What you've tattooed on yourself is what you take to battle

Stormer: ... So a frozen tree that is regrowing leafs?

(Nah for real, I can somehow see Stormer with that)

*****

Bulk: *shoveling snow from the driveway and half way done he sticks the shovel into the snow*

The shovel: *breaks*

Bulk: *stares at it*

Bulk: *sighs*

*****

Far into the Future AU
Surge gets threatened but he's lived far too long to care

Surge: *laughs* So, here's the thing. I've done this. The whole threatening people bit, the intimidation. I've been there and I just. Don't. Care. Anymore.

Surge's originally white eyes turned black as he punched the wall next to him, causing it to crack.

Surge: Some people, have a bad day. I've had a bad life. If I want something, it gets taken from me.

The person in front of him attacked him with a knife, but Surge yanked it out of their grasp and held them in a chokehold with one hand.

Surge: If I win a fight, I lose the war. Threats only work on someone who has something to lose. But me?

Surge threw the person onto the ground and plunged the knife into their chest.

Surge: I've already lost EVERYTHING!

*****

Purge: Are you sober?

V. Boss: *with his fifth glass of wine*

V. Boss: No.

*****

Stormer and Breez went to a pet store that also sold pet foods. Breez was looking for things for her pigeon and Zib's tarantula. Stormer went to the pet sections and saw some of those fluffy Samoyed pups.

Later

Zib: ... What's that?

Stormer: *holding a Samoyed pup* A floof ball.

*****

Me: *waiting for the teacher* Bruh, imagine we had a substitute.

Friend: Do we?

Me: No, I said imagine.

Friend: Oh.

A substitute teacher arrives.

Me: Wait hold it I just had a f-cking bruh moment-

*****

Surge meets one of his versions (#1)

Surge: *holds up a crucifix* HOLY SH-T IT'S A DEMON!

Demon!Surge: ... Crucifixes don't work on us.

*****

Far into the Future AU

Yariel (OC): I'm your lack of emotion.

Surge: Why is that worthy of jealousy?

Yariel: You cannot feel pain.

Surge: ... And it just might be better that way.

*****

POV: Corsets on the guys

Wolfie: *tightens the corset on Stormer*

Stormer: TOO TIGHT-

**

Stringer: *already did this before, but needs help tightening it*

**

Wolfie: Oh Zib~!

Zib: *sighs* I knew this was going to happen. Gimme the corset.

Wolfie: Don't you need help?

Zib: *tightens it with ease by himself* Nah, you'd be surprised what weird sh-t I did when I was a teen.

*****

Black Phantom: Am I boring? Sure. Social skills? None. But I'm loyal if you feed me and I'll never leave you because well I need the food-

*****

Viper (Info at end): Everyone's like "yOu CaN't Be A tHeY/tHeM yOu'Re OnLy OnE pErSoN" but what they don't understand is I am this person.

Viper: *goofy mood* This person.

Viper: *Flirt mood* This person.

Viper: And if you mess with me *activates battle mask* I'm this person.

Viper: Sure "singular they" has been used in the English language for CENTURIES, but me?

Viper: Honey, I'm plural.

*****

Zib: Hi, I'd like to make a return.

Person: ... Sir, this is your birth certificate.

Zib: Mhm.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt5AzBLw6tk

Zib and Shadowzone were once again, arguing. Shadowzone then hit Zib across the face.

Zib: *spits out some blood* Damn someone got their feelings involved, stupid you boy you know that ain't my fault.

*****

Person: What do you think Stormer's nationality is?

Person #2: I bet American.

Stormer: Nah b-tch, ich bin Deutsch. (I'm German.)

*****

Purge: I don't know which one of you b-tches lied to me and told me "Coffee has caffeine that's why you're always so awake".

Purge: I DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE!!!

*****

Lynn: I hate it when I have a dream with a great plot and I wake up just to forget what it was. I HAD A F-CKING HERO FACTORY DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS ABOUT!!

*****

Rocka: *zones out and puts the dishes into the trashcan*

Evo: Wha- you're just putting plates into the bin?

Rocka: No! *Realizes* Yes?

Evo: They go in the cupboard.

Rocka: Yeah... The cupboard.

*****

Zib: Mind if I slip into something more comfortable?

Quadle: [Yeah sure]

Zib: *walks back in with an oversized shirt that read "I need a map. I don't know where I am in life"*

Quadle: PFFFT-

*****

Child AU

Evo (8): Sh-t!

Woman: *gasps* Oh don't worry, you'll get the R in eventually.

Zib: What are you talking about?

Woman: Oh well, he was trying to say shirt!

Zib: *snorts* Nah, that's my kid he definitely said sh-t.

*****

Breez: Hey mom, you were confused of your sexuality a while back. How are you now?

Zib: ... Demisexual? I don't fricking know.

*****

Quadle: [Zib has a sexuality crisis. I'M HAVING A GENDER CRISIS, HELP!]

*****

Ordeal of Fire be like

Mr. Makuro: The heroes are there to protect the galaxy.

Meanwhile

The tanking and fueling station: *currently being destroyed by the Fire Villains*

*****

Furno and his 2.0 upgrade

Furno: *about to use his gun*

Zib: Furno be careful, that one has got-

Furno fired at the targets and got launched back by the force, knocking Quadle off the podium as well.

Zib: Oop! Ah... Quite the kick.

Furno: No no! It's fine! I'm okay!

*****

Ordeal of Fire. Again

Furno: *his and Breez's weapon are stuck together* Zib! Quadle! We need reinforcements!

Zib: They're already on their way. *Off to the side to Quadle* I just hope they get there in time..

Furno: Hello? I can still hear you.

Zib: *nervous laugh* Haha, of course you can! Ehe, Uh... Good luck!

*****

*at the supermarket*

Wolfie: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil."

Wolfie:

Wolfie: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin.

*****

Translating their first names into emojis and back

Stormer: *green apple*

Bulk: *green apple 2.0*

Stringer: *guitar*

Furno: *star of David*

Surge: *trade mark sign*

Breez: *princess*

Rocka: *Star of David 2.0*

Nex: *G E O R G E*

Evo: *star of David 3.0*

Zib: *STAR OF DAVID 4.0*

Quadle: *double down triangle*

(I used Yandex Translator for the ones who are curios)

*****

Fun Fact of the day

Mr. Makuro in the series is taller than Zib.
You can see it in Ordeal of Fire.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRxmSFYAlwc

Purge: *goes onto the roof*

CH: What's with you and rooftops?

Purge: *smiles* Floating on a low-key vibe.

With that, Purge jumped off in a dive with soared back up with his wings open.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_h4xaECWyw

Fantasy AU

Person: The wings of a vampire!

Woman: They're gorgeous.

Guy: They're fake.

Zib stepped closer to the wings and looked at them, before he turned around as his eyes glowed red. The wings were behind him in a way that they looked like a part of him.

Zib: They are MINE!

*****

Police Stringer = Material gurl

Mrs. Smith (head of police): You're not gonna talk?

Criminal: Never.

Mrs. Smith: Okay, you're gonna hate my partner.

Criminal: ?

Stringer: *walks in* Hiii first time interviewing someone, kinda nervous- oh my god hi, you're cute. Do you think I'm cute? Why do I always get the hot criminals? Stooooop.

Mrs. Smith: *holding back laughter*

Criminal: I'm not a criminal I'm innocent!

Stringer: Omg period, facts. No printer, slay yaas. Just like how you woke up today and chose violence.

Criminal: I wasn't violent today I robbed a bank!

Stringer: Gotcha.

Criminal: F-ck.

Stringer: Slaay! You're done.

Criminal: How did you-?!

Stringer: *half out the door* Yurrr done.

*****

Shadow: ... Mom, what's an orgasm?

Surge: I- don't know, I never had one.

Furno: *coughs*

*****

Basically them before Phantom's release...

Rocka: *in the VSU* Is there something you need?

Black Phantom: Yeah. Can I have your number?

Rocka: Eh-??

*****

Bulk: How do you guys not cry while cutting onions?!

Rocka and Surge, the cooks of the squad: We do this bullsh-t like 8 times a week.

*****

Them

Nebula: Everyday's a new surprise!

CH: *didn't agree to this* When you're learning with us guys.

Purge: And we live in an actual NIGHTMARE!

*****

Furno: *trying to cook again* I don't know how to do this, I need an adult.

Furno: ... I am an adult.

Furno: I NEED AN ADULT-IER ADULT!

*****

Zib's a mood

Zib: *looking down from a building* I wonder if a fall from this height is enough to kill me.

Thresher: *gives him a weird look*

Zib: What? It's a genuine question.

**

Zib: Why is it whenever I'M having fun, it's wrong?

**

Zib: Another day, another migraine.

**

Zib: Funny. But not funny "haha". Funny... My 13th reason.

*****

His training be like

Nex: Yo guys, do you know where Evo is?

Bulk just silently pointed upwards. Evo was walking across a tight rope that was underneath the ceiling. Blindfolded.
He jumped up and did a backflip as he shot down two of those flying targets, before landing on the rope again. Suddenly he started to sway and lost his balance and fell down, only for him to hang onto the rope by his knees.

Evo: *takes off the blindfold and looked at the team's shocked faces* Tricked ya.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHBrshwUrvE

(I gotta stop making them fight so much)
POV: Shadowzone found out about Zib's dad

Zib and Shadowzone got involved into a fight with each other again. Zib pinned Shadowzone to the ground and held his knife over him.

Shadowzone: *scoffs* You're just like your father. Nothing, but a killer. Who's to say you're not working with him, now that he's escaped prison? Oh, I'm sure the media would love to find out you're related to a first degree murderer, you already act like him after all.

Zib starred at him, before he slowly got up and backed up. He looked at the people present. They were starring at him. Zib looked down onto his bloody hands from beating Shadowzone, and the knife in his hand. He dropped it before running off.

*****

Nebula: *looking at two Purge's in front of him*

XPlode: *walks in* What the hell?

Nebula: I don't know. Who's the real Purge?

Both: I am!

XPlode: If you're the real Purge, then do his horror face.

The two looked at each other.

Both: What horror face?

Purge: They're talking about this one.

Purge stood behind Nebula and XPlode. His eyes were black like his mouth, which looked like it was torn into his face. Black liquid was coming out of both the eyes and mouth.

*****

Fantasy AU

Evo: *eating fish 'n chips*

Raven: Aren't you a merman?

Evo: Yeah, why?

Raven: Isn't it considered cannibalism if you eat fish?

Evo: ... Cannibalism is when you eat something from the same species as you. If I ate another merman or mermaid, then that would be cannibalism. When a shark eats another fish, we don't consider that as cannibalism, right?

*****

Rocka: *reading another book about dragons* ... I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Rocka: It feels like it's important.

Rocka: OH SH-T DUMBA** BREATH!

Rocka inhaled just to get into a coughing fit. Surge looked at him with a worried face expression.

*****

Their first convo be like

Stormer: I said "If I didn't become a star by 35, I was just gonna become a serial killer."

Furno:

Furno: Well, girl, how old are you? I'm getting nervous.

*****

Phantom introducing himself be like

Phantom: I like sandwiches and I have anxiety.

*****

Zib: *mentally* Please let the rest of my work study be quiet, thank you. Well, guess I'll continue now-

Wolfie: *bursts in* Hi Zib!

Zib: See, there is no god.

*****

Them

Zib: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real b*tch.

Megahertz: What changed your mind?

Zib: Oh, I still think you're a b*tch, I've just grown to like that about you.

*****

Undertale AU

Siren: *reading a sign* "Don't look back"? Ok!

Siren: *turns around and sees Surge sitting on a Gaster Blaster*

Siren: *screams*

******

Bulk: *lifts up a hand* Taxi!

The taxi car just drives by.

Surge: *waves* Taxi!

Another one just drives by.

Rocka: Wait, lemme.

Rocka: *whistles loudly* TAXI!

A taxi immediately skidded stop in front of them.

His brothers: *these b-tches were too stunned to speak*

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXN-J7cl0lw

Bulk, Surge and Evo were on a routine mission in a rocky area, just to end up fighting against the villains.

Surge: Bulk, do the earthquake!

Bulk looked at Surge, before he nodded and Surge and Evo backed up. Bulk turned to the villains, before putting his gun away. He stomped onto the ground with one foot and boulders rose and sunk back into the ground in a wave like manner.

*****

Vortex: What would happen if you used a hundred percent of your power?

Purge: Probably cause world destruction. And potentially kill myself.

Vortex:

Vortex: Wh-what?

Purge: Nah, I don't know. Wouldn't wanna risk it either though.

*****

Rocka: *pulls down blinds* What in the hell are these?

Bulk: Oh yeah, apparently they're called Roman Blinds.

Rocka: Then what's a Greek Blind?

Bulk: Oedipus with his eyes gouged out?

Rocka:

Bulk:

Bulk: Never mind that's a blind greek.

Rocka: BRO-

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zANzrQmAErw

#GACHA LOGIC

Wolfie: *hands him a rope* You're gonna need this.

Nex: Uhh okay?

Later

Guy: *rushes in with a child that is complete beaten up and covered in blood and was probably dead at this point* Help her please!

Nex: *mentally* Boi what the hell??

Nex took the child into the emergency room and examined her. He turned around to Wolfie and asked her something, before he turned back.
The child was floating upwards.

Nex: HOLY SH-T

*****

AJ: Dada is.. Bulk!

Surge: HAH?! HIM? When did you have a child?!

AJ: *to Stringer* Mama!

Surge: STRINGER??? WHAT DID Y'ALL DO TOGETHER?!!

*****

Nex: You know if you have a crush on Surge you can just tell him.

Splitface: ... Who said I had a crush on Surge?

Nex: Wha- you always flirt with him!

Splitface: That's my way of teasing him, even though he's too oblivious to understand.

Surge: *from the kitchen* I'm too oblivious to understand what?

Splitface: Nothing, dear!

Surge: Okay.

Splitface: *to Nex* So yeah, I'm not in love with him.

*****

Citizen AU

Evo: Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.

Bulk, construction worker: Why does it seem like every time you talk to us, you end up talking about the weather? Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather? Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather. I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.

Bulk: Let's start there. What do you do for a living?

Evo: I'm a meteorologist.

******

Stormer: *hugging Surge* ... What's wrong?

Surge: *tired asf* We're out of coffee.

Stormer: And you didn't sleep?

Surge: Mhm.

Stormer: Okay but uhh, Furno's over there.

Surge looked up and seemed to realize that he was hugging Stormer. He quickly let go and went over to Furno.

*****

Rocka's second job: Bartender

Rocka: Here's your drink sir.

Guy: *reading the newspaper* Thank you.

The guy looked up and froze when he saw Rocka go to another table. He looked back and forth between the newspaper, on which there's a photo of him, and Rocka.

*****

Wolfie: *recording* How do animals talk in Japanese?

Surge: ... Neko Nyānyānyā, inu wanwanwan. Kaeru to ahiru no gō-

Surge: *voice suddenly goes down* Ga ga ga.

Furno: *simp*

*****

Wolfie: Yo, I heard Bionicle is supposed to make a comeback!

Lynn:

Lynn: Oh so they bring Bionicle back but don't bring Hero Factory back?

Wolfie: HF was only created to be a filler after Bionicle got discontinued for the first time-

Lynn: My point still stands!

(This was NOT meant as hate towards Bionicle or any fans of it!)

*****

Rotor: We don't say bad words, okay? We said "what the hey?"

Samara: What the hey.

Rotor: That's right, we don't say naughty words.

Samara:

Samara: *menacing smile* What the f-ck!

Rotor: NO-

*****

Fantasy AU

Furno (phoenix): ... Stormer, what are you doing in the freezer?

Stormer (ice golem): *shrunk himself down to fit; has some ice shards over his body* It's too warm outside.

Furno: It's only like, 17°C?

Stormer: Still too warm.

Furno: *snorts and holds a hand out* C'mon, you can't stay in there forever.

Stormer:

Furno:

Furno: Right, you would just melt on my hand with my body temperature.

*****

Fantasy AU

Daniela: So, what sort of creatures are you all and why did you travel to Makuhero City? Rocka?

Rocka: Oh, I'm a normal robot. I come from a family of dragon breeders just a few miles outside of Makuhero City. And I live here.

Evo: I'm a merman. I came here after escaping a place where we're hunted. I heard there's a law here that creatures like us aren't allowed to be hunted, that's why I'm here.

Nex: Believe it or not, I'm actually an alien. I came here to gather information of this planet and since then I stayed here.

Surge: I'm a guardian angel. I was sent here to help this team with issues and look after them.

Breez: I'm a nature witch from the nearby forest. I came here out of sheer curiosity and then became part of this team.

Furno: I'm a phoenix. A lot of my biological family members actually live here, so here I am.

Stringer: Oh, I'm a normal robot who was built at the Hero Factory.

Bulk: I'm a rock golem. I came here for refuge after my home was destroyed during an earthquake and the landslide that was caused by it.

Stormer: I'm an ice golem. I came here to escape my environment...

Daniela: Why that?

Stormer: Well... I was considered as the smallest and weakest golem of my kind. So I, half willingly left, half got chased out of my home. I travelled a lot until I finally settled here.

Quadle: I'm a normal robot who was just born with extra arms and the ability to fly, but nothing special, really.

Zib: I'm half vampire. I'm from the neighbouring Okansko City and I moved here to start a new life.

*****

Wolfie: IT'S THE FIRST OF DECEMBER B-TCHES!!!!

*****

Name: Viper
Age: 35
Gender: Non-binary
Team: Omega-Team

Viper is a member and the medic of the Omega-Team. They use modified radiations and toxins as a form of attacks and for medical use. Their melee weapon is a pole arm, while long range is a radioactive sphere shooter. For explosives, they have toxic gas bombs. The radiation they use for medical purpose is for example to find damage within the body (x-ray), while attacks are radiations that cause burning, like the ones of an atomic bomb, although it's modified so that the damage isn't permanent. And for toxic gases, it's gases that cause a person without the right filter mask to pass out, but it can also vary between tear gases or deadly gases, depends on the situation.
(And Viper is the future love interest of a certain someone)