"What are you doing here? You're in my place of solitude. I'd like for you to leave."

Sometimes I still did hear her voice, and her laugh.

She was confident, and very lively.

It was as cold as it had been when I first met her, yet a feeling of warmth radiated off of her like always.

I reached out for her, but I couldn't touch her.

She sat on the bench, a smile playing at her lips.

Her smile stretched wider as she faded into nothingness.

♢

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Yes, but we'll keep him here for a couple days because we don't necessarily know if your son is still suicidal..."

"But I thought he was getting better. For the last couple of days he'd seemed much happier."

"I'm sorry, mam. But your son, he's breathing normal now. And I don't think you'll have much to worry about soon."

"Joey, please hold on dear. I'm sorry for blowing up at you. And please, please let me know when you're feeling distressed. I will understand. Am I such a horrible Mom? I should've never married that asshole—your father..."

"Mom?"

"Joey, you're awake!"

Mom hugged me. "Please, please, don't do this to me again! I'm so sorry! Did memories of your dad come back? Did I remind you of your dad?"

I shook my head, and asked, "May I have some water, please?"

Mom went over to the sink, and turned the knob, and water came out of the spigot. As I drank my water, she continued to speak. "Your brother, he was in New York, and he's coming back today—"

"Why was he in New York?" I asked.

She smiled. "Oh, he and his girlfriend, Ren, are thinking about moving there."

"Why?"

"Because of the band, and he's thinking about attending college over there."

I looked at my bandaged wrists, and looked at the stuff on the table next to the window. "What's all of that?"

Mom looked where I was pointing, and smiled. Well, your friend Ryan, the girl with the red hair, she came by and brought you a card, and she looked pretty devastated. She kept on asking me if you were alive.

I sighed, and looked at my bandaged wrists again. "I need to apologize to her."

Mom moved some of my hair out of my face, and said, "What happened?"

"She told me how she felt about me, and I outright rejected her. I was a prick."

Mom didn't say anything. She looked at me for awhile, without saying anything. "Joey, are you okay?" She suddenly asked. "Is there something you'd like to tell me that's been going on? Am I working too much? Do you want to start going to going to church?"

She started to cry. And I began to do the same.

It wouldn't hurt for Mom and I to start attending church.

I needed to work on my faith.

♢

A week after I was let out of the hospital, Ryan agreed to meet with me at Laney's Cafe. It was this one cafe that was located in Havendust; so it was thirty minutes out.

I sat and waited. Eventually, Ryan walked into the cafe, and for a minute a smile graced her lips. But soon she donned a crestfallen kinda face.

She sat down in the chair across from me, and she said, settling in, "You gotta haircut. It looks nice."

"Thanks. Um, you wanna order anything? It's on me."

She shook her head. "Nah, that's okay. So...when are you coming back to school?"

I replied, "Tomorrow, maybe."

"Good."

"I wanted to apologize, Ryan."

"You don't need to apologize for anything," she said not looking at me, clearly still hurt from my rejection. "You were completely honest. And I'm fine with that."

"What if I told you I hadn't been completely honest?"

She scoffed at me, and got up from the table. "'Guess see you at school tomorrow, bye."

She walked quickly out of the cafe.

Damn it. She wasn't going to lose me that fast. She still didn't hear me out.

I walked out of the cafe, and ran after the girl with the red hair.

I didn't call her name, nor did I make my presence known to her. But when she stopped walking; looking both ways to cross the street. I stood beside her and said, "I hadn't been completely honest...but I like you. I liked you then. And I like you now. And I'm sorry."

Yeah, I had been in love with Aisling. Yet, that very fact didn't stop me from liking Ryan as a friend. And now, as I stared at her, as she gave me a face expression of bemusement. I understood that she was the perfect person that would help me be able to move on from Aisling.

Stepping closer to Ryan, I said, "I'd like to be more than friends..." I looked at her face, and down at her lips.

"But, I'm fine with just being friends, I mean, I really like you. But if you're just comfortable being my friend, I'm totally fine with it."

I smiled, and took another step towards her, my face two inches away from her. "You're totally fine with it?"

Ryan wouldn't look at me.

I kissed her on the forehead.

She finally looked at me, and she said, "No. I'd like to be more than friends, too."

We kissed.

♢

So, maybe everyone falls short sometimes in one point of their life. The point may be when life seems to be shitty, unfair, or hopeless. Or maybe it can even be when life is okay, and a pretty decent thing.

Yet, what I'm trying to say is when one fall shorts, and is this extremely horrible person, there can't and there shouldn't be the thought that all of that shitty behavior doesn't catch up with you.

Having to deal with the truth that Aisling was no more hadn't gotten easier, and some days when dealing with it was harder than others, I would close my eyes, and while closing my eyes I thought of Aisling. What would she say to me then, or right now?

With her beautiful smile, and that red scarf of hers blowing in the wind, maybe something like,

"Hello, Joey. Sorry about not meeting you here at the park for so long. How's life been?"

Then I would feel okay, all right, and myself.

"I completed the personal narrative," I told Ms Riley. "And I apologize for my behavior a couple weeks ago."

The English teacher gave me a small smile, and took the paper from my hand. Skimming over it quickly, she handed me back the paper, and said, "All will be forgiven and forgotten, if you read it aloud, in front of the whole class. I believe your paper's worth a read out loud."

I felt my face warm up. Standing in front of the classroom, looking at the paper. After a couple beats I began to read the words that were on the paper,

"I don't think anybody is aware of who they are.

They become aware as soon as the elephant is out the room, or when shit hits the fan, maybe when the straw is the one to break the camel's back.

Because everybody paints an illusion of who they think they are, and puts up a wall to hide from the reality of who they've truly become.

So what happens after facing the truth, and we come to the falling action?

As far as anybody knows...It feels like a big step back.

Moving on is a challenge, we all know.

The past is hard to let go.

The feelings that were felt then are as far away as yesterday; still in the now. As far away as yesterday bad past, bad memories, bad feelings are.

Still as far away as yesterday."

Finis

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