Calina
༛༛ ༛ ༛༺♔༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

Turning over in bed, I watched the rise and fall of Knox's sculpted chest. Not in a stalker kind of way. I just adored this relaxed version of him. It was almost like he was a completely different person while asleep. So much younger without the weight or burden of his kingdom to worry him down. The morning light reflected through the sheer curtained window and illuminated his chiseled handsome face.

Even after spending days (okay, closer to a week) holed up in my room with him, my body still craved him. I wanted to burrow my face into his neck and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist.

The intimacy we shared in those moments of pleasure was indescribable. It was a bond we forged with our bodies that felt like more than mere lust. It felt like we shared a connection that went much deeper than I realized.
I selfishly wanted every part of him not just his body but his heart too. That couldn't happen. How could I want him in that way when I still had so much to process in my life.

If I were stronger, I'd break things off now. Before I got too hooked. For some reason, I lacked any amount of self-control where Knox is involved.

A few days ago, when he readily agreed to the no hearts involved relationship, I told him it would be best if he didn't spend the night in my bed. Emotions might get confused. His or mine, I wasn't sure. Clearly, he doesn't listen to my demands.

Knox's full sensual lips curled into a smirk, caught off guard, I jerk my gaze up to his. I hadn't even realized he'd woken up.

"You have the sexiest bedroom eyes I have ever seen," Knox whispered. His deep voice was hypnotic and lured me in. He slid closer, his lips skimming along my jaw and down my neck.

Slick heat pooled between my thighs. The desire swept through me, burning every coherent thought in its path, I was breathless.

"Knox, You are fun and sexy and you make me laugh, but no... we both have packed schedules. No more hiding from the world."

Maintaining a distance was the only thing that would keep me from having to experience the emotional misery that followed dating and falling for someone. Except this time I wasn't trying to protect my own heart. I wanted to protect him from all of my brokenness.

I couldn't fall for all of his charm. I already liked him a little too much. Which was dangerous and foolish.
Quickly entangling myself in the dark plum-colored silk sheets, I slipped out of bed.

A small gasp escaped my lips when a sharp tug on the sheets exposed me right down to my birthday suit.

"Much better," Knox said deviously. An amused, wolfish grin curved his lips while he tossed the bedsheet on the floor behind him. "There isn't one inch of you I haven't touched, kissed, or tasted. You're beautiful."

I shot him a fierce glare over my shoulder, but instead of backing down, his gaze turned even more predatory. In a swift and assertive move, his arm snaked around my waist, pulling me back into bed. Despite the blush creeping up my neck and cheeks, I giggled.

With my back to his very big and very warm chest, he combed his fingers through my hair, tracing a soft line down my neck and collarbone. They continued their leisurely journey down my body, leaving a trail of goosebumps, momentarily resting them on my hip. How was I supposed to think logically when his touch made my brain shut down in some sort of silent protest of Knox overload?

"I need a shower," I announced, trying to wiggle away from his skillful fingers when they made their way past my belly button, slowly trailing down further.

"Mind if I join you?"

I turned in time to see his subtle, self-assured smile as he slipped out of bed. Because, obviously, who in their right mind would say no? Knox leaned down, scooping me into his arms, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. One hand cradled the back of my head while he kissed me deeply. The ragged moan that escaped him reverberated through my chest, arousing a thunderstorm of torrid longing in me. I didn't even bother to fight his tongue for dominance. I submitted willingly to his insistent, passionate kiss while he continued his journey to the en-suite bathroom.

༛༛༛༛

Our fun shower activities came to an abrupt halt when Emilio knocked on the bathroom door, reminding us of our promise to return to our usual routines. Knox was annoyed, and Emilio spent the next five minutes apologizing profusely. Needless to say, it was a total buzzkill.

In the bathroom, leaning against the counter with my back to the mirror, my fingers idly played with a strand of my wet hair as I watched Knox get ready for the day.

"What are you thinking about, Mi Reina?" The deep timbre of his voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"How late I am for therapy. The queen is pressuring me to attend grief counseling sessions."

He didn't react at all to my confession. He simply continued to clean up, putting toiletries back into his Dopp kit.

"Nothing? No reaction from that?" Unable to hide my frustration, I pushed the black leather bag away from him so he'd look at me. "I figured you'd feel a little guilty since it was your idea. I know you're the one who suggested it to the queen."

He didn't immediately respond. Instead, he grabbed his bag, zipping it up. The muscle in his cheek twitched as he clenched and unclenched his jaw.

"In passing, yes, I told her how I thought it would benefit you. I didn't think she'd latch onto the idea so eagerly. She's worried about you. Put your stubbornness aside for a moment and see if it'd be easier to talk to a total stranger about your grief." He leaned his hip on the counter, letting his words fade into silence.

"You're not even going to apologize? I've already told you I don't like to talk about my feelings. It has nothing to do with being familiar with the person or not. I don't want you interfering." I folded my arms over my chest. I had to fight the urge to run out of the bathroom in anger. For one, I was only wearing a towel and second, this was my room. He could leave.

He shifted in front of me, leaning forward, and casually placed his large hands on the surface of the countertop behind me to cage me in.
"Bottling up your emotions will only magnify your grief. Sorry if I've offended you," Knox commented offhandedly.
He didn't even sound remotely sorry. What an ass.

The only noise filling the air now was his forceful breath. He was pissed, but so the fuck was I.

"I'm not actually going to apologize for caring about you, Calina," Knox said in a gruff tone.

I shrugged my shoulder, arms still crossed as I glared daggers at him.

"I'm selfish, and I only want you to be happy. You can't do that if you close your emotions off to everyone. Look, I like you. You are the most abrasive, headstrong woman I've ever met. And if I'm being honest, you are my weakness." Knox leaned over me, his mouth dangerously close to mine.

I shoved at his chest, but my efforts were completely wasted. He didn't budge. "Are you only saying that to piss me off more?"

Unbothered by my scathing attitude, he simply dipped his head, grazing his nose against the side of my throat.
His mouth on my skin was like a brand. I swallowed, tamping down the rising thrill shooting up my spine. One light touch from him and my body was already primed and his for the taking.

"Keep me at arm's length all you want, Trouble. I still look forward to seeing you every day. I cannot pretend like you aren't the most interesting part of my day. My favorite part of the day and I won't pretend like I don't care about you."

"You are impossible," I whispered, more breathless than I intend. It was quickly becoming obvious that there was no point in fighting against this hopelessly intense attraction between us. When I was with Knox, I had so many conflicting emotions I really couldn't tell up from down. All I knew was that being with him made me feel less hallowed out. Even admitting that only to myself scared me to my very core.

He pulled back, his gaze scanning my face. The barely restrained hunger sparking in his exquisite green eyes sank under my skin and invaded all of my senses. Then he stepped back, silently striding to the bathroom door, and letting himself out.

The asshole!
Why the hell did he get me riled up just to leave without even saying goodbye?

With a frustrated sigh, I pushed off the counter, grumbling under my breath as I finished getting ready for the day.
I slipped into a pair of high-waisted, light-washed jeans and a soft, oversized grey t-shirt adorned with a graphic print of my latest favorite movie, Xerox Species. I decided to put my hair in two French braids and finish my look off with a delicate gold pendant necklace and a few dainty rings.

Fifteen minutes later, when I left the bathroom, I found Knox relaxed on the settee in the far corner of my room. He didn't bother to look up from his phone.

"I thought you left," I said casually, pausing in front of the serving cart to pour myself a cup of coffee.

He continued typing on his phone. Minutes passed, and he still hadn't acknowledged my presence in the room. Rolling my eyes, I sipped my coffee and lifted the lid on the silver platter to see what was for breakfast. Teff pancakes with a pear yogurt sauce and sweet rose dukkah. Yum. This was usually my favorite go-to after workout treat. I hadn't worked out in nearly a week. Why would Alice choose it as my breakfast?

"I don't really think you're upset about my involvement with your therapy." I turned; Knox was still on the settee. Rolling my eyes, I focused on the coffee mug in my hands.

"Calina, you want emotional distance from me. I can't give you that. We can't pretend like we're just hooking up. Not in the aftermath of what we have shared this week. It has made me realize I can't do casual sex with you. I have been trying to enjoy the time we have, but what we are doing just isn't enough. We don't need to label our relationship, but I'd like to take you out on dates. I'd like to explore a relationship outside of just sex. The connection between us runs deeper than that."

I bit the inside of my cheek. He was right-I had a similar thought just this morning. The only difference was that it was much scarier to hear it out loud.

"Or maybe you are just assuming it runs deeper."
Why in the hell was I being so caustic? I rubbed the back of my neck and set the coffee down on the serving cart, before I leaned against the wall. "If you went back home. We could do the whole occasional hook up whenever our paths crossed."

"Do you want me to go home?" Knox asked flatly.

"No, but..."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

Because I really, really like you. I didn't want him to throw my shattered heart right back into my face once I gave it to him.

I swallowed hard.
"If you knew how hollowed out I was, you wouldn't bother wasting your efforts on me. I am who I am."

He walked across the room, stopping in front of me.

"When my dad died, I was pissed at... everyone. Any person who dared to breathe in my direction, I'd bite their head off. That included Emilio, but he didn't let me push him away. I resented him for it at first. I'm a big believer that tiptoeing around the unpleasant truth won't make it any more palatable. You need to openly talk to someone. That anger needs an outlet that sparring can't fix because you're grieving. You are grieving, Calina. But you don't have to bottle those feelings up. Let them out, I promise you feel better."

He was right, of course. I didn't know how. I didn't know how to let go of what I was feeling. This grief was all I knew now. I closed my eyes on an exhale. Knox grabbed my hand, his thumb stroking my palm in a soothing gesture. I looked up at him, giving him a faint smile.

I was starting to think the chemistry between us went far beyond a simple crush. And that thought rattled me to my core.I really didn't understand how he had easily bulldozed past my defenses. Most guys would have given up by now.

Knox was so intelligent, so ridiculously patient, so kind. He called me his weakness, but it was clear that he was mine.

Pulling his hand back, the corners of his mouth flickered up in a dangerous smile. There was something wicked in that sensuous smile. A warning and a promise. Like did not fear all of my darkness and my deep cynicism that would only poison his light.

He reached out, dragging his thumb across my bottom lip. The heat radiating from his finger made me tremble, and my heart stutter. The risk of drowning in his mint green eyes felt all too real. There was no escaping the inferno his gaze had kindled.

He pulled back, and disappointment flooded me. I had hoped he would kiss me, and maybe we could move past this weighted conversation.

"Eat. You'll need your strength after the workout we had last night and this morning." He chuckled under his breath, dipping his head to kiss the corner of my mouth.

Ah, so the teff pancakes were a joke between him and Alice.

"Truth is, I want to know everything there is to know about you. I think you're interesting as hell, but I won't push you. Other than trying to guide you toward handling your grief. I'll see you tonight. Unless I've pushed you too far and you want to end things."

"Yeah."

His eyebrows drew together tightly in disbelief. And I quickly backpedaled.

"No, I meant yeah, I'll see you tonight. I don't want what we have to end anytime soon." I flashed him a devilish grin.

"Good. Because the only ending I'm interested in is the one where we end up together."

Half a giggle slipped out before I could contain it. "You're a dork."

"You're a brat," he said affectionately, a soft look appearing in his eyes, a crooked grin in place. Knox pulled me into his arms, claiming my mouth like he could not find enough control to keep himself in check.

Heat and desire burst through my body like an inferno. His hands entwined through my hair, and his hips pinned me to the wall. Then, just as quickly, he released me. I blink, trying to get my scattered thoughts back so I could tamper down my lust.

He opened my bedroom door. A long suspended second passed while we stared at each other. "I'll see you tonight, Trouble." The door clicked shut behind him. Part of me wanted to continue to fight this burning attraction between us, but the other part of me wanted to give in and see where things could go. Could I take a risk with my heart?