And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang —Foo fighters (Everlong)

Zanna.

  Blayze and I were on his bed. Both of our hands touched, and we had them stay like that for a long time; palm to palm.

  When I told Blayze there's one thing I'd like to do before my life came to an end, he'd become so gung ho and excited, saying "What is it?"

  This was it.

  I laid on one side of the bed, and he laid on the other side. Our bodies faced each other, and our hands were touching.

  I wanted to feel that warm feeling that I felt every time we touched. I didn't know why that was the case—that he was the only one who could touch me. We both didn't notice it until now, but I liked the feeling.

  He smiled at me, and I smiled back at him.

  You know what's sad? I never got to have my first kiss.

  I never got to go on my first date.

  I never got to know what it felt like having a boyfriend.

  You're lucky, Zanna.

  You don't have to worry about anyone bothering you.

  You're single, you're smart, you keep to yourself.

  What luck had Jennifer been talking about? Hard-luck was it?

  When I went to school with Blayze last, I saw that they'd replaced me with Julie Tatherson. She'd fit right in. She'd sold five adds that day. More than I sold in a week, tops.

  Was this all there was to life? Was it waking up one day, and sometime later in the day, getting hit by a truck walking home?

  I was going to die. I was going to accept the will of God. Why would I want to continue living anyway? I was uncertain about what I wanted to do after school, and I swore I was going through a quarter life crisis.

  I'd even been depressed on some occasions.

  But I didn't want to leave Mom. She'd be alone.

  Damn it, I was starting to get emotional again.

  Blayze was giving me that concerned look of his again, that made my heart act funny. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked. I resisted the urge to look away from the eye contact he was giving me. It was as if he was looking at certain place inside my soul, that I never thought existed.

  "Just..." I sighed. I closed my eyes before I said the one thing that was haunting me. "What if it's time for me to go?" I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Blayze wiped it away with his thumb. "Hey," he said, "don't think like that. You're going to make it Zanna. Your mom wouldn't take you off life support, if she knew you weren't ready."

  But she didn't know that, was what I wanted to say.

   We both continued to lay there, facing each other until Blayze's mom knocked on his bedroom door. "Blayze?"

  Blayze quickly got up. "Yeah?"

  "Tate's called, they say you ordered something there that needs to be picked up." I saw his eyebrows furrow for a minute, then his eyes brightened as if remembered something. "Oh yeah, uh, can I go pick it up?"

  His mom opened the door and looked to be holding a pair of keys in her hand. "Well, you're still grounded. But I'll give you your keys just for this moment, since I'm running late to bookclub. But if I call the house in an hour, and you don't pick up, that means that you didn't directly come home mister, like I told you. So after you pick up whatever you need to go pick up from there. You're coming directly home. Got it?"

  Blayze nodded. "Got it."

  Blayze's mom looked satisfied and left the room. After that Blayze looked for his jacket.

  "What did you order at Tate's?" I queried as he looked through all the piled clothes on his computer chair.

  "One of the workers there, wanna lend me this book." I didn't question it anymore because it really wasn't any of my business—although I was going with him. But who was lending him in this book? Considering Tate's was so far away from where I lived, I didn't go there much to know who really worked there.

  Nevertheless putting on his found jacket, Blayze and I exited his house.

()()()

  "Blayze!" Heralded an old man at the checkout counter. The old guy was wearing wire-rimmed glasses, and had tan wrinkly skin. I guessed during his younger days he might've been a really handsome guy, but I wasn't into old guys.

  We headed on over to the counter.

  He smiled a cheesy grin at Blayze. "You haven't came by to get this book, here." He said, then getting a thick book out from under the counter. He handed it to Blayze. The book looked heavy and acient. Perhaps a bit dusty, too.

  I read the title of the book: Emily Dickson's book of poetry.

  I gave Blayze an appalled look. What was he doing reading poetry? Much less Dickinson. I didn't see him much as the romantic-sappy type. I was pretty sure the look I was giving Blayze didn't help, when he looked at me. "What's wrong?"

  "Huh?" said the old who I now learned name was Carney.

  Damn, I was making him look crazy again. Carney didn't give Blayze a perplexed look more so he probably thought Blayze had been talking to him and he just hadn't heard him.

  "Oh, eh nothing," said Blayze, casually brushing it off. I didn't know how Carney saw it, but he looked at the spot where I was exactly standing and nodded to himself. Like he knew I was standing right here. "Oh I see," he said.

  Blayze looked at me and looked back at Carney. "See what?" asked Blayze. I didn't give the possibility—that the old guy saw me—a second thought. He could see me right here, right at this very second.

  "You have it," stated Carney, he glanced at me again. I froze. He could see me. "Carney, I don't know what you're get—"

  Carney held his hand up, to stop Blayze from speaking any further. "Hi Zanna," the old man greeted me with a wave of his hand. He knew my name? I was astonished to know how this guy knew my name. Like I said, before the accident, I'd barely came into this store so how did he know my name.

  "You're a shy one, aren't ya?" I didn't say anything for a moment, but I nodded. What could I say? I needed to see if this old man was for real or not.

  "Carney," said Blayze, "you can see her?"

  "Come with me," he didn't answer Blayze's question.

   Me and Blayze looked at each other. We didn't say anything and without hesitation we followed him. He took us to the back of the store to what looked to be a lounging room for the employees. But no one was in there when we'd entered.

  "Sit down," Carney said, pointing at two chairs. We sat down.

  Carney who took a seat before us, gave us both a knowing look. I didn't know what the look meant but it was if he was let on a secret we didn't know about.

  "Blayze," the old guy began, "how long have I been working here?"

  Blayze didn't know what to say. "I guess for about... Wait, I don't know... You've been working here for about 8 months, right?"

  Chuckling to himself, Carney nodded and fixated his gaze on me. "Now the beautiful lady over here, is in a coma at St Luke's hospital. Am I correct?"

  I nodded, though I didn't know if he was asking either me or Blayze this question exactly. He nodded, too.

  "Blayze I've told you about my late wife, Aggie..."

  "Yes," said Blayze.

  "Well, me and her didn't meet like any normal couple. For a matter-of-fact, it was very odd...

  Me and Blayze looked at each other, again.

  "We'd first met at a club for teenagers. She'd been 17 and I'd been 16... Well, we didn't actually meet at the club. I'd remembered passing her while I was putting a coin in the jukebox thinking, "what a beautiful lady", but after that she hadn't crossed my mind..."

  I think I had a great idea where the story was heading. I felt myself getting comfortable.

  "...About a week later, I find myself at this family's residence. My family and I were paying this family a visit because of some tragedy in the household. However, while I'd acted as if I needed to use the bathroom, I headed straight outside to the small garden the family had in the back. The garden had been filled with different kinds of flowers from roses to daisies...

  "After taking glance around the garden. Next thing you know, I really need to use the bathroom, and I head on over to the back of the garden and unzip my trousers and before I unzip my pants, I hear this girl's voice say, 'Mister, this garden took a lot of tending and care for you to be unzipping trousers and doing your business out here...'"

  Carney laughed. "I'd been so shocked, I nearly pissed in my pants. However realizing that my the voice wasn't just my imagination... I turn around and see this beautiful girl around my age. I never saw in her before in my life, or so I'd thought."

  Blayze and I glanced at each other. We didn't know what Carney was getting at but he explained further.

  "She was giving me this feisty look, with her hand on her hip, and looked me square in the eye. I swear it, she was one intimidating little lady. She continued to go on and on about those precious plants and flowers in the garden, and she failed to noticed my spooked face expression.

  "'What are you doing here?' She had asked me. "Please leave, or I'll tell my parents you're here.' I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do other than go back into the house. She then followed me, and we both realized that no one could see her other than me. Her mother couldn't see her, her father couldn't see her, her two brothers couldn't see her, her grandmother couldn't see her, nor could my family. The realization came as a surprise to the both of us that I ended thinking up I was crazy, and that she was a figment of my imagination. But then something began to unfold between the both of us...

()()()

  Blayze and I sat in the car for about an hour. We couldn't even look each other in the face, we were so profound by Carney's story, we didn't even know what to think. Could me and Blayze, possibly be soul mates like Carney and Aggie? I blushed at the thought, but at the same time I founded the thought a big possibility.

  How Carney knew who I was? He saw my name in the newspaper. Not listed under the obituaries, but under the news section. He didn't tell us how he could see me, but he said it was one of the ways you could find your true soulmate, and considering he'd meant his soulmate the same way. He'd no problem seeing me. It was hard to put into words. Anyway Carney said that when Blayze had first walked into the store, he'd felt another person's presence, and was positive that Blayze looked different and that there was something else in his eyes.

  Carney's story raced through my mind. I had my mind stuck on two words: soul mates.

   Although I never experienced my first kiss, or even had a boyfriend for that matter. I wouldn't mind Blayze being my first in everything. It scared me, though. We were both so young and confused as it was, and what kind of commitment would it take for a real a relationship to happen between the two of us? I wanted to save myself for someone who truly loved me, and until marriage. I didn't wanna give any part of myself away to a guy who didn't love me. And I had no idea if Blayze had the same ideas.

  I flushed. I was beginning to make things awkward, wasn't I? Although I hadn't said a word. The atmosphere was beginning to warm. I thought it was odd how Blayze could make me feel things. Like the warmth in my tummy would begin to broaden and I could feel again.

  "Zanna?"

  Is Blayze speaking to me? I turned my head away from the glovebox and looked at him. His eyes were transfixed on me and I didn't know what to do. I hated this mushy stuff, the stuff that made me feel poetic and light and fluffy. I needed to do something, too many emotions were beginning to spill over. It was just too much.

  I shook my head. "We need to go back to the hospital." I saw Blayze's expression falter as if I ruined a moment or something. I didn't mean to, or maybe I did, and I felt bad for doing so. He nodded and started the car. "Blayze?" I said, as we began backing out from Tate's parking lot.

  He sighed. "What?"

  "When we go back to the hospital, just leave me there. Don't come back after you drop me off... I'd rather be left alone."

  I braced myself for whatever would happen next.

  Blayze didn't peep a word, I could see it on his face.

  I didn't just see sadness and pain flicker across Blayze's face. I saw frustration and... Heartbreak? "Zanna please don't do th—"

  I shook my head. "Just take me back." I demanded again. I didn't need this to happen, I hope he wouldn't start crying. That'd just be too... I didn't wanna say mushy because I would sound like some cold heartless-bitch. When really, I wanted to cry and scream in frustration. I didn't wanna leave Blayze. Not when it looked like he was getting better. Not when he was starting to look at me—I was pretty sure in his eyes—as if I were a pearl or something special.

  Like he was to me now.

  I saw Blayze as special. Maybe perfect even, though no one could ever be perfect. Blayze was beginning to mean something to me. Something I didn't wanna admit, because what if the feelings weren't reciprocated. Plus was it too early? We weren't even together.

  I then adverted my attention away from the sharp stare he was giving. His stare was sharp to me, because that look he was giving me at the moment, was killing me.

  "Zan—" he began again. I didn't wanna hear whatever he had to say. Not when mom was contemplating taking me off life-support. "Blayze just take me to the hospi—"

  "Zanna, listen!"

  I shook my head again and again. "No Blayze! Just take me back to the hospital!"

  "Not until you listen to me."

  I closed my eyes for a second before opening them. Was what I about to say, was it going to hurt him? "Well, I guess I'll just go there myself then. Cuz I don't wanna hear what you have to say Blayze, I'm done. I'm gonna be gone soon before you know it. Don't even bother to say bye."

  I didn't get to hear what he had to say, for I phased through the car door to the outside, where my destiny awaited me at the hospital.

()()()

  "...Ms. Purgeth it's fine if you to need to think this over some more. Just know we'll support whatever you decide." Blayze's dad, Dr Terran, was speaking to mom who looked completely stressed; the worn out look on her face; the dark circles under her eyes and her paler than normal skin, was the ultimate signs that mom was stressing.

  Tish—who didn't look much different—was standing right beside her with her hand on our mom's arm.

  I wanted to reach out. And add any comfort I could to this situation. I wanted to tell mom and Tish that no matter what, I wouldn't be mad at their decision. They needed to continue living their lives instead of waiting for me to wake up. Though only 5 days have passed perhaps even a couple more days. I knew keeping me on this machine cost money, and was putting a hole into our finances.

  I was becoming a burden.

  Thereafter Dr Terran left, Mom and Tish discussed the situation out loud.

  "She's going to wake up eventually," Tish said, staring at my comatose body, and back to mom. Mom didn't say anything as she stared at my failing body. Her face somber and emotionless, remained fixed on my body as if she was wanting it to do something... Just anything. I had no idea what mom could be thinking at this very moment. Tish tried finding a silver-lining; she was trying to convince mom on why she should let me stay on life-support.

   "...I can send you money, mom. And just think about it with Liam's new job, it could tie us over for groceries and rent. Until... Ya' know, Zay wakes up."

  Mom gave my sister a look. "No," she said with sorrow inching her voice. "You and Liam need that money. It's your money. Let your sister be my responsibility, Tish."

  Tish didn't react to mom's words right-away. She tried convincing her more and more to have me stay on life-support. But no matter how much Tish tried to convince mom. I knew Mom had already made up her mind.

  Tish shook her head when she saw that mom wasn't giving into her pleas. "No mom, you can't do that." Her eyes were filling with tears. "I won't let you do that."

  "Honey—" mom began, she tried laying a comforting on her shoulder, but Tish only rebuffed her by waving her hand away. "No mom, you won't let this happen.Let's leave her on life support, and let God do the rest. Mom please."

   "Tish you don't know how bad I wanted Zanna to wake up, too." Mom said, her voice cracked. "You don't how badly I wanted her to wake up. You think a mother wants to see her daughter die before her? No, Tish! A parent shouldn't ever have to experience this!"

  Tish didn't look at mom—who was now sobbing.

  My heart broke.

  Growing up with Tish, I knew her avoiding eye contact, meant she'd hold a grudge against whatever you guys were arguing about, forever. I sighed. I didn't wanna tear Tish and mom apart, it was already great that their relationship had mended right before I'd gotten into the accident. I liked seeing Tish and mom getting along, and because of me, I was the one causing another fatal rift in their relationship—when at a time like this they needed to come together.

  I wanted to do something. I wanted to hug mom, I wanted to tell Tish not to be mad at mom.

  I wanted to do a lot of things to console them, to tell them it's fine. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't do anything and I felt helpless. The aura in this room was hurting me. The sadness, frustration, and sorrow was just too much.

  I needed to go back to Blayze. Maybe he could help me.

—

A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter. Yep, chapter one. Ask any questions if you like. I'd really appreciate it. Any feedback is welcome.

This story is almost complete. 1 or 2 more chapters to go!!!

  I hope you guys like this new cover made by Secretly_Myself  you guys should check out her thread some time. Her covers are amazing, plus her story The Killjoy and the Boy is a nice read as well.

—

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