Chapter 42

I have no clue how I reached home alive. I remembered vaguely getting out of Noah's arms and walking out of his house. I was not sure where I took the bus from, nor did I remember where I got off. I reached home close to three in the afternoon, facing a very angry River and a hyped up Nathan pacing around the living room.

"Oh thank god you're here!" Nathan paused when he saw me, typing something on his phone, "Let me call Noah, wait."

"What?"

"He's been looking for you everywhere, where the hell have you been? And you didn't even tell us you'd be out all night we were so worried about you!"

God, I was not ready for this. The human body was only made for handling so many emotions in a day and I had reached my limit. If I tried processing even one more thought, I would literally explode. Feeling the exhaustion weighing me down, I walked past them to my room, despite their protests and incessant questioning.

For good measure, I even locked my room to keep them away. I was tired. Tired didn't even begin to cover it. I thought I'd reached rock bottom last week, but no. This is what rock bottom feels like. It was just me in the abyss, looking up but having no motivation to find a way to the light.

Days blurred. The calendar kept switching dates, I remained the same. November 18th came without warning and I woke up in a cold sweat, ready to kiss my degree goodbye.

Sophie had submitted her assignment before time, and here I was, two minutes before the class starting, trying to create an excuse that would save me. God, where would I be in life if I didn't graduate?

As I prepared myself for a lifetime of homelessness, the class bell rang and I walked in, immediately catching my professor's eye, "Miss Winters?"

Fuck.

"Yes, sir?"

"Would you stay back after class? We need to discuss your grade."

I swallowed the dry panic rising inside me, "Sure."

Sophie gave me a questioning look, but I shook my head, feeling ashamed to admit that I had in fact not submitted the whole damn assignment carrying 60% of my grade. Without the credits from this course, I was not going to make it to the next year. I was failing. Failing.

At this point, I'm not sure if even God could help me if I prayed.

I didn't move a peep in class. In my head was a concrete wall I was painting, and that seemed far more interesting than whatever Prof was talking about. Anyway none of it mattered if I was failing, right? By the time class was ending, I had figured my plan. I'd go to a warmer place. No more New York winters on the streets. I'd pack all my clothes like they do in the hacks video to save space. Getting food on the streets was surprisingly easier than most things, but I would have to find a way to get tampons. I couldn't clean cups properly on the streets. With whatever money I could get, I would get a gym membership. At least I'd have a shower every once in a while.

I wondered if I should make an attempt to sing. Was I any good? Would busking raise any money? God, I wished I was one of those people who were naturally good at singing. Someone only had to record me singing, and put it on the internet. I could go viral and then I'd be rich as fuck. All for singing.

In my daydreaming, I didn't realize class ended till Sophie touched my shoulder, "Should I wait outside?"

"No, I'm going home after this anyway." And it was true, I only ever went to classes that were mandatory to attend and then back home. I had no energy to be around people more than necessary. She had that sad look of pity as she kissed my head and left, looking back once before exiting the room.

As the class cleared my anxieties shot up. What do I say? Taking my time, I packed my things, walking to the front of the class. Prof was staring at his laptop screen, looking up when I approached his desk.

"Brianna Winters," he acknowledged me. Before I could get in a word edgewise, there was a knock on the classroom door, making our heads turn. Why , oh why was fate so cruel?

Why was Noah Sterling literally everywhere? No matter how much I tried to avoid him, he was all around the campus. Even at the door of this classroom when he had no business being in this building at all. This was too far away from the science wing. Why was he here? Was he here to see me? The pain in my chest intensified as he walked into the room in his carefree stagger, a disarming smile on his face. How was he this happy when I couldn't even smile through the pain?

"Babe, where is your attention these days?" Noah approached me with an easy smile, bending down and kissing my cheek, "Play along." he whispered in my ear before straightening up. My breath was caught in my throat and thank heavens for that. I could not take in his scent and not spontaneously combust.

Dazed, I could only stare at him, trying to decipher what the hell he was talking about. Noah made quick work of unzipping his bag, pulling out a thick booklet.

"You forgot your project at the breakfast table this morning," he ruffled my hair, before turning to the professor, "I hope she isn't too late. I came to campus as soon as I saw this lying around."

W

H

A

T

ON EARTH WAS NOAH STERLING DOING?

"The deadline was this morning, at 10 am." Prof had his beady eyes on me as he snatched the project from Noah's hands. With a half interested look, he glanced through the first few pages of the assignment, while I was sweating bullets. If he asked me a single question, I would be dead meat. I knew nothing about this subject at all. Legalities were never my strongest suit and I would fail, surely if he decided to test my knowledge on a project that I had never even created in the first place.

"Miss Winters, can you tell me who the signing authority is on your project?" He asked as he was skimming through.

Who was it? At the end of the report, we were supposed to get our assignment verified by a practicing lawyer and get their signatures to ensure the document was accurate as could be. Holy fuck, whose signature did Noah get?

A hand pressed on my back as Noah stood next to me, tracing something on my back. Ignoring the tickles, I focused on what he was drawing. Fuck, he was telling me the name.

D or maybe O

A

O?

Oh. Dad.

"William Sterling, sir." I answered, looking at Noah for approval. Please be right! Noah only made eye contact and blinked once, nodding so subtly that anyone else would have missed it.

Professor looked up at the mention of the big man, "William Sterling, you say? I'd have to call his office to confirm."

Shit. What if Noah had forged the signature?

Calmly, Noah pulled his phone out, "I can call him directly if you want."

Professor nodded. I mean, it was natural for him to have his doubts, but he didn't have to go to such lengths. It might have helped that I had never responded even once in class, and he was so uncertain of my abilities. Noah dialed the number before passing the phone to the professor. Upon looking at the screen, realization dawned on his face.

"You're Noah Sterling?" The line was disconnected before the third ring must have gone through. Noah nodded.

The professor set 'my' project down, nodding uncomfortably, letting me off the hook.

"Thank you," I squeaked before rushing out of the room, the anxiety becoming too much to handle. I could hear his clear footsteps behind me, but I didn't want to wait up. I couldn't. I couldn't see his face and I couldn't see him happy and I just couldn't.

All these days, the only thing that kept me going was the hope that maybe he missed me too. Maybe he was feeling just as miserable, maybe he was just as empty inside. Maybe his days were all grey too.

"Brianna wait!" He said, catching hold of my wrist finally, pulling me into the small secluded stairwell that led to the basement areas.

"I've emailed you the project and my notes, your final presentation is scheduled on this Sunday. I know you don't want to talk to me, or see my face again, and I get it, so I'm also sending you Quinton's number. He's a good lawyer, he'll help you out, okay?"

"Who made the whole project?"

"I did," he admitted, "but Dad did go over it and he said it's okay to submit. The sign is real, I promise."

So you only cheat in relationships, not in projects?

"You're the only relationship I've had, Brianna. You're the only one that mattered, anyway."

Had I said that out loud? Fuck.

"And I know that there is no excuse for what I did, but you need to realize how much I need you. It's like, you keep me on track. The moment you're gone I have this insane temptation to just walk down the wrong road. You- you make me want to be good for you Bri." Noah's face cracked, the hint of emotions seen in his expressions as his eyes watered.

"I've been shit without you, Bri. I can't think straight. I was all but kicked out of practice this week, Coach wanted me benched for this match because my head doesn't fucking cooperate. All I can see when I close my eyes is your face, you were so hurt... I would never, ever want to do that again. I'd hurt myself a million fucking times before I let myself hurt you."

My eyes welled up with tears too. How many times had I imagined this in my head? Too many, and in none of the situations had my stomach clenched tightly in knots and my heart felt like it was bumping out of my ribs. I'd expected so many things from Noah, but this wasn't it. I hadn't truly expected this raw vulnerability.

Without my consent, I found my hands cupping his cheeks, wiping the stray tears away. But they kept flowing. Noah was crying, and it twisted my insides worse than sleeping on the streets did. His tears flowed as he kept whispering sorrys and how much he needed me, and I wiped them away while fighting my own. I sniffled, blinked and did everything in my power to keep the waterworks in, but the tears fell on their own accord. Falling and falling till I was forced to sit on the dirty stairs, Noah following. He sat two steps below me, resting his head on my thighs.

"I don't want to do this without you, Bri."

"Yo-you hurt me," I hiccuped, trying to form coherent sentences through the clouds in my mind, "You hurt me so much. I love you," saying that hurt so much, "You have no idea, I love you and you make me so fucking happy. I've never laughed harder, and when you make me smile, I've never felt more high. But then you hurt me, and you lie to me and you keep hurting me, and it makes my whole world spin. I can't love you easily, Noah. Loving you is so much pain every single day."

"I'm sorry Bri. I know I'm fucked up and there's a million reasons why you shouldn't be with me. I've known it for a while now that I'm in love with you. I knew the moment you wrote your name on me with that lipstick, I was all yours."

God, that felt ages ago.

"Maybe you should tell every girl in the room I'm yours," Noah's laugh got louder as the night progressed. Jeff's party was a perfect way to celebrate the beginnings of a good football season, and the Raptors winning had really boosted everyone's moods. That did not mean girls could throw themselves at Noah. Geez, at least try not being so blunt in front of his girlfriend?

"You should tattoo my name on you," I kissed his cheek, wanting to go back to the dance floor. Noah tugged me back, motioning me to follow him. So I followed. We laughed and stumbled our way to the bathroom, kissing and grabbing and tugging till he set me on the sink counter. With a single hand, he unzipped my bag, handing the bright red lipstick I was carrying with me.

I clutched it, doing a poor job of hiding my surprise when he took his shirt off, revealing the god like body. "Tattoo your name on me."

So I did.

In bold red letters, I wrote Brianna Winters across Noah's chest and abdomen, tracing the hard lines across, kissing him where my hands went, and Noah took it all patiently. He stood there and stared at me with hooded eyes as I kissed a trail up from his abs to his throat, ending at his lips. When our lips touched, it was fierce and passionate, and I was only seconds away from losing my mind when a sharp knock on the door interrupted us.

With a shit eating grin, Noah stared at my handiwork in the mirror for a second before pulling his shirt on. Kissing me, he opened the door, "I'm all yours. Always."

"I don't know why I never said it. I have loved you for enough time to know that being without you feels like a wastage of time. If you're not here, there's no fun in anything. Not in football, nor in watching those shitty vampire shows. I need you Brianna. I need you, because I love you."

****

Dun dun dun. Pass the tissues please?