SERIOUSLY? THEY WERE bringing up Jonathan?

"Yes, I had a boyfriend. So what?"

Multiple comments flooded the screen: Boyfriend? Huh? What about Sebastian? What about Khan? Slut. These hoes ain't loyal.

A SLUT? Did someone really call me a slut? I wasn't even dating Sebastian or Khan. Even if I was, I hated that word. I should be able to do what the fuck I wanted without judgment.

Jonathan was my first boyfriend, and we'd only been dating for a few months. I've never really been big on dating. I spent most of my life just trying to be normal, which was very tiring, so I felt like dating would just be a hassle. Plus, no one ever really caught my eye.

Until Jonathan, and even he had to ask me out multiple times before I said yes. The only reason I actually accepted was because he was really cute, and some of the girls at school kept saying it was weird that I kept rejecting all the guys at school.

And when I brought that up to my therapist, she said it might be a good idea to start dating. So to please everyone, I got a boyfriend.

"What's he like?" Jookie asked.

"He liked cars." Every time we went out, he always picked me up in some new sports car, and he loved to ramble on about the car's mechanics.

"Hmmm." Jookie put a finger to his lip. "What did he do for a living?"

"He told me he owned some tech startup that specialized in making multiplayer video games." At fifteen, he dropped out of school to support his younger brother and saved up money for three years to start his business.

"Do you miss him?" Jookie asked, leaning in. "Did you love him?"

"No, I wasn't in love," I said watching his eyes change. "I've never been in love before."

Just because I didn't have that instant love connection with Jonathan didn't mean I didn't like him. I did. Being around him made me feel... normal, and I liked that feeling. And he was charming, sophisticated, and a good kisser.

Plus, there was just something about him that made me... ugh, it's hard to describe. But no, I didn't love him, but it could've been possibile one day maybe.

"Do you think Jonathan loved you?" Jookie asked.

"No idea, Jookie," I said, thinking back to our final days together. Jonathan had been his normal, giving self, always buying me stuff that I didn't need. "I don't want to talk about him anymore."

Our relationship was over, and I'd probably never see him again. I wasn't going to cry about it; I had bigger things to worry about.

Jookie pulled his shoulder up. "You don't gotta be snappy. I'm just trying to give the viewers what they want."

"Yeah, they really want to know about my love life."

Jookie jerked toward me, looming his head in close. "They do. That's one of the most important things." He pointed to the screen with the comments. "People are shipping you with Khan and Sebastian. What do you have to say about that?"

"Ummm..." I said, slowly realizing that both guys were probably watching me right now. "Nothing."

"So, you don't like them?"

"Yes, of course, I like them."

"So, you like both of them?"

"No."

"Or is Jonathan still on your mind?"

"Just stop with the questions."

"Can't." Jookie grinned. "They pay me the big bucks to be nosy. And that's the question everyone wants to know... Khan or Sebastian?"

"You're acting like I can just pick and choose," I said, glaring at him. "It's not that simple. And I don't think either of them are even romantically interested in me. We're just friends."

"Friends?" Jookie gave me a stupid look. "Khan saved your life and healed your wounds. Sebastian almost kissed you." He pursed his lips. "Is it that you don't want neither of them and you just want me?"

"Get over yourself," I snapped. "No one wants you."

He came in close, moving toward the side of my face. Breath tickling my ear, his tongue touched my lobe for a second. "I know you enjoyed being close to me in the water," he whispered. "I could feel you grinding on me."

"I did not!"

"You did lick me," he said with a shrug.

"To distract you."

Jookie pouted. "That's all?"

"Yes." Grinding on him? Ha. Yeah, right. When I was in the water with him, I felt nothing except excessive rage, just like I was feeling now. His questions were starting to piss me off.

"So, at this very moment, you like no one?" Jookie said, tapping the cards against his leg. "Not Jonathan, Khan, Sebastian... or me?"

Why was he still entertaining this stupid question? I could die in five days, and the only thing people cared about was who I liked?

At the moment, I wasn't even worried about my love life. And even if I did, I had no idea who I even wanted to be with, or if I even wanted to be in a relationship.

Who wanted to catch feelings for someone who could die at any second? This game was dangerous, and I just wanted to worry about me and only me.

Yeah, Khan was smart. A cultured hacker who came off as quiet but was really insightful and interesting when he opened up to you. He loved animals, and I loved his dry humor. But he was guarded. I could feel the invisible wall he had up, because I had one too.

But he'll challenge you. Yeah. And he's fucking gorgeous with a nice body. Yeah.

Yeah, Sebastian was sweet. He was always helpful and always there. And we had similar experiences that made me think that maybe he could understand me and my struggles. He wasn't afraid to be affectionate and caring, and he liked to lead and take charge. And he had this familiarity about him that I couldn't shake. But he also hid his true self away like me, which made me wonder, what was his true self?

But he'll always be there for you. True. He'll understand your past. True.

And yeah, Jookie... was fucking crazy. Wild and intense. We matched each other in a way that the others didn't. He could fucking read me, without me even realizing it. He's funny and passionate and deliciously violent. We could fuck some shit up together, but would that be healthy for either of us?Also, he might have a girlfriend, so...

But he'll accept you completely. Yeah. He'll always keep you entertained. True.

Still, at the moment, none of these guys mattered more than myself. I wanted to survive more than anything. I wanted to live. I didn't want to die.

Jookie sighed. "Let's move on from your romantic life since you're not being honest with yourself or the viewers."

"I'm not lying. Khan and Sebastian, at the moment, are just friends. You guys are trying to kill us off one by one and you want us to get together? Sorry that dating isn't on my fucking mind at the moment."

"But maybe it's on their minds?" Jookie said. "As you said before, you can die at any second. Wouldn't it be nice to experience love before you die?"

"Yeah, but what if they die and I survive or the other way around? Who wants to fall in love and have their heart crushed like that? Or what if they're lying and they just want to get close to you, so they can kill you?"

"You mean that maybe Khan only saved you so that he could gain your trust so that you'd be his friend and not vote him off if he lost a challenge? Or maybe he wants to lower your guard so that you'll become vulnerable enough for him to gut you?" Jookie said, leering at me. "Or oh so perfect Sebastian who is always there and always coming to your aid or expressing his feelings. Always understanding. He's just so perfect and nice, isn't he? Does anyone just do things to be nice anymore? Doesn't everyone have an ulterior motive?"

When he said it like that... could both of them just be fucking with me?

Jookie laughed. "Sebastian could be using you too. For his own motives. Or maybe I'm just fucking with you. Who knows?" His gaze met mine, purple eyes swirling.

"You're a fucking dick," I said, voice high. He was fucking with my head, and he did it so easily.

But what if he's right? What if both of them are just playing with us? I don't know.

"Enough love crap," Jookie said, waving his hand. "Let's delve into your past a bit. At seven, you were put into a psych ward for six months. How was that?"

My heart stopped, fingers growing cold. "I don't want to talk about that." I shuddered in my seat, feeling myself diminish into the depths a bit more as recollections from my past began to flood my mind.

Let me in. I can help. No, you can't. Better me than you.

"We have to talk about it," Jookie said before smiling. "It must've been a very traumatic experience."

"You think?" I snapped, feeling the memories emerge.

My first day — I would never forget the ward. It was a large white building with bright lights. It looked so nice on the outside, but the inside wasn't so. The creepy smiling nurses and the perverted, mean orderlies worked the building, always nice at first. But once those doors closed, they treated everyone like shit.

The memory of the girl eating her own shit while the orderlies laughed and called her stupid would forever be in my psyche. The same with the bearded orderly who used to sneak into the catatonic girls' rooms during break times and come out with his belt off.

My teeth sank into my lip, closing my eyes as the sensations started to come back. The scratchy stale mattress on my skin at night, and the thin blankets made of string that only made me colder. The darkness of the padded room with no windows or light...

Jookie snapped his fingers in front of my face. "You were lost for a second. You okay?"

"I'm fine," I snapped, fighting the weightless feeling fluttering through me. "Just finish your questions, so I can get the fuck out of here."

My eyes looked toward the audience again, getting that feeling again. Mother...

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