my car, especially after I chewed him out for sleeping in the room with Tessa. I wouldn't have been able to unlock the door, he pointed out, but I would have broken the damn thing down if I had to.

The idea of the two of them sharing a bed has been driving me fucking crazy since I saw him leaving her room this morning. I ignored the puzzled look on his face when he found me half asleep, sitting on the floor outside the door.

I tried to fall asleep in the empty bed in my designated room but I just couldn't. I had to be closer to her just in case something happened and she screamed again. At least that's what I kept telling myself as I struggled to stay awake in the hallway, the entire night.

"I don't know. She is leaving to go back to New York later this week." His voice comes out high pitched and awkward as hell. What the hell?

"What?" I ask him as we walk inside the house.

"Nothing." His cheeks flush and I follow him into the living room. Tessa is standing near the window, staring off into space while Karen and mini-Karen share a laugh. Why isn't Tessa laughing? Why isn't she at least engaged in the conversation?

"There you are!" The woman smiles at Landon. She's pretty enough, no where near Tessa's beauty, but she's easy on the eyes for sure. He flushes as she approaches him, a pastry in hand and it clicks.

Why didn't I see it before? He fucking likes her! A million jokes and embarrassing comments flood my mind and I literally have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from torturing him with this information.

I ignore the start of their conversation and walk straight to Tessa. She doesn't seem to notice my presence until I'm directly in front of her.

"What's going on?" I ask. There's a fine line between space and.. well.. my normal behavior and I'm trying my best to find a good balance but it's hard to break the habit.

I know that if I give her too much space she will withdraw from me but if I suffocate her she will run. This is new for me, completely uncharted territory really. I hate to admit this to myself but I have gotten a little too used to her being my punching bag. I hate myself for the way I've treated her and I know she deserves better than me but I need this last chance to become someone else.

No, I need to be myself, just a version of me who is worthy of her love.

"Nothing, we are just baking. The usual." A faint smile crosses her lips and I grin at her. These small affections, these minuscule hints of adoration toward me, fuel my hope. A hope that's both new and very much out of my comfort zone but I'll gladly spend my time figuring it out.

Tessa joins the conversation with Karen and the Sandra chick and within seconds, Landon and I are forgotten and left alone in the living room.

"You're hot for her, aren't you?" I accuse as soon as I'm sure the women can't hear me.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Tessa and I are just friends. I thought you understood that after cussing me out for an hour this morning." He sighs an annoyed and overdramatic sigh while scowling at me.

"Not Tessa, Sarah." I clarify.

"Her name is Sophia."

"Same thing." I shrug.

"No," he rolls his eyes. "It's not. You act like you can't remember any woman's name except Tess."

"Tessa," I correct him with a frown. "And I don't need to remember any other women's names."

"It's disrespectful. You've called Sophia every name that begins with an S, except her actual name and it drove me insane when you called Dakota, Delilah."

"You're annoying." I remark and sit down on the couch, smiling at my step-.. he's not actually my step-brother anymore. He never was.

"So are you." He fights a smile. Would he care if he knew? Probably not, he would probably be relieved that we aren't related, even by marriage.

"I know you like her, admit it." I taunt him.

"No, I don't. I don't even know her." He looks away. Busted.

"She will be in New York with you, how romantic." I pull my lip between my teeth to stifle a laugh at his horrified expression.

"Would you stop? She's much older than me and way out of my league."

"She's too hot for you but who knows? She may be looking for a younger man," I tease him. "How old is she?"

"Twenty-four. Leave it alone." He begs and I decide to do just that. I could go on and on with this but I have other things to focus on anyway.

"I'm going to move to Seattle." I tell him. I feel sort of almost giddy as I blurt out the news. Sort of.

"What?" He leans in, a little too surprised.

"Yeah, I'm going to see what Ken can do about helping me finish my semester through distance learning and I'm going to get an apartment in Seattle for Tessa and I. I already dropped my grad packet so it shouldn't be too big of a deal."

"What?" Landon's eyes dart away from mine. Did he not just hear what I said?

"I'm not repeating myself. I know you heard me."

"Why now? You and Tessa aren't together and she-"

"We will be, she just needs a little time to think it through but she'll forgive me, she always does. You'll see." As the words leave my mouth I look up to see Tessa standing in the doorway, a deep frown etched onto her beautiful face. Fuck.

She turns on her heel and walks back into the kitchen without a word.

"Fuck," I close my eyes and lay my head against the couch cushion, cursing at myself for my awful timing.

Tessa's POV.

"New York is the best city in the world. It's incredible. I've lived there for five years now and I still haven't seen it all." Sophia says while scrubbing at a baking pan that I burned a batch of dough in. I wasn't paying attention, I was too lost in my own mind to notice the smoke coming from the oven. It was only when Karen and Sophia came rushing into the kitchen from the pantry that my attention was brought to the burnt dough.

"Seattle is the largest city I've been to but I'm ready for New York. I need to get away from here." I tell them. Hardin's face just won't disappear from my mind as I say the words.

"Well I live close to NYU so I can show you around if you want me to. It's always good to know someone, especially in such a big city."

"Thank you," I tell her, meaning it. Landon will be there but he will be just as lost as I will surely be so we could both use a friend who knows the city. The thought of living in New York City is so intimidating that it's almost overwhelming but I'm sure everyone feels like that before moving across the country. If Hardin was coming along..

I shake my head to rid of the useless thoughts. I couldn't even convince Hardin to move to Seattle for me, he would laugh in my face if I asked him to move to New York.

"Well," Karen smiles, lifting her glass of milk to mine, "here's to New York and new adventures!" She beams. Sophia raises her glass and I can't help but play Hardin's words in my head as we toast.

"She'll forgive me, she always does. You'll see." He told Landon. The fear of moving across the country lessens with each word of his as they play on a loop through my thoughts, each syllable a smack in the face to the tiny scrap of dignity I have left.

(I know this chapter is shorter than usual but be easy on me because it's my birthday! lol. Thank you all so much for all the birthday wishes, it was my best birthday yet!! I love you all and appreciate you so much! How was your week? I plan to update Saturday or Sunday! Look at me getting a schedule down (sort of hah) ily all!)