• A Gojo Satoru x afab!reader angst imagine, based on the song, 'Save Your Tears' by The Weeknd.

• Warnings: angst, cussing, sex flashback (nothing explicit), alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking.

• Summary: Shoko and Utahime drag Gojo to a club, but after sulking all night, he runs into someone from his past.

---

God. How did he get dragged into this again?

Gojo squints his eyes at the seemingly never-ending swarm of people in the club. The club was oozing booze and moving bodies, creating an intoxicating mixture of sweat and otherworldly scents that had him up turning his nose. Loud, banging music rang in his ears, having him wishing he would've brought a pair of earplugs.

To think he'd be used to it by now, the way Utahime and Shoko would drag him along to their clubbing adventures, telling him in drawled sentences that, It'll be so fun, Gojo! You'll have a blast with the two of us! When in reality, it was Utahime dragging Shoko onto the dance floor, already pre-gamed out of their minds.

At times, he felt like he was stuck at a college block party with a freshman and Shoko, who just stuck around because she was invited. He didn't blame her, though; Shoko always had a lot on her mind.

Hell, he would be drinking too if he could.

The normally giddy and extroverted sorcerer evades the sea of dancing people. He dips his head and sticks his hands into his pockets and hurries his way to the bar, where he'd normally sit so that way Utahime and Shoko could find him when they're done.

He sits on a stool, and the padding of the cushion squishes underneath him while he props his feet onto the footrests attached to his seat. He props his head onto his palm.

Ah yes, the bar. The place where he normally came if he didn't feel like joining Utahime and Shoko on the dance floor, or joining Shoko outside where she would smoke her cigarettes, or helping Utahime throw her guts up into the toilet. He didn't find himself here too often. He liked hanging out with Shoko and Utahime, but... something was off about tonight.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

Satoru looks up, peering through his blindfold at the young man who ran the bar.

He lets out a huff, throwing his hands up in the air. "You got any juice?"

The bartender lets out a laugh. "Yeah, I got juice." He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms as if he were waiting for something.

Gojo stares right back at him.

"Oh! Oh, you're serious. Yeah, of course, I have juice. We don't have a lot of customers who come in and order just juice, so..." the bartender bends down below the bar and shuffles for something, then reappears with bottles of juice. He points to each one, "We got, grape, apple, mango, pineapple--"

Satoru chuckles. "Pineapple is good."

The bartender nods, and with a few swift movements, he grabs a glass for Satoru and pours him his drink, sliding it over to him.

Satoru thanks him with a nod and a raise of his glass and begins to sip on the sweet flavor of the drink.

He holds the glass against his lips and gnaws on the inside of his lower lip.

He couldn't help but sit. Sit like this, gnawing on his lower lip when he was in his head like this. Like he is now. Wondering how he had gotten to this point. How he wasn't dancing like he usually was, chatting up Shoko about her day, or bullying Utahime. He wasn't usually like this, but lately... he couldn't stop thinking.

That's all he ever seems to do, is think. He's constantly in motion using his Reverse Curse Technique on himself, which requires a bit of brain power, and he's thinking about his students, thinking about his friends, thinking about the people he cares about... or, more so, cared about.

He takes another sip of the pineapple juice.

Fucking Suguru. Fucking--

"Hey."

Satoru is snapped out of his thoughts by Shoko's familiar voice.

He turns to her and offers her a warm smile, and she returns it and sits next to him.

"Hey!" He exclaims, feeling like he has to shout over the pounding music. "Are you ready to leave?" He asks and cranes his neck to peek behind his friend to look for the small angry woman, but Shoko shakes her head.

"No, I just came to talk to you. 'Hime is having a blast on the dance floor. You should join her," Shoko nudges his shoulder but Satoru rolls his eyes.

"I should, shouldn't I?" He chuckles, sipping on his juice again.

She nods. "Yeah. I couldn't help but notice how lonesome you seemed over here."

"Me?" Satoru scoffs, a smile perked on his lips. "Lonesome? Never. I could turn on my ankle and strike up the most interesting conversation with anyone, Shoko."

"But you're not, " she notes, leaning her chin on her palm. "Normally you'd have some poor girl on her knees on the grody bathroom floor, or in the back of the club somewhere, but you're here, Satoru. "

He chuckles at that and shakes his head. She knew him too well.

"What's up?"

"I... I don't know. I've just... been in my head as of late. Don't worry about it." He offers her a reassuring smile, but Shoko wasn't one to reciprocate.

"Shut up, Satoru. Tell me, what's going on inside that head of yours?"

Everything. Everything was going on. He kept thinking, and that seemed to be the fucking problem. He kept thinking about his past. About the people who've hurt him, who've left him, as well as the people he's hurt.

Lately, it was Suguru.

And, you.

---

"Dumbass, pick another card."

Satoru chuckles at your already tipsy state and reaches for another card.

He reads it in his head before he reads it out loud. He looks at you, who's sitting on the ground with him holding a shot glass in your hand.

"Well, what is it?" You ask, tilting your head up like you were trying to peer at his card, but Satoru snatches it from your view and pushes you away when you try to sit on both knees to peek over at it.

"Hey! Hey! You're not allowed to peek, you impatient thing," he teases, and you sit back down with a pout.

"Alright, alright. " he finally reads the card, "Take a shot, orrrrrr, kiss the person in front of you," he smirks and you let out a gasp.

"Take a shot! Take a shot! Take--" you chant, but he rolls his eyes. "Come onnnnn, you never drink, Satoru. Now's the time to drink, when it's just the two of us playing a little silly card game in my living room."

Satoru was right there with you. He wasn't sure why you were begging him to drink when he was already tipsy too. He was only three shots in, too. The audacity of a lightweight, he supposed.

"Besides, Satoru. We're friends, what if you kiss me and I like it?" You frown and pick up the box that belonged to the game. "I thought I bought the friend's version. There was supposed to be no kissing stuff in this!"

Satoru's heart seemed to stop.

In that sentence, he felt as if the goosebumps along his arms were lit into flames. His whole body was overrun with heat, and he couldn't help but think.

What if he kissed you... and you both liked it? What then? What if... what if he kept going? What if he couldn't stop himself, and you kept egging him on?

"Wanna find out?"

Shit. Fuck. Shit, fuck, shit, fuck. Satoru, you dumbass, he scolds himself after blurring out the--

"What, you wanna kiss me, Satoru?"

"I mean, yeah." Satoru's eyes find themselves wandering over you, even through the ridiculous blindfold he wore. He didn't know what this was. He didn't know what was going on. Did he have feelings for you? Was he finally admitting this to himself? Or was he just horny, and looking to get his dick wet?

No, no... it wasn't the third option. He liked you. He liked you a lot. He valued his time with you. He always enjoyed being in your presence, and always enjoyed hanging out with you. Hell, he even enjoyed looking at you. Sometimes, when he found himself staring at you for a little too long, his pants seemed to get a little too tight all of the sudden.

"Then what are you waiting for, dumbass?"

What? Did he hear you right?

Satoru seems to be in his thoughts for too long, as he finally seems to snap out of his when he realizes you've moved closer to him.

"Are... are you sure?"

"Fucking kiss me for crying out loud, you fucking dweeb."

That's all the confirmation he needed.

Almost as if he were tackling you, Satoru rushes in to kiss you, and not for a peck, no, he's starving. In fact, he's so mad at himself for not playing this cheesy little card game with you sooner. Why hadn't he kissed you before?

Your lips feel perfect against his, and the perfect, in-sync movements only fuel the fire that's sparking along his skin. He's moving with you, while you're leaning back against the floor, and he's moving on top of you, slowly, but surely. He finds his place, his hands are careful and he gently runs them along your forearms before running up your shoulders, and all along to your cheeks, where he holds them gently while kissing the ever-living fuck out of you.

He's so desperate. He's so desperate to hold you, to feel you close to him. It feels as though he's been deprived of intimacy and he's a touch-starved teenager who's never touched a woman before.

"Mmph, Satoru--" you pull away from the kiss, breathless, and your eyes dart around his black blindfold, trying to find something to meet his gaze with.

"Yeah?" He's breathless as well, his calloused hands are rubbing small circles on your cheeks.

"I need... the floor, it's hurting my back."

Without a single word, Satoru swiftly picks you up and practically races to your bedroom.

He's on you again, with you on the bed, and him lying on top. Your hands are gripping at the white strands of Gojo's hair, your eyes are squeezed shut at the feeling of finally being able to kiss your best friend.

Satoru's almost had enough of the kissing, though. As much as he loves the feeling of your lips against his, and your hands clawing everywhere on his body, and his hands placed delicately on your cheeks, he feels so fucking hard. He hates it but... shit.

"Satoru," you breathe in between kisses. He picks his head up from your mouth and begins to kiss down your face and along your jaw, down to your neck.

"Yeah?" He breathes, and his breath tickles your ear.

"I... I can feel you, against me, " you sigh into him, and for a moment, he's confused.

It's only then does he realize how hard he is, and remembers that you can feel it too.

Shit.

"Is this... Is this--"

Satoru is breathless, but you just nod.

"Fuck, Satoru I just want you to fuck me."

Instantly, something ignited inside of him. The sparks along his skin were set ablaze, and in one swift second he became a burning fire, and you were caught within the swallowing flames.

Hands moved, pushing and pulling at buttons and hems of shirts, removing all of the articles of clothing that sealed the barrier between the two of you until you were completely nude. Desperate, firey kisses left Satoru's mouth and traveled down your body. He'd whisper snarky little remarks underneath his breath about how good you looked underneath him, and how he was so happy that he finally had you.

It was at that moment did he realize that he never wanted to let you go. He couldn't.

You'd just have to stay like this with him for as long as he lived.

---

"It's just uh... you know... just thinking about..." He swirls his drink around in his glass and watches it, refusing to make eye contact with Shoko.

"Her?"

Fuck. Yeah. Her.

The girl who had him feeling eternally happy. The girl he felt an instant connection with when he met her. The girl who stayed put by his side no matter what.

The girl he pushed away.

He sighs. "Yeah."

"Do you need to talk about it?" Shoko offers, giving him a sincere look.

"I um... I don't know, Shoko. It's just..." He sighs, beginning to get frustrated with himself. Why couldn't he talk? Talk about something he swore he moved on from. It was a simple task. He'd done so much more shit than talking, before.

"I've just been thinking... about how I can't keep people who are close to me. I just can't. They always leave me, or... I leave them. I don't mean to leave them, but there's something inside of me that's just telling me to let go, " he finally admits, feeling as if he lifted a huge weight off of his chest. "Like, with Suguru. He's fucking dead, Shoko. And... with my ex... I left her because... well..."

"You're afraid to get hurt again."

Satoru finally looks up from his juice and meets her soft gaze. Get hurt? How could he, The Strongest, ever get hurt? He's invincible.

"No, no. I'm not afraid to get hurt, Shoko," he laughs it off and spins his seat around so he's facing the dance floor now. He leans back, his back rests against the bar. "I don't get hurt. I just feel... I feel like a piece of shit. "

Shoko sighs, rolling her eyes. She follows Satoru and swivels around in her seat. "Doesn't seem that way to me. " She turns her head toward the bartender and signals for him to come over. "Can I get a few shots of vodka? Wait, do you have any flavored vodka?"

Satoru raises an eyebrow while he watches Shoko interact with the bartender. The bartender and her exchange a few words before Satoru hears a few glasses clink, and hears liquid being poured. The glasses are then slid over to Shoko.

"Here you go, big boy. Drink up, " Shoko tells him, handing him a shot glass.

"Shoko, you know I can't drink. Besides, aren't I the designated driver?" He chuckles, placing the shot down on the counter.

"Oh fuck off, Satoru. All you're gonna do is call Ijichi like you always do. Take the shot. You need it more than both of us, " Shoko groans, rolling her eyes. "You'll be okay for one night without your curse technique."

"You don't know that."

"I do. Now, drink up." She hands the shot glass back to the sorcerer, who takes it reluctantly.

"Fine. Just this once. If I die, I'm coming back to haunt you."

With that, Satoru cautiously looks down at the clear alcohol before him. He's tempted to take a whiff, but, he knew that'd prevent him from even taking the shot. He just needs to down the whole thing.

Well... Here goes nothing.

With a quick movement, Gojo tilts his head back and downs the shot, the alcohol sears down his throat, and the back of his tongue tasted a horrible mix of alcohol and some strange fruit flavor.

Gojo shakes his head at the strong sensation, and immediately feels his guard beginning to drop.

"Fucking hell, Shoko. What'd you get me?" He grimaces and wipes away the remainder of his drink off his lips.

She laughs at his reaction and downs a shot herself, who, unlike Gojo, does not grimace at the shot going down, and takes it like a champ.

"Blueberry vodka-- thought you might like it since you're into sweet shit."

He laughs. "This shit tastes like ass."

"That's funny, coming from you."

He sighs. He really had made a reputation for himself among his friends, huh?

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"Alright, Gojo. Take another shot and then you're coming to the dance floor, you sulker."

Satoru follows her instructions, taking a shot (well, two more shots, actually) before heading to the dance floor with Shoko.

The loud music blaring in his ears, the bass pounding in his head, only added to the fuzzy feeling that stirred inside of him. Flashing lights danced to the music overhead, fast, moving bodies moved against Gojo, and for once, it felt like he didn't have a care in the world.

The alcohol buzzed inside of him, creating a sedating sensation that kept him coming back to take more shots. Soon enough, he was going back and forth between the dance floor and the bar. Dancing, sweating, grinding, laughing, talking--it was a flurry of motions Satoru found himself lost in. Of course, he knew he was going to regret this later, but... maybe he could afford it just this once.

So, he let himself get carried away. Utahime and Shoko tried to warn him to not get too caught up in it, but he continued to reassure them that he'd be fine.

While going back and forth between the dancing and the alcohol, Gojo also found himself talking to one too many girls. He found himself in the back corners of the club, making out, or flirting with them just because he could. He even took one of the girls to a bathroom and got his dick sucked while he was at it.

After that, he came out of the restroom and fixed himself up, pulling up his sleeves and finally taking off his blindfold for the night, as it had gotten sweaty against his forehead.

Pretending as if nothing had happened, he made his way back to the dance floor, ready to meet back up with his friends. He's searching for them, moving past hot bodies and texting back and forth between Shoko and 'Hime, wondering where they were. Usually, he'd be able to find them with no issue due to his Six Eyes ability, but, because of his inebriation, his vision was all but clear. Blurred lines of crowded bodies faded in and out, and the overwhelming sensation of so many people seemed to cloud his mind more so than it already was.

Nevertheless, he keeps moving through the crowd, searching for the short girl with a bow in her hair, and the other girl with the short bob, hoping to spot a familiar face. He squints his eyes in hopes that it will make things clearer for him.

At last, he spots a familiar face across the crowd, dancing among several groups of people. He smiles and makes his way towards them, though, when he nears them, he realizes that it wasn't 'Hime or Shoko.

It was you.

It was you, who was laughing, talking amongst your friends, dancing with them, who didn't seem to have a care in the world.

Satoru swallowed thickly. For the first time in his life, it felt as though his body ultimately came to a standstill. His mind stood blank, his heartbeat seemed to halt, and his breath couldn't seem to find a way to come out of his lungs.

Then, all at once, all of those happy, sad, angry, memories of you and him came flooding back to him in a single instant. Memories of love, and care, and hurt and anger--it's like all of that time of swallowing hurt memories never existed.

Satoru wants to move. He needs to move, to get away from you so you don't see him. His feet, however, have different plans and stay rooted to the ground. He's found staring at you, praying that his feet will move in time to run away in time before you turn around, except, he seems to be late as he sees you slowly turn around and meet his gaze.

Blue eyes widen, and all of the blurry bodies in the room seem to disappear, leaving only you to remain as if you were the only person in the room. His feet seem to wander with a mind of their own, and meander their way towards you, and though Satoru is begging himself to keep a far distance away from you, his feet guide him to you anyway.

Then, as if without his knowledge, his mouth moves and the sound of your name escapes him.

His heart beats fast as he stands still, the infinity in the universe came to a halt while he watched you, waiting for a reaction.

He waits, a part of him hopes that you'd come crawling back to him and begging for him to come back into your life, but, unlike Gojo, you're able to turn away from him without batting an eye and turn back to your friends to continue dancing with them.

Shit. What did he expect to happen?

Unexpectedly, his lips move without his permission again, and he calls out your name once more.

This time, you turn to him and you stand still, looking at the man with snow white hair and bright blue eyes. Gojo watches you while you contemplate, and his heart is beating fast, all thoughts of anxiety run a million miles a second through his brain.

After a minute of deciding, you finally push your way through the crowd and you walk toward the sorcerer.

"Yes?"

Damn it. Gojo hadn't thought this through. What was he supposed to say to you, after all of this time? Was he just going to say hi? Ask about the weather? Ask how your night is?

"So... how's it going?", is what seems to escape Satoru's mouth, making him mentally slap himself.

You roll your eyes and turn to return back to your friends, but before you can, he quickly reaches out and grabs your shoulder, stopping you from moving. You, however, are not amused and are quick to dart your eyes at him and shrug him off.

He's quick to apologize. "Sorry. I um... can I talk to you? Away from the crowd?"

You flick your eyes between him and your group of friends who are dancing.

"Fine. Don't make them wait too long."

He nods. "Don't worry, I won't."

With that, he leads you to an empty corner in the club, the music, and the flashing lights fade away as you near the quiet spot--the crowd of people soon appears like dots and the bass in the music bumps softly in the background.

Satoru didn't know what got into him. He wasn't sure if this was the alcohol talking, or if Shoko somehow possessed his body, but he didn't know why he had pulled you away from the crowd or began a conversation with you in the first place. Normally he would avoid any ex like the plague, but, it seems something told him to go talk to you.

Once the both of you reached the corner, you crossed your arms and glared at the sorcerer.

"Well? What did you want?"

Satoru scratched the back of his head and he glances around the room as if the tiles on the wall were going to give him an idea of how to start off a conversation he didn't even intend on having tonight.

"How are things?" Again? He mentally slaps himself.

"Satoru..." You groan and pinch the bridge of your nose. "You know I don't want to have idle chatter."

But he wanted to have idle chatter. He wanted to ask about your life, about your friends, or maybe a new significant other. It had been so long, and you used to be attached at the hip. It felt so... strange, seeing you again.

"I know... I just... I just want to know how you're doing, that's all, " he says meekly. He places his hands in his pockets and shifts from foot to foot like a shy school boy.

"Why?"

Shit, if he knew, he wouldn't be here in the first place. He almost rolls his eyes at you but he refrains. He did take your question into consideration, though.

He thinks about it for a second.

"I just wanted to know how you were doing, since I hadn't seen you in a while."

"Satoru, we left on bad terms," you say bluntly. "When we parted on bad terms, we didn't say a word to each other for years, and this is what you can come up with?"

Satoru swallows.

"I'm... I'm sorry. "

You shake your head and scoff, absolutely in disbelief. "Oh my fucking god, Satoru. You really are an asshole, aren't you?"

His gaze shifts to the floor, and he feels his heartbeat speed up. His palms become sweaty, his knees become heavy, and his chest becomes chock-full of air that it feels like it's going to burst.

"After all this time, all you can say is, 'I'm sorry'?" Your eyes are like daggers, and Satoru can hardly meet them. He feels so miserable, leaving you like he did, and then coming back to you like this.

"I'm sorry, I-I just don't know what to do or say," he admits, starting to feel his throat tighten up. It had been so long since he cried.

"Yeah, clearly," you say, and you sniffle. Satoru takes notice of this and perks his head up, finally facing you. You're sniffling, all the while a few tears are running down the side of your face.

He feels his heart drop.

He didn't want this to happen. This was the last thing he wanted to make you do. He was hoping for a nice conversation, but you were angry, and, rightfully so. He didn't want you to cry. Hell, he didn't even want to cry. He wanted to reach out and pull you in for a hug and tell you that he was sorry for leaving you the way he did, and that he could heal your emotions with his dumb reverse curse technique, but even Shoko knew he couldn't do that.

He would give anything to hug you again, or be by your side and console you. He would do anything to be a part of your life, once more.

"I know... I know I'm an asshole, for talking to you so suddenly like this," he finally says, making you wipe a tear from your face. "I also know I'm an asshole for leaving you like the way I did. I suppose that something in me wanted to talk to you so I could apologize for hurting you the way I did."

"Satoru... I cried for a year. I had to go through so much just to get over you, and, now that you're here, it feels like I never went through any of that and I'm back at square one. You hurt me, " you breathe shakily, your lip begins to pucker and tears threaten to spill from your eyes. You couldn't believe that he had the audacity to approach you in the club when you were having fun with your friends. You were more than angry and sad about the situation‐-you were enraged, and terrified. Your hands turned into balled fists, and you wanted nothing more than to punch Satoru in his stupid face for leaving you the way he did.

"You stupid... " You let out a pained cry, your words caught up in a choke in your throat, "You stupid son of a bitch, " you cried, and with every emotion in your body, your fists moved to punch that stupid sorcerer in his face, but you caught yourself and instead grabbed onto the lapels of his jacket and you shook him. Your knuckles became tight, and you stared up at him with teary eyes.

"I can't believe you fucking left me, 'Toru," you sob, finally giving into all of your pent up emotions and you sob into his chest, your shoulders shake with every exhale.

Satoru becomes still once more. His heart is beating a million miles a second, and he can't even begin to place a proper emotion for this situation. Here you are, back in his arms once more with the nickname you had given him all those years ago. What was he supposed to do? It felt like he was caged in a block of cement, and he couldn't move.

He watches you sob into his chest, and he feels his heart drop to his stomach. Slowly, he begins to feel his eyes tighten, his throat begins to close up, and he blinks to hold back the tears that threaten to push past his white eyelashes.

His arms slowly move to encompass you, and he bends down to rest his chin on top of your head.

As much as he tries to blink those tears away, he couldn't stop them from falling as he feels the weight of your anger and your sadness push through to him.

God, he wished he didn't leave you. He would give anything to go back and fix what he had done.

"Why..." You sniffle into his chest. "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you say goodbye?"

He flicks his eyes to the floor, his arms unknowingly hug you tighter. He pauses and takes a second to answer.

"Because I was afraid. "

"Afraid? Afraid of what?" You continue to sob, and he can feel your grip loosen on his jacket.

"Afraid of being happy. I was afraid I would want to settle down... all because I was afraid that I might lose you." He shook his head, choking on his words. "I've lost so many people that I love in this damn job... I was terrified that if I stayed with you any longer, somehow I'd fuck something up."

You're silent for a moment, the sounds of your sobs filled the air while his heart pounded in anticipation for your response.

"It seems you hurt me more when you left."

"I know." Satoru pulls you apart and you quiet down, still sniffling and tears have ran their course down your face. Satoru takes his fingers and wipes your tears away, giving you a reassuring smile.

"That's why you need someone better," he offers. "You need someone who can stay."

"But I wanted you, 'Toru," you swallow, tears threatening to spill from your eyes again. "I don't want anyone else."

"No, hey, don't cry again." His chest aches, watching you like this. He hates himself for this, he hates seeing you in pain over some bullshit that he did. You deserved better.

"I can't stand seeing you like this, " he mumbles, taking hold of your hands, his thumbs run gently over your knuckles. "You... you deserved better. You still deserve better."

" 'Toru..."

Despite his efforts to keep the tears away, a few more trickle down the side of your face and he chuckles.

"No, save your tears, pretty girl. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who will give you a proper life. Someone who will settle down with you, and will be void of any danger to you, and will give you all of their commitment."

Your gaze shifts away from him, letting your head turn to the side.

"Hey, look at me, " he gently pushes your face to meet his gaze once more, and he smiles kindly. "You deserve someone better. "

There's a silence between the two of you, and Satoru knows that you know you can't be together--you just didn't want to say it out loud.

He pulls away from you and backs up, his hand shuffles through his pockets to find his blindfold.

"You'll take care of yourself for me, won't you?"

He feels his throat begin to tighten up once more and his eyes become watery at the suggestion that he may never see you again after this.

You nod.

He purses his lips together, and, in a moment of weakness, he throws his blindfold back on.

He backs away, and waves to you, disappearing back into the crowd.

"I'll see you around, pretty girl."