Aisling's dad, Mr Skyy, sat in the living room of my home. He still didn't look too happy seeing me. But he wasn't yelling at me, and cursing me out like before. But I'd rather him do that now, because I deserved it. I didn't even care if he would start to beat the shit out of me.

I deserved all of it.

I wish that Mark would beat the shit out of me too.

I wiped my tears and looked at Mr Skyy.

He looked at me, and this time, a look of earnestness came over his face. It looked almost apologetic.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry. About Aisling. I'm sorry for causing your daughter so much pain. It's all my fault."

I couldn't read his face after I my attempt at an apology. He started down at the ground, and sighed. He nodded, and he almost looked like he was going to cry. But unlike me, he could hold it all in.

"I bullied your daughter, sir," I admitted. "And there's no excuse, but....I'm sorry."

I stood up and walked over to one side of the room. I couldn't look at her dad, because I couldn't fathom why he was even here, standing to be in the same room as me.

I wanted to die.

Why couldn't I make Aisling promise to me, to keep living?

"You didn't kill her."

I looked at him. "But I was a bully! I called her all kinda mean things!"

He nodded, and closed his eyes briefly, before opening them. "Yeah, and as long as you know that, and own up to your actions, you'll be able to move past everything you've done so horrible in your past. But young man, my daughter, Aisling was depressed, and I didn't see all of that when she'd been living."

He then broke down, and started to cry. His shoulders shook, and he covered his face with his hands.

"My daughter Aisling could've been something! And y'know, her Mom doesn't want anything to do with me. She thinks I killed our daughter. But I just wished I'd noticed all the signs a bit sooner."

"I wished I could've dealt with my issues a lot sooner...I'm sorry— I'm sorry that I was mean to your daughter, and she was pretty, very beautiful."

He nodded again, and looked at me, smiling through his tears. "Yeah, she was beautiful. She had a kind soul. And I wish I could've told her that more.

"I just came over to tell you, I didn't mean to lash out at you, it just hasn't, I just haven't been about to come to terms with the fact that my daughter's gone. That's why I need to move away from this town."

He gave me a friendly pat on the back, and proceeded to walk out the front door.

That was the last time I saw Aisling's dad.

♢

When I'd been in the hospital for my anorexia, that is when Aisling did the deed.

While I was getting my stomach pumped, and having a feeding tube forced inside of me, Aisling had put a rope around her neck, and hanged herself on the tree at the park she and I used to hang out at.

She'd been wearing the red scarf, and a coat; the one I'd always see her in. She had even left a suicide note, but her dad was most likely the only one who read it.

He wouldn't have any of it disclosed, but he said that she "wished she could've held on" but couldn't find the strength to do so.

I couldn't sleep that night.

But it's not like I expected myself to go to sleep that night.

Aisling was everywhere.

When I closed my eyes.

When I'd stare up at the ceiling...

"Joey!" Mom suddenly called from the living room. "Joey, come here!"

I knew why she was calling my name, and didn't sound at all happy. I destroyed the fucking computer, and she was probably wanting to know what happened to it.

When I walked into the living room, she has her hand on her hip and points at me. "What happened to the computer?"

I shrugged, and replied with, "I threw it, and shit."

"You what?!"

"I threw it, and shit."

She laughed, and gave me a deadly glare. "Why?"

"Because I was pissed off."

"Do you know how much this computer cost?"

"No."

She crossed her arms, and shook her head, looking at me with disappointment. "Well, you're grounded, and you're going to have to find a job. I don't know why you did this, when you know very well I paid..."

I walked away, even when I knew very well she wasn't done speaking.

I just didn't give a shit.

I opened up the window in my bedroom, and lit a cigarette. And I started to cry again, because again, I could see Aisling.

Why did she have to leave? Why couldn't she hold on? I promised her I would, but then why did she decide to even come near me when she saw me at the park? She should have let me be; by myself, alone.

Why did I have to fall for her?

I took another puff of the cigarette, and more tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I took steady breaths.

...

"I will be leaving! I was just passing by!"

...

"Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Will you promise that you won't give up on living, ever?"

"Why do you want me to make that promise?"

"Please?"

"Aisling, I promise."

...

"Who'd you get in a fight with?"

"Mike-- this one guy I used to be friends with."

She let out a small gasp and pointed at me. "You guys aren't friends anymore? But you guys always hung out..."

Did I ever tell Aisling about Mike? Had I mentioned Mike before, ever?

I didn't know.

"Joey," Aisling then said quietly, "Cutting isn't the only thing I did- do."

I touched her hand. "Aisling, what is it?"

She closed her eyes and opened them. "I cut, but I- I, sorry..."

She was quiet for a bit before continuing to speak. "I attempted to commit suicide once."

I did show a look of surprise; big eyes, and an audible gasp escaping my lips.

"I tried drowning myself in the bathtub, but I couldn't do it...I was so freaking scared."

...

That night Aisling came through my window. I was delirious, lying in bed.

I heard a sound coming from the window, and I didn't think much of it at first. But when I heard the sound again, I looked towards where it came from. And I saw her. Aisling.

She was waving at me, and smiling. And instead of being happy, and content for just a second. My eyes widened, and I closed my eyes. "Aisling is gone," I whispered over and over again. "Aisling is gone. She's never coming back."

I opened my eyes, and she was, of course, gone.

♢

Still feeling restless, and unable to stop this indescribable feeling in my chest, I walked to the kitchen, and took out a knife from the drawer.

Sorry, Aisling.