Chapter 40

For the thousandth time in my life, I wondered what I was doing at Vortex again. Sophie had disappeared into the crowd more than an hour ago, Eleanor hadn't arrived as far as I knew. She hadn't even attended most of her classes as far as I had heard. It was a burned bridge I wasn't ready to fix, so I tried not to think about it. Like, you know, everything else in my life.

To match my dull mood, I hadn't put in any efforts into my appearance for the night, wearing the black skater dress that reminded me of Noah and the winged eyeliner that reminded me of Eleanor and the red lipstick that I wished I could rub away from my face because of the attention it was grabbing.

I sat at the bar again, nursing my mojito, a strong sense of deja vu coming over me. How I wished, Noah would sneak up to me again, dance with me, fingers in his hair and then he would press me against the wall. This time if he asked, I would never make him wait. I'd tell him I wanted to kiss him, and I would tell him how much he hurt me in one breath. I'd let him ruin me, and I had no way of telling if that was the right thing to do.

But it wasn't going to happen. All my wishful thinking deflated when Noah came into my view, looking as gorgeous as ever. God, how was he blessed to look ridiculously beautiful even in the crappy lighting? Without my make up, I looked pasty white, and Noah... Noah looked every bit of a dream in his usual attire. I was not prepared, I was definitely not prepared to revisit the places important to us, especially not when he was there too.

I was even more ill prepared to see another girl emerge from behind and latch on to his arm. Oh my god, I was not ready.

I subtly shifted in my seat to watch them walk, and I hoped I saw indifference in Noah's stance as she was talking presumably to him. But then he said something to her and she laughed and my lungs almost deflated as she grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. I was not ready.

He let go of her once when he was hugging his friends in the weird way only boys do, coming back almost instantly to grab her and take her to the dance floor. This girl did not waste a second, did she? I needed to stop watching them like a fool. It had to stop.

I turned around to my drink, sipping violently enough to cause me chest pain. In seconds, I had finished it, so I flagged down the bartender to get me another drink.

"What do you want, sweetheart?"

I took one look back at Noah, who was so engrossed in his new girl, before responding to the man, "Rum and coke, large drink please."

It was the most dangerous thing ever, given I was already predisposed to slip down this particular slope but when have I ever thought straight when it came to Noah? If a little alcohol helped me survive the night, I'd never drink again. Not until I was completely over Noah.

The drink tasted awful, and my taste buds remembered from when I had taken a sip from my mom's glass when I was sixteen. I was growing up, and I wanted to try. I wanted to know what all the hype was about. I had disliked the taste so much, made quite a show out of hating the drink with the shaking and face pulling. But I never found another open bottle of alcohol lying around the house again. It was always locked up in my mom's room, to keep it out of my reach. I think it was her way of saying, I can't see you make the same mistakes.

Taking a sip from someone's glass as opposed to drinking a whole large drink were phenomenally different experiences, as I realised thirty minutes later when my head started to feel light. I needed air. Taking my bag over my shoulder, I walked carefully towards the exit in the back, already crowded with smokers and stoners alike. I found a quiet spot to rest my head, away from the constant banging inside the club.

With my eyes closed, I could see the appeal. Even for a few moments, my head was clearer than it had been all week. I was able to breathe without feeling any burden rest on me and my heart was at ease. In a sense, I was almost floating. If this is what being drunk was like, I could see why people chased this high.

"Bri, are you high?" The voice was awfully familiar, but I couldn't place it.

Eyes still shut, I laughed, "Nope. Just a little drunk."

"Fuck, stay here okay? Don't move."

As if I would go anywhere. I was feeling the movement in my legs disappear slowly. Exactly how much alcohol is there in a large drink?

"Brianna, can you open your eyes?" So familiar, so close, I remembered his voice as clear as day. I complied, even if my eyelids were heavy, I opened till I could see blurred visions of two people around me.

"Hold this," the close voice said and I reached my hand out to hold whatever they were giving. Apparently, it was not for me but the other person. My hand fell into what I presumed was another person's hand, and they pulled me forward, away from the wall.

"What were you thinking, Bri?" I knew this voice, I knew this person, I knew them so well, but what was the name? I was pushed to stand on my feet, which was considerably hard due to the ridiculous heels I'd borrowed from River. Feeling my balance shift, I lurched forward, into the wall of a person in front of me.

I could recognise that smell at any moment. Noah was holding me.

A strange sadness came over me, intensified by the alcohol. Why did he say that, why did he stop loving me, why was I not worth fighting for?

"Where's your boyfriend?" He gruffed under my weight, the warmth of his hands seeping into my skin as he held me by the waist.

How does anyone respond to that?

So I cried.

I was exhausted and drunk and so incredibly sad, miserable and lonely, that I cried. I tightened my grip on Noah's jacket, surely I'd be ruining the pretty piece, but I could potentially pay him back. Maybe.

"Whoa okay, can someone come to pick you up?"

Why won't you drop me home? Take me home with you, please.

"Riv-river" I hiccuped, still not letting go of him.

With one hand still supporting me, Noah shuffled around and then I heard a phone ringing for what felt like an eternity. It rang loud, right next to my ear and it rang and rang and rang. River didn't answer.

"Jesus, when will you actually be around people who can take care of you?" Noah's voice seemed far away, even when I could feel my head pressed to him and his hands on my back supporting me.

"I'm going to take you home, okay? You can sleep this stupid alcohol off and when you wake up I will kill you for drinking."

Yes, please! Take me home. Take me to your bed. Hold me close. Let me cry over your shoulder and kiss me when I wake up in the morning. You hurt me so much, you need to fix this.

"I'm going to pick you up, okay? Hold tight." Noah instructed and I did as he said, gripping his shoulders tight. I was floating literally with my feet off the ground, and we walked for what seemed to be miles before he set me down. With one free hand, he opened the door for me, and I was engulfed in the plush seats of his car, the smell of sage burning through my nose. I opened my eyes as wide as I could, vision still blurred. The road ahead was dark, but red still dotted my vision. A sharp sound of the door shutting jolted me in my seat. Wait.

"Did you drink anything? You know it's a no no for alho-acloho-"

"Brianna you're talking to yourself, I can't hear you." Noah was loud in my ear, so I reciprocated with the same harshness, "I'm not going anywhere with you if you're drunk."

"I'm fine," he sighed, reaching over me and putting on my seatbelt. I wished we could stay like this forever.

"Well, we can't think of these things forever."

Did I say that out loud?

"Yes, you did. Now close your eyes and sleep. You're safe with me."

I know. I've never felt safer.

I obeyed him, shutting my eyes and waiting for the exhaustion to take over me, but sleep was running away from me as was peace in my life and I couldn't be feeling worse if I tried. Groaning, I raised my feet up on the dashboard, trying to take my heels off. Unfortunately, my seatbelt was a hindrance in allowing me to reach forward, so I was quick to take it off, happy to be unrestricted.

"Bri, seatbelt," Noah's voice had a warning in them I couldn't be bothered to heed, but taking those shoes off was possibly one of the nicest things I could feel. I chucked them in the back seat, curling up on my side so I could stare at Noah.

Drunk me apparently had no inhibitions, nor did my thoughts have any filters because there were a few unholy things on my mind that involved empty parking lots and a very strong lack of clothing, but I resisted. Because Noah looked beautiful from where I sat. His jawline was taut and his eyebrow was furrowed but holy hell his lips... His lips were an invitation to stay for coffee after dinner, to kneel in church and atone for sins, and boy had I committed many sins this year.

So I did the only thing I could think of. At the next stoplight, I grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.

*****

A little update on myself: I got an internship for the summers, which is AWESOME so I'm a happy bean today. 

ALso... I'm so sad seeing Bri and Noah apart like... I literally can't. I just want them to fix things like... NOW. 

Please don't forget to vote and comment, ciao!