Chapter 3: My Friend’s Little Sister Chirps at Everyone!
“Well, Mashiro, I guess I should explain why I called you out to this deserted place.” It was lunchtime. Mashiro and I were on the first floor of our classroom’s building, in the empty space under the stairs, surrounded by ownerless chairs and desks. The faraway voices of students chatting in the classrooms created an ASMR-like backing track. There was no one about, but their voices made it seem like we weren’t entirely secluded. I felt like I was a kid sharing exciting secrets in a hideout or something.
“Yeah. I know.” Mashiro nestled up close to me and nodded, a quiet expression on her reddening face. My heart jolted. “Oh. Sorry to make you do this for me.”
“It’s okay. If it’s what you want to do, then I’ll help you out. It would make me very happy.” It was like someone had plucked a scene right out of a teenage romance movie. Here were a young boy and girl, hidden away in a dimly lit space where nobody could see them. There was only one thing to expect from a situation like this.
You’ve probably already guessed.
“It’s about Iroha.”
“It’s about Iroha-chan, isn’t it?”
Some teenagers we were. There was nothing dirty about the thoughts in our heads; we just cut right to the chase in the least sexy way possible. Anyone who was expecting this to fade out to black was probably on their way to beat us up right now. Sorry to break it to you, but Mashiro and I were a pure fake couple.
Mashiro aside, I wasn’t about to do anything stupid when I didn’t even have feelings for her. There were going to be no naughty accidents here thanks to one man: Tsukinomori Makoto. He was the CEO of Honeyplace Works and the man who held the 05th Floor Alliance’s future in his hands. He was also my uncle and Mashiro’s father, and he had strictly forbidden us from getting into a real relationship.
Determined to protect his daughter’s chastity, he was less her guardian and more a watchful unicorn— to the extent that I might start calling him my Uncle Corn. But anyway, I wasn’t about to do anything weird as long as he was keeping his eye on us.
In a way, though, Mashiro and I were co-conspirators. We were both working on the plan to cultivate Iroha’s cute brand of annoying, and on getting her a best friend. Someone she could open her heart to. That was our joint goal, and that was why we had something way more important to discuss here than sex.
“There’s been a roadblock in our get-Iroha-a-best-friend operation. It’s to do with how she’s been acting lately.”
“Yeah, I know. She’s been acting weird, right?”
“You’ve noticed too? You weren’t at the party... Did you catch her before that or something?” “Wh— Oh, um! I spotted her at school...you know?”
“Really? I barely see her at school. Made me think you barely see anyone in different grades.” “Oh, but it’s different for girls. Like, we see each other in the bathroom and stuff.” “Hm? Oh well. I mean, this isn’t supposed to be an interrogation.”
“Good. Because asking any more questions would’ve made you scum. Yup.”
I didn’t get it at all, but I didn’t have a reason to disbelieve her. Girls’ bathrooms had stalls, and they went in there to do their makeup and stuff too, which just added to the lines. Maybe if the wait was too long for the second-year bathrooms, they’d go to another floor. I’m just guessing, though.
“Anyway, if you’ve noticed her strange behavior, then at least I don’t have to bother explaining too much. Basically, it’s like she’s trying to act like other girls, and I have no clue why.” “She’s probably not doing it for practice or anything, right?”
“I thought so too, but that was way off the mark.”
“Huh. Maybe she’s just mad about something, or she just got depressed for some reason.” “That crossed my mind at the party too. But then she showed up in my bedroom this morning and acted like Sumire-sensei in sadist mode, stepping on my stomach while I was sleeping and stuff. That’s not exactly what I’d call normal behavior.”
“She went to your place this morning?”
“Yeah. I mean, she comes almost every morning, but today she was especially weird.” “Huh. Every morning. Hmm...”
“Mashiro?”
Was it just me, or had her eyes grown super cold all of a sudden?
“You’re cheating on me.”
“Ow! Don’t kick me.”
“Shut up. Take that.”
She was kicking my shins under the desk. Well, it was more like she was prodding them with the tips of her toes, so it didn’t even hurt. But it’s natural to say “ow” when you’re being kicked, whether it actually hurts or not. Humans are weird like that.
Mashiro turned her face away in a huff. Our relationship may have been fake, but we were still technically lovers—and she had actual feelings for me. It was only natural she’d be jealous if I was getting
close to Iroha. I’d already dedicated myself to the ways of the piece of shit, so I decided to react like a boyfriend should.
“There is sorta a reason why she lets herself into my place.”
“A reason?”
“Due to various unfortunate circumstances and personal concerns. But I think we should look at the bigger picture here.”
“Are you a game director or a politician?”
“I’m sorry, Mashiro-sama, very sorry, but if you could please just not push the subject, I’d appreciate it.” I bowed in earnest, sticking my forehead right into the floor. That I was so good at this was proof I was a piece of shit.
Iroha’s home circumstances, her dreams, and issues with entertainment. They were all secrets I couldn’t leak.
“It’s fine. I’ll make sure you pay me back for it.”
“How much do you want?”
“Not with money. I’ve got enough of that.” Mashiro slid her chair over, closing any distance between us. “With lovey-dovey stuff.”
“R-Right.”
Mashiro rubbed her cheek against my shoulder, like a pet leaving its scent on its master. The fruity scent coming off her hair made my heart pound.
“Okay. Now we’re even.” After a few seconds of taking her fill, Mashiro moved her head away and gave a satisfied nod.
She may have been satisfied, but I was still trying to recover from my frayed nerves. “Let’s go, then.”
“Huh? Wait. I’m not done talking.”
“It’s about Iroha-chan. We should go.” Mashiro stood up and stepped out of the dimly lit space under the stairs and into the sunlit corridor. “Sitting around and talking won’t do anything. We should go see how she is in the classroom.”
“Oh. That’s what you meant.”
I’d never have expected somebody as withdrawn as Mashiro to come up with such an assertive plan. It made me realize again how much she’d grown. I wasn’t her dad or anything, but I felt a strange paternal warmth in my chest.
“Come on. Let’s go.”
“Right.”
I followed Mashiro out into the sunny hallway to go to Iroha’s first-year classroom. There, Iroha was a popular honor student, surrounded by outgoing normies. I bet anyone isekai’d into some elf homeworld with a totally different culture would step into the unknown feeling the exact same way I did right now. And then we arrived. Iroha’s classroom was just coming into view.
“Ah! Basic pretentious stalker-senpai!”
We were suddenly stopped by an incredibly rude yell.
I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. There was only one person I knew who was that rude... Wait, scratch that. Wasn’t everyone around me overly rude? And rude only to me? I turned around before my re-realization of that devastating thought had time to crush me, and found just the girl I was thinking of: Tomosaka Sasara.
“Hey, stalker.”
“Keep it down! If you’re gonna burn me, at least do it when no one can hear. That’s what you’re s’posed to do anyway!”
“That’s a pretty volatile memory you’ve got there.”
If only she’d record that one line and play it back to herself.
“Huh? Volatile? Don’t get it. I wouldn’t use complicated words like that if I were you. Makes you sound like a real nerd.”
“Gngh! That actually hurts...”
It was an effective blow. I shouldn’t have cared what someone like her thought; in fact, I wish I’d made fun of her for being second-best in her year and not knowing the word “volatile,” but she hit me right where it hurt before I could.
Some of us didn’t have much going for us other than our expansive vocabulary, so it’d be nice if she didn’t knock it. It hadn’t just annoyed me either.
“Aki. Can I kill her?”
It got Mashiro too. She’d entered for an amateur writing prize, and the book she was writing was such a big deal that she had Canary on as her editor. Sasara’s words were like a declaration of war to her. No amount of censorship in her words could quell the bloodlust dripping from them.
“What’s your problem? I’m saying it to be nice! You’ll be more popular if you don’t sound like a nerd, and that way everyone’s happy.”
“Talk about jumping to conclusions. You think literally everyone thinks the exact same way you do?” “Of course they don’t!”
“Yeah. So while you’re ‘saying it to be nice’—”
“What I’m saying is that there are normal people like me, who are the majority, and then there’s a bunch of weirdos on the fringes of society.”
I had a feeling it was already too late for her. I wondered where exactly she’d lost her valuable sense
of human objectivity. If she wasn’t so proud, I’d even pity her.
“So, Aki. Who is this girl?” Mashiro asked, looking totally unimpressed. “I’ve never met her before.” “That’s a good question.”
I didn’t know how to describe her, other than as a fellow stalker I ran into when Iroha gave me permission to tail her. If I had to sum it up...
“She’s an interesting girl.”
“So I only exist for your entertainment, huh?!” Tomosaka Sasara’s reaction came faster than a rim shot.
“See? Interesting.”
“I do see.”
“You can’t just say whatever you want because you’re older than me! And I thought you were Kohinata’s boyfriend, Senpai?! What are you doing with this girl? You’re not some kinda player, are you?!” “If you’re gonna burn me, at least do it when no one can hear.”
“Shut up! Wait, is this why Kohinata’s been acting so weird?”
“Wait. Acting weird how?”
“You’ll know as soon as you see her! I swear she was never like this before.” Sasara retreated to the classroom entrance and beckoned to us.
“Aki.”
“I know.”
Mashiro and I looked at each other and exchanged a nod before tiptoeing after Sasara. We crouched down behind the door and carefully poked our heads out so we could look inside the room without being seen.
What we saw was... Well, I’ll let it speak for itself.
“You’re really going for Queen Nevermore, Kohinata-san?! I thought you weren’t interested?” “I really think you’ll win by a landslide, though! It’d be so awesome to have Queen Nevermore be from our class! Maybe I should get your autograph now!”
“You’re seriously aiming to win? Totally awesome.”
There was a gaggle of girls at one end of the classroom. The center of their attention, the eye of the storm, the girl in the middle of those shallow students...was Kohinata Iroha.
“You bet your tail feathers! I’m gonna be entering that contest and swooping my way right to the top, chirp!” Iroha shot a peace sign and spoke like an idol so confidently, I could almost hear the sparkling sound effects.
If she was any older, it’d be enough to make you cringe, but as a pretty and popular teenager, Iroha managed to avoid any awkwardness. The girls around her were actually cheering, with some of them chirping as well.
Was there some weird drug epidemic in the school I wasn’t aware of?
“See? Told you she was weird.” Sasara turned to me.
“It’s weird all right.” My face was grave.
“I’ve been trying to get her to enter the contest this whole time and she kept saying she wasn’t interested. Then today she’s suddenly all for it. I can’t say I’m happy about it either, it’s like...it’s not satisfying for this to be the way she accepts. She puts up an act all the time anyway, and now it’s like she’s added an extra layer.”
“Huh?” I couldn’t help but react to Sasara’s words.
Iroha “puts up an act”? Did Sasara know that Iroha wasn’t the perfect honor student she pretended to be? I considered asking her about it, but Mashiro spoke before I could.
“That’s Canary-san.”
“Yeah. She’s trying to be Canary-san, no matter how you slice it.”
With that, my train of thought was interrupted. I decided to leave my question to Sasara for later and use my brain’s resources on the problem in front of me: Iroha’s strange behavior. “There’s definitely something wrong with her,” Mashiro said. “Look! She’s taking photos.” “Yeah. She’s taking photos with her friends. Like she’s about to upload them to the internet or something.”
Iroha was laughing with the girls around her and taking selfies with them. It was as though she’d fallen from honor student to regular superficial teenager. The boys were staring as though they were witnessing their favorite VTuber suddenly take part in an unusual collab stream, looking confused and restless over Iroha’s personality change.
Weirder than the boys watching from afar was the fact that the girls close to her hadn’t seemed to notice anything. Either they were so dumb they just accepted that the class’s honor student was now chirping and speaking in bird puns, or they were so above it all that it simply didn’t bother them. As an average guy, there was no way for me to tell.
“Tomosaka, was it? Do you have any idea why Iroha’s acting like this?”
“No clue.” Sasara paused. “Oh, but wait...”
“If you know something, mind sharing? Even just a tiny clue would help.”
“We walked to school together this morning, and we spoke about Pinsta. She actually seemed kinda interested.”
“Pinsta?” I asked. “You mean, Pinstagram?”
“That dumb social media site?” Mashiro said.
“Excuse me?! ‘Dumb’?! It’s actually fun once you get into it, y’know!” Sasara snapped.
I wasn’t going to deny that Mashiro was biased. This was just a smaller version of the fight between normies and outcasts: social media edition.
Who did I want to win?
I didn’t care either way.
Actually, maybe I did care. About social media, that is. Now that Koyagi had broken through two million downloads, I was starting to think we should do more to advertise it. We hadn’t done anything with Pinsta yet, so that might not be a bad place to consider.
“You were talking about social media, and then Iroha started acting like Canary-san. Well, she is the most famous influencer in the publication world. And Iroha doesn’t know enough about social media to play her part perfectly.”
“An influencer is just someone who craves validation,” Mashiro said. “An attention seeker who’s never satisfied.”
“Isn’t it kind of harsh to talk about your own editor like that? It’s all that ‘attention-seeking’ that’s gonna help sell your books, y’know.”
“I know. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s attention seeking, though,” Mashiro said, sulking. To anyone else, it might have looked as though Mashiro wasn’t fond of her editor, but I knew her well enough to see that wasn’t the case at all. She was only harsh about the people she trusted to a certain extent.
As someone meeting her for the first time, Sasara wouldn’t recognize that, though. She was frowning a little, as though she’d taken Mashiro’s criticism at face value.
“What’s wrong with wanting attention and validation? That’s normal, isn’t it?” Sasara said. “It’s not normal for Kohinata to act like this, sure, but to be honest...I think I prefer her now to when she’s pretending to be all perfect.”
“You ‘prefer’ her like this? You sure about that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s way more natural than her usual blandness. Way more normal for her to wanna enter the Queen Nevermore contest and do stuff that’ll get other people to tell her she’s cute. Not that she’ll be winning. That honor’s gonna go to me!” Sasara puffed her chest out and smiled smugly.
Literally no one asked. The narcissism was so strong that a bird pun-cracking Iroha looked attractive by comparison.
“She wants to be called cute? You know she’s been acting like other people lately, though, not just like an idol. Still, I wonder if that’s got something to do with it.”
“Acting like other people, huh? Guess that means I’m right!”
“Right? About what?”
Sasara put her hand to her chin like a great detective and began to pontificate. “It’s trial and error, to try and figure out her cutest side—she’s trying out all sorts of characters. I see it now, yes... It’s all to wrench the title of Queen Nevermore away from me!”
“It’s all to...what?” I stared.
I’d never even considered the possibility. Iroha had stopped being annoying, even in front of me. What if she was trying to develop the other parts of her personality? The parts that didn’t involve being a pest? If that was the case, then hopefully it was like Sasara said and it was solely for the purpose of winning the Queen Nevermore contest. Otherwise, I’d seriously want to know why else she’d be doing it. Iroha was the one who helped me to develop Kokuryuuin Kugetsu as an annoying-slash-cute character, so why would she want to rid herself of the cuteness that lay within her own annoying nature? Though I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal, even if that were her intention.
Or maybe this was all something to do with puberty. Maybe she was trying to overcome her annoying nature because of some sort of sexual awakening? Something that made her want to suppress her charms and built up a new persona. If this was all to do with the creation of some kind of secondary sexual characteristic, then it sure was inefficient—is that really fine by you, Iroha?
“What the heck are you muttering about? It sounds creepy.”
“Be quiet for a second. This could affect the future of Iroha’s growth.”
“Huh?” I could feel Sasara giving me a doubtful frown, but now wasn’t the time to worry about that. I noticed her lean in to whisper (audibly) into Mashiro’s ear. “So does he think he’s Kohinata’s dad or something?”
“Not her dad. Her producer—something like that, anyway,” Mashiro replied.
“Huh. That...still doesn’t explain anything about their relationship.”
“Aki’s just like this.”
“And you’re okay with that, um...”
“Mashiro. Tsukinomori Mashiro. I’m a second-year.”
“Tsukinomori-senpai. Got it. I’m Tomosaka. Tomosaka Sasara,” Sasara said. “So, Tsukinomori-senpai, what are you doing with this guy then? You said he’s a ‘producer’ to this other girl in the same school, but she’s not even involved in anything entertainment-related.”
“I’m his girlfriend. And I understand his dreams.”
“His girlfriend?! This guy’s girlfriend? That makes no sense!” Mashiro’s straight response had Sasara wailing in confusion. “What? What?! Kohinata seemed interested in him too, even though he’s just some basic pretentious stalker! How does a guy like this get two cute girls hanging around him?! Are my eyes broken and he’s actually super handsome or something?”
I was frowning in thought. Sasara was also frowning in thought. Students were glancing at us as they passed to enter and leave the classroom. Apparently we looked a little suspicious. If we hung around
much longer, Iroha would probably notice us. I had a ton of stuff I wanted to say to her, but I didn’t have my thoughts together enough for that just yet.
I hadn’t figured out what to do. Whether I should respect Iroha’s wishes and support her in building up this new persona of hers, or whether I should be selfish and try to convince her to stay as she was. I at least wanted to know what I wanted to do before acting.
“What do we do, Aki?”
“Hm. Let’s go back to our own class for now. Sorry, Mashiro. I think I wanna spend some time to think about this by myself for a bit.”
“Will you be okay?”
“The problem is my own thoughts right now. I don’t think there’s much I can do even with your help at this point.”
“Okay.” Mashiro paused. “Right. Take your time.”
Mashiro answered me with a patient smile. Thank God my girlfriend understood my dreams so well. ***
After school that day, I found myself in the admin building’s hallway. The main classroom block— currently alive with students preparing for the Nevermore Festival—was a short distance away from it. I stared out of the open window at the sports clubs doing their training. My thoughts wandered to Iroha, and the possibility that she was mimicking various girls to try and discover a new sort of “cute” for herself. It would explain why she was entering the Queen Nevermore contest. That way, she could gain an objective view on what she could reinvent about herself to increase her attractiveness. Despite how she looked, Iroha was smart. I may have used the extra year’s worth of knowledge I had on her to help her study, but that alone wouldn’t be enough for most students to become top of their year. The fact that that was all she’d needed to get so far ahead just went to show that she was already clever in the first place.
Okay, so say Iroha reinvented herself into someone who was attractive in a different way, and it was enough for her to gain victory in the Queen Nevermore contest. What then?
If it opened up exciting doors in her future, there was nothing for me to complain about. The problem was, I couldn’t be sure things would work out that way. Wouldn’t this just mean she would be adding another fake persona to her repertoire, on top of her perfect honor student shtick? What would happen to the real Iroha then—the annoying one?
I knew full well no matter how much I ruminated on the subject, it would do nothing more than make me feel better, because that was just the sort of nosy bastard I was. I also knew that exercising your free will didn’t necessarily lead to a happy ending.
That much was true for both Ozu and Iroha. They both spent junior high school trying to suppress their true feelings. They were trapped under the influence of their family environment, all the while pretending everything they did was exactly what they wanted to do.
That was partly why I didn’t want to be so kind as to stick my nose where it wasn’t wanted this time. At least, that was what I told myself, but I knew I would anyway.
It wasn’t for Iroha’s sake. It was purely for the sake of my ego, and that was a fact I was willing to wear on my sleeve as I plunged on ahead. It was always like that whenever I meddled. And it always would be.
“Oh? What might you be doing here, Ooboshi-kun?”
“Huh?”
My spaced-out thoughts were interrupted. I turned around to see a girl with a ponytail and a stack of printed papers in her arms. Her features were stiff and serious, her skirt was regulation length, and her ponytail didn’t have a hair out of place. It was Kageishi Midori, younger sister and polar opposite to Kageishi Sumire.
“What about you, Midori-san? The drama club doesn’t practice in this building, right?” “It doesn’t, but at the moment I’m prioritizing the festival over club activities. See?” She showed me the band on her arm.
I studied the characters on it. “Nevermore Executive Committee...Chair?!”
“That’s right. And that room over there is where we meet.” Midori pointed at a room which had students rushing in and out of it almost constantly. Next to the door was a notice identifying it as the room to sign up for the King and Queen Nevermore contest.
“Your committee’s running the contest?”
“As it does every year.”
“Don’t tell me you’re the committee member in charge of it?”
I could see the huge words “application form” sprawled across the papers in her arms. Midori looked a little awkward as she replied. “You’re talking about these? Well, yes, I am in charge. Is there something strange about that? You think I’m a poor choice, just because I’m not fashionable or anything?”
“Not at all. Actually, I think you do pretty well with fashion, considering you’re not breaking any uniform rules. Like with that ribbon.”
“O-Oh? Well. Good.” Midori put her hand to the ribbon binding her ponytail together and started fiddling with it, her cheeks red.
I wasn’t just saying that to be nice either. Having to stick to all the uniform rules as an honor student must’ve been tough, so it was impressive that she managed to add a spark of cuteness to her outfit
despite that. Her genes probably helped; she was good-looking, much like her sister, who I’d even go so far as to call beautiful if she just kept her mouth shut.
Either that, or it had something to do with her acting hobby. She wanted to be ready for the stage at all times, so she put effort into her appearance.
“W-Wait! Don’t praise me any more, or I’ll die from the heat!”
“Huh. Wait. S-Sorry! Did I say all that out loud?!”
“Yes, and I was worried you wouldn’t stop! You really are scum, you know that? Trying to hit on me when you’re already dating Tsukinomori-san! You... You brute!”
I swallowed. “I’m sorry. Really...”
I suddenly found my head under attack by a bundle of papers. I wanted to advocate for freedom of thought, but I knew it was more than thought when I was just standing there blurting out everything that ran through my mind.
Still, good was good and bad was bad. I was just laying down the objective facts, and so frankly I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong. But I also knew that saying those things out loud would lead to war. I was usually careful about what I said to who and adjusted my level of honesty accordingly, but maybe because Midori had caught me when I was busy worrying about Iroha, my communication skills had malfunctioned without me noticing. I pulled myself back to earth, and did everything I could to change the course of the conversation.
“Anyway, I didn’t expect you to be the member in charge of the contest—and that’s got nothing to do with how fashionable you are or anything. It’s because I thought you hated shallow stuff like boys and girls messing around with each other.”
“I don’t particularly like it, no. Which is precisely the reason I have to keep a close eye on those kinds of shenanigans!”
“I get it. I guess a committee chair like you would see things that way.”
Justice, fairness, discipline, and righteousness. This girl was the embodiment of the law, ready to submerge her pristine self into the very slime that she was trying to cleanse. I had to respect her for it, even if I couldn’t totally empathize with her.
It seemed someone had heard our pointless conversation, because a student emerged from the committee room.
“Hey, Kageishi. What’s all this commotion in the hallway?”
It was someone I knew. Very well, in fact.
Her red hair was messy and looked like it had been “styled” with water before being hastily pushed back by a headband to keep it at bay. Though she wore her uniform sloppily, she was an irreplaceable ally to the 05th Floor Alliance, and someone I’d known ever since junior high school. “Otoi-san? What are you doing in there?”
“Oh, it’s you, Aki. ’Sup.”
“Hi... No, not ‘hi.’ Don’t tell me you’re planning to enter the Queen Nevermore contest?” “Good one. Naw, I’m helpin’ out with the sound production on the day.”
“Huh. It’s not like you to do anything useful at a school event.”
Calm, laziness, relaxation, and immobility. This girl was the embodiment of sloth, ready to submerge her lazy self into the superficial pool of cooperation. I had to respect her for it, even if—no, I didn’t, actually.
“I asked for Otoi-san’s help,” Midori said. “We required audio equipment that would make the event as exciting as possible, as well as music to play during it. Who better to ask than someone with specialist knowledge?”
“You asked her? I didn’t realize you two knew each other.”
“Earth to Aki. You were the one who recruited me to help out with the drama club, ’member?” “Oh, so you two got closer then?”
“Otoi-san gave me a lot of advice, even after the Drama Fair. She’s so reliable, I just knew she’d be a big help for the culture festival as well!”
“It’s a real drag. Thought it might be good for learning more about songwriting, though.” “I see. What’s with all that candy you got there, by the way?” I asked.
“The committee’s s’posed to check and give permission for all the stuff the students are plannin’ on givin’ away or sellin’ at stalls. We got a lotta samples. Tasty samples.”
This girl could sniff out sugar a mile away.
“Otoi-san will assist with anything if she gets paid in candy,” Midori said. “It was so easy, I can’t help but worry she’ll be duped by a man with less-than-pure intentions one day.”
“You sure were quick to figure that much out,” I said. “I can see why you’re an honor student. It’d probably take most people twice as long.”
“Hm? Ooboshi-kun, don’t tell me you have already lured her in with sugary treats in order to do unspeakable—”
“Of course I haven’t.”
Otoi-san and I could never have that kind of relationship. It was simply impossible. Even if this were a dating sim, and I were to be the protagonist, she’d never be anything more than a friend, and I would never be able to push her past that line no matter what I did.
“Yeah, he hasn’t. Bein’ unattractive sure does help.”
“What? What do you think you’re saying? You’re incredibly cute, Otoi-san!”
“You gotta learn that anythin’ a girl thinks is cute is only half as cute through the eyes of a guy,
Kageishi.”
“What?!”
It was definitely a theory I’d heard before, but not one that applied to Otoi-san. Though it did sound like she was speaking in general terms, I still couldn’t blame Midori for protesting. “Anyway, Aki, why’re you here? You don’t usually hang around school this late.”
“I know. I’ve just got something on my mind.”
“What, you thinkin’ about goin’ for King Nevermore?”
“Absolutely not. Funny thing is, Mashiro asked me that too. But there’s no way I could ever win.” “Yeah.”
“You could’ve at least hesitated with that response.”
I know I was the one who said it, but it still made me feel a little awkward for someone else to agree so readily. Not that it bothered me that much. I didn’t think Otoi-san would have said it if she hadn’t known I wasn’t particularly prideful.
Neither she nor I had the ability to take center stage. Our role was to work behind the scenes to make stars like Iroha shine. We had a mutual understanding about that role ever since junior high, and we understood it wasn’t something that came from a place of excess humility either.
The problem was that I’d forgotten there was someone here whose relationship with us was too new to know where we were coming from.
“Why do the both of you lack such self-esteem?” Midori asked. She hesitated before continuing. “From my perspective, both of you have the potential to win. In your case, Ooboshi-kun, you have humility, yet occasionally you show a bit of confidence. Not to mention you give off an aura of kindness and reliability. I think that would put you in good stead.”
“Is that really what you think of me, Midori-san?”
“Uh, no, it’s not— Nothing so significant as that! And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the savage things you’ve done to my sister. Don’t get the wrong idea, and don’t get a big head just because you’re a Hollywood director!”
“I never touched your sister.”
Also, I wasn’t a Hollywood director. I couldn’t be bothered to correct her on that right now, though; it’d take way too much explaining.
“Regardless! I just wanted to say that you could enter, if you wanted to!” Midori gesticulated wildly, her face red.
I knew she was trying to encourage me in her own way because she thought I lacked confidence. Midori really was kind. While her insistence to stick to every last rule could be annoying, her words and actions made it clear that she had a heart of gold.
I bet that’s what made people overlook the fussier parts of her personality and support her as both class president and Executive Committee Chair. It was also why the members of the drama club loved their leader so much.
“Oh, that reminds me. Kohinata’s enterin’ the Queen Nevermore contest too. She handed in her application today,” Otoi-san said.
“Wait, Otoi-san! You can’t disclose information about participants to third parties! We have to respect their privacy!”
“’Sno big deal, right? Aki’d find out anyway when the contest comes around.”
“Honestly! If you continue to be so lax about things, it’s only a matter of time before your boyfriend convinces you to do a photo shoot, and all your pictures end up online!”
“You know, you used to do a better job at covering up your sex-related expertise,” I pointed out. “What?! No, you misunderstand! These are all things I naturally pick up by monitoring the boys’ onsite browsing activities!”
Otoi-san turned to me. “Anyway, Kohinata’s enterin’.”
“Listen to me!” Midori wailed.
“Knowin’ Kohinata, she’ll probably win. And if you don’t get King Nevermore, who knows who’ll end up dancin’ with her at the closing party. Doesn’t that worry you, Aki?”
“I don’t really care who she dances wi—”
There was a sharp pain in my chest before I was able to finish my sentence.
That was weird. And highly unpleasant.
If Iroha won the contest, she’d be forced to add an extra mask to her collection. She would be one step further from being able to be her normal, annoying self in public. It was inefficient and a loss to society. That was what had hurt me.
Right?
“But if you don’t want that to happen, all you hafta do is win the King Nevermore contest.” “I told you, there’s no way I can win. I’d be up against too many handsome guys.” “Oh! In that case, I might have an idea.” Midori quickly cut in. Kind as she was, she probably sensed
things were going south and wanted to defuse the situation. Sticking her finger in the air, she had an uncharacteristically mischievous smile on her face. “Why don’t you enter the Queen Nevermore contest instead, then? Just kidding!”
“Kageishi, you some kinda pervert?” Otoi-san asked.
“What makes you think that?!”
“Duh. If you didn’t know ’bout gender bendin’ and stuff like that, you’d never even come up with that idea.”
“I didn’t say anything about him actually becoming a girl!”
“See, you just proved y’know what gender bendin’ means.”
“Noooooo! I just happen to know that term because of my broad general knowledge!” Midori insisted, writhing with her burning face in her hands.
I had only picked up on about half of their conversation, though.
“Midori-san... That’s it!”
“Huh?”
The light bulb in my head was so bright I couldn’t focus on anything else after it switched on. Several once-vague ideas were knocked into place like billiards in my head, connecting with each other and linking together until they formed a singular solution.
I grabbed Midori by her delicate shoulders, making her jump. “That’s it. Why didn’t I think of it from the start?”
“What? Wait... Ooboshi-kun?”
“Thank you, Midori-san. I know what I have to do now. And it’s all thanks to you.” “O-Oh. I suppose you’re welcome...but I have no idea what you mean by ‘what you have to do.’” Midori’s eyes were darting this way and that, but I stared back into them evenly, ready to declare the resolve that had solidified itself inside me.
“Give me an application form. I’m entering the Queen Nevermore contest!”
“What? Whaaaaaaaaat?!” Midori yelled.
The noise alerted the rest of the Executive Committee, who poked their curious heads out of the classroom one after the other. They weren’t even trying to hide the fact they were staring, but even that barely embarrassed me in the face of the lucky idea I’d stumbled on.
“Queen Nevermore? Don’t you mean King?” Midori asked.
“I mean Queen. I want you to let me enter dressed as a girl.”
“You...dressed as a girl...”
“Huh. I never thought of that. Y’never fail to impress, Aki.” Midori was still wrapped up in confusion, but Otoi-san was immediately amused. Sure, you couldn’t see it on her face, but I knew she was grinning ear to ear on the inside. “Wait. Kageishi. Is dressin’ up as a girl to enter the contest against the rules?”
“What? Um... I believe it’s not really addressed in the rules at all. Um... Hmm...” “Then let him enter. I wanna see Aki dressed as a girl.”
“Wait a moment! Allowing something purely for the committee’s amusement is reprehensible!” Midori said.
“But you wanna see it too, right?” Otoi-san asked.
“Don’t say that! People will misunderstand. Of course I don’t...don’t want to...”
“Reprehensible...right. I guess that makes sense. It is kinda silly to think a boy could enter the Queen contest...” I murmured.
“Hnngh!”
Reverse psychology. I don’t know who came up with it, but it was probably someone pretty important. It seemed a bit crude to use it for this kind of situation, but it was definitely working. Midori was writhing around and clasping her head like a ninja undergoing brainwashing.
It only took a few seconds before she stopped.
“All right,” she mumbled.
“Oh?”
“Dressing up as a girl to enter the Queen Nevermore contest...is acceptable!”
“Yes!”
I had the chair’s permission. There was nobody who could stop me from entering this pageant now. “Nice one, Kageishi. ’Sgood to be true to your desires.”
“Wrong. This has nothing to do with my desires,” Midori declared, pushing an invisible pair of glasses up her nose.
“Then why didya decide to allow it?”
“Because traditional gender roles are outdated, so it’s just common sense not to include any conditions on gender in the rules for the contest, and it’s not because I want to see Ooboshi-kun in female dress, it’s because I want the contest to be brought up to global standards and—” “So what you mean to say is, you’re into it,” Otoi-san interrupted.
“I came up with an entire explanation, so please don’t shoot it down in a single sentence.” “Came up with it, huh? That’s proof you’re into it.”
Midori cleared her throat. Loudly. “Details aside, in light of social ethics, I believe we ought to be actively encouraging this type of participation! Yes? You all agree, don’t you?” Midori spun to face the other committee members who were still poking their heads out from the classroom.
They nodded—though it looked to me a little like they were trembling under the weight of Midori’s gaze.
“It’s unanimous! Well, Ooboshi-kun, as you can see, there are no problems with your proposition!” “Right. Thanks.”
I’d literally just seen her coerce the voters. I didn’t realize the Nevermore Executive Committee was this “democratic.”
“You sure do think up some crazy stuff, Aki,” Otoi-san said.
“You think? This is simply the result of taking everything to its most logical and efficient conclusion.” “Yup. Crazy. Though I guess it’s also fun.”
Otoi-san seemed a little exasperated. But I wasn’t doing this for laughs or because I felt I had no other choice. I genuinely thought it was the most perfect, divinely inspired plan ever. I was going to show Iroha just how I felt, and grab that new persona she was trying to wear right out of her hands. This plan was the best, most effective way to do that.
No sooner had I taken a form from Midori than I’d filled it in with all my information and officially entered myself into the contest.
We were all set. Now I just needed to make my declaration to Iroha; let her know she had competition. I whipped out my phone and sent her my letter of challenge via a LIME message.
AKI: I need to talk to you. Come to the roof.
Bring it, Iroha. I don’t know what you’re worried about, but I’m about to show you that when I stick my nose in, I stick my whole nose in.
***
“You’ve finally malfunctioned, Aki. No matter how logical or efficient it is, don’t you think going for Queen Nevermore is taking things kinda too far?”
“Do you?”
“Yeah, and probably so would any sort of god who might be watching all this play out right now.” “I should point out that I’m serious when I say this is the most logical conclusion I came up with.” “You’re kidding me.”
“Hey, if you’re gonna doubt me, you should come join me for the rest of this plan. Then I think you’ll have your answer.”
“Guess I have no choice. Go on then; show me how you figured this was the best idea you could come up with.”