She wasn't coughing up blood anymore.

I'd say it was a good sign, except for the fact that she was now choking on it. Her eyes had always seemed to stretch on forever, so that getting lost was inevitable and only the sight of her smile could tear you away.

But, lately her eyes had gone dark and her smile didn't show. The color had faded from her face. Shades of grey were what remained, aside from her lips, of course. They were red with blood. A restlessness filled her body. She didn't say anything, but I could see it in the way she shifted her limbs. I pressed my hand to her cheek and she leaned into it. Her body was still freezing cold, I pulled my conjured blanket up around her, sliding my body closer so my hip was pressed against hers.

As I did so, she closed her eyes, looking for sleep, I supposed. Well, I hoped she found it, and I also hoped it wasn't the type you never woke up from.

Her body is stiff the next morning, and at first I believe it is another side effect of the curse. Then I notice that she isn't breathing, and my own becomes erratic. "Lydora!" I call as I grasp her shoulders not even caring if I hurt her, as long as she responds.

But she doesn't.

"Lydora!" I call again and again. "Lydora!" I've woken most of the camp with my shouts. They come over to see what the fuss is about. They stop short when they see it's the kid conjurer with a dead girl in his arms. Not that I realize that's what she is. I'm just now starting to cry, the hot tears bubbling up in my eyes before tracing down my cheeks. "Lydora, wake up!"

"Leo," A hand rests on my shoulder. It's Evian, but my brain can barely register it.

"She's not dead. Her skin has been cold for a long time, it doesn't mean-"

"Leo." He states again, cutting off my babbling. "She's gone."

I don't release her body, if anything I grip it harder.

As I did so, I tried not to think about her dying, I tried not to imagine having to ever get over her. I tried not to imagine ever losing the amazing Lydora Steele.

I tried not to think about forgetting her. How could I forget her, when she had saved me in more ways than one?

Because the truth is, I had needed a lot of saving. I was scared when I had showed up at Lydora's house, eleven years old with a broken arm. I'd been in a fight, and while I might have told her otherwise, I'd been beaten. Badly. I cried a little bit when she healed it and not from the pain either.

I guess that I was tired. I was tired of being hurt, tired of being scared, tired of being lost. Do you know what she said to me? She said, "The strongest soldiers are given the hardest battles." And then she smiled. And then she left me alone. I didn't understand it at the time, nor do I necessarily understand it now. There are very few battles that I would classify as being harder than mine.

I tried not to think of her smile, the way that it was enough to keep me going, the graceful arc of it altering the rest of her features so slightly it was almost indiscernible, lighting them up with a subtle glow.

I tried not to think of the beauty in her magic, the way she handled it. It was quiet, unassuming, yet more powerful than most could imagine.

I tried not to think about the strength of her heart. Through it all, she had never wavered, never given up on me. It seemed impossible it should give up on her now.

I tried not to think about way she laughed.

Or the way she spoke.

Or the way her skin felt.

Or how her eyes were my favorite color.

Or...

I tried not to think about all of this as I held her small, frozen body. But, I'm pretty sure I failed. You never know how many memories you have of someone, until memories are all that you have left.

My heart hurt in a way that I wasn't unfamiliar with, but one that I hadn't felt in years. It felt like it was made of paper, being torn in half. I found I couldn't stand to look at her, every second I did it was torn farther. So, I ran. I ran hard and far. No one followed.

I hit the open field nearby and stumbled to a stop. Sobs wracked my body, and I fell to my knees. The hurt seemed to be crawling up my throat and I couldn't breathe. She was gone.

"I did warn you."

A familiar, cold voice spoke from a few feet away. I looked up to meet Vaxon's eyes. "What were your words again? 'You're the one who is afraid'?" He laughed cruelly. "Oh, yes. I'm terrified."

I slowly stand to my feet. "You killed her." My shoulders are shaking.

"How observant of you."

A wave of deep shame cuts through me, as I realize what he means, 'a certain pretty, dark-haired healer', he'd said. I'd signed her death warrant when I'd refused him. "You killed her because of me."

"Well, her brother had something to do with it too."

My throat caught. How was I going to tell Jaxon about Lydora? I hadn't even considered it. "Well, why have you come here now? To gloat?"

"Actually, Conjurer, I want to offer you a deal. The Awetis family will live if you accept."

"And what if I don't?"

"They'll die. I wouldn't test the limits this time around."

"So, you want me to betray the Magi?" My head was spinning, but I was sure of one thing. I couldn't let anyone else die because of me.

"Exactly."

" I- I don't know." I stammered.

"I'll give you an hour. Write down your answer, if you don't respond, I'll assume you are abandoning the Awetis family." With that, he was gone and I was alone.

I came to the quick realization that there was no way out. Whatever choice I made, people were going to die. This lead to the question of, what's the point? Why was I even fighting? I couldn't even answer the question.

For freedom? Would some other tyrant not replace Vaxon? Kyren might be just as bad, or he might not inherit the throne at all. No, I think I've learned enough of people to know that selflessness is a trait few of them posses. The next ruler could be much worse.

But, I couldn't betray the Magi. They didn't deserve to die. I owed them too much. I never meant for anyone to die.

But, there was a way out.

The knife formed in my hands. I had barely heard myself whisper the words. I shifted it around, pressing it against the veins in my wrist. Oh, it would be so easy to just press down, break the skin. I'd bleed out here in this field.

Alone.

Who could argue that I didn't deserve it? It was my fault that she was dead, my fault the Magi had been caught, my fault that he had Soren. If this were a poker game, I'd bet all my chips and come up with not a single good card to show for it. Lydora told me that the strongest soldiers were given the hardest battles. Well, I wasn't strong, and my battle was too hard.

My life was the last play I had, my last resistance. It was the unspoken third choice. I swallowed hard and squeezed the blade, chewing on the inside of my cheek as the steel bit into my palm. What was there for me anyways? The Magi didn't need me. I was too stupid and powerless to do much of anything. I began to think of my parents. This way, I would see them again, Uthian as well. They'd been gone a long time.

I imagined my mother with her red hair and blue eyes, delicate nose and lips. I could see her again. And then came the image of her lying on the ground, an arrow through her heart, blood soaking the front of her dress.

I'd listened to her die, listened to all of them die, curled up in the linen closet with the hard wood pressed against my back as I cried silently.

"Whatever you do, stay quiet." She whispered urgently, fear highlighting her features as she shut the door.

I heard a loud knock at the door, and then heavy footsteps as my father opened it. "May I help you?"

There was the sound of my father being pushed to the ground, and men shoving their way inside. Uthian shouted. A crash filled the house, similar to that of a storm. Or a Lightning Mage. And then I heard the twang of an arrow being released, and my mothers scream.

I felt about as helpless then as I did now. I imagined seeing my parents again; I tried to find the courage to dig the knife in. I wasn't brave enough. Somewhere inside, I was still afraid of death. With shaking hands, I dropped the knife and it was gone before it even hit the ground.

Maybe I had been dealt a crappy hand when I'd bet all my chips, but that didn't mean I would have to bluff my way out.

_________

"We can't go in together, the large group will only make it harder to sneak past." Kyren said, from his position facing us. No one argued. "Three at the most."

"How are we going to get inside alone?" Evian asked from beside me.

"You'll have to find a way to get past the moat, don't try and touch it as it'll eat anything, and that includes magic. The walls are tricky, too. You can't touch them or you'll be burnt." I closed my eyes, picturing the smooth palace walls. The bridge came to mind, even though it only opened on Vaxon's command. What we needed was a bridge Vaxon couldn't touch.

"I could build a bridge." I blurted. "I mean, it'd get is to the top of the wall, we can split up from there."

Kyren thought for a moment and then nodded. "That just might work."

"Except that a blue bridge is a little bit conspicuous." Telex pointed out. I only shrugged in response, it was the best idea I could come up with.

"Can you conjure a bridge that will hold all of us?" Ashni asked.

I swallowed hard and then nodded. I was pretty sure that I could make it work.

"Then that is that." She said before turning back to Kyren. "What else do we need to know?"

______

It was less than an hour later that we stood outside the palace walls, our small group was silent, and I could sense the apprehension. We'd managed to find the one spot that was just outside of the Death-Hounds vision, but they didn't stay in one spot so we had to go quickly or else risk discovery.

"You've got this Leo." Evian said quietly. I wasn't so sure, yet I stepped forward anyways, chanting the words to form a bridge.

I breathed a sigh of relief when it worked. The bridge was long and somewhat narrow, made of stone that didn't look quite solid but was real enough. The Magi all watched as the magic settled and a few shot me looks as though they didn't quite trust it.

"It won't break." I promised, suddenly becoming quite sure of that. They began to file onto it, all walking gingerly careful not to fall off. I considered widening it but decided against it. This one would work, and I needed to reserve my energy. I walked across last and chose to ignore the bubbling liquid below.

Once there, I quickly conjured a rope and swung to the ground. I stuck close to the walls yet remained careful not to touch the stone. When I was at the top of the wall I'd gotten a good view of the castle grounds, including the soldier's barracks that Kyren had spoken of. From my spot in the shadows I could see the troops readying themselves for war. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized that we had been betrayed. Our surprise attack wasn't a secret anymore. I slipped along the walls until I was behind the barracks before sprinting across the open area.

I just made it. The rough wood of the barrack walls pressed against my back as I crept slowly to the edge, glimpsing the servants entrance. I had an idea. The back door to the barrack was right behind me. I turned and tried the handle. It was unlocked.

I leapt to my feet and pushed my way inside the building. I quickly looked through the place; it was spotless, aside from a basket of laundry. Perfect.

Moments later, I was walking as confidently as I could across the lawn, the basket held in my arms. I tried not to hesitate as I walked through the servants door, but it was hard. Terror was dancing in my chest. A girl standing just inside looked at me strangely before realization dawned on her face.

"You're the conjurer. You've come for The King." Her face was vacant, clear of all expression. It was impossible to tell her thoughts.

"Please..." I said quietly, more desperate than ever. What was I to do if she decided to scream? "I have to find him."

She nodded once. "Walk down that way, take the first right and then keep heading until you hit the second left. Right, then left, the right again. It's the door with the Nire guards." She pointed to the only passage leading into the castle.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

I ran through the small passage, and took a right. The hallway immediately became more decorative. The ceilings rose and the walls turned to marble. Tapestries hung the walls; the wool had been dyed dark colors and weaved ornately into scenes from Castre's past. This wasn't the servants halls anymore. That meant that I was closer to Vaxon. It also meant I was more likely to be caught.

I immediately slowed down and began to move silently. I strained my ears for the sound of anyone coming. After what felt like an eternity I turned left at the spot the servant girl had told me to. This hallway was much like the last and thankfully clear. I began to pick up the pace and had almost reached the end when suddenly an alarm began to blare.

Someone had been caught.

I began to sprint down the hallway. I couldn't be caught before I got to Vaxon. Voices came to me from around the corner and I froze, mechanically moving into the closest room. A numbness had filled my body from deep inside. Something was telling me that this was not the time to be my usual emotional wreck. I sank to the floor inside the room and took in my surroundings.

The room was large and contained a bed in the center that could fit five men. The room was decorated with orange and pink; every surface was covered in silks. The room was fit for a princess. Then I realized that I wasn't alone.

"Who is there?" A cross voice called as a tall, blonde girl stood up from where she'd been seated at a little desk and turned to face me. She was Nassia; could I have stumbled across a worse person? She gasped. "I know who you are, you're- you're-"

"Shhhh!"

She stopped abruptly, most likely unused to being shushed. I heard the footsteps retreat, and I breathed a sigh of relief before turning to deal with my new problem. "Have you come to kill me?" The question was laced with stubbornness, and the way that the princess held herself- upright, with her head held high- screamed of snootiness.

"No."

"I'll scream for the guards!" Her shrill voice cut into my ears and I could see that despite her demeanor she was afraid.

"I don't want to hurt you, Nassia." I forced myself to remain calm.

She opened her mouth, and I didn't even have time to think. I crossed the distance in three long strides and covered her mouth with my hand. Now, the problem was what to do with her. A smaller girl I could easily overpower, but Nassia was within an inch of my height. I realized what I needed to do, cringing as I did so. I muttered my incantation, and a knife slid into my hands. I held it low and close to her side. "Walk to the closet. Don't make a sound."

I would never actually hurt her. My advantage lay in the fact that she didn't know that. Her fear was a palpable thing. I could feel it in her increased breathing, her small careful movements as she crossed the room and I moved with her. Once there, I made her open the door, before shoving her inside and locking it.

She immediately began to bang on the door, calling for someone to let her out. But, the door was too thick. I could hardly hear her; I was certain no one outside the room could. I left the room after carefully listening for voices in the hall.

I peeked around the last corner to catch a glimpse of the Nires. The light reflected off of their pale scales, and the large red eyes were set deep into their lizard-like faces. I quickly shrank back at the sight. Luring them away seemed impossible. How was I ever to accomplish such a thing?

I pressed my back against the wall, still on alert, but thinking hard. They were guards, so they'd have to investigate any loud noise, right? That would work, if I could hide and conjure something. Except I forgot there were two of them. It would have to be something really big to draw them both.

Once I attracted them, though, how would I kill them? Magic was the only weapon I had and they were resistant to it. As I thought of this I stared across the hallway at a medium sized statue, hardly noticing it. It was golden, about as tall as I was, and depicted a man with a Ram's head. After a few moments, I was struck with an idea. Luring them away was not my only option. Moving quickly, I began to put it into place.

After a few minutes, I was ready. I began to chant. "Twaren tuterb huferd gabreh itasiu."

From the ground began to form two large lizards with pale scales and red eyes. They were blue-tinted, but that hardly mattered. They could fight plenty well. Before the could finish forming I stuffed myself behind the statue. I'd added 'bloodthirsty' to the incantation, so the first thing they saw needed to be the other two Nires.

Once they had formed, they immediately pounced on the nearest weapons: sawed off metal ram horns. Then they went looking for prey- the other Nires. I stayed crouched behind the statue, unwilling to be caught, but listened to the hissing coming from the fight. It continued for several minutes, loud enough that I could tell both sides had sustained injuries. Eventually I could hear only two Nire, and I released my hold on my own as I hopped out to see if I had won or lost. The front of the throne room was now covered in the real Nires purple blood. Each of them lay dead, impaled on a golden rams horn. I held my breath as I stepped around them and pushed open the throne room door.

Inside it was only two people. One of them sat at the long wooden table, the other stood in front. "I'm surprised that you're only the second to make it through. I figured the Nires would kill you. They've already taken Kalix."

I hardly heard what Vaxon said. I was too focused on the little boy that sat in the chair, bound and gagged. His blue eyes were wide and terrified. I knew him as the little kid I'd played with last winter, when I'd spent some time with Soren's family. "Uthian." I whispered his name. Soren had named him after my brother, something that I had always loved. "Where is Soren?" I asked quickly. I had a bad feeling about this.

"His parents are dead." Vaxon told me. "Though I gave you a chance to save them." His voice was filled with venom; darkness pooled in his eyes.

This was all my fault.

Tears rose in my eyes as the numbness that had filled me through my sprint through the castle was pulled away like a bandage that revealed a festering wound. I couldn't stop them from falling. "You're lying. He isn't dead." I tried to say, though the words didn't come out right. But, when I looked into little Uthian's eyes, I could see that he was dead. This little boy had seen him die.

A rage filled me, because I knew what that was like. Uthian was four years old, as I had been, and his family had been torn from him, as mine was. The largest difference between the scenarios was that this time it was my fault. So, in that moment I hated myself; I hated Vaxon; I hated the world. But, most of all, I hated magic. I hated the power of it, the way it was driving Vaxon, the way it drove everyone to do these monstrous things.

And then something happened that had never happened to me before. The magic moved on its own, putting words in my mouth- words I had never heard before, using my body as a tool- tugging at parts I hadn't ever used before. A lion erupted from my body, but even as I felt it move, it didn't feel like a normal conjuring. It didn't use the right energy, didn't pull right. I felt it was connected to me in a way the others never had been before.

Vaxon laughed at me. "At least you can now create a halfway decent lion." He was referencing my capture, when I'd tried to use one for defense, but it wasn't strong enough.

The lion moved closer to him and began to circle. And then it pounced, extending its claws as if to sink into Vaxon. He wasn't perturbed and batted it away with darkness. It fell to the ground and slid a few feet. It didn't stay down long before it was charging him again. Vaxon knocked him away again, though with more difficulty this time around. Realizing that the lion couldn't beat him, I released my energy, and he flickered out of existence.

"I really expected more from you, conjurer. Your brother was a very powerful lightning Mage, even at the age of fifteen. You, however, bear none of his power. It's a miracle you've lived this long."

"Then why don't you just kill me?"

His eyes flashed at my dare and he immediately threw darkness. I shouted for a shield and it materialized in front of me. The darkness slammed into it, forcing me backwards, but it didn't penetrate the barrier.

As soon as I released the shield, the darkness descended around me. It was heavier than anything I'd ever felt. It weighed heavily on my chest and head, crushing the air out of me and filling my throat. I struggled for breath, but darkness was all I found. It was at once the same and the exact opposite of being trapped under water. The darkness had the same confining quality of the water, but it didn't feel right against my skin. I struggled against it, but nothing could could form in this void. After a moment, the panic eased as a sense of calm washed over me and I felt my knees buckle; I was too out of breath to remain standing. I could feel a cold seeping through me, the clutches of death touched my heart. I thought, still, it might not be so bad to die. I didn't deserve to live. I couldn't save Castre. It was my fault Lydora and Soren and his wife, Betany were dead. It was my fault my parents were dead. It was my fault the Magi were captured. It was all my fault.

But, something in me was fighting against the cold hands. I was impossible for them to fully grab. All I wanted was for those hands to take me away. I could practically see my brother's face now, could hear him speaking.

"Don't stop now." He whispered. "Don't stop now." His words seemed to clear a fog in my mind. I had come too far already, done things I'd never dreamed I could do. Maybe it was my fault that Soren was dead, but I wanted it to be my fault Vaxon was dead too. I hated the world, but I wasn't done with it. I tried to speak, the words were strangled, but they were enough.

The darkness was ripped away from me, light filling my vision, air dispelling the darkness from my lungs. Vaxon stumbled backwards, falling into the table, his hand clutched at his heart, and he choked. Then he pulled my blade from himself to reveal a bloom of crimson over his chest. The knife itself he dropped, and I allowed it to dissolve into nothing before it even hit the ground. "You-" he began to speak, but stopped abruptly as the air left his lungs and the life left his eyes.

It turned out that a well placed conjuring of steel was all that one needed to fall a king. I walked toward his body, noticing that the cut was neat and precise. Decent work, considering I hadn't had much practice conjuring an object from far away. His eyes were wide and staring, still clearly showing the fear he had felt in his last moments. As for me?

I'd felt nothing.

I turned to were Uthian, Soren's son was still bound to the chair. I began to untie him, but he shied away from me. It was only then that I accidentally caught my reflection in a nearby mirror and noticed that my eyes were no longer blue, but filled with darkness.