(Whatsapp)
(Subject: Drunk Soraka)

Soraka: girls, can you tell me what happened last night?

Akali: Soraka! You're awake?

Akali: how do you feel?

Soraka: not great.

Soraka: I don't remember anything after a few drinks.

Soraka: and for some reason, my head is bandaged up.

Soraka: did I get hurt?

Katarina: should we tell her?

Tiara: I say we tell her.

Tiara: I want to see her reaction. >:)

Akali: do you really want to know?

Soraka: yes please.

Soraka: I want to know if I offended anyone, and why my head is covered in bandages.

Tiara: Ha! If she "offended" anyone.

Katarina: You were a riot.

Soraka: what?

Akali: you caused more problems than a drunk Vi, and that's saying a lot.

Soraka: oh stars.

Soraka: what did I do?

Tiara: well, after you got drunk you started going around harassing everyone.

Tiara: you first went to Wolf and said, "Wolf, grow a d*ck already. No woman wants to get laid by a d*ckless man."

Soraka: please tell me your joking.

Katarina: it gets worse.

Tiara: then you went to Lamb and said, "Lamb, would you get laid already? If I had a d*ck, I'd f*ck your fluffy ass myself."

Soraka: oh stars!

Akali: it doesn't stop there.

Tiara: then you went to Aurelion Sol and said, "Ha! Serves you right to be stuck on Runeterra, you galactic assh*le! You're the one who was stupid enough to put on a cursed crown."

Akali: that one was a little justified.

Soraka: that doesn't make me feel better!!!!!

Katarina: we're not done.

Soraka: that's right, you still didn't explain the bandages.

Tiara: we're getting there, afterwards you went to Vi and Caitlyn, and said, "Would you two f*ck already! We already know your gay for each other!"

Akali: again, justified.

Soraka: again, doesn't make me feel better!

Katarina: oh, it doesn't stop there.

Tiara: and then you went to Syndra and said, "For the love of the stars, Syndra, would you just confess to Zed already! We're all tired of waiting!"

Akali: most justified action yet.

Katarina: we actually thanked you for saying it.

Soraka: I still don't feel any better!!!!

Soraka: and what's with the bandages???? You still haven't answered that!!!!

Tiara: now we get to the part that I'm mad and amused at.

Tiara: you then went to Grey and Ahri before saying, "Hey, Grey, why don't you dump this stupid fox and join me in bed tonight." while turning around and slapping your own ass.

Soraka: please, for the love of every star out there, tell me that didn't actually happen.

Akali: That's not the bad part.

Soraka: it isn't?

Katarina: you then pushed Ahri away and started molesting Grey.

Soraka: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?

Tiara: yeah, I'm still kind of mad that you molested my brother.

Akali: Grey was trying to gently decline while not hurting you.

Akali: but Ahri wasn't, so she tried to pull you off with force.

Soraka: that's how I got my bandages?

Soraka: because Ahri hit me?

Katarina: she would have done that.

Katarina: if you didn't kick her into a wall and she ended unconscious.

Soraka: You cannot be serious.

Akali: that's when Grey stopped being gentle, and knocked you out with a punch to the head.

Soraka: oh stars.

Soraka: I have no words to express how I feel right now.

Soraka: is Ahri okay?

Ahri: yes, I am. And I forgive you. You were drunk, and had no control over what you do. I completely understand.

Soraka: really?

Ahri: F*CK NO!

Ahri: who would actually be okay with this?!?

Ahri: the only, and I mean only reason I'm not breaking into your room and turning your emotions so messed up that you'd be a blabbering mess is because Grey is holding me back right now.

Ahri: but that excuse might not be valid forever.

Ahri: so you better be careful, because you might just get stabbed in your sleep.

Soraka: I.......... Would not blame you if you actually did do that.

Soraka: in fact, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just say it.

Ahri: I want you to be my maid for an entire week.

Soraka: what?

Ahri: in your Star Guardian skin, too.

Soraka: wait, why the Star Guardian skin?

Ahri: cause I f*cking said so.

Soraka: what exactly told you that what I did is enough for that punishment?

Ahri: this hoof-shaped print on my gut did.

Ahri: my child could have died because of you before it was even born.

Soraka: your what?!?!?

Katarina: you're pregnant!

Tiara: WTF!?

Soraka: oh my stars! Ahri, I am so sorry, I'll do anything to make it up to you!

Akali: what the hell are you talking about?

Akali: she's not pregnant.

Ahri: how would you know?

Akali: because I'm a nurse.

Akali: and I'm the one that did your physical two days ago.

Ahri: F*CK.

Ahri: I forgot about that.

Soraka: I honestly almost had a heart attack.

Soraka: I swear I saw Kindred in the corner of my eye.

Tiara: you know, I just came here to see the results of a drunk Soraka.

Katarina: how do you feel about it?

Tiara: I am not disappointed XD.