The guests one by one pack, pay, and depart, and the seats at the table-d'hôte shrink pitifully at each succeeding meal ... So they depart, with a smile and a nod, and we miss them, and feel resentful.

Kenneth Grahame

"I've never had a conversation about football that ended in snogging," Julian says wonderingly.

"You can't have snogged many blokes then," Noel says with a tease in his voice, running his finger down Julian's chest.

Julian starts to say, "Not many as beautiful as you," before he gulps and fumbles it, so that the sentence, more truthful, is only, "Not many."

Noel smiles, before he takes Julian's hand, and says, "Come on, we'd better catch up with the others, or they'll send out a search party."

As they walk along Meadow Lane, Julian says, "Um, would you like to ... do something tonight? You know, hang out together?"

"I'm sorry, Joo'n," says Noel, truly regretful, "but I've got to have dinner with Jeannie tonight. I could bring you along?"

"No, you should talk to your Case Worker about your assessment in private," Julian says. "I had lunch with Marcus today, and it gave me a chance to ask him some questions."

"Well, maybe we could see each other when I finish with Jeannie?" Noel suggests hopefully. "I mean, if you wouldn't mind?"

"I'd love that," Julian says, squeezing Noel's shoulders. "I'm in Room 33 at The Wayfarer's Arms. Drop over when you've finished dinner."

"It might be pretty late."

"I don't mind. Whenever you like," Julian says, before giving a deep gasp, his pace slowing.

"Are you alright?" Noel asks in concern. "What happened?"

"I'm just ... just a bit tired," Julian says. "I need to take my medicine."

"You're on medication?" Noel asks, his face screwed up with worry. "But - you shouldn't need any here!"

"I got it from my Healer, Mary," Julian says, walking more gingerly. "It's because I had a difficult death. I'm still recovering from it."

"Come here, Joo'n. Lean on me," Noel says, tucking his arm firmly around Julian's waist and letting Julian lean on his shoulder. "What was so bad about it?"

"Died in a coma," Julian says shortly, trying to save his energy for walking. "I was told it's a pretty rough way to arrive here."

"It's not much further now," Noel says encouragingly. "Look, we're nearly at the bus station already."

They are walking towards a pearl grey bus parked on the side of Wayfarer's Road. Julian tries to read what is written on its side in elegant gold script.

MIGHTY BUS ~ H

When they get closer, he can read it properly.

THE ALMIGHTY BUS ~ HUMAN TRANSPORT SYSTEM. When they reach the front, the bus's destination is marked as ALL POINTS SIDEWAYS.

**********************

After Noel leaves on the shuttle bus, Julian wanders into the reading room at the Wayfarer's Arms. He is expecting the shelves to be filled with old Agatha Christies and Frederick Forsyths, maybe some tattered paperback romances. Instead, the first book he sees is the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, the second is Seneca's On the Shortness of Life. By the time he gets to the Tao Te Ching and the Bhagavad Gita, he realises all the books are philosophical texts.

There are many books on going Sideways, from the chipper tone of How Going Sideways Taught Me to Move Forward, to the more thoughtful, The Journey Not the Destination: Lessons Learned on the Sideways Path, to the mystical, The Seven Sacred Secrets of Sideways. There are even humorous books, A Funny Thing Happened on the Bus to Sideways, and travel books, Highways and Byways in Sideways.

Julian picks up a book called The Intelligent Pilgrim's Guide to Sideways, by Dr Philip Denn. It's clear and straightforward, with maps, sensible advice, and little information boxes scattered throughout. He flips a few pages, and decides to take it with him, as it seems the most comprehensive. On an impulse, he also takes The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.

The restaurant is open, and Julian decides to have an early dinner, with his books for company. However, as soon as he gets in the door, a voice says, "Well, you've been a stranger, haven't you?"

"Sorry?" Julian says in confusion, turning to the speaker, an elderly woman who reminds him of a little wren.

"We saw you in the garden at the House of Healing and were going to say hello, but you were talking to that nice young boy," she says brightly.

"And then we saw you at lunch, but you were with your Case Worker, and we didn't want to intrude," adds a heavily-built man at the same table who looks like he's in his early sixties.

"You're quite the man of mystery," says a dark-haired woman around the same age as Julian's mother. "Why don't you join us?"

And so Julian finds himself with dinner companions after all. The elderly woman is Edith, the man is Thomas, and the younger woman is Bronwen. As they introduce themselves, they give their cause of death. Thomas had a heart attack, Bronwen died from cancer, and Edith says, "Well, I was eighty-nine. I think I'd just run my course."

"I'm Julian. Um, I drowned."

"Goodness, like Shelley. How romantic," Bronwen says, with a rather satirical smile.

"I don't know about that," Julian says cautiously. "It didn't seem romantic at the time."

"Shelley probably didn't think so either," Bronwen says.

Thomas and Bronwen exclaim over Julian's simple dinner of stir-fried chicken with vegetables and rice.

"You do know you can eat anything you want here, right?" Thomas asks.

"Yeah. I like rice. It feels like a proper meal," Julian replies.

"Well, at last I don't have to worry about my cholesterol levels," Thomas says, tucking into a massive hamburger. "I've been eating rabbit food for years. I'm having knickerbocker glory for afters."

"And I'm just glad to be eating solid food," Bronwen says, as her duck a l'orange arrives.

"You leave Julian alone," Edith says protectively. "Eat what you like, love. I always said, a little of what you fancy does you good, and I lived to eighty-nine, so I must've been doing something right."

Julian looks at Edith's dinner - she's eating a large bowl of soup with crusty bread.

"I love tomato soup," she says to Julian with a wink, "but it never agreed with me. Too acid, you understand. Now I can have as much tasty soup as I want."

Over dinner, the conversation turns to their assessments, and their hopes and fears as to the possible outcomes.

"My Case Worker said there's a good chance I'm going to be sent back for another lifetime," Bronwen says, sipping champagne.

"Mine said that as well," Julian says, "but he says I should stay hopeful of going Sideways."

"I'm trying to be hopeful too," Bronwen says.

"Well, I think we're probably all going Sideways," Thomas says, finishing a bite. "Stands to reason, doesn't it?"

As the others ask why, Thomas explains, "It's well known that The Wayfarer's Arms is where they put the people who are going Sideways. We're right near the bus station. And have you checked out the reading room here? At least half the books are about going Sideways"

Julian thinks that sounds pretty convincing, but Edith says, "That's not right. My Case Worker, Agnes Faladu, said not to read anything into the accommodation you're given. It doesn't matter where you stay, you could be going anywhere. They don't make the final decision until the assessment."

"Mm, it's possible for someone here to go Forward," Bronwen says, "but Thomas is right that overall, there's a higher probability we're going Sideways."

"Well, I'm sticking with Agnes' advice," Edith says cheerfully. "She said to never assume you're going anywhere, prepare yourself for anything, put in a good, honest submission at the assessment, trust in your Case Worker, and wherever you're sent, do your level best."