A/N: Really sorry about the slow updates, I have just have way too much work to be doing. Plus procrastination obviously, I will try and update more regularly.

"Wait you mean my life's not real? My whole life is a lie, and my every action is drawn by some creepy Japanese dude!" Ah! Jesus Christ the mere idea of that scared the living day lights out of me! Wait a second, what if Japan is telling the truth! My whole life is a lie!Nothing is real anymore!

"No, a human in my country called Hidekaz Himaruya found out about us and made an anime depicting some of our life events." Said Japan still in happy drunk mode.

"What! America, I bet this is all your fault! Humans aren't meant to know about us! This is disastrous!"

"Dude, it's not, my fault! Plus remember when Russia jumped out that plane yelling vodka? It was all over the papers, humans have known about us of ages!"

"Not on this scale!" Iggy yelled angrily, pouting in an incredibly cute way.

"Don't worry everyone just thinks it's an idea Hima came up with, they don't think we actually exist. They think we are just a show!"

"Thank god for the ignorance of humans." Said England with his head on the table.

"Yes England, I know it's great! And whats more is there is all this fanart and fanfic shipping us all. It's so funny and brilliant and cute!" Said Japan looking like he was positively about to explode from the cuteness, eyes sparkling, voice alit by something that sounded similar to a squeal.

"Bloody hell, now I'm scarred, fangirls in my country are terrifying! Have you ever met a directioner? They are insane!"

"Dude you cannot talk, the directioners in my country are way worse."

"You're right the beliebers in my country are a force you shouldn't mess with, they go crazy for his American accent."

"Dude, Justin Bieber is Canadian! Why does everyone keep blaming that monstrosity on me!"

"Haha that's really ironic, for once being forgotten is a good thing." Said Iggy almost falling off his chair.

"Wait dude, Japan, back to our fandom, what hellish stuff happens there? Who do we get shipped with. Who do I get shipped with? Hungary? Ukraine?" I said genuinely eager to learn.

"No America-san, if you are in any hetero ship it tends to be with Belarus."

"Ahh! Why dude why! What the hell!" I shrieked terrified, practically hyperventilating. Belarus was the last person I wanted to be in a relationship with. "I would rather be in a relationship with Russia than her!"

"People do ship you and Russia, it's one of your most popular ships actually. You actually tend to mainly get shipped with dudes! In fact everyone does. For example you also get shipped with me."

"Okay one ew, two back to the important point, who in their right mind would ever think me and Russia should even be in the same room together! Let alone in a relationship. That's like my worst nightmare!" I shiver thinking of him raising a pipe above his head, nope, no thanks, not for me, no way.

"Aw but you guys are so hot together all that dominating angst!" Said Japan really creepy look in his eyes, practically drooling. Okay press the pause button for a second. This is freaking starting to freak me the fuck out. He ships us! I mean what the hell, I've never outrightly said it but I hate Russia, he's creepy as fuck and he thinks he has a bigger dick than me! I mean come on as if! Dream on commie bastard! "You also get shipped with Canada!"

"Oh man double ew, that's disgusting, it's incest!" England gave me a look and I glared back.

"And very rarely France."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"But your most popular ship, and the most popular ship in the entire fandom in fact, is you with England-san!" He said happily, once again sounding as if he was off in his own little dream land.

"Oh thank god dude, at least the fangirls got something right."

"Haha, you got shipped with the frog and the commie bastard." Said England slurring his words laughing childishly.

"Actually UsUk's main rival ship is FrUk." Said Japan matter of factly, please say that means what I thought it did. If it does it's going to be fucking awesome, Iggy is going to flip.

"What?"

"You get shipped with France-san way more than America-kun does England-san!"

"Bloody hell no! I'll find them all and stab them! Do the fangirls not know that I turned down a marriage proposal from him!" England yelled.

"Yes they do, they all watched that scene, I thought it was very cute!Especially when he dragged you away screaming, that part was adorable! Some people even believe that Canada-san and America-san are your kids!"

"What?!"

"Yes papa France and mama England!"

"That doesn't even make any sense! France is the one who wears dresses and is obsessed with fashion, and his looks! Why the bloody hell am I the mum? Plus why is there a mum and a dad, isn't that a bit homophobic? Why the fruk can't we be gay parents?"

"England did you just use your ship name as a swear word?"

"Why shouldn't I? Fruk is an appalling offensive word, and should therefore be used a as swear word!"

"Dude at least your not shipped with Russia!"

"Calm down you two, Hima ships you two remember?" Said Japan soothingly.

"Haha yeah! What's the fanfic for us like?" I asked suddenly curious.

"Well in UsUk fanfics normally England is a snivelling weakling who you save as the obnoxious popular hero!"

"That's sounds about right."

"That is completely wrong! I am not weak! And America has no friends!"

"I do too!"

"You asked me to help you make friends with a whale!"

"Exactly the whales are my friends! And Tony too!"

"In UkUs however, America tends to be an insecure person who has anorexia or depression, who England comforts or England is a psychopathic pirate who basically rapes you."

"Dude that is so messed up!"

"Why a pirate?" England slurred.

"Many fans believe you used to be a terrifying force to reckon with, but now you are just subdued and submissive, no fight left in you."

"That is not true! I may have lost my empire but that in no way means I have lost my fighting spirit. I may be less reckless and more gentlemanly now, but that does not mean I am a coward or would ever willingly show weakness! Or back down or give up! I still have exactly the same fighting spirit! I will never give up, and I will certainly never be submissive!" England yelled! He then drastically cooled down within a matter of seconds. "And I mean what the hell! There shouldn't be this whole war on whether we are UsUk or UkUs, we should just be UsUk, because honestly it sounds better, and in no other ship name does the first name determine the dominant person, plus relationships should be about love and happiness not who the most dominating is!" England said pouting, I must say I agree, relationships are about so much much than who is the most dominating. They are about support and happiness and awesomeness! On another hand, how does England know about ship names? I'll leave that question for another day I think smiling.

"Aw Iggy that's so cute!" I say nuzzling into him.

"How about you guys use libertea then? That's your thrid ship name."

"You mean we have three? We are the best! We are the best ship, we're the most popular, we are the best ship, we're the most popular!" I sang then yelled: "Libertea!" With my hands up in the air punching the sly like a boss!

"You two get shipped in real life too! With your special relationship!" Said Japan raising his eyebrows.

"Oh bloody hell, I think we both need to turn down the obsession if people who don't even know about us ship us as feckin land masses!"

"Don't you dare turn it down! I need my daily doss of fanboyness from you two!" Said Japan sounding kind of insane, like I was trying to wean him off cocaine, we are not a drug!

"Japan, dude, I think you need to take a chill pill."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Plus how can I when you two are so adorable!" Okay now I was kind of disturbed, Japan was sounding stalkerish, and I don't appreciate being referred as cute, unless Iggy says it. "Plus you're also part of my OT3 FrUkUs!"

"Oh hell no!" I yelled.

"In that relationship is France dominant, then me, then America?"

"No."

"See point proven! Suck on that fangirls!" England yelled at the ceiling.

"FrUkUs tends to be France and America fighting over you!"

"Oh bloody hell no!"

"But you're so cute and feminine England, it's adorable!"

"What about me is even remotely feminine!"

"Everything! Plus you are so small and cute!"

"I am the same height as France!"

"Really? Huh, I always thought you were smaller. You are just so kawaii! I can't help but think of you as the woman in the relationship!"

"Why does there have to be a woman? And if you are saying the woman in the relationship is weak then think again! Because Hungary dominates Prussia's asre, he's the 'woman' in their relationship which doesn't even make any sense because he's a man! Woman are fricken strong, stop with the sexism!" England yelled kind of crazily.

"Iggy calm, calm down!"

"I will not calm! I was pushed around a whole hell of a lot as a kid and I fought hard to change that! I refuse to be called weak!"

England then started yelling in fast paced British slang which none of the rest of the world could understand. I managed to calm him down before he got us kicked of out the bar, or before-god forbid-he start drunk singing.

Once I had eventually calmed him down, Japan had already launched into story about a thing called cardverse. I think he just forgot we were there and was now in his own little realm of rambling. I started tuning in and picked up a couple details.

"I'm the king! That's so cool! Iggy you're gonna be hella annoyed, cause guess what, you're my Queen!"

"That is actually a perfectly acceptable position."

"What? Didn't you just go on that whole rant about hating being called a woman?"

"No, I don't hate begin called a woman, I hate being called a woman when you are using it as a term that refers to me as being weak. No on this subject quite the contrary is true. Queens are by far superior to kings, all my best monarchs have been female, they lived the longest and were rational. The kings were a bunch of idiots, therefore it is suitable that you are my King." I made a face at Iggy he just continued. "The Queen is the most powerful piece in chess too, and for good reason."

"Hey the King is the most important!" I said, not quite sure why exactly I am defending a chess piece.

"Yes,  but the Queen is as you would say 'badass' and the King is as you would say 'lame'." Said Iggy smiling drunkly, then paused of a second and then turned to Japan. "So Japan who is China in this cardverse which you speak of?"

"China?" Said Japan sounding confused, but he was drunk so he didn't ponder it too much. "Why he's the Jack of Spades."

"Huh I see, and Japan who are you?" Wait a second, I could swear Iggy has just miraculously sobered up.

"I'm the Queen of Hearts." Said Japan simply.

"Do you think the Queen of Hearts and the Jack of Spades should be in a relationship together? What are you're feelings for China?" Wait a second, he doesn't sound drunk at all!

"Well I'm in love with him have been for centuries." Japan is being completely one hundred percent honest! He's not dodging the question at all! Was this Iggy's cunning plan? If so, it's genius.

"Interesting, so why haven't you done anything about it?"

"Well he obviously doesn't feel the same way, so I am respecting his feelings and keeping my distance."

"And how do you know this?"

"Well I don't, I just assume that's the case, I don't have the courage to say anything." I am so confused right now. "America-san, England-san thank you so much for this evening it was super fun, lets definitely do this again sometime!" Said Japan abruptly. I can't handle this, Japan being honest scares me.

"Goodbye Japan."

"Bye Japan!" I yell as he walks out the  door. "Iggy, you were sober this whole time!" I yell at him, shocked. Everything he did, and said! He did sober? And he did it willingly?

"Yes, it was necessary to collect all the correct information." He says non chalentely.

"So all that yelling and crazyness, that was all you?" I say blankly, now very confused.

"Yes I know how I act when I'm drunk, it's rather easy to imitate." I always figured he had no idea just how much a fool he makes of himself. Does he enjoy it?

"Wait wait wait, wait a second, so you know exactly how bat shit crazy you get when you're drunk, yet you continue to indulge in the activity?"

"Yes, it's a great way to let loose." I give up, I genuinely give on him, and on me and on the entire world.

"And you have absolutely no problem with that?"

"No none what so ever." He said smiling, I just stare at him. I have no words for him, no words.

"Wait are you telling me, that you pretended to be drunk to get information out of Japan? Did you even get anything worthwhile out of it? I didn't even learn anything new apart from the fact that there is a creepy Japanese dude who stalks me and writes my life down!" I say after a few minutes of silence still in complete confusion.

"Yes that was pretty weird, yet weirder things have happened, it's weird to think there is fanfiction out there about us. I bet there is some really weird stuff out there."

"You sure are right about that Iggy, fanfic writers scare me, they are terrifying, weird, scary people with nothing better to do with their lives than write about made up imaginary characters, because they have no lives."

"You are definitely right about that. Now lets head home, I have an evil plan to formulate." Says Iggy deviously, on second thoughts Iggy is probably more scary than all fanfic writers combined.