151: Rafe

I waited in the wings eyeing the audience, another sold out show. They'd built a ramp in the shape of an arrow, that covered a good portion of the festival seating area on the floor of the stadium. It was made out of something metallic. And it had runners of white flashing lights all around it. Our light show was warming up already. Conger had just come off stage, having not used the runway. Mutt and Levi were on separate risers behind the band and Jeff was already on stage as it darkened and flashed blue lights around, stirring up the mood.

I saw the new security or the stadium security troop in like a cadet review and line up along the entire edge of the arrow stage, facing out at intervals. I wasn't worried about anything.

The audience was powerful tonight, there would be little or no softening or quiet break. I doubted even toning it down with a ballad would make a dent in their energy. It was smoking hot out there. I was wearing my leather jacket and I almost took it off. I ran my hand through my gelled hair, checked my ear buds hanging around my neck and glanced at my watch.

We had no set list. Levi had been working on one and we had tentatively voiced a line up completely different than last night. Grateful Dead never played a set list.

I jumped up and down on my toes, stretched my neck, and worked my fingers back and forth.

Ben had a thing about what order he, Jeff, Jeremy and I ran on stage. It was like his no nerves ritual, and with Jeff already out there, he was superstitious enough to say he wasn't sure it was going to happen perfect. That made me anticipate problems.

The time came, and we were about to run, when out of the blue, a female voice behind me called my name. I whirled around, expecting Aubrey and found America in my arms. Her kiss was anything but platonic, and my initial reaction was stunned and shocked and damn if I didn't respond to her without even thinking about it. She grinned, pushed up against me, mentioned having a great time later, grabbed me someplace she really shouldn't have and shoved me on stage.

I think that about covers it.

I stepped on Jeremy's shoelace.

He had to stop and tie it before it tripped him up.

I reached my microphone stand--- touched it and it literally fell over--- broken in half. I had two sound techs, Dave Lee ran on stage, didn't see Jeremy in the flashing blue dark and fell over him. I went to help him up, thinking this was about as Three Stooges as it could get, and Ben started the song.

Excuse me?

Since when does Ben start the song?

And it wasn't even the song Levi and I had discussed. It had a similar drum beat, that was all.

Which wasn't insurmountable, but it was without Jeremy and my microphone stand. Didn't Ben see us?

The lighting tech responded to Ben's cue's. Excuse me? I could see Shalya, the tech, from my position helping Dave up, as Chris brought a new stand, and Dave checked the microphone--- why would she start the show this way?

What do I pay these people for? I grabbed the stand, ran out on stage and clapped my hands over my head for the audience to start--- since I had missed my cue for this song--- not even a song we had ever opened with, by the way. Ben was in some kind of dream state. I ran to him, and he grinned at me, as if this was an everyday occurrence. I missed the cue again, realizing that nobody else was on board with it, even Levi, who was offbeat now.

I started laughing.

Really? The Three Stooges. I'd be Moe.

I grabbed my own guitar, having never opened with a guitar solo, and started playing a riff I'd been working on recently. The audience--- in their favor--- went wild. The lights went wild too--- not a good kind of wild, mind you.

I found myself squinting up at the scaffolding. I couldn't have had a good expression on my face.

That's okay--- one of the big screens behind me wasn't even broadcasting.

If I wasn't engaged to a Mormon girl and preparing to go to the temple with her in a few days bad words would have graced the forum right then.

The more I riffed, the more I got mad, and the less professional I felt with one hundred thousand people watching me. Get a grip!

None of this seemed to phase the audience--- troopers that they were.

And they probably never knew that this was not the way it was supposed to go.

And eventually Ben got a clue, after playing some weird shit for a full five minutes, and we got down to it.

Levi—I have to say---is intuitive--- phenomenally so. He reads me like a book. Every single jump, riff, turn around, everything, he is ready with the right cues and beats and lengths of solos. I have never felt more proud and more connected to a drummer, except when I am the drummer. I have a secret desire to be the drummer.

This stage was electrifying. I grabbed my new mike stand and the microphone and ran out onto the stage, all the way down to the point of the arrow. It was shiny and hot and incredibly fantastic. All our songs went well out here. All our fans were all around us. Ben came down onto the platform on the right and Jeremy came to the one on the left, acting like the rockers they were, really belting out the energy.

Song after song---- we had it going. It was authentic performing, the best we'd ever done. I couldn't see--- it was magic.

Then I could see and it was still magic.

For split seconds, I felt my music---- usually I can't feel it anymore. I have perfected the way to feel it--- but I don't feel it. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's the way it goes. Older songs lose their feeling, but they have grown on you so much you can fake feel them. Newer songs have less stage time, and more recent feeling to tap into. We played them all, back to back--- we're not a big talking band—I am far too sarcastic to stand up there and say shit. My sense of humor isn't ambivalent--- it's eclectic and bohemian. I say things fast--- that only a few will get.

Somebody threw a paper airplane, there was a girl on somebody's shoulders with a sign—I couldn't read it. I didn't want to. Every so often I swirled into familiar faces and saw the Angels.

The thought randomly occurred to me that I'd dated the Elite Forum spokes-models, beautiful women, with incredible minds and personalities, whose group name collectively was the Angels. And I was engaged now to the most beautiful Angel of all--- Aubrey Angel. I must have a thing for Angels. That was my thought as I started singing Fall into the Ocean this time, and ended the show with a rocker.

*****

Backstage. There was a flare of energetic flow that permeated the band as we rounded the scaffolding and the roadies starting the take down immediately. I needed water, and somebody shoved a bottle into my hand. I wanted Aubrey. Nobody was waiting to shove her into my hand.

However America was there, sultry, sleek as always, her dark hair swinging, her eyes popping green and blue tonight. I knew she wore contacts. Ben, ahead of me, hugged her--- she wasn't alone. Camilla's brown eyes sought mine as well. These two had hated each other while I dated Camilla, and eventually there'd been a raucous cat fight. I hadn't seen either of them in over a year.

People hugged you at these things. There were a gazillion people ahead of us waiting to be hugged. Camilla hugged me, and took my arm. "How are you baby?" She purred in my ear.

"What the f—are you doing?" I looked down the hallway for Aubrey, knowing if she saw Camilla on my arm it'd piss her off, which of course, was Camilla's game. She was the most juvenile woman I'd ever had the misfortune to be associated with.

"I'm not really engaged, you know. I just said that to get you relaxed yesterday. I hope you feel the same way I do about us. Let's hit the dance floor baby!"

"I want to do just that, Cammie, but unlike you, I am engaged."

America stepped up, dressed in black, with spiked heels and her hair shining like spun copper. I leaned in for her kiss, distracting Camilla so one of our guys could get her off me.

"Did I hear you say you're going dancing? I'm up for it." America took my other arm, more people were waiting for kisses and hugs and the more I saw, the less I was inclined. That's another thing you don't know about me. I may have said I'm moody, but did I tell you that when I'm moody I'm rude too?

I pushed America off me and made it to the crowd. There were pictures, I wedged in by Ben and Jeff, allowed some pics. Ignored Camilla's pouts, and America's invitation eyes. They were both being ridiculous. A chance meeting didn't mean we were ready to get back together. Especially since I'd introduced them both to my fiancé. They were better than that. Well---

Debatable.

I looked ahead for Aubrey, and found her holding Cooper near the green rooms. She pointed at me and I waved so Cooper would see me. I thought maybe they had both watched the concert from back here.

I gave this big sigh of relief when I clasped Aubrey in my arms. Cooper, at five or six, was way too big to be being held by such a small woman as Aubrey, but she was strong, I already knew that. It was obvious they were excited.

"Rafe, you're a pretty good singer!" Cooper told me, as I lifted her out of Aubrey's arms, and the lady in question ran a hand along my back, squeezed a little and then tipped her head back for a kiss. I didn't want any little peck either. I was in the mood for something a lot more. My Aubrey, the one I can't stand to be away from, the one who makes all others pale in comparison, she kissed me like we were alone in the shower. Those get a room kisses that floored me and made me feel like.... Superman--- okay--- Brad Pitt.

"Rafe." Cooper turned my chin to look at her, and my eyes sought Aubrey's, as she came back to earth. Man, I love that about her.

"Yes, Cooper?" I jostled her as we turned to walk down the hall amid the crowd of others trying to get out of here.

"You can't kiss me like that, okay? My mom would not like it if I got your germs."

I gave her my full attention. Now this little munchkin looks like.... Hm... she has brown hair, straight, and rich, brown eyes the color of ginger cookies, with little sparkles like the sugar on top. I felt the lyrics of a new song coming. Her skin was very porcelain--- like her mother's. But her features reminded me of Kell, rather angular.

"But can I kiss you on the cheek?" I jostled her again, and she kept her little arms solidly around my neck as we went down some stairs. Aubrey had her arm around me also. It felt really good.

Cooper thought about it, looked at Aubrey, who it was obvious she adored, and then back at me. She didn't know me, but she had that Tracy Mann all-encompassing gift of inclusion in abundance. Her eyes sparkled in thought. Then she pressed her lips to mine, held them there, much to my utmost and heart stopping surprise, with her hands on my cheeks, and my eyes wide open in stunning bemusement. She still held them there, not moving, just pressed firmly. She had her eyes closed. Her little hands caressed my scruff, and then fell to my shoulders.

She sighed. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I just don't get anything. There's no sparks. Sorry, Rafe." She said matter-of-factly. I about fell down the steps.

Aubrey was laughing in startled shock. "Cooper Stevak!"

"I know he's your boyfriend. But I had these thoughts while he was singing, Auntie, that maybe he was supposed to marry me not you. But ----." She shook her head in deep regret. "I really like you, Rafe. You were totally hot on stage, but you're not my honey."

I swallowed, my eyes meeting Aubrey's. She was trying to hide her laughter.

"Cooper, I'm wounded. I feel my heart is breaking. Are you sure I'm not the one?"

Her hand dropped down into my t-shirt--- and inside, mind you, to reside over my heart. "It didn't break, Rafe, you'll be okay."

We stopped at the door to our van. "But Cooper, is it okay if I still marry Auntie Aubrey?"

She smiled with this serious let him down easy look, and I thought, heartbreaker.... You're a little tease, is what you are!

"I guess so. You can sure sing good." She wriggled down and hopped up in the van, her little leopard leggings, gold sandals, and gold t-shirt with a palm tree etched in gold threads swaying against her.

Aubrey grabbed my arm as I was about to hop in after her, and she planted another one firmly on my lips, adding a little big girl stimulation for good measure. "In case you forget who's the actual fiancé here."

"Right?" I laughed and kissed her back, feeling those same ignition switches pumping uproariously through my veins.

I noticed that behind Aubrey two big guys, really big guys were standing guard. Had Richard hired some new security?

I asked Aubrey once we got in with Ben, Jeff and Levi and his girlfriend. Then I saw Aiden and the guys with Jeremy and his girlfriend get in the other van.

"Yeah, they're Kell's, I think." She stated. "He wouldn't have let Cooper out of his sight with someone as disaster prone as me, without several chaperones."

"You guys have had security all your lives, haven't you?" Ben quipped, patting the back of the seat for attention.

"Not as an adult." Aubrey said. "Until now."

"So, I heard you tell America we were going dancing. Is there a club around that's safe? Or what's going on?" Levi wanted to know, as his girlfriend toyed with his hair, giving him the go back to the room and the bed look. I didn't want to be the one to break it to him about the no sex before marriage in the church thing.

"There's an after party in the lounge. Tracy got us a DJ." Ben announced with a thumbs up.

"You up for some club dancing, babe?" I whistled low. "Your Mom's an artist."

"My Mom is.... Just my Mom."

"Are we going dancing?"

"Freak, yeah!"

"Can I come dancing, Rafe?" Cooper asked. I glanced at Aubrey, who shrugged.

"I don't know their kid policies. If she was my kid, no."

I shook my head in regret and Cooper slumped in her seat. "My dad would let me."

I noticed she didn't include her mom in that statement. "Well, we can just ask him then, okay?"

The van pulled to a stop, even though I had barely noticed we'd been driving. As everybody started to get out my eyes were attracted to another figure I was sure I hadn't expected to see on this trip.

I jumped down and reached for Cooper, when I heard Aubrey's gasp and her glad cry of welcome.

I turned, and was immediately engulfed in a bear hug the size of China. Hands against my cheeks, as Lance looked into my eyes in the shimmering neon-ness of the hotel. We could hear the music from within.

"Baby Brother!" I hugged him back. He glanced at Cooper as I swung her up and out of the way.

"What? What is this?"

"This is my new niece, Cooper." I jostled her the way she liked. I saw Lance's partner, Darnel Jetter, his dark eyes shining in interest, his black as night skin glistening against his form fitting blue knit shirt. I extended my hand beyond both Lance, Cooper and Aubrey and shook Darnel's. He looked confident, and maybe a little uncomfortable. He is a kindergarten teacher though, so he should feel pretty relaxed with Cooper.

Darnel grinned and pulled Cooper's pretty long braid. "Hello, Miss Cooper. I'm Darnel."

"I belong to Rafe." She stated in that very matter-of-fact tone she used judiciously.

"That's a safe bet." Darnel and Lance eyed each other.

"That's makes me Uncle Lance." Lance said and kissed her hand when she extended it for a handshake the way I had. She pulled it away instantly and gave Lance a suspicious look.

"You're not my Uncle." Shesaid carefully, eyeing him. "Rafe is going to be my Uncle when he marriesAubrey, then he will be part of the Stevak-Mann family, even though his name isStryker. If they have any kids they will be called Stryker's, and if they arevery nice they will be my cousins. But I will be a lot older than them."

She sure was a prolific and mature talker.

"Cooper, this is my brother, and his partner. They flew down here with your other Uncle's to come to the wedding."

"That is very nice of you. Do you want me to call you Uncle Lance? Are you Rafe's brother also?" She spoke way too old for her age, she made me smile.

"Brother-in-law." Lance corrected. "Yes, I hope I can be your honorary Uncle, and Darnel too."

"Okay." She said after some internal deliberation. "I'm going to be the flower girl."

"I'm going to be the best man." Lance said and tweaked her chin.

Cooper eyed him another second and then reached out for him to take her. I was frankly pretty shocked. But there was that inclusive thing they all had going on. We started walking back to the lounge, there were security people everywhere, checking guests in and others attending the party.

"I'm not dressed for this." Aubrey said as she watched Lance and Cooper talking about their duties.

"Hey, I thought I was your best man." Ben came up and put his arms around both of us.

"You are." I said easily. "I have two."

"But Aubrey, do people in the church need attendants like bridesmaids and so forth? What do they do? There's no aisle to walk down in the temple, is there?"

"No." She said easily. "But at the reception there can be duties. I don't know if Mommy is planning a ring ceremony, she didn't ask me about it. But because your mom can't come in the temple, Rafe, she'll probably have a ring exchange outside the temple--- probably here, or wherever we're having the reception."

I didn't know anything about this, but what was going through my mind was the thought of Darnel and Lance outside the temple. They had both been members once. I didn't know how this was sitting with my brother. He knew about Aubrey, and he knew I'd proposed, but I don't think a month ago he was convinced that I would change everything about myself and re-join the organization that had so forcefully shunned him and his husband. I really wanted to talk to him, but they were all going inside now, and Aubrey was at my side.

"Did Mom talk to you about Best Man stuff?" she asked me softly.

"No. You said you'd talk to her after the concert. I didn't know she was planning a post concert party."

Aubrey took a deep breath. "Well, I think Brianna will be my matron of honor. We should ask your niece to be a flower girl too, Melodie? Was that her name?"

"Melanie. I don't even know if they are coming."

"Well, the ones who would be most affected are already here, showing their support in the most intimate manner of all." She indicated Lance and Darnel ahead of us.

"You don't mind that they're here?"

"Why would I mind? I love your brother."

"I see that you do, but his husband is here also. That will be a little awkward for your family."

She laughed. "Honey, it's not a bit awkward for my family. It is far more awkward for yours."

"Well, then there is something else you should know. Lance and Darnel have adopted three kids. I don't know if they brought them, but they should be the flower kids too."

I saw Aubrey swallow hard, her eyes traveled over the two men in question and then back to mine, hiding her concerns as best she could. "Will you find out if the kids are here and I will let Mom know so she can make sure they match whatever the other kids are wearing."

We sped up to catch Lance, still carrying Cooper. "Hey, bro, did you bring the kids?"

"They are asleep upstairs with the nanny." He smiled, and then looked over my head to Aubrey. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"That you brought your kids? No. I just want them to be in the wedding party, dressed like the other kids. We are big on kids in my family."

I could see Lance's eyes take on that grateful sheen he had in connection with Aubrey. "I hoped it would be all right." Lance smiled. "You mentioned before that family was a big part of your religion and your way of life."

"You may certainly hold me to that statement, brother." She smiled, although I could feel her hidden anxiety, and hoped it was not a prejudiced anxiety. We could absolutely not have any kind of altercation over this. The last one was horrendous.

I held her to me, fitting her exactly into my side. This is where she melted for sure. I ushered her to the stairs as I saw Maille making her way to Lance to retrieve Cooper. I introduced them and we spoke briefly and then excused ourselves to go change.

No sooner were we in the elevator than Aubrey turned in my arms and tipped up to kiss me. Her kisses were no longer anything resembling platonic. I had not been expecting this welcome addition to our evening, and therefore surprised her by lifting her against me and kissing her back warmly.

"I've wanted to do that all night." She breathed against my lips with a smile.

"Have you?" I kissed her with a lot of tongue and a lot of breath and a lot of extra cuddling. As usual, Aubrey responded. Damn, but I love this girl...

*********