I felt rather than saw Rafe's hands pin me to the car one on either side of the door before I could get in. Those long guitarist fingers, well taken care of... white from the chlorine moments before. I stared at them wondering what it would be like to put a ring on his finger...

            "You're worried about fitting in?" He whispered in my ear making me shiver.

            "You should be worried. I don't fit in. I'm diametrically opposed to your political and religious views, I'll probably offend your friends with my prudish ways. I'm just not your type. And you're springing this on them at the last second, and they probably won't like that."

            "It's a party tonight." He said and lifted the barricade. I ducked under his arms and slung my purse over my shoulder. "Baby, you'll be fine."

            "A party. For what?" I opened the car door and got in.

            "To say hey and see ya to all our friends. It's mostly dancing and hanging out." He was leaning on the door casually, but I could see the tension in his shoulders. Was he worried about presenting me?

            "Where?"

            "At my Club. But you won't have to be freaked out. I won't drink. And I won't leave you."

            I scrunched up my face. The thought crossed my mind again and again. This is how he socializes. This is where he loves to be. This is where he's comfortable. I'm so different.

            I started shaking my head.

            "You were picturing another house event like this one?"

            I nodded.

            His smile was tolerantly understanding. "The guys are all very simple people. We grew up right here in LA, all of us. I've been with Ben and Jeff since we were in third grade. We are like brothers, closer even. Their girls are all cute and sweet. Rhonda is expecting. Right up your alley."

            I rolled my eyes at him. "And who else will be there? All your old girlfriends?"

            "Ha! Not all of them for sure!"

            "Is that what you're wearing?" I studiously avoided any commentary about our religious conversation or our marriage proposal, or anything controversial.

            He looked down. He was wearing jeans with holes, that pretend gangster belt of his and a blue and white striped button down. He shut the door and went to his side, starting the engine with a roar, shifting gears like he was a race car driver.

            "I feel like I need to change." I went on.

            "It's true, girls will be wearing club get up. Slinky little numbers."

            "Isn't there some kind of dress code?"

            He managed to look away and then back. "Yeah. You want to go change?"

            "You're assuming I'll even go to a night club."

            He looked startled. "You might not?"

            "Rafe, do I look like the night club type?"

            He looked at me, and his expression actually seemed pleasantly speculative for a brief second and then he turned bright red. Literally--- I saw Rafe blush.

            "What in the world? What did you picture?"

            He wouldn't say. But his eyes darted from my boobs to my legs and back, before he said--"Look-- I've got this shop, it's a boutique downtown. How about I get you something knock out complimentary?"

            "What? Cause you think I don't have anything? Please." But it was true. I didn't have anything that wouldn't make me stand out simply by its modesty. How to imprint on his sensibilities my dress preferences. "Why don't I just dress like you?"

            "I'll probably change." He picked at his holey jeans. "Not acceptable."

            "Are we going--- clubbing? Like doing the whole downtown thing? I don't think I---"

            "No. Just my place." He pulled off the freeway and wound around downtown, finally coming to the back of a rather large establishment. I gleaned his intention.

            I was shaking my head and holding onto my seat belt. "I can't wear those clothes--- what you said, slinky clothes."

            "Aubrey--- you'll need to trust me here." He opened my door for me and leaned across to unlock the seat belt. My eyes took on that rounded anxious expression. I could feel them pleading with him. This was definitely not my thing.

            I felt momentarily as if butterflies were in my stomach. He helped me out and someone came and got the car keys, he led me inside a fancy arched and twinkle lighted back door and then to a private dressing room, where a very nice sales girl asked what she could get us, she didn't even bat an eye at Rafe, but called for a male assistant.

            I felt my stomach roiling even more. A nice pair of scrubs about now would do it for me. I don't even want to dance except in the kitchen at Kell and Maille's. I don't want to do this. If that's what this is.

            "Rafe." He hadn't turned away from me, but seemed to understand my concerns.

             "You know, I'll help her myself, and I can get my own stuff, no need for Jules."

            The girl nodded without batting an eye.

            He came to me, pushing my hair back, and his smile was so tender. "It's weird getting in and out of tight little dresses. I'm guessing you're about a what? A two?"

            "I'm a four." I said quickly. "And I wear high necks and long sleeves and down to my knees and not form fitting." My voice shook. I was picturing those girls on the covers of magazines like Hollywood Life.

            Rafe kissed me gently and then closed me in the dressing room and went away. He was back super quickly, and in his hands was a dress. It was black, it had three quarter sleeves, and a nice round high neck, tasteful. The length in front was shorter than I'd said, but it had this funny veil like thing lining the back that hung down to my knees. He brought sparkling black spiked heels. It did have this thin lining around the neck that was see through, but it was well above any line that would allow me to be immodest.

            His eyes were shining with his very decent choice. "Put this on and I'll be back in a  minute with hose and some jewelry. I couldn't say anything. He was being super nice to me.

            I waited till he'd closed the door and then I slid out of my jeans and top, slipping into the very elegant dress, and even though it was form fitting, it wasn't indecent. I was struggling with the side zipper when Rafe came back in. He settled the hose over the chair and instantly reached to help me. It was such an ingrained response to have one of my sisters help me, that I barely thought about it till he was gently smoothing the area with his palm.

            "Aubrey--- you're stunning." He said with true appreciation in his eyes that caused me to blush this time. He gathered my hair, pulled it to one side, braided it loosely and then pulling a little band out of his pocket he fastened it and let it drop over my right breast. Then he pulled a necklace from the same pocket, kind of a larger one I wouldn't have necessarily chosen for myself, but it was unique and I liked it. His taste was flawless. He stared into my eyes and then smiled, and there was this funny shine.

            "Marry me, Aubrey." He winked.      

            We both heard the loud gasps outside the door and before he could open it and startle whoever it was, we both colored again. He kissed my fingers and I covered my mouth with my hand listening to him breathe, listening to the titters outside the door and listening to my heart beat frantically.

            He turned me to look in the mirror, putting his arms around my middle and burying his face next to mine so we both saw our images in the mirror. He whispered: "Baby, you are all I want. I'm in love with you." He kissed my neck, keeping his eyes on mine.

            I turned and kissed him, but whispered back, "All that on the basis of one maybe and two big fights in the last twenty-four hours?"

            "Don't forget the bloody nose." He glanced at his watch. "Come on." He dragged me to the other side of the beautiful and very chic boutique, into his dressing room where his nice pants were hanging along with a tie and white button down. "Sit here. Put your hose and shoes on."

            I sat down and didn't watch him dress, feeling very self conscious, as he stripped easily and pulled up his pants, fastening his clothes expertly. He messed his hair up with practiced care and then pulled me up, fastening my right shoe himself. The heels made me terribly self conscious, and I now stood just two inches under him, rather than five. He was shaking his head. "I wish you'd just marry me tonight."

            I didn't need to tell him that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't burst that bubble with yet another disagreement and misunderstanding ending in a scraped arm and a bloody nose.

            "I wish we were going to a taekwondo session tonight."

            He gave me a curious glance and then laughed. "You're really worried about this, aren't you?" He could tell that I was and I didn't have to say anything. "Is this the ceiling for you?"

            I eyed him in bewilderment.

            "It is. The ceiling. You've hit the roof of your experience. Time to try something outside the comfort zone, baby. Let's create a new ceiling for you. It's what my dad always says."

            I felt so uncomfortable I didn't know how to respond. The thought of going where there was lewd dancing and drinking and words I didn't like.... out of my element---- if I went--- in this lovely dress, with this lovely man--- I would have to open my mind and heart and actually trust him. What a concept.

            I took a deep breath and held it, then blew it out as he tied his shoes. If he paid I didn't see him. We went out and they brought our car and I kept taking these very deep breaths, shaking my head at myself. I'd been to the Grammy's for heaven's sake, I'd been to the Oscars. I'd seen my parents and my family all dressed up. I 'd been to formal dances.

            I put my chin up and as we drove downtown I forced myselfto hold his hand and look at the sights. I never came to Hollywood, andespecially not downtown.

*******