Chapter 41

I know exactly why people hate drinking the day after. There was not a cell in my body that was comfortable, every single bit was cramping and writhing in discomfort. At least the bed was soft and comfortable. Carefully, I stretched my hands, fingers unwrapping around what seemed to be fabric. Peeping through almost shut eyes, I noticed the soft black jacket laying over the corner of the bed, in stark contrast to the white sheets.

White sheets?

I sat up, startled, and a little dazed. As far as my foggy memory took me, I had come home with Noah. I should have been wrapped in black sheets, the window was supposed to be on the other end, the curtains should have been deep red. Where on earth was I? My outfit was intact, but I was cold, or so I convinced myself as I put on Noah's jacket.

I'm never drinking again.

There was a mirror on the side, and I quickly patted my hair down before heading out to explore my surroundings. As soon as I turned the knob, I knew where I was. This was Noah's guest bedroom. The one I was supposed to be staying in when I was left behind at the party. God, that felt like ages away. How did so much happen in such little time?

Why would he put me in his guest bedroom?

I wiped my unshed tears before walking out, hearing the upbeat music playing in the living room. Of course, Noah was working out. I tried not to look at his defined body and the way his muscles rippled as he lifted the weights over his head as I emerged from the hallway. He completed his repetition before looking up, seeing me staring at the floor, trying to hide the obvious blush colouring my face.

"Can you call a cab home?" He huffed, taking a towel to wipe his forehead.

This was so awkward.

"I can't find my phone," I muttered weakly. Noah pointed to the couch where my purse lay, and I fished out my phone quickly. I pressed the lock button twice, but to no effect. Fuck.

"Can I borrow your charger for ten minutes? Just enough to turn this on."

Coldly, Noah rolled his eyes before heading into his room. He all but threw the charger at me, and I plugged it in a socket near the dining table. To avoid looking at him, I continued staring at the black screen in front of me, hoping the device would turn on soon.

Silence with Noah was often nice. We'd had our days when we'd sit on opposite ends of this table and do our assignments or just watch our own separate shows, but this silence was like a thousand thorns puncturing my insides.

"Listen, I'm..." I started to thank him for the coffee machine, but he interrupted me.

"Look I'm sorry if me helping you last night made you think we can still be together, but you shouldn't have kissed me. We're done."

"I kissed you?" I must have been more drunk than I thought. Embarrassment coloured my cheeks as I wondered what that would have been like. I mean, I wasn't a terrific kisser anyway, and to be drunk on top of that...

"Can your boyfriend come pick you up? I have to go for practice." He dodged the question. I looked up, confused. What boyfriend?

"I can take the bus if you're getting late."

"You know how I feel about you taking the bus. Especially looking like this."

"Why do you care?" I angrily wiped tears slipping down my cheeks, "You obviously don't care enough to say sorry, or to want me back." I muttered under my breath as I walked past him to grab my purse. Even if my phone was dead, I could survive in the daylight.

"I don't make it a habit of stealing people's girls," Noah obviously caught my words.

"Which person's girl?" I didn't even look at him, taking the jacket off slowly, as if the memory of his scent could be imprinted on me.

"Whoever that guy was you kissed on Halloween." Noah's tone was sullen as he walked into the kitchen, and I was quick to follow him with my own questions, "What guy?"

"I didn't even stay for the party for long enough to talk to someone! I was there and I missed you so much that I couldn't stay in that room and dance with strangers. I took the bus home and spent all of Halloween watching shitty cable TV and wishing you'd text me or call, but you didn't. And I tried to call you so many times, but I would disconnect the line every single time because I didn't know what to say." I sniffed, wiping my tears away on the back of my hand. Oh no, my make up was smudging.

"But anyway," I cleared my throat, "You look like you had fun on Halloween, so it's whatever now. I'll... I'm gonna go now."

I turned around to head back to the living room when Noah gripped me by my wrist, spinning me around to face him, "You didn't kiss someone else?"

"Are you kidding me, why would I?"

"But Eleanor told me-"

"Eleanor said what?" I was seething at the mention of that woman. She had ruined enough of me, but now no more. Eleanor could rot in hell for all the crap she had pulled against me this year.

Noah walked past me, but came back to pull me along to the living room where his phone rested. Unlocking his device, he showed me his conversation with her.

I read it all with blurred eyes, deciphering words slowly as she told Noah that SharkBoy was indeed kissing Katniss at the party, and that SharkBoy was someone in Finn's class named Brian.

"Did it ever occur to you that there might be two Katniss' at the party?" I took the liberty to search up Elise's account, where she had posted her version of the Katniss outfit.

Noah's jaw dropped.

"Why would you ever assume I would be kissing someone when I was stupidly in love with you?" I sobbed, sitting down on the sofa, feet unable to carry all the disbelief.

Noah didn't say anything.

I went over my words again. Oh.

"You're in- you're in love with me?"

Shit shit shit. Too soon, too fast. I knew Noah wasn't the type to commit easily and if I was going to throw in my strong emotions at him, he would run for the hills.

"I mean- I-" I fumbled over my words, sniffling and "I mean-" shit shit shit. Fuck.

I didn't have to think of a response because Noah was hauling me up to my feet and silencing my scream with his lips and the world was exploding around me all in a matter of two seconds.

"You cry too much," He mumbled once, before kissing me again, pressing me close to him as much as we possibly could. His grip on my back was tight enough that I couldn't breathe, but who needed oxygen anyway?

All I truly cared about was being back in Noah's arms and being back in the envelope of his personal scent that had me addicted to him. I was finally alive. Letting go of my apprehensions and initial hesitance, I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back with equal fervor. Sure there were a million questions unanswered, and sure there were things that needed fixing, but for now, Noah was mine and Noah was here and Noah was all that mattered.

"I fully intend on changing that," He said again, kissing my cheek blowing a raspberry on my jaw before proceeding to graze his fingers over my hands and thighs, wrapping his arms around and picking me up. We made our way to his bedroom, where I was finally at peace surrounded by the dark interiors. Here, I felt like home. Noah sat at the foot of the bed, taking me down with him, never once breaking contact. I was so aware of the hard definitions of his chest, the way his fingers were pressing me closer, the outline of him under me. Oh god.

"St-stop," I stuttered, catching my breath as Noah kissed down my neck, no doubt leaving a trail of hickeys all over me. If he had his way, I'd be left with no choice but to wear turtlenecks all year round.

Between sharp gasps and soft moans, I found the strength to step away, getting off his lap and putting some distance between us. Noah reached out, eyes still dazed and clouded, coming empty handed as I walked further back.

"Wait," I recovered my breath, "we're not thinking this through."

I leaned back against the wall, regulating my breath and trying not to look at Noah's half naked, flushed figure.

"Don't leave, please." Noah's eyes were soft, and I melted like cotton candy.

"I'm not going anywhere. But I can't be with you like this."

"No sex," Noah said after a minute, "I know the rules."

"That's not what I was talking about," I brushed my hair to the side, "You hurt my feelings a lot Noah. And even if I love you, I can't be this sad all the time. You can't say all these mean, hurtful things and expect me to still be with you."

His face sombered up. This time when he extended his hand out to me, I didn't hesitate, but pulled him close so I was pressed between him and the wall. Both hands cupping my face, he dropped small kisses on my eyes first, then on my forehead and then on my cheeks. He kissed each ear and he kissed my nose. His eyelashes brushed across my cheek and his hair tickled my nose.

"No more sadness," he promised, kissing the corner of my lips, "I will make you so, so fucking happy Brianna. You deserve every happiness in the world."

"No lying," I added, hopeful that this time things could be different. This time, maybe we could make this work. Because nothing made me happier than Noah, and nothing made me sadder than him. I couldn't lose what made me feel... alive.

Noah tensed, pulling away from our embrace, "No..lying."

I tried not to jump to the worst conclusions, but...

He scratched his head, "I have to tell you this then," a sheepish look came over his face, and I was already thinking the worst of all worst things.

Did he hook up with someone in Seattle? Or worse, did he hook up with Jennifer?

"What is it?" I asked when the silence got too much to bear.

"When I was in Seattle...I was so lost without you. I don't think you realize how much I need you to hold me down, I was alone and I was mad at myself for what I said, and I was... angry."

'What did you do, Noah?" In my heart, I already knew. Tears welled up in my eyes once more as I waited for him to say the words.

Noah stayed silent, hiding his face in my neck as if that would lessen the blow.

"I slept with someone. And when I saw you kiss him, I didn't know what to do... I-I slept with Jennifer too."

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