Song: Tum Hi Aana

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 I was never aware of the different kinds of dread that you could experience on certain days. It all felt the same every time that I felt it. This time, this kind of dread was a new one that I had never experienced in my life. It was one that made me feel like my heart was being dragged down into hell with each step and each breath that I took. 

It felt like all the positive emotions that I could feel were being tackled to the floor and strangled to unconsciousness with a piece of rope. I could only hope that this was the last time that I felt this kind of dread ever.

I felt like that day could be best described by the soundtrack from the Indian movie, "Marjaavaan." Even though I thought the actual plot of the movie was really shitty, most of the songs were one stone throw away from describing all the emotions and events that happened on that day. From "Tum hi Aana," and "Thodi Jagah," everything was scarily accurate.

I woke up that day, looking at the ceiling, contemplating if I even wanted to do this. I knew that ditching him at the last minute would be awful, but I don't think my heart would've been able to handle it. I didn't know whether or not I'd crumple to the floor, holding his waist, begging him not to leave, like a clingy ex to their ex partner after they had cheated on them numerous times. 

Eventually, after contemplating that day for a few minutes, I let out a large exhale to myself and just reassured myself. "Okay, Jaya. Woman up. You got this," I thought to myself, as I flung myself out of bed. I wanted to make sure that I could at least say goodbye to my best friend before he was to leave. 

I picked up my phone so that I could check what time would be best for me to drive to the airport. I turned it on, and then saw a text from Manish that said, "My flight is at 5 o' clock today. If you're planning to come, be there at 2:30, because I'm going through security at 3 o' clock." 

I texted back, saying, "Of course I'm planning to come. I wouldn't miss this at all. See you," I texted, and then put my phone back onto the nightstand so that I could get some breakfast.

Despite me telling myself that I needed breakfast, my stomach had other plans for that morning. I just sat there, nibbling at my toast, one crumb at a time. My mind had probably walked into my stomach's office, and then started an argument on them on why I should've eaten something that day. 

I eventually wolfed my food down, and then drank a cup of coffee that had enough milk that the cow from which it came from would've hated me eternally. I went back upstairs to take a shower and be fresh for the day, even though emotionally, I felt so muggy and awful. 

 I checked my phone one more time before I got back into the car to see if Jen was about to start heading to the airport. Surely enough, there was a text from her that was sent five minutes prior that said, "Leaving now. See you in a bit." I slipped my phone into my purse, grabbed my car keys, and started heading to the airport to bid goodbye to one of my best friends.

I always described my emotions on that day as like a dish of kadhi pakora. You had the warm spices that represented the hot tears that I was so close to crying, you had the simple sauce that represented how straightforward the situation was, the greasy pakoras that were swimming in the sauce, and together, it was something that I absolutely hated to eat or deal with. 

I was already breaking down inside due to all the stress that I was going to deal with in medical school coming to kick me in my backside until I have to end up in the educational hospital, but the fact that the added dread from seeing my best friend move far away from me was enough to make people want to curl up at the bottom of a ditch and cry themselves to sleep. 

I knew that Manish was going to crack some jokes there to help me cheer up, and I knew that Jen would be laughing along with them, but was it really enough to erase the fact that the person whom I felt like was my other half was just leaving me like that?

When I got to the airport, I found a good parking spot for my motorcycle. I put the stopper down, and then opened my storage bag to take out my purse and other things that I may need. I closed it shut, locked it, and then slinged my purse over my shoulder. 

I held my head high, and started to walk into the airport. Even though internally, I felt like I was going to crumble and fall to the floor, begging for Manish not to go, I tried to keep my head high and remind myself that it was for the best. I wanted him to follow his dreams, because he was always encouraged me to follow mine, and now, it was time for me to do the same. I pushed through the spinning doors, and walked towards the waiting area in which Manish told me that he was waiting. 

I was gulping back any sort of lump that was starting to form at the back of my throat. You're not going to cry, Jaya. Not in front of Sunny. I was hoping that I wasn't lying to myself, because crying in front of Manish would've caused such an ugly chain reaction and it would've caused all of us to start crying. I craned my head in an effort to try to find Manish and his family, and surely enough, I found them all sitting in a crowd, along with Jen. 

I saw Manish with his sunny demeanor tinted with a little bit of sadness, Sandhya Aunty with her typical warm aura, Rajiv Uncle with his booming, alpha like demeanor, Isha with her usual bitchy mood, and Jen with her neutral expression. I walked up to them, and attempted to lighten the mood a little bit with a joke. "Gee, I'm late to the party, huh?" 

Manish looked up, gave me a slight smile, and then said, "You're right on time, actually. Everyone else was just super early. I saved you a seat," he offered, as he patted a seat right next to me. 

I sat down, with a slight smile as a thank you, and then Rajiv Uncle handed a little container to me. "Cookies, Jaya?" he asked. I took a few with a slight smile, and thanked him. I did nothing more than nibble on them a little bit, like I did with my toast, as Sandhya Aunty was looking at her phone. 

"Jaya, I found this old picture of you and Manish, and I thought it was so cute. Here, take a look," she said, and then she turned the phone around so that I could get a good glimpse of the picture. Surely enough, it did lighten the mood, as I couldn't help but laugh at the picture. It was a picture from a few years ago, during Holi, when Manish had smeared pink color all over my cheeks and hair as revenge for throwing an entire packet of color on him. 

In that picture, we both had the fattest smile on our faces, and he was trying to carry me in a bridal style without dropping me, as we both looked like rainbows had exploded on us. I smiled, and then handed the phone back to Sandhya Aunty. "I remember! Manish dumped a cup of water on me, and then dumped an entire packet of color on me. He really made sure to get it in my hair and clothes," I told her, as we all just laughed at the memory of being total goofballs at that incident.

Sandhya Aunty did prove to be effective. It was enough to keep us all distracted from the fact that Manish was to leave us very soon and make our lives not as bright for the next couple of years. I knew that this was a great move from the internship he had been working for the past 1.5 years. 

I just wanted to persist that happiness with other kinds of happiness that was mixed in with nostalgia from our teens all the way up to that certain moment. Eventually, it was time. It was time for Manish to finally say goodbye to all of us so that he could start writing the next chapter of his life. It was the moment that I had been worrying about for so long, yet bracing myself for.

After his family said their tearful goodbyes, with Isha shedding some crocodile tears, it was time. It was time for Jen and I to bid farewell. "I'll give you guys a minute," Sandhya Aunty said, and then she, Rajiv Uncle, and Isha walked away, presumably towards the entrance of the airport. 

Manish walked closer to us, this time with a bag that I hadn't even noticed when I entered the waiting area. Manish put his hands on Jen's shoulders first, and then they exchanged an emotional conversation. "Jen, you're awesome. Do me a favor and never change, okay?" was basically what he said. They hugged it out, and even I could see Jen's eyes watering a little bit at that point. I could tell Jen was squeezing Manish to the point where his ribs were on the verge of breaking. 

Jen let go of him, and then walked away to give us a little private moment. Manish walked up to me, with a smile, and I was trying not to break down sobbing when it came to him. I gave him an even bigger smile, and then he just looked at me straight in the eyes. "You know, Jaya, I never tell you this, but you're special. You're definitely someone who is a rare gem. And you know what? I love that. But, Jaya, can you do me one favor?" 

I smile at him, taking his praise right to my heart. I thought of what he said to Jen, and then said, "Let me guess. You never want me to change?" 

Manish chuckled a little bit, and then nodded. "Yes, that's very true. I don't want you to change, because come on. You're an awesome person, and in my eyes, you'll always be my best friend. Nobody's going to replace you anytime soon. But also, I want you to remember this," he said, and then placed his hand right over the locket that was still sitting on my neck. "Jaya, you were able to make me realize that it was worth making you happy. That fuels my happiness more than anything. I want you, if you ever feel awful about yourself, remember that you made such a positive impact on me. Trust me when I say that I'm going to cherish all the Holi, movie nights, birthday dinners, goofball moments, and memories that we've ever had." 

Right when he finishes that, he lifts up the bag that looks kind of bulky. I raised an eyebrow out of curiosity because he had already given me enough gifts from the night before. He handed it to me, and I took it gladly. "If you ever start to miss me, just look inside here. The only rule is to read the little envelope first. Trust me, it'll be worth it." 

I smiled even bigger, and then pretty much ran into his arms. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I wanted nothing more than to hug him at that point. Sunny hugged me back, and then told me, "I'm going to miss you, Jaya." 

I hugged him even tighter, and then said, "I'm going to miss you too." 

He eventually let me go, and then grabbed his suitcase. "Bye, Jaya," he said to me, for the last time. 

"Bye, Sunny," I said, and with that, he headed into security to finally move on his way to Seattle. I watched as he handed all his paperwork to TSA, and then was given the 'all clear,' by the guard. He looked back at me, and then, without hesitation, I gave him one last wave. He gave me one last golden smile, and waved back. 

With that, he disappeared into the crowd of people rushing to get to their flights, whether it be to take a vacation, work trip, or for whatever reason in which it needed a plane. I let out a huge sigh, and then hugged the bag of gifts that Manish had given me before he had left. It was like one last piece that I could hold onto for years to come. 

I headed back out to the waiting area in an attempt to see if Jen was still hanging around. I craned my head, and surely enough, I saw Jen waiting for me, as she scrolled her phone. I walked up to her, still a little bit hurt from everything that's happened. 

She looked up, and then saw me, looking rather hard hit and holding a little bit dejected. She gave me an empathetic look, and then got up. "You doing okay, Jaya?" she asked, as she looked at me with a slightly suspicious look on her face. I gulped back yet another lump that was starting to form at the back of my throat. 

Blinking back a few tears that had welled up in my eyes, I said, "Yeah. I think I'll be fine." She gave me yet another smile, and then went in for a hug. It was the first time in a while in which I was more than willing to give her a hug that was going to be a step away from crushing her ribs. 

With that rib crushing hug, I think that's when the thought really hit me in the face like a baseball hitting someone in the nose. The fact was definitely a hard pill to swallow. 

Manish was actually gone.