I didn't want to upset Katrina any more by bringing her to the place we'd lost Clarissa. Especially when she'd actually witnessed everything. I also knew I wasn't ready to go to Matt's house at the time, even when all our stuff was there. I'd have to wait till the morning to deal with all of that, but until then just maybe Katrina and I could have a break.
She took my hand and we followed the dirt path throughout the pitch black town silently. That probably would've been a problem a while ago, but thankfully I'd outgrown that years ago. It was too dark to see the worn down store buildings and small houses as he walked by, but I didn't care, I was only worried about whether or not I could handle where we were about to go. Or if they would blame me for everything that had happened and banish me from their home. It didn't seem like something that she would do, but what if she did think that it was my fault?

I nervously sucked in a breath as we turned the corner leading to the more expensive brick buildings. This was where most of our soldiers, doctors, and other high paying job workers lived. It was crazy to think that I had once lived in a house three times the size of the brick dwellings that are supposed "rich" homes. I bit my lip, forcing that meriory out of my head before any more were able to develop. Turning onto that gravel road, we probably pass by four different, but equal size brick homes until we reached the one we were looking for.

It was dark outside, which did make it harder to see the things in the yard, but I'd been there so many times that I already knew that the curtains were a tan color covering up the windows, and there were different types of plants standing on the outside of the window seal. The graveled sidewalk leading up to the front door was surrounded with flowers and the house had vines growing around it. Although I thought the house had a cozy feel to it, others may have thought it was unkept. Though I knew their house was actually meant to look that way, they had spent time working to make it look the way it did, and I thought it was absolutely stunning.

Before I knew it, we'd reached the front door and I felt myself panicking inside. What if she really did think that it was my fault, what if she never wanted to see me again after what had happened? What if I had lost her too, and it was all my fault. I shook those thoughts away from my head and slammed my hand against the door before I could back out. I knew she wouldn't think it was my fault, I was just being delirious. I knocked three times and then put down my hand. You could see a light turn on in the livingroom inside of the house, then the clink of a lock inside before the door creaked open.

There stood the living resemblance of my best friend, except with red hair instead of blonde. It hadn't been all too long since I'd last seen Ann, but it was enough time for her stomach to actually swell, speaking of which she was now about six months into her pregnancy. She look between Katrina and I curiously, her eyes seemed tired and her skin was pale. It seemed as if grief had taken full effect on her already. "Destiny? Katrina?" She began confused but forced a smile on her face. " I wasn't expecting to see you two any time soon. What brings you here?"

I let my gaze fall to the ground before I recollected my thoughts and let my eyes drift back up to her. "We're kind of having some trouble right now. I didn't know who else to turn too." I huffed wearily. "Are house isn't safe right now, and" I leaned forward whispering quietly into her ear so that Katrina wouldn't hear. "Katrina is kind of having some problems coming to terms with what happened." I told her and backed away.

Ann looked between both Katrina and I then have a weak smile. "You know you can always come to me, even now. You guys are like sisters to me." She pulled her arms around me tightly and afterward pulled Katrina into one as well. Then she just stared us down with a look of sincere happiness. "Well what are y'all waiting for? Get in here before you two freeze your butts off."

Katrina giggled and sprinted past Ann, almost knocking the poor girl over in the process. Ann regained her balance, and instinctively her hand went to her stomach protectively as a expecting mother would do. My eyes went over to katrina and I sternly called for her. "Katrina, get-" that was when Ann cut me off with a flick of her hand.

"Don't worry about her, I'm fine there's no damage done, and you know I've handled far worse." She winked. "I also know how she must be feeling with everything, she needs some rest. Well, both of you do actually." Ann patted my back as light as a feather, and we both trailed into her living room. The walls were tan, and there was a deep brown coffee table lying in front of the black couch, and across the room laid a middle class t.v that was still bulked out and buzzed as people talked into it. There was a lit fireplace on the side of the wall opposite of the t.v and a short bookshelf completely filled up with books that Ann had probably read thousands of times by now. I scrunched my eyebrows together as my eyes landed on the t.v. that thankfully was not playing the news.
"I still don't understand how we can have t.v. up and working when the cell tower has been down this long already." I shrugged my shoulders and sat down on their couch without giving Ann a glance as she shut the t.v. off.

"They can't really do anything about it right now. It's surrounded, the Pendomite's took that territory away from us ages ago." Ann explained plopping down beside me. Katrina had already made her way to the spare room and was probably just trying to go to sleep at that point, god I'd never understand Katrina and her sleep, she just seemed to love it in general all the time. Which was why I didn't mind talking about the circumstances in the army and what was going on at that point. "Evan is planning a raid soon though." She whispered weakly.

To that my head popped up and my eyes grew wide as my mind drifted to Matt. I shook my head cautiously, still not believing what I had heard. "A raid?" I said incredulously and bit my lip so hard i was able to taste blood in my mouth. "Is he crazy? We don't have enough men to do that! They'll swarm us in a heartbeat, everyone is going to die." I heard my voice crack a little with nervousness but I calmed down as quickly as I could, not wanting to show too much interest, seeing as Ann would know why.

She ran her fingers tiredly through her red hair and her eyes fell to her lap. "You're actually the first person that didn't just completely fall in love with that idea, well except for me. At least someone else get's where I'm coming from. I've been trying to knock some sense into him, but he just doesn't seem to get that through his head, no matter how good he thinks his army actually is. He thinks we can, he thinks we're getting better, and the soldiers are the best they have had since this war started." She pressed her hands together tightly into fist and almost turned her knuckles white in the process.

I bit my lip trying not to let my mind focus back on Matt even though I knew that he was the one thing that my mind kept going to second after second. I knew I couldn't stand to loose him, but hadn't I already done that? Hadn't I already made Matt completely hate me? I sucked in a breath and let my head fall into my hands. "Evan is an idiot." I whispered tiredly.

Ann gave a small chuckle and patted my back lightly. "You don't have to tell me that twice." Thoughtfully she smiled as if thinking about the man she was in love with. "He may be crazy sometimes, but altogether I think he's good at what he does." I smiled seeing how Ann's face just seemed to lift at the thought of her husband.

"Speaking of your little "boy toy" where is he?" I playfully punched her shoulder and she blushed lightly before running her fingers through her hair. Mostly I was trying to change to subject from the earlier conversation that we had. The fact that the topic basically forced Matt into my head was not helping my situation one bit. I wanted to forget him, I didn't even want to remember what he looked like. I didn't even want to know his name. What was I thinking? God knew I wanted to forgive him, but I wouldn't tell myself that.

"He hasn't made it home yet, I guess it's been a busy day, he's usually back by now. That's what happens when you're a soldier though, I guess." Ann replied with a weak smile. It was obvious that she wanted to see him, I knew she was grieving and it wasn't a good thing to put stress on herself due to how far along she was in her pregnancy.

"You have no idea." I huffed weakly under my breath not letting my gaze meet hers. I slumped down on the couch holding my head in my hands as my day replayed in my head. Images of the fight I'd gotten in, then the soldier who had could've easily killed me if they didn't talk so darn much, then of the kiss Matt had given me, and finally of the way Jay had grabbed onto my arm as if I had been Clarissa, probably thinking he was going to die.

Ann uncomfortably shifted into a different sitting position before turning to look back at me. "Why are you here anyway? I thought you'd be with Matt tonight." She scrunched her eyebrows together with a slight confused yet sympathetic look washing over her face when I looked back up at her.

I shook my head trying to hold back the tears threatening to escape. "I-I ruined it Ann, he completely hates me now." I but my lip and sucked in a short breath as my gaze fell back to the floor.

Ann grabbed my hand tenderly as a mother would do. I had craved the feeling of a mom for so long now, and she was probably the closest I had to one. "That boy would do anything in the world for you Destiny. I doubt he hates you, anyone can tell he completely adores you." Ann smiled down on me but I just shook my head.

"No, I- he does hate me Ann, he really, really hates me." I stuttered on my weak cracking voice. Ann squeezed my hand the way that Clarissa would have and I felt like breaking down. I didn't though I held it in. Just because Ann was almost a replica of Clarissa didn't mean she was her. "You weren't there Ann." I said weakly. "I finally told him how I actually felt about him, then he kissed me." I myself still wasn't able to believe it, but that seemed to be ages ago.

"Oh Destiny!" Ann exclaimed. "I knew you-" I quickly cut her off while shaking my head feeling like the world around me was spinning.

"No Ann it wasn't great, well yeah it was it really was amazing, I felt like I was flying." I sighed sadly and pulled at my hair as a ran my fingers through it. "But, then Jay got shot and Matt ran to help him, and he thinks it's all my fault." I began to twiddle my thumbs looking at my lap. "H- He told me that everyone would be better off if I wasn't here. He basically told me to leave Rasnic." That also was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to leave, and at the earliest I could tommorow. "Long story short he thinks that what happened to Jay was my fault. He probably wishes what happened between us never did. God knows I do." I huffed.

"Destiny." Ann whispered sympathetically wrapping her arms gently around me. I shut my eyes tightly not wanting to look her in the eyes, not wanting to cry. Matt was just a stupid boy That didn't deserve to make me feel like that. I had dealt with so much worse things than that, so why did Matt make me feel like the smallest person in the world? Why did I feel like it was the end of my life? I could live without Matt, if he really thought all that stuff why would I go back to him? As if reading my mind Ann pulled me in front of her to make me look at her. "Look he's probably just stressed, and needs a little time to cool down. I know he'll come back around."

I shook my head side from side feeling a tear fall down my cheek. "I don't even know if I want him to come around. I do want him to, but-" I stammered on my thoughts, then Ann tightened her arms comfortably around me patting my back. "What if I can't come around myself Ann?" My voice wavered and I sucked in a breath.

Ann pulled her arms off of me and gave me a small smile. "If you care about him you will come around. I know you will." She rubbed my shoulder and I nodded weakly pretending that what she said had made me feel better even though I still could feel that heavy feeling pulling down at my chest with a thousand pounds of weight. I ignored it though not wanting to talk about Matt any farther I had said enough about him for the next year. I wiped my eyes to make sure there was no more tears and I gradually slowed down my breathing in order to calm myself.Pressing my lips tightly together and let my gaze fall back down to the floor below. I knew that Ann was probably right. I would forgive him with time, but with the fact that Katrina and I would be leaving the next day, it did not seem very promising to forgive in such a short amount of time.

"It's been a long day." I mumbled tiredly, whether I was physically or just emotionally drained I knew it was true that it had been a very tiring day. "I should probably start getting ready to sleep. We have a long day, Katrina and I." I decided on telling her but not giving out much information all together about what we were doing. Thankfully Ann didn't ask about it either. When I stood up, my eyes looked back to find her, and then I gave a real grateful smile. "Oh and thankyou for all of this. It really means a lot to us."

Ann's mouth twitched into a wide smile. "Anytime, I always have your back, whether Clarissa is here or not. I mean you did save our asses and all way back when. I don't think I can ever repay you for that. You two are like sisters to me. I wouldn't just ever leave you out in the cold at night with nowhere to go." I genuinely smiled and pulled my arms around Ann feeling as if a had an older sibling with me and on my side for once.

Then after I patted her back and pulled away her eyes got wide and she snatched my hand. "Look there's something that I think Clarissa would want you to have." She forced a smile.

"No, Ann really I couldn't-" I began weakly my eyes widening with an emotion I had never really felt to much of. I knew it was mixed with grief and sorrow, but the other I couldn't place my hand on. Ann cut me off before I was able to finish my sentence.

"No seriously, she wanted you to have it, she says so on the first page of the journal. I guess it could be a diary or just poems or something, you know she loved songs." Her voice was sad but, she forced a smile on her face. Then she basically dragged me down the hallway until we reached a closet where she open the door and dropped my hand. My chest was tightening at the thought of Clarissa, but I knew that it was probably so much worse for Ann than me, so I tried my best to stay calm and to hold myself together, for her.

I shook my head when I recognized a sparkly baby-blue diary that Clarissa constantly had with her at her side. Even when she was at my house she'd be writing in it, though I never did ask her what was in it. "Ann," I breathed cautiously when she held it infront of me. "I can't take that from you, it should go to you, not to me. Please, don't."

Ann only gave a smile. "It's what she wanted Destiny, please take it, and read it, for me." She begged, her voice slightly hoarse and tired. Noticing how pale and depressed she must have been I forced a smile on my face and put my hands out carefully. Ann was already unstable there was no reason to make her any more upset than she was. Even if I wasn't going to read it anytime soon, which I knew that I wouldn't. She probably knew I wasn't going to read Clarissa's journal, but it was enough to calm her down. She then placed the journal in my hands.

I guess something caught the sight of her eyes because she reached forward gripping my white gold necklace her eyes holding familiarity. I felt a hot rush go through my skin as I realized it had been the necklace Matt had given me Just the day before. "It's pretty." she smiled down on me, it was a real smile. As if she were reminiscing, she just stared at the necklace. "Where'd you get it?"
I felt as if my heart had split into a million different places. "Matt found it, and I guess he decided to give it to me." I said quietly looking down to the heart locket in her fingers. "I told him to use it, I tried to let him know it was worth so much money but he begged me to keep it." I bit my lip not wanting to let my mind drift off into thoughts about his beautiful sapphire eyes, or his perfect smile. Matt wasn't worth thinking about. But, he was worth it, I was just trying to tell myself otherwise.

Ann gave a small smile dropping the necklace from her hands. "I can assure you that Matt didn't just find a necklace like that." She my nudged my shoulder and chuckled under her breath."That necklace can open, and it will, one day. It's programmed not to open, and I have no idea what he could've put inside of it, but I do know one thing for sure; that boy bought this necklace for you." She gave me a real smile. "You know that's how Evan asked me to marry him. It didn't look like the one you have, but I promise you the necklace is going to stunning. All of them are different so I can't really tell you what It's going to be inside." I rolled my eyes and responded with a smile. Honestly I really didn't believe anything Ann was saying at the time, I just thought that it was something she told me in order to make me feel better, which also didn't help to well seeing how it continued to make me think of the person I dreaded.

"Thanks." I whispered tiredly and stretched out my arms.

Ann nudged my shoulder smiling weakly as her gaze fell to the journal in my hands. "Go get some shut eye, you're probably exhausted." She patted my shoulder and nodded her head down the hall. I gave her a real smile and went that way without saying another word. Ann had never seemed as weak as she'd been at that moment, obviously grieving over her sister. I thought she needed some time to herself in order to kind of let everything sink in. It was heartbreaking, anyone was able to tell that Ann couldn't believe it herself. That she was just telling herself Clarissa would be back home any moment, but somewhere deep inside she knew it wasn't true.