Crap, I'm soooo sorry for the wait, I feel so bad for making u all wait

Check out my first one shot ❤️

Aera's P.O.V

He's doing this on purpose, I decided, watching Yugyeom chat with Jungkook. He's hanging around Yugyeom to threaten me. I gritted my teeth at the thought. I guess I had been glaring at them with more anger than I'd thought, because when I focused back to the two, Yugyeom was watching me with a furrowed brow. I quickly straightened my face and gave him a small smile. Still looking confused, he turned back to Jungkook. Immediately, my face returned to the scowl.

"Why does Yugyeom visit this university so much?" I asked Jackson, who was sitting beside me in the campus cafe.

Jackson looked up from his lunch, glancing at me, then at Yugyeom and Jungkook, still waiting in line to order, before replying.

"Well...I'm his closest friend. He doesn't really have anyone at home, his parents are always away. And at school, he sort of just blends in and doesn't talk to anyone. And nobody makes an effort to talk to him..." he paused for a second, thoughtfully. "Maybe that's why he's been hanging out with Jungkook so much. Jungkook reached out to him when he first transferred here."

Jackson got back to his food, and I continued watching the two "friends". A familiar, protective feeling swept over me. I have to get Jungkook away from him.

But then another thought struck me.

Wait...Jungkook couldn't have possible known that I'd grow closer to Yugyeom...so why did he reach out to him before I came?

•••••

In all the confusion and chaos tumbling through me, I was completely annihilating my grades. And we were only two weeks into university. It was a disaster, and I blamed it all on him. The bitterness I felt began to eat away at the excitement I'd felt when I first arrived, causing a slow but steady change in my mood. Along with the sleepless nights and anxiousness I felt whenever I was alone, everything was slowly going down hill, spiraling away from my grasp and out of control. The worst part was that Namjoon was noticing my behavior, and it seemed he was afraid I was reverting to the depressive state I'd been in before.

"Let's go out. Just you and me," he suggested as soon as I'd opened the dorm door for him.

"I'm tired," I replied softly.

"Come on, Aera. We haven't spent time together in forever," Namjoon whined.

"We had coffee yesterday with the boys."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm tired," I repeated, softer than before.

Worry, maybe sadness, flickered in his eyes for a moment.

"I don't care. Grab a sweatshirt. Let's get out of here," he urged with a forced grin.

Not wanting to trouble him any further, I consented with a sigh. We were soon climbing into his car. After buckling, I slumped in my seat with a yawn, waiting for him to get settled.

"Where do you wanna go?" Namjoon asked.

I thought for a second.

"The park."

He gave me a sideways glance.

"Don't you think it's a bit chilly?" Namjoon replied unsurely.

It was true that the autumn air was finally trickling softly into the city, and the leaves, though still green, were beginning to fall. But that was exactly why I wanted to go. Even with the sun slowly setting before us.

"The park."

"Okay, okay. Whatever you want." Namjoon started the car, and we were off.

I let a small glimmer of joy light my mood slightly, though I didn't show it.

When we got to the park, it was almost empty, with only one or two evening joggers and a little old man walking a little old dog. As we got out of the car, I breathed in deeply, making my way to the small children's playground. The park here was a bit smaller than the one near my grandfather's house, and there was bench sitting directly under any tree, which was a bit disappointing.

"Why the park again?" Namjoon asked, zipping up his light jacket.

"I miss the park. I miss Busan," I told him with a frown.

He sat down on the swing next to me and sighed.

"Yeah, me too, Aera. But we have this whole new opportunity. We're in college! I mean, doesn't that make you excited? At all?"

"I'm not saying I don't like it here," I said, looking down at the wood chips.

"You're acting like it," he replied softly.

"I know," I sighed.

"Then why are you upset? And tired all the time?"

"I don't know."

I jumped when he whipped his head towards me abruptly.

"No. Don't say that, Aera. Don't tell me you don't know why you're sad," Namjoon snapped.

I watched him with a slightly surprised expression.

"Why?"

"That's what..." he took in a few deep breathes. "That's what you said before."

I frowned. I knew it. I knew he'd been scared. Scared of my depression returning. I didn't know how to reply, so we sat and slowly swung back in forty for temporary silence. I noticed the park was completely empty now. And a lot darker.

"Just promise me, Aera," Namjoon's low voice filled the quiet.

I turned to him again, he was watching his feet intensely.

"Promise me you won't let yourself..." Namjoon grimaced. "Just promise."

Because he was my best friend, because I loved him like a brother, because he was always honest with me, I gave Namjoon the most honest answer I could muster.

"I--I don't think I can."

I could hear him suck in a breath suddenly, as if he hadn't expected my answer. As if he hadn't known exactly what I'd say.

"Aera..."

I could hear the pain in his voice, making me feel more sad than ever. I stood.

"I'm just gonna take a walk around. Don't wait up for me," I told him, though I knew he would.

He always did.

I walked into the now complete darkness that surrounded the park, just focusing on the sound of my breathing, pushing away all the emotion that bubbled up in my chest. I didn't know what else to do in that moment. Part of me wanted to turn back to Namjoon and talk it out, tell him everything about everything. But the other half wanted to run as far away as possible. All the way back to when I was living alone with my dad in our small suburban house. Before any of this ever rammed into my life. Before I saw Jimin watching the old lady at the park. Before my grandmother passed away. Before I fell so painfully in love. So painfully depressed. So painfully being.

But at the same time, I wished I'd known him all my life. I wished I could relive every second with him. Even if it meant the physical and mental pain was repeated.

At that moment, all I wanted was to just see his smile. All I wanted was his smile. Just a flicker of it. Just a tiny piece.

I realized that my face was wet with tears. And that I'd completely stopped walking. Completely stopped suppressing the emotions. I sank to the ground, crying out all the anxiety and sickness and pain I'd been holding in ever since I'd returned to Seoul. And the tears didn't stop as I lay in a pitiful heap. It was like a dam had broken, and there was no controlling it now.

It was surprising when I was actually able to speak through the shuddering and aching lungs.

"Jimin," I whispered through my tears. "I don't think I can last much longer."