First of all, I'm just going to be bluntly honest here. I HATE being a judge because YOU ALL DID SO AMAZINGLY. I seriously am just going to give everyone a 13. You all deserve it. Bam. Everyone wins. Woo-hoo. 

Okay, sadly, that can't happen because this IS a competition, so my scoring got harsher. NO ONE got a 13, so please no one freak out or get angry at me because EVERYONE's score went down. 

So figuratively, everyone gets a 13. :D Realistically though, here are the scores and opinions. Also EVERYONE can request me to email them their grading rubric for this task, so see exactly what and where I took off. It also includes a brief summary of the harsher critique system I developed for each specific section. Comment to let me know that you're requesting it, before you send me an email saying the same. (That just makes it easy for me to remember, and then easy to find your email address to send it).  

Male 8: Lightning Mage Kalix Leanour – 12.9  

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY FEELSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Kalix's raw emotion at Vala's death just killed me. Your descriptions were so concise I was just like following right along behind him. Which was terrifying considering we were in the middle of battle. All of your action was FULL of suspense, and it was all correct. Not only that, but it was smooth and easy to follow! Which made it all that more enjoyable to read. Kalix finding his way into the castle was also amazing, and I just love how he ran into Lydora. The creative strategy he had with throwing the torches at the Nires was awesome, and then Lydora died, giving me the feels once again. Oh, and his strategy with riding a griffin over the acid, then using lightning to blast a hole through the gate and jumping through. GAHHH. So creative and unique, I was fangirling. The hostage situation was soooooo tense. I was reading on the edge of my seat, just frantically reading, having to know what was going to happen next. His emotions as he heard about his father's death and then his mother's determination.... I was rooting for him. Then bam. He surrendered. I WAS JUST SCREAMING AT HIM LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Not only that but then BAM!!! Vaxon slits her throat anyway. His.... EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS AFTER THAT. WHOOO. I'm just overloaded overhere. The flashes, combined with his feelings, emotions and thoughts... and then how Mathas quoted star wars (fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering....) GOSH YOU WRITERS ARE JUST QUOTING UP A STORM OVER HERE). It was the moment.... The It's Not Over moment where he was down, he was giving up, he felt guilt and shame over his surrender. He gave in to vaxon, and then bam. Slammed with grief at his mother's surprise death, and then memories because HIS ENTIRE FAMILY IS DEAD. And then Mathas' voice (quoting star wars) and then Vala saying that they're not suffering anymore. I WAS JUST LIKE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOO KALIX! And then the cliff hanger like, like I don't surrender anymore. I seriously just wanted to dance. Also, even though you probably don't watch fairy tail, it was such a fairy tail moment, I could practically hear the fairy tail theme playing in the background. Just the idea of being so down, giving up, surrendering, then being at his lowest point as his last family member dies and all the heart wrenching emotion, and then the flashes and the quotes and then BAM How he doesn't want to give up and then he stands up and fights. Plus the fact that you ended it right there, I'm seriously desperately trying not to stand up out of my chair and start dancing around the room. As for notes, you only had two grammar mistakes, and both were instances where you actually switched to present tense. You deserved a 13. Your writing was so beautiful, you've matured SO MUCH, and I was just lost in wonder and awe about your amazing work. I'm at a loss for words and I feel like I'm being so cliché here, but it's so true. AMAZING JOB ! I NEED TO READ MORE ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT CLIFF HANGER. I NEED MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Male 16: Conjurer Wizard Leovarettan Maverson - 12.9  

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Okay, when I read the first line, I was like YAY she's not coughing up blood anymore. Then, I read the rest of the paragraph... and kept reading... and kept reading until I was basically sobbing. Lydora's death was horrible, sooooo horrible and soooo sad and it hurt! It broke my heart, not only for her death but for what it did to Leo. And then, him trying to kill himself. THIS ENTRY WAS SO DEPRESSING. His strategy with conjuring a bridge for them to get over the moat was definitely interesting and creative, and sneaking into the palace itself like a servant was also smart. As for the Nires... conjuring two Nires of his own? WOW. Unique, creative and even smarter than something I would have come up with. The little boy in the room after seeing his family die.... AWWWW. And then Leo's boss fight with Vaxon. It was SO realistic according to Leo's skill level. And then the creative twist that he simply conjured a knife from far away and threw it at Vaxon which is what killed him. I mean, it's simple, but yet creative in a way too. Vaxon underestimated Leo. And then... the ending. That last line about Leo's eyes... being filled with darkness... I just.

I died.

My heart... I'm not even sure where it is at this point, and I'm not even sure what to think, but all I know is that this is so horrible, and yet it's amazing. You should be super proud and happy of this, because I know I am. Your best entry yet! Also, wanna know something else? For notes? You only had three grammar mistakes, which is the limit for only ONE point deduction. Another words you scored a 12.9! The highest score so far! Don't forget if you want you can request to have me email you your grading rubric so you can see where and what I took off. AMAZING job! And seriously, after that painful cliff hanger, I HAVE TO READ MORE! I HAVE TO.

Female 2: Shadow Sage Jaeyria Lightwood – 12.8  

WOWWWWWWWWW!!!! THIS was what I call a fantasy boss fight. You had everything—beautiful, vivid descriptions, gut-wrenching emotions, JAEIRIDAN FEELS especially at the end, action, suspense, betrayal.... You gave me the feels for Vassti's character. I absolutely loved how Asshyra just kicked butt... and lectured Kyren. That was amazing. Jae's fight with Sigel was definitely intense. Again, like with Eiridan's I didn't see a mistake in the action at all. Which is freshing, honestly. It allows me to feel the suspense that you want when I don't have to edit a bunch of mistakes in the action that don't make any sense. There was so much realism to this story –especially to Jae's betrayal. I really, really enjoyed her conversation with Vaxon (before and after the boss fight). Her thought process and emotions were absolutely perfectly blended with everything. Her character development (like with Eiridan's) is astonishing. She's definitely not the girl she started out as, and the ending really left her in a different place. I love what you added with her dark side and how she embraced the inner darkness. I also really enjoyed how you included the extra scenes at the end, especially with Jae and Eiridan in the cell. JAERIDAN FEELS. It was so realistic how they pushed away their feelings of all they had been through and just focused on the present moment with each other. As for notes, there was once sentence where you said the word probably and it was in the wrong place, which took off 0.1 for sentence structure, and other than that there was just one grammar mistake. Those are where your points were deducted. Next entry, I'm hoping to see you elaborate more on the negative effects of what they did and went through—especially Jae's betrayal. Seriously, I cannot wait to continue to read Jae's story! 

Male 5: Healer Wizard Eiridan Stormblessed – 12.8  

OH MY GOSH. WOW. This... This was a fantasy NOVEL! I seriously am just so.... Shell shocked right now. Not only did you really, really use the unlimited word count to your advantage, but you included all the proper elements necessary. You took them and tweaked them nicely, adding in so much suspense that even I couldn't predict what was going to happen. I liked the mystery surrounding Jae... leaving me to wonder just what she did and went through (which makes me anxious to read her entry). The planning and plotting was so realistic, and then the elements you included about getting inside the castle, the battle, the keep, the fight with the guards... all of it was so realistic. I can tell that you obviously did some research on battle sieges and tactics. It sounded more medieval, which is always my favorite thing in fantasy. YES. I DID NOT SEE ONE MISTAKE IN ANY OF THE ACTION SCENES. I just... My jaw dropped to the floor , not only about how well you wrote them, but the moment that Eiridan actually fought Vaxon. He was ferocious and it was... the BEST boss fight I've read in a long time. Honestly, you're writing makes me so nervous because I don't even think that I could write a boss fight this good. Seriously. I LOVED your creativity with his fight with Vaxon. It wasn't the only one to do a "power of wills" type thing, or to use the idea of syphoning Vaxon's energy either, but it was the first to elaborate on the exact spell and magic. I LOVED your creative addition to the history with Sire—how it was the spell when he'd gotten his magic and when he had killed Mathas. The idea that Mathas taught it to Eiridan as a failsafe... It sounds like Mathas exactly. He chose Eiridan because of Eiridan's compassionate nature. The beginning really gave me JAEIRIDAN feels... and when she betrayed him..... FEEEEELS. When his mother gave him an epic speech and he stood up against Vaxon... FEELS. When his mother was killed... FEELS. When he and Kyren faced the Nires and heard about Kyren's children's supposed deaths... feels. Adding Ander in there was a wonderful creative twist to Kyren's past as a slave... and I just absolutely loved how you included it in the story. Not only that, but the beginning when Eiridan figured out why Kyren hurts himself and pushes others to hurt him too..... FEEELS. Literally at the end, it's horrible Vaxon won! Congratulations, you made me hate my own villain (normally I love my villains. As an author, you have to or you can't make them do what they have to sometimes). Seriously. I am just... AH. I'm almost crying, and I'm feeling so much sorrow for Eiridan and you broke my heart. Just. So many feels. I loved how Eiridan was the hero. This is a story, this is HIS story. It was full of action, description, emotion and development for him. Amazing. As for notes, yes because I'm harsh, there are some (sadly). There was one punctuation mistake where you missed a quotation mark at the end of dialogue (I think Kyren was speaking if I remember right), so that lost you 0.1 point. Your other 0.1 was taken for sentence structure because there was an instance toward the middle where you started with "he" several times, and it wasn't varied as much as it should have been. So those are all where your points were deducted, which were all just minor things. Seriously, I am addicted and I NEED TO READ YOUR NEXT ENTRY NOW. I have to know what happens next.

Female 1: Shapeshifter Sage Lilja Svana – 12.7 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?! I mean, okay... leaving the young colt behind (I'm not even going to try to type out any of their names, sorry) was sad... but you know, then Lilja quoted GAME OF THRONES! (What do we say to death? Not today), and not to mention you tweaked it so that it was AWESOME and that it fit in the story. So then she runs to Vaxon and I'm rooting for her hoping that she's going to kill them. Only to jump into the hostage situation with the mare, and I'm HOPING in vain that she'll live. But nope. Vaxon snaps her neck, which was so vivid it was horrifying. Especially imagining that happen to a Pegasus. THEN. Oh... THEN. Kyren walks up all bad a. YOU. I—I JUST. YOU!!!!!!! YOU MADE ME SCARED OF MY OWN CHARACTER. Granted I was scared of Vaxon too, but he's the villain so that's supposed to happen. YOU portrayed Kyren's dark side SO WELL that I just... I am in utter shock right now. THEN. OH WELL THEN. YOU TOTALLY HAD KYREN KILL THE PEGASUS STALLION. SO I'm over here, mourning the loss of yet another horrific Pegasus death, AND trying to figure out how Kyren is going to come back from that. (Her line to him like how could you do such a thing or something like that and the moment he winced... yeah. I winced. So thanks. THANKS FOR THAT (sarcastic). OH AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THE WORST HAD BEEN DONE BAM. Vaxon brings the colt back into everything and then LILJA FREAKING SURRENDERS.

Oh and not to mention the fact that VAXON QUOTED STAR WARS. So at this point I'm crying and wincing and fangirling so hard I have no idea whether I should shout, scream, cry, dance or all four. Not only that, but the idea of the line (fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering) and what it meant in star wars and how this epic good master was the one who said it and then how you TWISTED IT so Vaxon is saying it and not only that but USING IT TO CONVINCE HER TO TURN EVIL. Like that's just so twisted my mind is just... *boom* So... at this point I don't even know what to say, do, think, or feel. Literally as I finished up your entry, I seriously just put my hands on my head and then started muttering unintellible words like a crazy person. That's what happens when you give a girl extreme FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS for the main character, side characters and her own character, at the SAME Time that you make her FANGIRL. As for notes, you had six grammar mistakes, which was where all your point deductions came from. Without that, you would have had like a 13. Or 14. Everything. You would have had everything. Most of them were just typing the word "were" instead of "where" so it wasn't a big deal, but I have to be fair and still take off points for your mistakes (Sadly, because I didn't want to). SOOOOO NEXT ENTRY (because I HAVE TO KEEP READING I JUST I NEED TO), I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING WITH HER SINCE SHE SURRENDERED and everyone is dead and Kyren is darth vader and Vaxon is lord Sidious. Seriously. Oh, also, I through all the FEELING I forgot to add how descriptive you were of the battlefield. I was seriously running and dodging everything with her. FANTASTIC JOB.

Male 7: Metal Mage Mordzar Malthus – 12.5  

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Goodness gracious me, where do I start? First of all, your quotes and puns from other fandoms just.... AHHH. Too much fangirling. A dragon named Alduin (from Skyrim), Mordzar saying "I'm all fired up now" right after he lit the acid on fire... and then Kyren—KYREN saying a line that combined 300 with Game of Thrones? LIKE WHAAAAAAAT?! Seriously. There was SO much action in this, and it was SO intense, I literally couldn't stop reading. You really used the unlimited word count (the longest entry so far), and seriously it didn't even seem like it. I was reading a NOVEL and one that I didn't want to put down. From Mordzar's thoughts when he tried planning the siege, to the gathering of all the Houses (HELLO GAME OF THRONES STUFF), and how they all rebelled INSIDE Komesen. THE SEIGE. HOLY COW was THAT A BATTLE SEIGE. It was like Game of Throne meets Lord of the Rings. Seriously. Oh and WILDFIRE. WOOO. Not to mention the creative, unique strategy with a dragon allowing them to climb on his back over the wall (I mean seriously plus the dragon was named ALDUIN so come on!) It was just SO CREATIVE. This felt like a TRUE BOSS FIGHT. It was long and drawn out, and yet none of it was boring. A true High Fantasy Boss Fight at its finest. Long, drawn out, plenty of obstacles and strategies, and then the ending BOSS fight with the main bad guy. I mean, that jester guy (I can't remember his name), holy throne! (hehe) He was sooooo creepy. It doesn't help that I used to be afraid of clowns. Plus, I loved how you included a batman quote (why so serious?) in there too. It was intense. The battle with Okatahs (sorry if I misspelled it), was just as intense. ALL THIS INTENSITY AND SUSPENSE and then they weren't even in the throne room yet. Mordzar seeing his parents dead gave me the feels, and then bam! Myra blew herself up. not only was that creative, it was unique and it was a twist that I didn't see coming at all. Seriously, Vaxon and the fight with him was just so EPIC. Not only that, but then another twist when Okatahs showed up. I TOTALLY didn't see that coming, and then I thought he had Vaxon.

And then bam. Your third and final twist of the night: Kyren shows up and stabs Vaxon from behind. Kyren's mini-speech gave me the FEELS. And Vaxon died! Yayyyyyyyyyyyy. I'm pretty sure you're the first person to actually have him die and have it end semi-happy. But seriously. I mean, I thought Mordzar was going to surrender, then I thought he was going to kill Vaxon, then I was hoping that Okatahs would, only to have Kyren do it (even though I'd completely forgotten about him). THIS. This. Is a High Fantasy Boss Fight at its finest. As for notes, all of them were just grammar stuff. You deserved a 13, but sadly because of the mistakes, I had to take off points. You had eight grammar mistakes, seven punctuation mistakes and two mistakes with sentence structure, so that's where your point deductions came from. Don't forget that you can request to see your rubric form if you wanted to see exactly where and what I took off. Outside of the syntax errors, everything else deserved a thirteen. Especially with including SO MUCH ACTION. I mean this was 14,000 words of nothing BUT action and there wasn't a mistake in any of it. At all. BAM. Epic. I have to read more. I just have to.

Female 5: Illusionist Sage Zentra Oromis – 12.4  

First of all, it was so odd to have such a short entry (even though four thousand words isn't short) compared to your other entry, hahaha. (Kidding). Anyway, this was another great entry. Zentra has developed and changed so much. I have to say I just LOVE how you've changed her magic. Most of the time, when she tried to do an illusion, it didn't work. You were realistic for her magical energy levels as well. Not only that, but I loved the creative tweak with how if she does an illusion in front of someone, it doesn't work. I REALLY LOVED the dynamic between Stryker and Zentra. For a split second, I shipped them. It was nice how he "helped" her a little bit, at least to where she reached Vaxon. It's horrible how the rebellion lost in this story. Your descriptions of when Zentra eyed the battlefield was... vivid and horrible all at once (horrible as in saddening). And then her seeing Kyren holding Lilja's head... I just completely lost it. Actually having Zentra watch two of her family members die and how she tried to fight back but couldn't beat Kyren or Vaxon... it was so realistic. And then she surrendered which was gut wrenching. It's such a change from her and how she was in task one. I mean, here's a bold woman who never backs down and never surrenders, never even thought about it before, and she's been bent on getting revenge on Vaxon, even killed to do so, and now she's surrendered to him and will do his bidding. Also, your portrayal of Kyren was so accurate it really made me feel for him. As for notes, you had six punctuation mistakes. All of them revolved around after the dialogue. For instance. "Hi." She said. Is what you would do. The dialogue ends in a period, and then the dialogue tag (he said, she said, etc), would be capitalized as a brand new sentence. When really, it's still all one. "Hi," she said. Is how it's supposed to be. At the end of dialogue, even if what they're saying ends in a sentence, if you're including a dialogue tag, then there should be a comma before the quotation, not a period. All in all, that's just a minor thing, but I had to take off points. Also, I felt like there could have been more emotion from her when she watched her family die. Her dialogue and reaction was filled with emotion, but there were no thoughts or emotional response from her directly, which should have been there. Amazing job though! I seriously can't wait to read your next entry. Also, don't forget if you want to request me to email you her grading rubric so you can see exactly where and what I took off. Amazing job!

Male 14: Warrior Sage Telex Silverblade – 12.2  

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I JUST...... GAHHHHHH. I CAN'T. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. YOU STARTED THE ENTRY FROM RIKA'S POINT OF VIEW AND BY THE END OF IT, I WAS ALREADY CRYING—AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STORY. Thank you for making it so long by the way. I just kept reading, and reading, and reading, and no matter how much I read, I couldn't get enough. Not only was this whole thing SOOOO well written (I mean you had descriptions so I felt like I was right there with them, you had enough emotion to just make me cry and sob and sob and cry, you made me laugh hysterically several times, and then fangirl so much I literally had to jump out of my chair, walk around and do that fangirl jumping-up-and down thing several times, before I could continue. The battle planning with Kyren was soooooo unique and creative. It was just unbelieveable. The battle itself. I MEAN THERE WAS SOOOO MUCH ACTION. Like the word INTENSE doesn't even cover it). Not only ALL OF THAT but this whole thing felt like a fairy tail episode. Telex is Natsu!!!!! The quotes you included from the several "I'm all fired up now" to the "aye sir!" and then his speech at the end and the "Because I'm a student of Mathas" I could just hear Natsu saying "Because we are members of Fairy tail!" Like I asked people for an It's Not Over moment, but once the battle started, THE WHOLE THING felt like an It's Not Over moment. It was heart-wrenching.... Telex seeing his girl's dead bodies..... then how he and Kyren only had their wives and one son left. WHEN RIKA DIED I DIED. And then her death scene from her pov.... TELEX's EMOTIONS KILLED ME. but more than that, RIKA AND RAIDEN'S CONVERSATIONS. My heart was already ripped out, so congratulations you just crushed it into ash... and then when Telex snapped out of trying to heal her.... THE SPELL THAT VAXON WAS GOING TO PUT KYREN THROUGH. 0.0 Not only that but I LOVED how Telex saw Ashyra and Rya's bodies (or hearts and crushed skulls, whatever), and the emotion from that and then realized he missed something. It's so creative because you included it and the emotions from it, and yet you left it open-ended and up to me to write. SERIOUSLY. SIEGEL TELEX AND KYREN. Their dynamic is SOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING I CANT EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FJKLSJDLFJSDLFKJSDLFJDSLFKJDSFDJSLJ. Okay sorry. That was me fangirling. Anyway. Their connected history and friendship now, and KYREN AND TELEX's BANTERING!!!!!!!!!! Even in the middle of battle and war they banter. ITS SO HILARIOUS. Thank you for including humor in something that's sooooo heart wrenching and dramatic. Also, this is sarcastic, but thanks for putting my emotions in a ROLLAR COASTER THAT NEVER ENDS. I LOVE IT. seriously, I do love it, but GAHHH. KYREN IS A SILVERBLADE. My jaw dropped when I read that part... how Telex just took him in and adopted him as a brother, since Vaxon has disowned him. OH MAN THE BOSS FIGHT. I mean, Telex stepping in, going through the spell, the resistant shield, and then BAAAAAAM!!! Raiden steps in and creates a portal under vaxon. I love the mystery behind where Vaxon and Sigel is. It leaves it open too, like Vaxon isn't dead yet, but he's gone and for now the Magi have won. It was also realistic in terms of Raiden's energy levels, yet made him seem like a unique and bad a little kid (which he is). And just when I thought you couldn't make me fangirl anymore. Telex woke up and we had more bantering in the infirmary scene. Not only that but they were with their sons :D they both lost their wives, but I love how they talked and bantered like normal, trying to keep going. And then the ending.... AHHH THAT WAS SO FAIRY TAIL. How they were so battered, beaten, injured. They have no magical energy whatsoever, and yet they march out of the infirmary to do the spell with the remaining magi to destroy the last iron dragon. Between that and Telex's speech and how they all banned together. I am just... fangirling doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now. Also, your creativeness with the battle and the sieging, along with adding in the iron dragon's... I just. Wow. So blown away right now. As for notes, you had a lot of run-on sentences. I stopped counting after ten because of the new grading system, which is why you received a zero in sentence structure. You had one punctuation error where you forgot quotation and then five grammar errors, which all combines for the reasons for your point deductions. I hated it, but again, I have to be fair to everyone. I can't let you slide, despite that YOU DESERVED A 13 plain and simple. You just... gah. You win everything. I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE I HAVE TO. I NEED IT I NEED MORE.

Male 11 Gravity Mage Jaxon Steele – 12.9 – 1 for late so 11.9  

0.0

0.0

0.0

........ I just.... *mind explodes* HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO DEAL WITH A TWIST LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? First of all, this was so insanely like Star Wars that I'm over here dancing in a fangirling way like crazy. I mean, you were descriptive, and I LOVED the way he blew a hole through the front gates using a black hole (seriously the idea of using gravity magic to create a black hole is SO CREATIVE). I know you say you've never written fantasy before, but every single time you write an entry, you come up with another fantastic fantasy thing and it seriously never fails to impress me. Bam. That's how you deal with death hounds, haha! I loved it. Although it was a short entry, it was really, really amazing, and it was well written. The ending scene with Vaxon seriously was like when Palpatine turned Anakin to the dark side combined with when Vader and Sidious were trying to turn Luke all at once. Then BAM. The twist where Jaxon is actually Vassti's nephew!?!? I was just like WHAAAAT?! Plus, it all made perfect, logical sense, with Jaxon's history, and theirs! Dar's death... I just FEELS. Jaxon's emotions were so raw, I felt it all with him, and then the idea that Dar's father turned him in...... :( ITS SO HEART WRENCHING. So not only am I FEEELING so much because of all the emotion, but I'm terrified because you made Vaxon so creepy, and plus I'm fangirling because of all the star wars quotes thrown in there and tweaked and just.... GAH STAR WARS, and then....

Then...

0.0

"I am your father." So not only did you quote star wars (again), but you quoted the BEST star wars line in star wars history, AND... AND you added it into your story, made it make PERFECT LOGIAL SENSE. AND USED IT TO CREATE THE TWIST OF THE CENTURY.

Vaxon is Jaxon's father. Like HOW DID I NOT SEE IT BEFORE?! Jaxon's name is just like Vaxon's only... you know with a V..... Jaxon and Kyren had this hate-relationship that turned into a bit of an understanding..... plus, now that I look back on it, Vaxon said a few lines earlier that hinted around to it, I just never saw it. SOOOOOOOOOOO. I just... I literally read it, jaw dropped. Re-read it, continued reading. Jaw is still dropped, re read it. then I literally had to stand up out of my seat and stare at the wall in shock for a good five minutes before I sat down, re read it again, screamed like a crazy monkey, then kept on reading the entry.

Oh and yeah let's not forget that at the end, Lydora ends up being dead. So there's that too. (sarcastic). As for notes, you only had ONE mistake. I desperately wanted to give you a 13, but even if it's one mistake, I have to be fair. There was one instance where you placed a comma instead of a period and the sentence became a run-on, so I took off 0.1 for sentence structure. Outside of that, no notes. At at all. I seriously can't wait and I have to read more from Jaxon. After this twist, WE ALL NEED THE AFTER EFFECTS. Plus, I can't wait to see what Kyren does when he finds out 0.0 oh and don't forget that you can request me to email you your grading rubric so you can see what exactly I took off and stuff.

Female 15: Shield Wizard Eriswen Faervel – 11.8    

WOW. What a boss fight. It was the perfect length, intense and kept me on the edge of my seat. You had vivid descriptions, combined with the perfect blend of Eris' emotions throughout this entire thing. Her surrender to Vaxon came as a complete shock, because I never thought she would do that. I love how Eris had to do what he said, and the things she was forced to do gave me the feels. The battle with the Magi was also intense, and your descriptions with it were really, really strong. I seriously just loved this. That being said, the action with the main boss fight was just as intense, and I didn't see any mistakes with it either. The creative twist with Eris' death and the Phoenix was absolutely amazing! Not to mention Eris' fight with Vaxon stayed well balanced. It made her powerful, and yet she struggled just enough against Vaxon's power to be realistic. I loved the "battle of wills" so to speak, as Vaxon fought to gain control of her magic energy. His death was realistic, too. I also liked how you at least mentioned what happened with Kyren and his family, which was the only thing that saved you from point deduction there since you didn't include it. You did mention it though, which was good. It was an amazing entry—your best so far, despite your score. That being said, I was way harsher with scoring this task (sadly) so here are the notes. First of all, you had three grammar mistakes and one punctuation mistake. You had four run-on sentences. They were well written, but in every one of them you tried to fit way too much description in one sentence. Every one of them were separated with the word "and," and they each could have been broken up. In the first fight with the guards in the dungeon, it didn't seem realistic that she would have shut the door, locking her inside with the guards. Also, I felt like you had way too many involved. First five, and then seven. It seemed unlikely she could face that many, and having so many numbers involved made the description of the action really confusing to follow. That also goes along with the three points I took off for your description. So with the three grammar mistakes, four run-on sentences, two points for realism, the three for description and the one punctuation, that's where your point deductions were. Again, please keep in mind I was harsher with this task, and will continue to judge this way for the remainder of the competition. Also, even though I thought the Phoenix twist was creative and unique, and I really loved the idea, I still had to take off points because you used another magic other than her own. Amazing job though! I hope to continue reading her story! Don't forget to PM or email (or both to make sure), to request to have your grading rubric emailed to you, if you want to see how I graded you specifically!

Female 7: Air Mage Aelia Zephyr – 12.1 – 1 for late so 11.1

Overall, this was a great entry. It wasn't your best, but that's simply because I know what an amazing writer you are, and I know you can do better. Then again, everyone can always do better. Again, I love how you portrayed Aelia's character; how deep inside she loves killing, but she tries to tell herself that she doesn't. Her relationship with Coal is SOOOOO CUTE. So I'm officially shipping them (please remember that for future references, haha). Their official ship name... hmm. Aeal? No that sounds weird. Caelia? YESSS Caelia!!!! Woo. Okay, anyway. Your description of the city was strong (although the word city got a little repetitive there) and the way you described and explained the castle was vivid, and correct as well. The hallways and how she was trying to find the throne room was so descriptive I felt like I was walking right behind her. It was also so realistic at how she got lost and for some reason I completely fangirled and flipped out at the strategy at snuffing out the tortures to mark her way. That was SOOO creative! I really, really loved her strategy with how she used air to fly over the wall. It was unique and awesome. Also... YES. I love how you included the death hounds going after her (so far most people have only mentioned them or something) so yay for doing a scene with them! (although in a siege, it was mentioned that the death hounds would have been caged up, but I'm letting that one slide, since the scene was really good). I also liked how she kept running into problems. It made it realistic. GAH. The ending was intense, and so was the fight with Vaxon. I loved how he took control of her and made her kill Jae. It was soooooo sad and horrible. Also, I LOVED how realistic you were with her magic energy levels! As for notes, well... I stopped counting after I reached ten run-on sentences. So you get a zero out of 0.5 for sentence structure. Due to that, I also took off 0.1 for flow, since it made the entry not flow as well. There was also three grammar mistakes, which meant there was 0.1 taken off for grammar. I also felt like there wasn't much emotion included when she lost the cousin and Vaxon slaughtered the families. Even if she didn't know then, there still should have been something—whether she felt sorrowful that he slaughtered innocent people, or a lack of emotion—explained or mentioned. Even when she killed Jae, though it was sad and dramatic, all the emotion was with Aelia's dialogue. Like how she begged him not to force her to do that. I felt like there could have been more included. So I also took off 0.1 for emotion and 0.1 for emotional impact, since the lack of emotion kept me from really feeling what she felt. That being said, I was being really harsh with everyone this task, so don't get discouraged. I know you're an amazing writer, so next entry, just take your time, and re-read what you write so you don't have as many run-on's. Start early to get a head start and then slowly work on it and polish it. I know you have it in you. That's why I'm picky with a lot of you because you're amazing writers, so I KNOW you can do better. Do it. I can't wait to read it! also, don't forget to request me to email you the rubric I used to grade her entry if you wanna see where and what I took off specifically.

Female 3: Lightning Mage Ashni Damini – 0  

Female 11: Healer Wizard Lydora Steele – 0

Male 12: Water Mage Evian Damini – 0

Male 15: Plant Mage Sigel Silverblade – 0

At this point, no one should not hand in an entry, so it was disappointing to see such a number of you not hand one in. A few of you told me and had explanations, but it's still disappointing. Warning, this could mean automatic up for votes for all of you.  

Male 17: Light Mage Aswake Coveni - 0

Strike two. Automatic elimination.

Fun fact: All of this equals 6,403 words. That's longer than some of your guys' entries were. That's how much you guys made me fangirl. A girl can only take so much before she explodes. Hehe. Kidding, but still. Well, technically 6,439 now.