I think that I am dead, no wait I know that I am dead I am looking at my cold lifeless body on the floor as Ellie and Elaine cry. I have no idea why they are crying, I can never remember what I do when i come home from the bars late at night all drunk and drugged out.

Ellie has bruises all over her arms and so does my wife Elaine.

Why do I do this you ask, why is anyone abusive, what has my daughter and my wife done to me that I have to treat them like this. Hurt them. Make them feel pain that I feel every day.

They did nothing.

That is the saddest part of this, I am the most pathetic excuse for a father and a husband that there could ever be, I wish I could take it all back and be better for them. But I am getting what I deserve right.

My cold lifeless body is lying on the ground while I look down at it. My wife stabbed me I am sure, I am sure she has had enough and to be honest with you I can't blame her.

She did what she had to do to protect our daughter; I just wish it wasn't from her own father.

Regret.

Remorse.

Pain.

Relief.

These are a couple of the things that I feel at this moment, I look into my daughters eyes , they are so much like mine, she looks like me and she will unfortunately have to be reminded of this thought every time that she looks into the mirror. She will have to see her dad beating her mom to make him feel better about his life.

See I started to become abusive when I started to drink and I started to drink when I did Drugs and started to abuse my daughter because I felt like everything was her fault.

Pathetic.

That is what I am , me and my wife had a easy life before Ellie came along we had money, freedom and so much love for each other. But once Elaine had Ellie everything changed we started to struggle with money, I lost my job and started to drink and with that came the drugs and with that the abuse followed.

How could I ever blame something like that on my daughter, I could not answer that question it was only a question that I could have answered if I was still alive. My answer is not going to matter now they can't see me and they can't hear me.

It doesn't MATTER anymore.

So i have one last apology for my daughter and my wife before I am dragged into the deepest depths of hell.

They can't see me so I stand in front of their crying still bodies while they stare at mine on the floor.

"I am sorry for everything, you both never deserved any of the things that I did to you, I am a coward, and all of this was my fault. I am neither a father nor a husband I was never one and now I don't have the chance to be.
I would not expect you guys to forgive me anyways even if i tried to start to become the person you both deserve. I hope you both get everything you deserve in live.

Happiness.

Hope.

Trust.

Strength."

As I try to say I love you to them both I feel my body being dragged downwards into where I belong hell, and I don't get to say I love you. But I never did anyways so why try when I am dead