Frustrated and angry: those are the two emotions that can describe what I am feeling right now. I'm frustrated because Jungkook is not answering my calls and texts at the same time angry because of my mom.

"Jungkook, please." I whispered as I dialed his number once again.

I am really worried right now. What if Jungkook is not okay? What if Jungkook's asthma attacks again and I'm not right there for him?

My mom threatened me recently and I can't help but to follow her even though I do not wanted to. Or else, Jungkook would be in trouble.

She told me that one of her friends saw me and him in a restaurant. Her friend heard the name of Jungkook that's why my mom knew his name. I cannot believe that mom told him to get lost. What the even- she don't have any idea about Jungkook! It angers me so much.

She threatened me that she'll tell dad to stop sending me money if I will not follow what she said which is cutting off my communication with Jungkook.

This is clearly impossible! I and Jungkook are entering the same university and the same class. How can I ignore him? I cannot imagine me doing that. I cannot ignore Jungkook.

I throw myself into my bed and sighed. Tears are already welling up to my eyes. I cannot imagine myself without Jungkook.

I do not want to go back to my old self.

My old self who is not contented with everything or do not care about other's feelings. He really fixed me a lot.

With my final try, I dialed his number but it went straight to voice mail.

I am really dead worried right now!

I have clearly no idea what he is doing right now!

My eyes wandered around my room until it landed into my backpack. An idea popped in my mind. Can I really do this?

I mean, I can but what if we get caught? What if we get in trouble?

I let my eyes shut for awhile to think before opening it and took a glance at my clock. It's already one thirty in the morning, mom is probably asleep. She can't stay awake until this time unless if I'm not back at home.

I stand up and start to pack my things inside my backpack. Only clothes and important stuffs. I cannot bring all of my things. I took a deep sigh and zip it close. Putting my black leather jacket on, I took my car keys and the duplicate keys to the house plus my room before I carry my backpack.

I lock my door and clean my room a bit. I tore and crumpled all the papers with any contacts connected to us written before keeping it in my backpack pocket. Just making sure. Taking a last look around my room, I took a deep breath. 

I don't want this life anymore.

A life that is getting full of shits and taking your rights away from you.

I know that I've been a bad guy before, but that doesn't mean that I deserve being like this. I know that I have a good mom, but heol. She can be crazy and go overboard most of the times.

She always tells me that she's working hard for us.

Working hard? Nah, fuck it.

I caught her once exiting a casino.

Is that what you call working? Exiting a casino with cigarette in hand, laughing with others. Looking wasted. It's unbelievable that when mom reaches home, she looks fine and decent. How deceiving.

I opened my window and look down. This is easy. I've already done this before. I grabbed the drainage pipe by the window and grabbed it with all my strength to pull myself out. I managed to shut the window before I push both legs against the house, walking downwards.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I immediate make my way to my car – ignoring my aching legs from sliding. Fiddling the keys in my hands, I opened my car door and started the engine.

"Jungkook, wait for me." I said in a low voice before driving away from my house.

The road is already clear because it is already late. My thoughts are running so fast in my mind as I drive quietly to Jungkook's dorm building. Hoping that it's still available for visiting, wishing that Mrs. Kang is the one who is in duty right now.

I parked my car in front of the building before shutting off the engine. After grabbing my backpack and my phone beside me, I opened the door and locked it before entering the already dimmed building.

"Mrs. Kang." My eyes glistened as I saw her at the front desk with coffee in her hand.

Her sleepy yet still chirpy eyes shot up to me, "Oh, Kim Taehyung. Why are you here this late?"

"Can I still visit Jungkook?" I said with pleading eyes.

She pursed her lips, "But..."

"Please..." I pleaded until she sighed.

"Okay, you can. I'll take care of this." She responded with a small smile on her face.

I can't help but to smile wide at her respond. I thought she will not approve!

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Kang! I really owe you a lot," I was in the middle of thanking her until I remember what I was about to say her, "And don't worry, I'll be living here soon. Or maybe tomorrow."

Her eyes widened, "What, wait... that means you'll take the spot as Jungkook's roommate?"

I nodded, "Yes. I will discuss it to you tomorrow morning. Can I proceed to Jungkook's now?"

"Yes, of course. I understand. I'm really glad that you are the one who'll take the spot." She said with a beaming glow on her face.

I bowed for thanking her before I make my way to the elevator. My hands snaked its way to the pants that I am wearing which is Jungkook's until I felt the keys. I get it from my pocket and fiddled it with my hands.

I made my way into Jungkook's room and didn't mind to knock. Instead, I opened the door using the keys. For sure, that little angel is already asleep.

Making no sound as much as possible, I slipped my feet off my shoes after I entered. The living room is already dark; the only source of light is the digital clock on the wall. I walked to his room and noticed that the door isn't close plus the light from the bathroom is open. 

My eyes creased, well maybe he's in the bath. But I can't hear any sound coming from it.

I waited for a minute but still no sign of Jungkook coming out from the bathroom. Getting alarmed, I entered his room and immediately look at his bed. His bed is empty. I walked closer to his bed to find it messy with the sheets shattered and his phone on bed.

I tapped his phone and noticed that he didn't open any of my messages. I put my backpack on his bed, my heart is already pounding in worry.

I cannot hear any of Jungkook sound from the bathroom. Is he okay? Or is he even there?

My feet slowly make its way to the bathroom. It didn't take hard for me to see him.

Tears fell from my eyes as I saw his situation inside the bathroom.

He's on the floor, sleeping in a sitting position, with bleeding wrist and a blade covered with blood on the floor.

My heart ached as I leaned down towards him. He is still breathing but all I can see is a mess in front of me. His face stained with tears and shirt stained with blood. His hair's a mess. 

He looked wasted and fucked up.

... and it's breaking me.

I didn't expect to see Jungkook like this.

He is a mess and it's all because of me.

I took a towel on the rack and wet it. Taking a sit beside him, I try to catch my breath as I wipe the blood off his wrist. The tears from my eyes are unstoppable. It's hurting me so much. Breaking me a lot.

"I'm so sorry, Jungkook. I'm so sorry I am not here to stop you. I am sorry for turning you into this mess." I whispered to him as if he can hear me, choking because of the tears.

He moved a bit but he is still in he's deep sleep. I took it as a chance to clean him. I stand up to get a shirt for him. I went back fast and sit again beside him. I removed his shirt carefully and slid the clean one.

A small smile appeared on my face as I noticed that his wrist isn't bleeding anymore.

I carried him before standing up. I felt that he moved but I was shocked when he wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me as if he needs me so much.

Closing the light and the door of the bathroom, I walk towards his bed.

I lay him down on his comfy bed cautiously as if he's a fragile glass that is about to break. His eyes are shut but a faint smile is on his face. I place my backpack down the bed so that I can lay beside him. Putting his phone on the table beside the bed, I tucked ourselves in the blanket. Hugging him closer to me. 

He turn around to face me and he slowly opened his eyes. 

"Hi," I breathed out and smiled, trying hard not to cry in front of him. 

His smile grew wider, he is really beautiful and strong - smiling even though he is a mess and in pain. 

"Thank you." He said with his eyes closed again and I hummed in response as a question. 

"For not giving up on me." 

I smiled as I close my eyes, "Of course."

I hugged him closer to me, not wanting him to let go. 

"I will never ever let you go, Jungkook." 

❁❁❁

[author's note] oh my gOD ! THIS BOOK JUST REACHED 107K READS! IS THAT EVEN SERIOUS?! 107K IS HUUUUUUGE! THANK YOU SO MUCH MY ANGELS! I LOVE ALL OF YOOOOU! LEMME HUG YOU ALL AND GIVE YOU SOME COOKIES OMG-

edited; 052016.