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chapter eight
ITEM: DOUBT
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BY THE TIME THE bus reaches Prague, the cloud-punctured sky is a dark shade of turquoise and Lena can already feel herself beginning to feel the effects of the time zone change. In New York, it's only mid-afternoon, but the streets of Prague are dim and lit by the bulbs on the exteriors of buildings and lanterns held by civilians wearing traditional clothing. The place already seems as magical as Venice. Coming from a concrete jungle that she sees the less-glamorized version of every day, the Czech Republic with its stone architecture and rich culture is magnificent.

Lena had heeded Mr. Harrington's advice about sneaking some sleep in during their nearly sixteen-hour bus ride and had managed to take a mediocre nap. Peter hadn't been able to do the same. Graham, who has had his earbuds plugged into his ears ever since the mishap with the drone, had been in nearly the exact same position as he'd been when she'd fallen asleep. She can't say she's surprised that he hadn't slept either.

Now, feeling more groggy than well-rested, she blinks away the remnants of sleep that keep making the lights go soft and stares out the window. The bus rolls to a stop in front of a grand hotel that makes Lena do a double-take. She blinks again and rubs at her tired eyes to make sure she isn't hallucinating from jet lag. But no— it's real.

Tourists in expensive-looking suits hustle in and out of the gold-trimmed main door, carrying briefcases as if they're headed to some important meetings. Doormen stand at each entrance to allow people in and out. Everyone she sees looks more like Flash's crowd than anyone else's.

"Okay, kids!" Mr. Dell calls with a clap of his hands as Dmitri opens the doors. "Let's head inside so we can get situated and talk about tonight's activities."

"We're doing stuff?" Lena groans quietly. "I don't wanna do stuff. I wanna sleep more."

"That's how I feel every day," Graham says, standing up and shouldering his backpack. "You kind of get used to it after a while."

Peter frowns. "That's not healthy."

"I never said it was," Graham replies nonchalantly, extremely perky in comparison to everyone else. He exits the bus without another word.

Lena sighs and grabs her own bag. Since she and Peter at the front of the bus, they have to leave before anyone else can. She waits for him to hastily snatch his backpack from the floor and sling it over his shoulder. Its wild movements mean that it's extremely light. A heaviness settles in Lena's heart when she remembers that Peter doesn't have much to carry around anyways.

When they pass Dmitri, the older man reaches out with blinding speed and grabs their sleeves. The two teenagers whirl around in perplexed synchronization. Once he has their attention, he releases his grip on them and makes an I'm watching you gesture, dark eyes glittering with a dangerous promise. Lena gives him an awkward grin before scampering out of the bus as quickly as possible.

Graham is waiting for them outside. "What took you so long?"

"I think Dmitri hates us," Lena sighs in response as Peter stands beside Graham, making them form a sort of triangle.

"I think he hates the fact that Fury forced him to watch over a bunch of dumbass kids."

"True."

"Inside, everyone! Inside!" Mr. Harrington orders while he climbs off of the bus, waving them along.

As the rest of the kids head toward the door, Graham uses his height advantage to peer over the heads of the other students. His brown eyes skitter over the small crowd.

Lena's brows crease. "What are you doing?"

"I think I heard Max and Owen whispering about how they're planning on popping one of the tires of the bus for shits and giggles." Once he locates his mischievous little brothers, his broad shoulders tense. "Hey! No!"

He brushes past Lena and Peter to rush toward the boys. Max is struggling to open a container of nails while Owen dutifully keeps watch to make sure Dmitri doesn't catch them. Both boys freeze the instant Graham's shrill yell pierces their ears, Max hunched over the tire and Owen wearing a mask of innocence.

Graham seizes the twins by the backs of their collars and forces them along. As they meekly shuffle past Lena and Peter, she reaches out and plucks the container of nails from Max's fingers, tucking it into her backpack for safekeeping. She doesn't trust either of them with those things. Though she wouldn't be surprised if she opened their backpacks and found them filled with other tools to cause mass chaos, at least she'd deterred them a little bit.

"I cannot believe you two," Graham hisses as he shoves them toward the hotel's entrance, Lena and Peter following behind, Peter somewhat awkwardly. "When we get back home, I'm telling Mom and Dad. You're seventeen— it's time for you to grow up."

At that last sentence, Max rips himself away from his brother's iron grip and whirls around, rage flashing in his eyes. "Then stop treating us like toddlers! You're right— we're the same age, so stop acting like a parent for once. We're not eleven anymore. Oh wait, but you seem to forget that, because you weren't even there!"

Silence rings after the outburst. Peter looks around uncomfortably, clearly wondering if he should go inside because the poor doorman is still holding it open and waiting for them to move along, or if he should stay and head in with the others.

Lena winces. Although it wasn't Graham's fault that he was gone for five years of their lives, he does occasionally forget that they're not the same pre-teens he left them as. Although they're much taller now — they've passed both Peter and Lena in height — Graham's eyes can't seem to stop seeing them as the tiny kids they once were.

Graham stands completely still with his mouth hanging open but no words coming out of it. Max's mouth is twisted in a frown. The Seager family death glare sharpens his eyes, lingering on his older brother's face before he turns around and storms through the open door.

Owen slips out of Graham's now-slack grip and fixes his graphic t-shirt before turning around. Though he and Max share the same face — minus the lack of a dimple above his lip — he's always been the more tranquil foil to his twin. Instead of the same sense of wrath in his dark eyes, there's a sense of despondency that almost feels worse.

"He's right," Owen says. "You need to back off a little, Graham. We can handle ourselves and we'll learn from our mistakes. There are things you don't understand— things you'll never understand. Sometimes I think..." He pauses, hesitating before starting his sentence over. "Sometimes I think we don't want to grow up."

With one last glance at his brother, Owen turns around and follows his twin into the hotel. Graham stands in absolute silence for several long moments. His peppiness from before is gone, replaced with a chasm of guilt and regret that wrinkles his forehead.

"What are you kids still doing out here?" Mr. Harrington asks, effectively scaring the wits out of the three teenagers as he nudges them toward the door. "Go, go!"

They shuffle inside with much less enthusiasm than everybody else. While the majority of their group has amazement glittering in their eyes as they gape at the impeccably-decorated lobby complete with gold accents and a man playing a soft tune on the piano, Graham is silent, Lena has her mouth twisted to the side, and Peter looks like he wants to crawl into a hole after witnessing that fight.

"Wow, this place is classy!" Betty exclaims with a joyful smile.

A boy named Tyler scoffs. "Yeah, so why are we here?"

Flash shoots him an offended look. "Speak for yourself." He huffs a laugh, spreading his arms out dramatically. "I'm home."

"What can I say? The squeaky wheel gets the upgrade grease," Mr. Harrington says from behind the trio. He edges around them and stops beside a sign written in Czech. "Everybody get settled in, rest up, because tonight — big surprise — is Prague's annual Carnival of Lights!"

He gestures dramatically to the sign beside him, eyes sparkling with excitement behind his wire-framed glasses. Several kids chime in with cheers of approval. Lena glances at Graham to see if his expression has changed upon hearing the news, but he still wears the same vacant one that doesn't reveal a thing.

Peter's phone buzzes in his pocket. He steps away to answer a call, leaving Graham and Lena left to pretend to be excited about an event they can't even attend. The smile on her face does not reach her eyes.

"This will be so much fun!" Cindy gushes, latching onto Lena's arm with a grin so radiant it lights up her entire face. When she notices the shadow over her friend's face, though, her cheerfulness dims. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, just... tired," Lena lies through her teeth, which is half-true. She'll be lucky if she manages to adjust her circadian rhythm to fit the European time changes before they're set to return home.

Cindy nods empathetically. "Well, if you want, I have a few five-hour energy drinks in my bag."

"Those are not good for you," Abe chimes in with his arms crossed over his chest.

Lena winces at the mere thought of her hands shaking even more than usual, knowing that the amount of artificial sweetener and caffeine in the small bottle would be enough to send her bouncing off the walls. She politely shakes her head. "No thanks, Cindy, but I appreciate the thought."

She turns her head back to the poster and swallows down the longing growing in her body. Maria Hill had told them that the fire elemental would reach Prague by tonight. Any plans that don't involve vanquishing giant, multidimensional monsters will have to be missed. Disappointment soon replaces the longing— she had wanted this time to herself, to be a teenager again and be on vacation with her friends. The other Avengers usually had years before another one of their catastrophes broke the news. Why is all of this happening to them in mere months?

She had told Peter that she isn't sure if she knows how to take a break. Ever since she was in her early teen years, she's been fighting crime practically non-stop. However, one of the joys of being on her own included being able to pick and choose her battles.

Maybe becoming an Avenger was more than she had bargained for if this is what it's like— being dragged around from place to place like a lost puppy.

Trapped in the realm of her thoughts, Lena doesn't notice Graham reaching out for her. She snaps out of her daze when he pulls her aside until they're a safe distance from the rest of the students in their group.

"Okay, so... what if we just... didn't... go tonight?" he asks hesitantly.

Lena wrinkles her brow. "What?"

"Like, what if we just ignored everything and went on with our lives? Let Beck handle it and save the world again?"

"Graham..." Lena shakes her head. "As much as I don't want to miss all of these amazing events, I can't stand by while a battle is happening; you know that."

"Yeah, but" — Graham wets his lips and lowers his voice even more — "look, Beck said these things destroyed Earth-833, right? The whole planet was a wasteland. But we only have one left and... what? A few cities have some structural damage? Beck has defeated all of the others. Few people have died. Something seems off to me about this. He said there was a whole team of heroes in his dimension and all of them died fighting these. How has he conquered all of them single-handedly this time?"

"He's fought them before," Lena replies. "He knows what worked and what didn't work last time, leading to a more strategic and successful attack. Plus, the fire one killed his family. He has more anger and hurt to drive him now."

She knows how that feels. When Tony had told her the truth about her biological parents, she'd felt betrayed, hurt, and furious. Even though she'd known they were dead, she'd always assumed that they'd loved her while they were alive. She'd thought so highly of them. Her entire world had come crashing down when she'd learned that they'd been nothing but power-hungry scientists who'd stopped at nothing to attain power for themselves, going as far as to kill her older brother in the process.

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I have so many questions."

"Write 'em down— maybe you can ask Beck when we see him tonight."

Graham looks above her head with his eyes full of regret. She doesn't have to turn around to know he's looking at his brothers, who have been dutifully ignoring him since they entered the hotel lobby. When he frowns, his entire face seems to turn dull.

"I want to spend time with them," he says. "Not watch over them, not babysit them, but just— be with them, you know? I feel like such a dick. And I feel like if I disappear tonight, they'll take it as me not caring about their feelings, and... the three of us need to talk. A Seager brother heart-to-heart. But that'll take hours and we don't have the time."

Lena considers Owen's words from before and his confession of not wanting to grow up. For a moment, she places herself in their shoes: two eleven-year-old boys who'd lost their older brother and mother. Rambunctious pre-teens suddenly without an older sibling to look up to, watching as dust had collected on his belongings and wanting to ask him questions about life that could never be answered. Now he's back, but they're all the same age. It must be jarring for the boys to be so physically and mentally different while Graham is the same as before.

She chooses her words carefully, overtly aware of the tension between the brothers and not wanting to press any buttons too hard. "Do you think they act the way they do because they want things to go back to the way they were before the snap? With you as the older brother and them as kids? I'm no psychologist, but it must have been really damaging for them."

Graham's shoulders slump even more. He looks like the weight of his guilt is taking a physical toll on him. "I've been too hard on them. I just— I forget that we're the same age and they need to learn from their mistakes like Max said."

"Maybe you should focus on being a brother for a while instead of trying to be their parent."

He manages a tiny grin, nodding and running a hand along his short-shaven hair. His smile fades just as quickly. It's as if he had wasted too much effort on the tiny smile, leaving him more tired than before. "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna try to do."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, but Miss Hill said we got earpieces with our suits, so we need to put them on and wait for them to tell us what to do," Peter says, walking up to them with Ned in tow. "We need to make sure our friends aren't in the same spot as the elemental."

Ned nods quickly in agreement. "I always said it would be cool to die in a big, fiery explosion, but I don't actually wanna do it."

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," Lena promises.

She flickers her gaze between a very exhausted-looking Peter to a still-sorrowful Graham. Before they'd boarded that bus, they'd each worn very different expressions on their faces. They'd been so light on their feet, had so much undiluted joy in their eyes. Now they carry themselves as if the Earth's gravitational pull had doubled, pulling them down and causing slumped shoulders and shuffling steps.

Mr. Harrington passes out room keys in the next few minutes. Everyone in their group is on the same floor, which will make it a challenge to sneak out since there are so many witnesses. Then again, it could be so chaotic that nobody notices their absence. Lena soon realizes her mistake and mentally smacks herself on the head. Of course, Graham could merely shadow-travel the three of them out onto the street and save them the trouble.

After climbing into the massive golden elevator — which still gives Lena the jitters because of Washington D.C. — they each locate their respective rooms. Lena is between Abe and Zoha, while Graham is across the hall on the end. Peter's room is in the middle of the floor beside MJ. Luckily, they're all placed near the grand staircase in case they need to make a quick escape.

Lena dumps her belongings onto the massive, king-sized bed in the center of the room and digs through her backpack. She locates the small earpiece that the blonde woman had given her, fitting it into her ear and pressing the button on the side to turn it on.

Immediately, Maria Hill's clipped voice greets her. "Identification?"

"It's Lena," she replies.

"Good. Where are Parker and Seager?"

"I'm here," Graham's voice adds a second later. "Hey, will this connect us to– oh, wait, never mind. That was Lena's."

A grin threatens to twitch her lips upward. He's referring to their earpieces that she had developed herself so they could all hear Karen, the AI in Peter's usual suit. It had been difficult for Peter to relay all of the information to her by word of mouth when they first teamed up. Knowing Graham, he had probably nearly asked about EDITH but had caught himself just in time. Hill and Fury probably don't know about the system.

"Hello?" Peter's voice joins in. "Is this thing working?"

"I need identification from both of you," Maria tells the boys.

"Uh, Graham William Seager, born July 27, 2–"

"Not that much identification. I just need your names."

Lena shakes her head in exasperation as they quickly state their names for Maria.

"Good. Dmitri will take you to our debriefing area in ten. Make sure you're in front of the hotel no later than that. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Peter answers. "Uh, will we need our suits?"

"Not yet. Don't bring anything but yourselves. If there are no other questions, you are dismissed for now."

Lena waits for a beat before turning the earpiece off with a sigh. The large, cream-colored bed with its enormous, fluffy pillows looks like an excellent place to take another nap. The mattress is spongy and soft beneath her hand when she presses down on it. However, sleep will have to wait— she doesn't have time for it until they defeat the fire elemental.

She glances around at her spacious hotel room. The first thing she notices is that it's quiet without Cindy. Right now, under normal circumstances, they would be changing into comfy clothes and settling down for a nap or finding some ridiculous Hallmark movie to make fun of— one of their old traditions at Decathlon events. Lena finds that she misses the presence of her friend. Cindy's bubbly personality and endless stories would serve as a nice distraction from the mess in her mind.

Even the bathroom is gorgeous. All white, cream, and brown, the style is so beautiful that it makes Lena's chest pang. Fury had upgraded them to rooms where the faucet doesn't break when you turn the knob and the lobby isn't flooded with canal water— and she can't even rest in it.

Lena heads to the sink and splashes cold water on her face. She hadn't worn makeup on the bus ride, so she doesn't have to worry about concealer or mascara running down her cheeks as she rubs them in an attempt to wake herself up. She rests her hands on the counter and leans forward to stare at herself in the impeccable glass mirror. God, she even looks exhausted. Dark circles have smudged the skin underneath her almond-shaped eyes. The water droplets glide over dull skin. Her bangs are messy, nearly falling into her eyes, and her wavy hair could use some brushing.

Lena thinks back to who she used to be before the battle with Thanos had taken so much from her. Things certainly hadn't been perfect, but they were better. She'd been accepted into Cornell — her dream school — and had been able to afford it due to Tony's scholarship. Her senior year had been going about as smoothly as it could have been. And then her entire life had changed, stripping her of the stability she'd worked so hard to attain.

And as she glances down at her rapidly-bouncing leg, she wonders if this regression had taken her almost to right back where she'd started.

_________

a/n:

a short summary of basically everyone in this chapter:

hey guys! i'm back again!

sorry that this chapter was so much of a filler, but i have 59292 subplots to set up and it's hard to discuss them without so much dialogue. it's especially difficult to express graham's feelings toward his brothers because we're only inside lena's head.

the vigilante trio is suffering from a hard cold case of angst! unfortunately, it's not going to lighten up anytime soon. the poor kids are gonna be in ~*Misery*~ for a while.

i hope you guys are doing well— it's been a hot minute since i updated and a lot has changed in three months. hopefully this update helped to ease your boredom/anxiety/take your mind off things for a while :) i'm always here for you guys!!

—kristyn